New Member

ShaSha · Post by **ShaSha** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 4:26 am

Hi, I just ordered the program today. I am not sure if it is what I need but am willing to try. I have for years - most of my life I guess - felt a general low level of depression. I don't remember ever even as a kid ever being really happy and carefree. My family has a history of depression and suicide. So maybe this is something that I've absorbed growing up. I also have felt and feel lonely most of the time.

I am friendly and do good things for others and for the most part feel rejected in return. For example when people I know are sick or go through a difficult time, I will send card, send flowers, or make a call. This does not happen in the reverse. When I had surgery last year most of the people I thought were friends did not even acknowledge my illness or send cards - it was like I did not exist. Not sure if this is just a normal experience of life and I am just too sensitive. I have heard that if you want friends then you need to be a friend. Doesn't seem to work for me.

I also have begun to notice a lot of decisions in my life - leaving jobs in particular are caused by a lot of "what if" thinking causing a high level of anxiety. I don't need to work financially so it was never a big deal in that respect for me to leave a job but emotionally it is a big deal. I have come to realize that I have done a lot of running away to avert anxiety. So I think the program will be good for that based on what I have read about the program so far.

Any comments / insights would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Sharon

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 5:13 am

I've gone thru this thinking too. I was always the one my neighbors called when they were home sick or needed someone to feed their animals when they were gone etc. Some returned the favors some didn't. When I was home alone with my arm in a cast and trying to get dressed with one arm available I would start feeling resentful and actually mad that no one was offering their help. Then I realized that I never asked anyone for help either and people told me later on that they saw me as so competent and independent that it never occurred to them that I would need any help. When I did start to ask for help I found that most people really wanted to. Not everyone, but that's where the session here on expectations helps. No one is perfect and life is not always fair, but if there is just one person who responds or offers solace or help to me I'm grateful. Even if it is 1 out of 10. Good luck on starting the program and decreasing the anxiety. Once you feel you can handle the anxiety you may not feel a need to run away anymore.

Art_Gal · Post by **Art_Gal** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:50 am

Welcome to the program! It really sounds like you have arrived at the right place and I hope you will see what a great group of caring and non-judgemental people are on htese boards for support and encouragement to and from each other!

The bit about people not reciprocating your kindness is very typical to us anxiety/depression type personalities. When this happens we often feel rejected too and then withdraw which makes things even worse. Lucinda addresses issues like this in the program and I think it's in one of the group sessions where they talk about giving just because you want to and not feeling the associated guilt that sometimes attaches itself to those situations.

Best wishes! If you need anything...holl-a!

Blessings,
Dawn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:48 am

Thanks Mary for the encouragement.

Originally posted by Mary Wargo:
I've gone thru this thinking too. I was always the one my neighbors called when they were home sick or needed someone to feed their animals when they were gone etc. Some returned the favors some didn't. When I was home alone with my arm in a cast and trying to get dressed with one arm available I would start feeling resentful and actually mad that no one was offering their help. Then I realized that I never asked anyone for help either and people told me later on that they saw me as so competent and independent that it never occurred to them that I would need any help. When I did start to ask for help I found that most people really wanted to. Not everyone, but that's where the session here on expectations helps. No one is perfect and life is not always fair, but if there is just one person who responds or offers solace or help to me I'm grateful. Even if it is 1 out of 10. Good luck on starting the program and decreasing the anxiety. Once you feel you can handle the anxiety you may not feel a need to run away anymore.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:50 am

Thank you Dawn for the encouragement.

Originally posted by Prv31Mom:
Welcome to the program! It really sounds like you have arrived at the right place and I hope you will see what a great group of caring and non-judgemental people are on htese boards for support and encouragement to and from each other!

The bit about people not reciprocating your kindness is very typical to us anxiety/depression type personalities. When this happens we often feel rejected too and then withdraw which makes things even worse. Lucinda addresses issues like this in the program and I think it's in one of the group sessions where they talk about giving just because you want to and not feeling the associated guilt that sometimes attaches itself to those situations.

Best wishes! If you need anything...holl-a!

Blessings,
Dawn