Confussed and in need of help
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cravenhappy
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:58 am
I have received the program and started by listening to the relaxation CD and it was nice being the first time I actually allowed myself to sit and pay attention to something like that. I have been waiting for over a year to get a certain thing accomplished with my job and it my own company to boot that it finally came yesterday and for the last 2 weeks I have been dealing with my father in laws sudden brain cancer. We just found out and I'm trying to stay a positive for everyone and be "tough" on the outside. I listened to the first CD and then got more bad news when the mother in law called to say the doctors basically said he was in very rough shape to be general. I had to drive 2 hours in a snow storm last night to sign some papers that had to be signed or the deal was off. I should be happy and I know why I not. I keep having the thoughts that I should and want to do something for him like fixing a car or toilet or something. I am extremely tired when I do wake up after 8-9 hours of sleep but once I fall out of bed its better once I stretch a little. Can anyone offer me any advice on how I can get through all of this. I know I need to focus on work as I have worked hard for well over a year almost 2.5 now to get to this point and now I'm finding myself constantly thinking of him and how sad it is. Sorry if I have offended anyone.
Cravenhappy-
No one can change what is going on with your father in law's brain cancer, and there is no easy way to take the sad and hurtful feelings that are being produced inside each of you. I think distracting yourself like you said with work and just being there for your wife during this time and keep on the program as well it def. will help you stay positive! thats why you bought it! Be strong, assertive, and stand your ground by being there, and its ok to be sad during this time as well, its NORMAL, but you also cant let those feelings get carried away because thats where your problem lies. Keep the emotions under control by keeping yourself busy again with work,the program more importantly and you will get through this. As they say, "this too shall pass!" just go through the motions, its all about emotional control. You can do it, millions of others have! Your next! I hope i helped you a bit, have a good day and always keep your head up! Especially in dire times like these!
Brett
No one can change what is going on with your father in law's brain cancer, and there is no easy way to take the sad and hurtful feelings that are being produced inside each of you. I think distracting yourself like you said with work and just being there for your wife during this time and keep on the program as well it def. will help you stay positive! thats why you bought it! Be strong, assertive, and stand your ground by being there, and its ok to be sad during this time as well, its NORMAL, but you also cant let those feelings get carried away because thats where your problem lies. Keep the emotions under control by keeping yourself busy again with work,the program more importantly and you will get through this. As they say, "this too shall pass!" just go through the motions, its all about emotional control. You can do it, millions of others have! Your next! I hope i helped you a bit, have a good day and always keep your head up! Especially in dire times like these!
Brett
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cravenhappy
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:58 am
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I can't seem to focus enough to get past the first session. I just don't know why this is all happening all at once. Part of me wants to do the sessin and the other just wants to try relaxing and keep busy if possible. I know that I really want the 15 weeks to come and go and be better but also realize that I have to do the program to get there. I am just spinning my wheels here and its such a difficult time to maintain focus. I will try me hardest to do the first work assignment tomorrow as I have been busy all day moving stuff for him out of a house his mother owned and it had to be done. I just tired and need to rest but will wake up tomorrow to see if there are any other messages and then move on as best I can.
cravenhappy,
I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law. that's tough. I hope you get to see this reply. It's great you're reaching out to people on this site to ask for help. That's something I'd like to get better at. I know a bit of what you're up against (more below). You're in a tough spot, but as blavoie44 said, "this too shall pass". Think of this as something you have to "surf your way through" instead of get bogged down in. And that's okay -- nobody can begrudge you keeping your business and all that you've worked so hard for together even though this is a tough time for everyone. You can do it! Listen to ALL your feelings (Wanting to do the program, wanting to focus on work and wanting to help him out) and work out how to BALANCE them all. Those feelings all come from the same place. It's important to pay attention to all of them.
I just lost my father-in-law a month ago and I know something of the pressures you're up against. Although my business is seasonal and winter is my slow time, I was feeling conflicted about going out of state when his health took a downturn. My wife and I went and stayed for a week and I was planning to return home to get some work done when he did pass away. We then needed to remain essentially another week for the funeral, etc. I was "there" for my wife and her family and I know it meant a great deal to them because they told me. It also meant a lot to me because I really loved the guy myself, but still I felt a bit trapped in the situation 'cause it wasn't of my making and I felt as though things I had to do weren't getting done.
Given the way things turned out, I wouldn't have done it any other way. The one thing that got me through was that I accepted the things I couldn't change, but as I went through it (and did for others) I took time for myself so I could recharge the batteries and keep it together.
Maybe the program is your recharge thing to keep you together, or maybe it's one thing too much given the circumstances. I know I couldn't be in PA and MA at the same time -- I had to choose. The program does take up a lot of time and even though I think it's a great thing, you've just been thrown a curveball by life that you didn't anticipate. Maybe you can ease off on your expectations (do as much as feels comfortable) in accomplishing the program and in other things all around.
People like us tend not to know "when to say when", but we have limits. There are times when we can't do all we set out to do. How about you look hard at where you can offload some responsibility (temporarily) to other people at work and not try to do things for your father-in-law that take a lot of time -- rather stop by to see him, call from the road, etc. There'll be time later to take care of those projects, or they won't matter anymore. Spend some time with him and your family. Just as in any other (easier) time of life, figure out how you can make this situation work for YOU, given your capabilities and yes, needs. Take care of family, and work, and most of all, YOU.
Thanks for letting me share. I lost my brother to a brain tumor 20 years ago, and my own dad 8 years ago. They were hard times, but I'm still here. I'll be thinking of you. You can do it.
Garrett
I'm sorry to hear about your father-in-law. that's tough. I hope you get to see this reply. It's great you're reaching out to people on this site to ask for help. That's something I'd like to get better at. I know a bit of what you're up against (more below). You're in a tough spot, but as blavoie44 said, "this too shall pass". Think of this as something you have to "surf your way through" instead of get bogged down in. And that's okay -- nobody can begrudge you keeping your business and all that you've worked so hard for together even though this is a tough time for everyone. You can do it! Listen to ALL your feelings (Wanting to do the program, wanting to focus on work and wanting to help him out) and work out how to BALANCE them all. Those feelings all come from the same place. It's important to pay attention to all of them.
I just lost my father-in-law a month ago and I know something of the pressures you're up against. Although my business is seasonal and winter is my slow time, I was feeling conflicted about going out of state when his health took a downturn. My wife and I went and stayed for a week and I was planning to return home to get some work done when he did pass away. We then needed to remain essentially another week for the funeral, etc. I was "there" for my wife and her family and I know it meant a great deal to them because they told me. It also meant a lot to me because I really loved the guy myself, but still I felt a bit trapped in the situation 'cause it wasn't of my making and I felt as though things I had to do weren't getting done.
Given the way things turned out, I wouldn't have done it any other way. The one thing that got me through was that I accepted the things I couldn't change, but as I went through it (and did for others) I took time for myself so I could recharge the batteries and keep it together.
Maybe the program is your recharge thing to keep you together, or maybe it's one thing too much given the circumstances. I know I couldn't be in PA and MA at the same time -- I had to choose. The program does take up a lot of time and even though I think it's a great thing, you've just been thrown a curveball by life that you didn't anticipate. Maybe you can ease off on your expectations (do as much as feels comfortable) in accomplishing the program and in other things all around.
People like us tend not to know "when to say when", but we have limits. There are times when we can't do all we set out to do. How about you look hard at where you can offload some responsibility (temporarily) to other people at work and not try to do things for your father-in-law that take a lot of time -- rather stop by to see him, call from the road, etc. There'll be time later to take care of those projects, or they won't matter anymore. Spend some time with him and your family. Just as in any other (easier) time of life, figure out how you can make this situation work for YOU, given your capabilities and yes, needs. Take care of family, and work, and most of all, YOU.
Thanks for letting me share. I lost my brother to a brain tumor 20 years ago, and my own dad 8 years ago. They were hard times, but I'm still here. I'll be thinking of you. You can do it.
Garrett
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cravenhappy
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:58 am
Garrett
That was the most comforting info I could have had. You seem to have been in a similar situation yet found the time to make it work day to day. I am going to try tonight for example to get started in lesson one of the workbook and see how that goes. I need to divert my focus onto me as you said and am trying. We went yesterday and had a good visit with him. They said they will start some radiation now and we will see how that goes. I am there for everyone on the outside but sometimes it starts up in my head that I need to do more or else... I have started an approach in my mind that is like a competition or game where I try to visualize a scoreboard with my name and the depression and stuff as the opponent. I will not let them win is what I keep thinking and I don't want them to score. It is a daily grind I know but will be using the program also as it is the reason I got it and need to focus something on it. Thanks again for your kind words.
That was the most comforting info I could have had. You seem to have been in a similar situation yet found the time to make it work day to day. I am going to try tonight for example to get started in lesson one of the workbook and see how that goes. I need to divert my focus onto me as you said and am trying. We went yesterday and had a good visit with him. They said they will start some radiation now and we will see how that goes. I am there for everyone on the outside but sometimes it starts up in my head that I need to do more or else... I have started an approach in my mind that is like a competition or game where I try to visualize a scoreboard with my name and the depression and stuff as the opponent. I will not let them win is what I keep thinking and I don't want them to score. It is a daily grind I know but will be using the program also as it is the reason I got it and need to focus something on it. Thanks again for your kind words.
cravenhappy,
Thanks. I'm glad to hear what I said helped. I like your scoreboard approach. It's good to have a way of keeping track of where you are. I think it's OK, tho, if they score, 'cause they will sometimes until you learn the new skills, but what counts is noticing when you score, that is, paying attention to when things go right and taking credit for it.
Practicing paying attention to yourself is at the center of getting better, but WE (the anxious and depressed) don't know how to do this, as a rule, especially when other people need us.
I sometimes think of being like a boat in a storm. When I remember to treat myself well, it's as if I've locked all the hatches and there's no way any water can come in, so no problem, I just ride out the tough times. But people like us have a strong tendency to "leave the hatches open" when we try to help other people and then we end up "taking on water", and sometimes, as in my life, end up not in much shape to take care of anybody.
So as the flight attendants tell you on plane trips if the oxygen masks deploy in an emergency, "Put on your own mask first, then help children or others with theirs."
Go easy, don't overdo, and pick your spots. You can't do everything for everybody, but you can do enough. I'll see you around. Keep in touch.
G
Thanks. I'm glad to hear what I said helped. I like your scoreboard approach. It's good to have a way of keeping track of where you are. I think it's OK, tho, if they score, 'cause they will sometimes until you learn the new skills, but what counts is noticing when you score, that is, paying attention to when things go right and taking credit for it.
Practicing paying attention to yourself is at the center of getting better, but WE (the anxious and depressed) don't know how to do this, as a rule, especially when other people need us.
I sometimes think of being like a boat in a storm. When I remember to treat myself well, it's as if I've locked all the hatches and there's no way any water can come in, so no problem, I just ride out the tough times. But people like us have a strong tendency to "leave the hatches open" when we try to help other people and then we end up "taking on water", and sometimes, as in my life, end up not in much shape to take care of anybody.
So as the flight attendants tell you on plane trips if the oxygen masks deploy in an emergency, "Put on your own mask first, then help children or others with theirs."
Go easy, don't overdo, and pick your spots. You can't do everything for everybody, but you can do enough. I'll see you around. Keep in touch.
G