THOUGHTS WIERD FEELINGS anyone else?

It'stimetolivefree · Post by **It'stimetolivefree** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:45 am

My mind has been playing games with me. I know it is anxiety b/c I still go out and work, workout go to church etc. But it seems like the anxiety is on the outside and controlling me at times. Where it makes me feel like I am covering up on the outside but on the inside I am this negative person who gets thoughts about hurting myself and becomig upset and depressed.
Sometimes these thoughts happen and I carry on with work, talking to people even sometimes when I am enjoying myself out with friends. When these thoughts happened in the past I would cry get upset and feel guilt. Yes, I know this is a good thing because the thoughts don't scare me but my mind is saying "You are just getting comfortable with your bad thoughts of hurting yourself therefore obsessing about it." It just feels no matter what I do these thoughts and feelings just linger every second. ANYONE OUT THERE GONE THROUGH SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 10:05 am

LiveFree,

I hear ya!!! Loud and clear.

I can be having great days at work or even weekends with the kids but I seem to have lingering bad thoughts. I never thought about hurting myself (that I can recall), but did say if it were to end it would be for the best cause I would stop feeling like this! Thankfully I am past that now, but that really sucked.

I have begun trying to think positive thoughts to counter the negative ones and even beat an anxiety (panic) attack on Friday. Unfortunately I still felt a little wound up and took a xanax later in the day.

I have begun to try and focus all that is good in my life, job, kids, volunteer activities and try to stop living as if at any moment I am going to drop dead.

For all the years I have had anxiety, I use to just think I was going to throw up all the time, I miss those days, cause being "scared to death" is a lot less unforgiving mentally.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 10:09 am

Yes, I have done this same thing. I'll be with friends, family, or a church activity but in the back of my mind I'll be thinking about negative things. When thoughts are enough to make us anxious on the inside, it doesn't matter what we're doing on the outside. The thoughts will still be there. The goal is to keep consistently busy that eventually the thoughts start to minimize and after awhile, you won't notice them as much. You're not alone. Keep busy and little by little things will get better!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 1:33 pm

yes, I know exactly what you are saying. I have been going through this for years. Only I wish my thoughts were only about hurting myself. I obssessed for many years about cutting anyone who came near me with my kitchen knives, including my own children, my husband and even my own parents. I too used to feel horribly guilty, cry and feel like some kind of monster. I was scared of myself, what I would do to either myself or to one of them. Fortunately I worked up the courage to see a therapist because I really thought I was crazy and could not stand it anymore. I was told that this was the OCD and not me, that OCD is a medical condition, I learned a few techniques to try to "will away" my bad thoughts, and started taking medication which helped reduce the frequency of these thoughts. I also have the same problem with driving. I keep thinking that I hit people when I really know that I didn't. It doesn't matter though. Last week, I backed into a parked car and I had a panic attack with my children in the back seat. We were feeding ducks in a parking lot and I was so busy trying to avoid running over one of the ducks that did not notice the parked car. I was horrified when I heard the crash. I automatically thought I hit a person. I didn't want to get out and see the dead body that I hit. When I got out of my truck, I searched for the person I hit but there was no one there. Deep down, I think I knew I really did not hit a person, but that didn't matter-I kept looking for a body. After about 15 minutes, it took for my 8 year old daughter to say wow Mom look at the car you hit and I had to sit there for a few minutes to really snap out of it and will away my OCD. It's very hard. I also just recently lost my job due to my OCD because I could not stop obssessing over negative (catastophizing) thoughts (that's what they told me when I got fired.) They didn't know I have OCD but it took me a few weeks of crying and a trip to my psychiatrist to sort things out. I know how it feels to have thoughts that won't stop or leave your head no matter what you do-like you would do anything in the world to make them stop. I'm really hoping that someday I can figure out how to control them completely. Hang in there-you are not alone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:56 pm

Engine 2 that was great what you said.......You use your tools and keep moving forward!

Today anxiety was trying to come around me in every area......even reseting a simple computer!! Thoughts continued to run through my mind and I felt my blood pressure RISE!! I use to panic and now its reduced to stress. I was more comfortable with panic and now I have to learn a new life and learn to manage stress. Things do tremendously get better when you keep focused on the present, use your tools....even some Xanax. It all does pass.......were all still here supporting one another.

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Sun Mar 09, 2008 3:21 pm

Sometimes our thoughts can get to the best of us. I start singing or I make sure to keep my mind off of whatever I was thinking about. I sometimes will say you know what I am just fine and I will say something opposite of what I am thinking. Sometimes it is hard to stop thinking about whatever it is that is bothering us and then we start to think about it like we are then obsessing over whatever began as a thought. I think that lots of people do this but if you take a deep breath and just breathe and begin to do your breathing exercises 2 in through nose and 4 out through mouth then we can stop thinking about it so much and focus on breathing. You can get through this.....my thoughts are what makes me have panic attacks almost always and I refuse now to let them control my life. If my heart starts beating fast then I sit there and tell my self that I have over worked my brain and that is why it is beating and then about a minute later it is gone. You have to tell yourself something different so that your mind doesn't dwell on the things that are bothering you at that moment. I hope this helps. God bless you!

Jennifier