I am sitting here at work, tears rolling down my face with that overwhelming suicide feeling, wanting to hurt myself or self medicate and I wanted to ask everyone how do you deal with the overwhelming feeling of suicide? I am not liking my work anymore, the load is too much, too stressful, the people I work with well.. (3 women says enough) and the job itself is really negative (family law), I went back on a med a couple weeks ago but am finding no relief which makes me wonder if I should just change jobs.. maybe I should take the rest of the day off?!
any advice/suggestions are greatly appreciated! there has to be a better way to deal with this feeling that hasnt passed since I woke up!
how do you handle the overwhelming suicide feeling?
Maeggie,
Bless your heart! I wish I could give you a big hug right now!
I felt the same way about four months ago...at work also. Do you think you'll feel better if you go home today? Or will you crawl into bed and think the same thoughts once you get there? If the latter is the case, then I don't see that it matters much where you are.
Are you really contemplating suicide or do you just want the pain, frustration, and despair to end? That was more how I felt. However, if you really feel like suicide is your option, if I were you, I would go home and call a suicide hotline...or call the counselors at StressCenter right away.
There is a better way...and you're on it...but you have to give yourself credit for every little success and improvement...and give yourself a break when it doesn't "happen" right away. You are getting there!
Also - changing jobs may be something you need to consider. Somehow - the women on these boards can be great, but working in an office full of women - well, I hear you girl! It can be the PITS! Why is it that we are so under-mining and negative to each other?!?! We (women) should be supportive and understanding of each other! Your office-mates may be dealing with the same kind of issues that you are dealing with here, but are not ready to admit it yet!
Hang in there, girl. You are worth every good thing that IS coming your way.
Keeping you in my prayers today,
Dawn
Bless your heart! I wish I could give you a big hug right now!
I felt the same way about four months ago...at work also. Do you think you'll feel better if you go home today? Or will you crawl into bed and think the same thoughts once you get there? If the latter is the case, then I don't see that it matters much where you are.
Are you really contemplating suicide or do you just want the pain, frustration, and despair to end? That was more how I felt. However, if you really feel like suicide is your option, if I were you, I would go home and call a suicide hotline...or call the counselors at StressCenter right away.
There is a better way...and you're on it...but you have to give yourself credit for every little success and improvement...and give yourself a break when it doesn't "happen" right away. You are getting there!
Also - changing jobs may be something you need to consider. Somehow - the women on these boards can be great, but working in an office full of women - well, I hear you girl! It can be the PITS! Why is it that we are so under-mining and negative to each other?!?! We (women) should be supportive and understanding of each other! Your office-mates may be dealing with the same kind of issues that you are dealing with here, but are not ready to admit it yet!
Hang in there, girl. You are worth every good thing that IS coming your way.
Keeping you in my prayers today,
Dawn
hi,
you know that anxiety and panic when you have it can overwhelm you.i rememberwhen i used to have it i coul not even finish high school and later did it while i was in the military..ithink you write a pst last week about th same thing..if it was you please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers..if you was on meds and went off then back on it takes awhile to get back in your system...i found that when i was diagnosed with anxiety and panic that i got agrophobia and was trying to work and was resident manager of an apt building..but it was more then that and you can read my profile..but to let you know that you can beat this..you have to change your thought pattern..you have to much to live for and are too good a person to think thoughts like that. the devil puts thoughts like that in your head,please call and talk to someone even if its a minister or a counselor..let me kno ho you do because i worry about people and how they feel..take care and know you are loved by other ,GOD LOVES YOU THE MOST..i have beenthere and one day i woke up nd it was gone..
don
p.s. if you ever need to talk orvent please let me know. i will stay online for awhle.thanks.
doninva23605@yahoo.com
you know that anxiety and panic when you have it can overwhelm you.i rememberwhen i used to have it i coul not even finish high school and later did it while i was in the military..ithink you write a pst last week about th same thing..if it was you please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers..if you was on meds and went off then back on it takes awhile to get back in your system...i found that when i was diagnosed with anxiety and panic that i got agrophobia and was trying to work and was resident manager of an apt building..but it was more then that and you can read my profile..but to let you know that you can beat this..you have to change your thought pattern..you have to much to live for and are too good a person to think thoughts like that. the devil puts thoughts like that in your head,please call and talk to someone even if its a minister or a counselor..let me kno ho you do because i worry about people and how they feel..take care and know you are loved by other ,GOD LOVES YOU THE MOST..i have beenthere and one day i woke up nd it was gone..
don
p.s. if you ever need to talk orvent please let me know. i will stay online for awhle.thanks.
doninva23605@yahoo.com
one more thought. if youdo not like the job that you have. look for another one and i think you would be much happier...nothing is worse then having job that you do not like..hang in there and you will overcome thins. how do we know..we have been where you are and we are still here reaching out and help others..
don
if i can help somebody as i travel on, the my living will not be in vain..
don
if i can help somebody as i travel on, the my living will not be in vain..
Dear Dawn and Don,
Thank you so much for your encouraging replies and relations! This is the ultimate worst feeling there is.. hopeless would be the best descriptive word. I feel much like this overwhelming feeling comes from internal unhappiness, or internal chemistry, I dont really have much reason right now to feel this way, I have been working hard on me, taking good risks.. but I cant seem to make it past these horrendous feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. Im not sure what I would do with my afternoon, probably self medicate.. maybe drive a few hours around.. I am starting to believe it is my job, if I could change that negative factor I could move past this.. something to think about I guess! I wonder if anyone else felt that way about their job?!
Thanks again you two for the wonderful posts, encouragment, hope and understanding
Thank you so much for your encouraging replies and relations! This is the ultimate worst feeling there is.. hopeless would be the best descriptive word. I feel much like this overwhelming feeling comes from internal unhappiness, or internal chemistry, I dont really have much reason right now to feel this way, I have been working hard on me, taking good risks.. but I cant seem to make it past these horrendous feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. Im not sure what I would do with my afternoon, probably self medicate.. maybe drive a few hours around.. I am starting to believe it is my job, if I could change that negative factor I could move past this.. something to think about I guess! I wonder if anyone else felt that way about their job?!
Thanks again you two for the wonderful posts, encouragment, hope and understanding
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Karin Moberg
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2008 2:29 pm
I feel the same way, totally hopeless and it is the worst possible feeling,,except when you go off meds, then you have the symptoms of withdrawal and the anxiety because the medicine isn't kicking in. I am alone, my mother died after I cared for her many years and I do not have a spouse or any relatives that care...There are money worries and I am not well enough to work...It seems that everyone around me, a couple of friends especially, don't understand this and are actually saying things to make me feel worse...but it is up to me to change my thinking...It is so hard...Hope we feel better soon...
Hang in,
Karin
Hang in,
Karin
Originally posted by Maeggie:
Dear Dawn and Don,
Thank you so much for your encouraging replies and relations! This is the ultimate worst feeling there is.. hopeless would be the best descriptive word. I feel much like this overwhelming feeling comes from internal unhappiness, or internal chemistry, I dont really have much reason right now to feel this way, I have been working hard on me, taking good risks.. but I cant seem to make it past these horrendous feelings of emptiness and hopelessness. Im not sure what I would do with my afternoon, probably self medicate.. maybe drive a few hours around.. I am starting to believe it is my job, if I could change that negative factor I could move past this.. something to think about I guess! I wonder if anyone else felt that way about their job?!
Thanks again you two for the wonderful posts, encouragment, hope and understanding
i was like that in my job in virginia n 004 i quit and moved to n.c. beofre that i hated my job. i was resident manager foran apt coplex and 2 other building and 6 houses. he did not care about anything but money..i was going through a divorce at the time and was diagnosed with skin cancer and was diagnosed with panic and anxiety and agrophobia. boy i was a mess. here is was 22 yrs retired from the military. had a job and ate worked and slept where i worked. had it all togehter i thought lol.
but life has a way of leting ou know you need something more. you are not happy..i found that when i met the most precious lady in my life. GOD sent her to me..or me to her.we had know each other in the 7th and 8th grade i was in virginia and she is north carolina..we met on the internet and i had to drive almost 5 houss to see her..you can read more in my profile or i can type all day lol..she drove to see me. she had been diagnosed with almost the same things but more. she was disabled..we met and here we are..married going on 3 years the 6th of next month..
find that happiness that you need. it is there and i know you will find it. peep around that corner and do not be afraid...be blessed and i hope to hear good things from all of you..
don
but life has a way of leting ou know you need something more. you are not happy..i found that when i met the most precious lady in my life. GOD sent her to me..or me to her.we had know each other in the 7th and 8th grade i was in virginia and she is north carolina..we met on the internet and i had to drive almost 5 houss to see her..you can read more in my profile or i can type all day lol..she drove to see me. she had been diagnosed with almost the same things but more. she was disabled..we met and here we are..married going on 3 years the 6th of next month..
find that happiness that you need. it is there and i know you will find it. peep around that corner and do not be afraid...be blessed and i hope to hear good things from all of you..
don
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Believer08
- Posts: 107
- Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2008 6:47 pm
Have you tried to get quiet and calm your mind and go into prayer?????? Anything that attempts to convince you to hurt yourself is not good and not worth having in life.......What do you know in life that brings peace and love at the drop of a dime? Close your eyes and ask God to lead you and guide you and to fill you with his perfect peace....In Jesus name. You'll be ok and I promise you this will pass. You have come to far....the job is just a job......unless its what places food on your table, clothes on your back, and pays for your transportation. Pray for wisdom and guidance.......
The human mind likes logic, order, and reason. We like to deal with issues we can wrap our understanding around and come up with solutions that make sense to us. We have a tendency to think small because we are limited creatures, and we don't have the perspective to understand from God's point of view. We tend to put things in tiny, neat compartments in our minds, telling ourselves this must be right because it fits nicely there. We need to depend and trust in God to show us things in such a way that we know--with an inner security--that what has been revealed to our mind is correct. One must not allow themselves to reason with their mind, searching for logical solutions. Instead, you must say, "My trust is in the Lord, and whatever He tells me to do, I will obey."
Prayer
Dear God,thank You for loving me more than I can even comprehend. In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask You to help me love and honor You so much that when You speak, I will have only one thought in my mind, and that is to obey. Amen.
The human mind likes logic, order, and reason. We like to deal with issues we can wrap our understanding around and come up with solutions that make sense to us. We have a tendency to think small because we are limited creatures, and we don't have the perspective to understand from God's point of view. We tend to put things in tiny, neat compartments in our minds, telling ourselves this must be right because it fits nicely there. We need to depend and trust in God to show us things in such a way that we know--with an inner security--that what has been revealed to our mind is correct. One must not allow themselves to reason with their mind, searching for logical solutions. Instead, you must say, "My trust is in the Lord, and whatever He tells me to do, I will obey."
Prayer
Dear God,thank You for loving me more than I can even comprehend. In the name of Jesus Christ, I ask You to help me love and honor You so much that when You speak, I will have only one thought in my mind, and that is to obey. Amen.
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bevhembree
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:44 am
Maeggie,
A virtual bear hug comes your way from me. Do you think the meds are working for you. If I remember, you've tried a new one and it's had time to get into your system. Maybe it's not the right one for you. Also, are you on any anti-anxiety meds. Maybe you could use some to get through this.
You know in your heart you need to change jobs, so be on the lookout. Go find something you will enjoy doing everyday.
Is your husband still working long hours? Do you need him there for you more?
You have a strong faith- grab hold and don't let go. I want to quote from my journal so you'll know you're not alone:
My story is a life packaged with pain and hoe I have progressed fromwanting to end it all ro having much more to look forward to than I ever could imagine (Maeggie, you are on that journey. You've made so much progress. This is just s setback.) "I want to say that if I can make it through all the traumas I've been though, I believe anyone can- by the grace of God, loving supporters, and good meds. Coming through wasn't easy and didn't happen overnight. But the process was worth every painful step. And I know I'm not 100% there emotionally, I know that few people ever are." And this is part of my explanation in my journal with a tried to overdose: "The prescription bottles were lined up like an army ready for battle. I yearned for them. They were all for me. But they didn't make me feel better like I thought; they make you feel nothing. I couldn't stand the pain, depression, anxiety, tears, confusion, fatigue, loneliness, lack of sleep, hopelessness, etc. I only wanted one thing- an end to all of the relentless pain. I was at the point of doing anything to make it all stop. I become a ball of tears, catatonice, braely able to respond to questions. As I was sinkgin further into despair, I thought more and more about preferring death to endless suffering. I needed the pain to stop. I was existing, nothing more. I knew eveyone would be better off if I were dead. It would end my misery and relieve their burden of me. I thought and it made sense. A person can only endure so much misery. And there was a limit to what those around me could take. There was no longer any hope for me. So I swallowed a bottle of pills, then another, then another. I knew it was the right thing to do. I lit a cigarette and felt peace. I was so cal and so sure. Then I woke in the hospital to having caused more pain that I ever could have imgained. My loved ones were devastated. I made a deal with God and He hasn't let me down. I asked Him to see me through it if He was going to keep me here, and He provided and that was the first day of the rest of my life. Second chances don't come to everyone. I got one."
Maeggie, I beleive that you want to live, you just want the pain and suffering to go away. And good things are going to happen for you. The horse is a positive escape for you. Find a better job and let your troubles go. Don't let your heart be saddened. Seek the Lord a little more. I would be devastated if something happened to you. You've helped so many on this group- and there's more work to do here everyday.In the moment it's hard to realize that it will pass. It will get better, but if you can't shake the thoughts, please go to the doctor or ER with hesitation. If you are like me, your mind is taking over telling you it's not going to get better, but we know that's not true. One day at a time, go after what you want and refuse to let negative thoughts in your head. Talk yourself out of it with the positive thoughts you've learned on the tapes. Look at it in a different perspective- from the good things in your life. You don't want to live the way you have been, but you probably don't really want to die. A break of some sort might do you a world of good. Please talk to your doc asap and if you can't get there or to the ER, call a suicide prevention line. Remember, you just have to make it over this hump and the tomorrows will come easier and you'll be so proud of yourself and thankful. God is carrying you in this rough time- don't drag those worries with you- let Him have those also. I'm praying for you- you're on my prayer list, esp. for the Wed night call. LOVE YOU MUCH! Beverly
A virtual bear hug comes your way from me. Do you think the meds are working for you. If I remember, you've tried a new one and it's had time to get into your system. Maybe it's not the right one for you. Also, are you on any anti-anxiety meds. Maybe you could use some to get through this.
You know in your heart you need to change jobs, so be on the lookout. Go find something you will enjoy doing everyday.
Is your husband still working long hours? Do you need him there for you more?
You have a strong faith- grab hold and don't let go. I want to quote from my journal so you'll know you're not alone:
My story is a life packaged with pain and hoe I have progressed fromwanting to end it all ro having much more to look forward to than I ever could imagine (Maeggie, you are on that journey. You've made so much progress. This is just s setback.) "I want to say that if I can make it through all the traumas I've been though, I believe anyone can- by the grace of God, loving supporters, and good meds. Coming through wasn't easy and didn't happen overnight. But the process was worth every painful step. And I know I'm not 100% there emotionally, I know that few people ever are." And this is part of my explanation in my journal with a tried to overdose: "The prescription bottles were lined up like an army ready for battle. I yearned for them. They were all for me. But they didn't make me feel better like I thought; they make you feel nothing. I couldn't stand the pain, depression, anxiety, tears, confusion, fatigue, loneliness, lack of sleep, hopelessness, etc. I only wanted one thing- an end to all of the relentless pain. I was at the point of doing anything to make it all stop. I become a ball of tears, catatonice, braely able to respond to questions. As I was sinkgin further into despair, I thought more and more about preferring death to endless suffering. I needed the pain to stop. I was existing, nothing more. I knew eveyone would be better off if I were dead. It would end my misery and relieve their burden of me. I thought and it made sense. A person can only endure so much misery. And there was a limit to what those around me could take. There was no longer any hope for me. So I swallowed a bottle of pills, then another, then another. I knew it was the right thing to do. I lit a cigarette and felt peace. I was so cal and so sure. Then I woke in the hospital to having caused more pain that I ever could have imgained. My loved ones were devastated. I made a deal with God and He hasn't let me down. I asked Him to see me through it if He was going to keep me here, and He provided and that was the first day of the rest of my life. Second chances don't come to everyone. I got one."
Maeggie, I beleive that you want to live, you just want the pain and suffering to go away. And good things are going to happen for you. The horse is a positive escape for you. Find a better job and let your troubles go. Don't let your heart be saddened. Seek the Lord a little more. I would be devastated if something happened to you. You've helped so many on this group- and there's more work to do here everyday.In the moment it's hard to realize that it will pass. It will get better, but if you can't shake the thoughts, please go to the doctor or ER with hesitation. If you are like me, your mind is taking over telling you it's not going to get better, but we know that's not true. One day at a time, go after what you want and refuse to let negative thoughts in your head. Talk yourself out of it with the positive thoughts you've learned on the tapes. Look at it in a different perspective- from the good things in your life. You don't want to live the way you have been, but you probably don't really want to die. A break of some sort might do you a world of good. Please talk to your doc asap and if you can't get there or to the ER, call a suicide prevention line. Remember, you just have to make it over this hump and the tomorrows will come easier and you'll be so proud of yourself and thankful. God is carrying you in this rough time- don't drag those worries with you- let Him have those also. I'm praying for you- you're on my prayer list, esp. for the Wed night call. LOVE YOU MUCH! Beverly
"Here and happy because of my three little angels- Marie, Chad and Cady."