What is Toxic Faith?

[Conner]

Some have heard me mention that I suffered from major Toxic Faith and maybe wonder, “What does that mean?” So, I thought I would shed some light on the topic since there are so many that I have talked to recently that bring up the same moans of anxiety about the subject.

The book I read years ago which crushed my Faith in God was called Toxic Faith by Stephen Arterburn. It was a hard core slap of reality that I myself couldn’t accept. I say crushed, because the 21 things listed are things I had been taught, lived by, believed in, and trusted, by parents, elders, counselors, society, schools, and most Christian churches. ((And before the Christians squirm at this; this is not a bashing session. It is a list of beliefs that cause Christians a lot of anxiety and depression which can be overcome with a true relationship with Jesus Christ. Some have suffered so bad to the point they have turned from God for good and that is why I am posting this. Please read whole post.))

Toxic Faith is an unrealistic and distorted view of who God really is.

21 Toxic Beliefs of a Toxic Faith

1. CONDITIONAL LOVE: God's love and favor depend on behavior. (Believing if I was just good enough, if I just work hard enough and serve enough, if I just had enough Faith, if I just prayed longer or read the Bible more, if I would try harder and harder then God would love me more.)

2. INSTANT PEACE: When tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it. (Believing I am supposed to have peace in my soul even when I suffer pain and tragedy in my life. I am supposed to forget the stages of grief, pain, and anger that come with loss.)

3. GUARANTEED HEALING: If you have real Faith, God will heal you or someone you are praying for. (Believing if I had real Faith, Bill (my husband) will be healed of cancer. If I just prayed more faithfully I could move God’s hand in healing. And believing that God heals only the “true” Believers.)

4. IRREPROACHABLE CLERGY: All ministers (men and women) of God and can be trusted. (Believing what ministers’ say is correct at all times. I should never question the actions or doctrines that they teach.)

5. MONETARY REWARDS: Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength. (Believing that the more I have, the more God loves me. Believing that God blesses with only material things.)

6. INVESTMENT TITHING: The more money you give to God, the more money He will give you. (Believing that the more money I give to the church, God will give back to me in monetary
ways. Real tempting for those in debt.)

7. SALVATION BY WORKS: You work your way to heaven. (Believing if I work hard enough for the church and its members I can earn my way to heaven. If I work hard enough to be the perfect Christian, I can make it to heaven.)

8. SPITEFUL GOD: Problems in your life result from some particular sin. (Believing that God is punishing me or allowing bad things to happen to me cause of something I did wrong in the past.)

9. SLAVERY OF THE FAITHFUL: Never stop meeting others needs. (Believing that I must put the church and its members first before myself and family.)

10. IRRATIONAL SUBMISSION: Always submit to authority. (Believing I must submit to authority even if there is violence, abuse and mistrust.)

11. CHRISTIAN INEQUALITY: God uses only spiritual giants. (Believing that God only uses those who are smart, speak well, have money, have talents to preach God’s word.)

12. PASSIVITY: Having true Faith means waiting for God to help you and doing nothing until He does. (Believing that God will do everything for me without me doing anything or meeting Him half way.)

13. BIBLICAL EXCLUSIVITY: If it’s not in the Bible, it isn't relevant. (Believing that if there is not a scripture to back the idea, it must be harmful.) ((for example: Bible doesn’t say anything about medications, so they frown on it because it is not in Scripture.))

14. HEAVENLY MATCHMAKING: God will find you a perfect mate. (Believing that God will find me the perfect mate and have a perfect marriage with many perfect years without any hardships.)

15. POLLYANNA PERSPECTIVE: Everything that happens to you is good/positive. (Believing that anything that happens to me is good. Even in the mist of tragedy it is a good thing.) (In other words = Unrealistic positive thinking.)

16. BULLET-PROOF FAITH: A strong Faith will protect you from problems and pain. (Believing if I just have enough Faith, then nothing bad will happen to me or anyone I love and if something bad did happen it was cause of my lack of Faith.)

17. VINDICTIVE GOD: God hates sinners, is angry with you, and wants to punish you. (Believing that God hates me and just waiting to strike me down when I mess up and send me to hell so I can burn.)

18. MORTAL CHRIST: Christ was merely a great teacher. (Believing that Christ, along with Muhammad, Buddha, and Moses, are only great teachers and philosophers.)

19. IMPERSONAL GOD: God is too big to care about you. (Believing that God has more important things to do than worry about little ol’ me and my life.)

20. ORDAINED HAPPINESS: More than anything else, God wants you to be happy. (Believing that God just wants me happy, no matter what I have to do to gain happiness, even if it includes breaking His laws and commandments. As long as I am happy that is all that matters.)

21. POSSIBLITLY OF BECOMING GOD: You can become God. (Believing if I just focus on all that I am, I will discover “the secret” that I am God and in control of my own fate and all aspects of my life.)


All of these are FALSE Christian beliefs and very TOXIC. And unfortunately I fell for all of them. I became “Addicted to Religion.” Trying to follow all the rules, be the best Christian, be perfect, know all the Scriptures, go to church all the time, and talk about religious things all the time, not tolerant of anything else or anyone else who didn’t believe the same things I did. I neglected my marriage, family and job to spend more time at church. The worse my personal life got, the more involved I was in church. I even left churches because I was told I didn’t have enough Faith or I would be able to speak in tongues or do miracles or possess other talents. Finding a denomination that would make “me” the perfect Christian became an addiction within an addiction. Church hopping it has been called. BUT… I left one thing out in this obsession…… JESUS our Lord and Savior.

My end result of religious addiction was ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, because I never felt good enough. ANGER at God for allowing bad things to happen in my life. LONELINESS because I felt unloved. DESPAIR because I felt unworthy. GUILT because if I just tried harder things would have been better. RAGE towards myself for not being good enough or trying hard enough. RESENTMENT towards others whom “seemed” to have greater Faith than I did. BITTERNESS towards God because “I” did all this for Him and He still allowed all this pain and strife in “my” life. It is an endless vicious cycle of extreme stress, repeated disappointments, miserable existence, feelings of insignificance, feelings of needing to be rescued, increasing doubts about God, increasing dependency on others and dependencies that lead to other addictions (drugs and overeating), feelings of insecurity, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, loss of interest in family, friends, and life and extreme low self-esteem. All warped together in scary suicidal thoughts and even suicide attempts. Pure chaos is what it amounts to with no sight of Hope.

That is Toxic Faith. The book is awesome into showing WHY we follow these beliefs and how our past childhood, assorted trauma, and disappointments in life tainted our view of the real Jesus.

Unfortunately at that time, I was so crushed that I fell for all these things that I never even finished the book to the RECOVERY part of it. I had turned from God for over 7 years! I hated Him, for making “ME” look like a fool. Just the thought of Christians made my stomach turn. I bashed Christians and thought they were just a bunch of hypocrites. But in reality....it was me who was making me sick because I hated myself so much. It was me who was the hypocrite. It was me who thought I was better than God. It was me who wouldn't take accountability for my actions. It was me that was the fool.

But I guess God watches over us fools and gently guide us back…

I found that Toxic Faith book while cleaning one day and decided to read it again. And this time, the whole book. My recovery with the programs listed in the back of the book; and the help with Lucinda’s program here; and the help of friends in various chats/forums putting me in my place:roll:... it has been a hard emotional “detoxifying” experience and yet has been a huge blessing and a successful progression. I now can recognize toxic faith (I see them as Satan’s little subtleties) and turn from it. My anxiety and depression is pretty much just a memory. And for the first time in my life… I actually enjoy life and the beauty of it all. And my love for my Lord Jesus is beyond words.

[Mom of 6]

Conner,
Wow that was a lot to absorb. Thanks for sharing with us. You have obviously been everywhere from the top to the bottom and back again. But it's where you are today that matters as much as where you are going tomorrow. You're sharing is sure to help many others. Bev

[Guest]

What a beautiful testimony Conner:). Sorry you had to go through all that. I am definitely going to check that book out. Fortunately, God had been leading me away from those toxic beliefs, and I have been getting better because of that. The book "The Search for Significance" can also help with some of those false beliefs too. However, the book you mentioned would still be beneficial for me, and I'm sure it will help others on here, too.

My father-in-law is a prominent baptist preacher. I grew up in an abusive home, and although my parents took me to church when I was a child, my parents quit going. Off and on throughout my teen years I would return to church, and especially after I graduated from High School. I definitely saw God as my abusive father, though. Anyway, I ended up marrying the pastor's quiet son which I will never regret, but I'll never forget something my father in law did. After we were married, we went on a family trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee with the in-law's. On the trip, I was able to go ice skating which I've always loved, but I wasn't able to stay up on the skates as a child. In Gatlinburg they had these skates that supported your ankles. It was such a blessing from God. I had married the man of my dreams, was able to go to Disney World for the honey moon, and then Gatlinburg and ice skating with what I thought was a loving family:). I just was so thankful to God for all of his blessings. After ice skating, I told my father in law that I had prayed to God that I would be able to ice skate, and he said, "Yeah, like God really cares about that!" That comment pierced my heart. I had depended on God, and thought he cared about all of the things in my life and even the little things in my life. That comment was a warning of more to come which includes the rejection of his own grand son just because he has autism and is "different".

I'll never just automatically trust clergy, nor should I. I don't want to be mean to pastors either, but I am extremely careful, and I'm glad I didn't let my FIL hurt my faith. I later had a child who has severe autism, so I NEED God to get through. It's not always fun, and I never lie and say I'm thankful that it's happened when I'm not. Sometimes, I can see the blessings, but sometimes it's just really hard and grievous, and I turn to God to get me through by knowing that He listens to me and lets me be sad. I do believe that He can and has promised to provide the "peace in the midst of the storm", but that doesn't mean that you're not supposed to ever feel sad or grieve and sometimes it can take longer than other times to come. The Bible says, "There is a time and a purpose for everything under Heaven...a time to laugh and a time to mourn". Mourning has its place. It also doesn't mean the storm is any fun to go through either.

Anyway, thanks for your post. I think it will help a lot of people.

[Guest]

conner,
Thank you so much for sharing,, you put that all in a very honest, straightfoward, loving way! And I hope people understand the loving way in which you intended it:) LOve you Nelly:)

[Guest]

welll...not often do i post to these things (used to think it had to do with what "time of the month" it was...hahah)...but very good post conner and all. it was nice reading..well= count me in that "naive" group of believers too at once time---and oh boy the grief that comes from it!!!! i think i am still "recovering'--probably cuz some of us "just tried harder and harder, more giving and giving" because we never felt "good enough"....and oh boy did they take advantage of that for their own selfish gain. ezekiah 34 comes to mind. luv to all, nd healing to all.

[Guest]

“MY COMMENTS” are comments from respondent: Pete Dave Blair

1. CONDITIONAL LOVE: God's love and favor depend on behavior. (Believing if I was just good enough, if I just work hard enough and serve enough, if I just had enough Faith, if I just prayed longer or read the Bible more, if I would try harder and harder then God would love me more.)
MY COMMENTS:
Growing Faith within ourselves of the Reality and Presence of the Higher Power is the KEY to our Spiritual progress. And this will not grow within ourselves unless we dedicate a portion of our self-will and energy to the growth of that. A plant will not grow in one’s garden if it is not planted and then tended and protected with patience.

2. INSTANT PEACE: When tragedy strikes, true believers should have a real peace about it. (Believing I am supposed to have peace in my soul even when I suffer pain and tragedy in my life. I am supposed to forget the stages of grief, pain, and anger that come with loss.)
MY COMMENTS:
The degree of peace one experiences in reaction to a tragedy is proportionate to the size and strength of the Faith that one has been growing in one’s garden of his own mind.

3. GUARANTEED HEALING: If you have real Faith, God will heal you or someone you are praying for. (Believing if I had real Faith, Bill (my husband) will be healed of cancer. If I just prayed more faithfully I could move God’s hand in healing. And believing that God heals only the “true” Believers.)
MY COMMENTS:
The present SIZE of one’s Faith (which grows like a plant in a garden) is proportionate to the SIZE of the miracle working effects that can take place.

4. IRREPROACHABLE CLERGY: All ministers (men and women) of God and can be trusted. (Believing what ministers’ say is correct at all times. I should never question the actions or doctrines that they teach.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have certainly never believed this.

5. MONETARY REWARDS: Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength. (Believing that the more I have, the more God loves me. Believing that God blesses with only material things.)
MY COMMENTS: I have certainly never believed this.

6. INVESTMENT TITHING: The more money you give to God, the more money He will give you. (Believing that the more money I give to the church, God will give back to me in monetary
ways. Real tempting for those in debt.)
MY COMMENTS:
Again, I have certainly never believed this. Investment titheing works to the degree that we BELIEVE that it works. The activating power is not an external God, but rather our own belief, which is connected to the Higher Power/God – which is within us, and is connected to everything else.

7. SALVATION BY WORKS: You work your way to heaven. (Believing if I work hard enough for the church and its members I can earn my way to heaven. If I work hard enough to be the perfect Christian, I can make it to heaven.)
MY COMMENTS:
Everything comes down to BELIEFS. But our actions cannot be separated from our beliefs. We can figure out our true beliefs by taking a close look at our actions. / As the Bible states: “Faith” without works is dead. In other words, if you genuinely possess Faith, then you will also automatically engage in works which are in accord with that Faith.

8. SPITEFUL GOD: Problems in your life result from some particular sin. (Believing that God is punishing me or allowing bad things to happen to me cause of something I did wrong in the past.)
MY COMMENTS:
we can lose faith in our connectedness to the Higher Power/God when we engage in actions in opposition to the Will of God; or when we fail to engage in actions which would be in the Will of God.

9. SLAVERY OF THE FAITHFUL: Never stop meeting others needs. (Believing that I must put the church and its members first before myself and family.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this.

10. IRRATIONAL SUBMISSION: Always submit to authority. (Believing I must submit to authority even if there is violence, abuse and mistrust.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this.

11. CHRISTIAN INEQUALITY: God uses only spiritual giants. (Believing that God only uses those who are smart, speak well, have money, have talents to preach God’s word.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this.

12. PASSIVITY: Having true Faith means waiting for God to help you and doing nothing until He does. (Believing that God will do everything for me without me doing anything or meeting Him half way.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this. / I have found that I must do for myself everything humanly I can to bring about the desired results, before I can even have Faith that the Higher Power/God will intervene with help.

13. BIBLICAL EXCLUSIVITY: If it’s not in the Bible, it isn't relevant. (Believing that if there is not a scripture to back the idea, it must be harmful.) ((for example: Bible doesn’t say anything about medications, so they frown on it because it is not in Scripture.))
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this. Medications were virtually non-existent at the time of the writing of the Bible, so, of course, nothing was said about them.

14. HEAVENLY MATCHMAKING: God will find you a perfect mate. (Believing that God will find me the perfect mate and have a perfect marriage with many perfect years without any hardships.)
MY COMMENTS:
I have never believed this. Again, it is our own Faith level and our own Spiritual Development, which will tend to lead to this ideal outcome.

15. POLLYANNA PERSPECTIVE: Everything that happens to you is good/positive. (Believing that anything that happens to me is good. Even in the mist of tragedy it is a good thing.) (In other words = Unrealistic positive thinking.)
MY COMMENT:
This seems to be stated oftentimes: “ There is a reason (i.e. a good one) for everything.” I, personally, have never believed this.

16. BULLET-PROOF FAITH: A strong Faith will protect you from problems and pain. (Believing if I just have enough Faith, then nothing bad will happen to me or anyone I love and if something bad did happen it was cause of my lack of Faith.)
MY COMMENTS:
Again, I see this as an example of overly simplistic black and white thinking. A soldier who is well armored will TEND to be protected compared the soldier next to him who has no armor. But even the armored soldier can be injured and destroyed. It is just hard, and less likely that this will happen.

17. VINDICTIVE GOD: God hates sinners, is angry with you, and wants to punish you. (Believing that God hates me and is just waiting to strike me down when I mess up and send me to hell so I can burn.)
MY COMMENTS:
In my view, God doesn’t do this. But, it happens anyway as the passive consequence of our straying from what gives us protection and strength and intuition.

18. MORTAL CHRIST: Christ was merely a great teacher. (Believing that Christ, along with Muhammad, Buddha, and Moses, are only great teachers and philosophers.)
MY COMMENTS:
This does not tend to be taught in Christianity, and it is certainly not taught in the Bible.

19. IMPERSONAL GOD: God is too big to care about you. (Believing that God has more important things to do than worry about little ol’ me and my life.)
MY COMMENTS:
God is an overwhelming Intelligence and Love that is even greater than the intelligence of a dog owner compared to the intelligence of the dog.

20. ORDAINED HAPPINESS: More than anything else, God wants you to be happy. (Believing that God just wants me happy, no matter what I have to do to gain happiness, even if it includes breaking His laws and commandments. As long as I am happy that is all that matters.)
MY COMMENTS:
I do not know where you get such ideas. They are certainly not in the Bible. The Bible teaches that God PRUNES man so that he will become more and more fruitful. I am certain that no plant which experiences pruning would report that pruning was a happy experience.

21. POSSIBLITLY OF BECOMING GOD: You can become God. (Believing if I just focus on all that I am, I will discover “the secret” that I am God and in control of my own fate and all aspects of my life.)
MY COMMENTS:
God is a part of all of us. Freud talks about: Id, Ego, & Superego. I believe that the God part of man in the Super-Super Ego, which exists as a mere dry potential in most men, but which exists nevertheless as a potential which can be enlivened and grown.


RE: All of these are FALSE Christian beliefs and very TOXIC.
MY COMMENTS:
Many of these are NOT Christian beliefs in the first place. And you can see this if you study the Bible independently.


RE “I left one thing out in this obsession…… JESUS our Lord and Savior.”
MY COMMENTS:
In the Bible it states that Jesus is reported to have said: “In the world, you shall have tribulation. / But, be at peace, I have overcome the world. / Cling to me.”

[Guest]

luvpiggy,
I think God's miracles come in every shape and size, including ice skating! And God loves that you see it in that respect and give thanks to Him for it. Bless you and your family.
Excellent post- very mind and soul searching!

[Guest]

Peter,
In some denominations of christian faith, the things conner posted are taught. The point she was making is, they are NOT true, not that they are.
Back in the days before Christ, they used different herbs for healing of certain diseases. Thats all they had.. But even in the new testament, Luke who was described as a physican talked about a little wine for the stomach was a good thing...(decades later, seems he was right)

What conner was tryng to say, is AFTER she read this book by this gentleman, she realized, what she had been taught, WASNT God or what he had written.
For myself, I use Scripture itself. Yes i have a pastor,, who is human , just like me, and he errs also. No one is perfect.
And yes, the closer our relationship with God, the more our faith grows. Scriptures to me are the MEAT we need,, its sustanence which grows our knowledge, our faith, our closeness in relationship with God.
When Christ chose his disciples, he didnt chose the smartest, the bravest, the ones with so called knowledge, he chose the fisherman,, carpenters, men unsure of themselves.. then he Taught them!! And just like us, they had fear, and they beleived and yet doubted.

He even chose a traitor! These were men who were teachable, and moldable. Most were humble, except maybe peter. But they were chosen.
And then he gave them a commission,, Go and Tell! (go and teach and share what they had learned)
There is only one authority above all men and that is GOD.
Knowing God of course you want to do things for others, its Not a have to, but a want to.. It has to be a heart thing, not a head thing.
There is churchiosity and relgiousity,, then there is real worship of God himself, and listening to his leading and guidance, through his voice or his word.... Peter, i guess to many im strange, but to me scripture is LIVING, and everytime you study it, it comes alive with knowledge... thats what I Love!! Nelly

[Guest]

Bevhembee - Faith is a journey for sure. And this moment in time and where I am going is what is important. The past is in the past. A quote I heard onetime: Fear looks over the shoulder, Worry looks around, and Faith looks forward. I have read your other posts..you are a blessing to this forum.

LuvPiggy - your post tugged my heart. It is strange how one little statement from someone can change our outlook on things..even as minor as iceskating. But I can tell you for sure, Jesus does care about the little things. I was robbed at knife point a few months ago and I was more upset about losing a picture that was in my stolen purse than any of the money that was in it. The other day I was thinking about it, getting upset and just prayed to God to take the bad memories away. At that moment I looked down and noticed a piece of paper on the floor in a corner under my art desk. I reached under and picked it up, flipped it over....it was a copy of the picture that was in my purse! God does care...even in the simple things in life. I could never comprehend taking care of an autism child, but I know what you mean by mixed feelings of grieving and blessings. I have dealt with that for the last 4 years with my husbands cancer. There are dark moments, but then also huge blessings that would have never come from any where else. God Bless You! (HUGS)

Hbeth. I just read Ezekiah 34 and cried with Joy. I know out of most people in chat, you understand where I am coming from and the struggles yet to come. Thank you for your support my friend.

Nells...You have seen my good side and my worse side and you are still my friend. Love ya! OH and thanks for clarifying what I said. I wasn't getting what Peter was saying either.

Peter - I am not sure where you are coming from. I know NOW these are not true Christian beliefs, but if you turn on any TV sermon/stations (TBN for example) and it is obvious they are teaching these toxic things and thousands of people are falling for it. And some of the "denominations" I was involved in I later found out they were cults. And yes..in my recovery I have learned to search and study on my own and with help of others who are advanced.

I guess the post is a little confusing. I just re-read it. So to sum it up. I was fooled. Then do to my realization of being fooled, I then acted like a fool and then had to accept accoutability for my foolish actions, ask for Forgiveness. And thank God He takes fools back and now just trying to reach out to others who may have been fooled.

PEACE

[Guest]

RE: Nelly’s posting – “There is real worship of God Himself, and listening to His leading and guidance, through His Voice or His Word.... / to me scripture is LIVING, and everytime you study it, it comes alive with knowledge... . Nelly”

MY COMMENT TO MELLO NELLO: Time after time, I find that I absolutely love your input on such matters.