i need help, im soo confused?

[Guest]

OMG! thanks schnauzermom,

it is hard to believe that anxiety is the cause of my worry, let alone symptoms, its crazy how the mind works and controls everything.. the drs. have told me theres nothing wrong with me. its all anxiety, and just like u, its hard for me to believe cause how powerful the symptoms are. i will go back through the beginning,, im on 5, but ur right i need to start and listen to symptoms of anxiety. thank you so much, i really needed to hear ur advice, and yes, being on here does help alot..

[Guest]

does a guilty concience affect anxiety

I know that a guilty cocience affects my anxiety. I guess because it is just another thing for our minds to worry about. I like what people say on here about telling yourself that you don't have time for those thoughts. Besides the past is past & there is nothing we can do to change that.

Distracting ourselves is a valuable tool to make it through a panic attack. Sometimes its tougher than others. I have grown almost dependant on sound. I take my iPod everywhere. If I can slip it on, then I can sing along & try to focus on the songs for as long as it takes to make it through that intese session. With you being in class, I have a suggestion. Maybe tape a few of your fave pics of you & your loved ones to the front of your notebook. That way if you need to calm down you can stare at the pics & think of good times past. You may even make yourself laugh thinking of all the good times & laughter is sure to stop that anxious moment. If not photos, then anything that you take with you like a worry stone or something to concentrate on. Good luck & congratulations for being strong enough to continue your education through this anxiety. Don't let axiety win, get that diploma or degree!

[Guest]

Angela...

If I was having a hard time with anything in the program, I would watch the videos and listen to those lessons over and over again even though I was on lessons further in the program. I found with my stubborn mind that I needed to take the program slower (like 2-3 weeks per lesson) and even then go back if I or someone on the forums saw I was struggling. Yes it is A LOT of information to "get" in a week, so I drug the program out. That was OK by me. I rather do that then speed along. I tried other methods before relying on my PhD to fix me, my husband and family to bump me along, friends to support me, but I found that NO ONE could fix me but me. I needed to work on this with the program to fix this with my therapists guidance and my husband, family and friends SUPPORTING and CHEERING my efforts. I saw I could not use them as a crutch, and mask it up forever taking meds (which I did not want to do in the second time, but meds helped get me along enough to get through the program, get "settled" and used to living again) because I believe I relied on others to fix me so much so I gather that is why I ended up in the same place again and getting this program.

Listen to any lessons that you have already done that you feel you need an extra boost again and again. I did that when I was doing for example lesson 5 and I felt I did not get lesson 3 or 4 because I or someone else saw that I still was struggling with self esteem and expectations. It is OK to go back and review again as many times as you need. I know I needed to review some lessons more (3 & 4 and also got some self esteem books to help.)I have even done that now to review things. Yes I will grab the Lucinda DVD or cd lesson out and listen to it, even read the workbook or lesson cards. This is a life long commitment to ourselves. Right now it may seems like alot of time, work and effort and yes it is. This is something totally different from what I even knew. So yes it will require you to have patience, time, practice and understanding for and with yourself, which cannot be done overnight. We expect everything now, it is an instant gratification society. I will admit that. I needed to lower some expectations I had of myself, I needed to see and accept I did not have to be perfect, that I knew I was trying and doing my best and that indeed IS good enough, I am good enough, that I do not live to please others and jump at their hat drop. This is something I remind myself of every day. I keep going just like everyone else....

[proud mama]

Dear Angela:

I used to have the same troubles as you when my anxiety disorder triggered. During the course of 3 yrs, fr when it did 1st trigger, I've made a lot of changes:

1) I started a consistant exercise regimen. Now, when I 1st did the program(Nov2006), I hadn't exercised in yrs & was overweight some & so out of shape. So, I started w/ what I knew I could do. I walked outside for 10-15 everyday. Now, back then, that felt like 50 miles, lol. But, I was consistant w/ that - a little everyday. Little by little, I was able to increase my motabalism & stamina = gradually increase how much I could do. I was able to walk 1 hr. I started using the treadmill at home - just so there were no excuses "when a bad weather day" hit. Again, ALWAYS - 1 day @ a day - that is the committment I made to myself. No more & no less. Eventually, my husband & I joined a gym together. This way, I'd work out at home during the day, he'd work out at work(they have a gym there) & on weekends - we could go do a little exercising.

I will never be THAT PERSON who wakes up & says "golly gee, I can't wait to exercise", NOT! However, When she mentions exercising in the program & its relation to anxiety disorder - it peaked my interest. So, I TESTED LUCINDA'S THEORY OUT FOR MYSELF - & during the course of time - sure as heck, EXERCISING GREATLY REDUCED MY ANXIETY LEVELS - by allowing me a means to get rid of that extra adrenaline.
Anxiety disorder for me, @ its worst, was terrible - felt awful. So, while I don't necessarily get excited about excited - I do like how it is a MEANS TO AN END for me w/ anxiety & all respective symptoms. So, I told myself "exercising helps the symptoms - so, if I want to FEEL BETTER - I'm gonna have to do THINGS to help myself - & yes, that includes exercising".

2) Diet. Now, by no means do I mean "DIET" in the traditional sense - cause I don't believe in DIETS: they imply deprivation & deprivation never works. Rather, I did an evaluation in EVERYTHING I WAS EATING, HOW IT RELATED TO MY ANXIETY DISORDER, & TO MY PHYSICAL WELL BEING OVER-ALL. I gradually made a LIFESTYLE CHANGE = BEHAVIORIAL CHANGES as it relates to my relationship w/ food & what/how I eat/how much I eat. I started making small changes in my "eating"(again, I don't use the word DIET, lol)- gradually = not 100% change overnight. By no means am I a "bean sprouts" type of eater - I know me. However, during the course of time, I greatly changed: what I ate & how much I ate(portion control: eating till I'm comfortable, rather than AL BUNDY - BELLY BUSTING FULL). Sure, this means cutting sugar & caffeine(I still have my 1/2 cup in the morning - lol: but, that is IT, HONESTLY). More important, I got back into NUTRITION: fruits, vegetables, lean meats, fiber, dairy = the BASIC FOOD GROUPS.
In the end of JUNE-2007, hubby & I joined WEIGHT WATCHERS. I chose them, cause THEIR theory is based on BEHAVIORAL CHANGES & RELATIONSHIP TO FOOD - opposed to temporary changes = diets. It allowed me to learn even more about food & my physical/mental/emotional health. As of today, I've lost 50lbs!! This weight loss also greatly effects my anxiety levels.

3) RELAXATION. This was such a foreign concept to me when my anxiety triggered & when I started the program. I was so far removed fr the concept of RELAXATION - it almost seemed irrevalent/illogical to me.
EX: I was watching Oprah 1 day, when my anxiety disorder 1st triggered, & she was describing a WONDERFUL RELAXING DAY SHE HAD = she sat outside her house(1 of them, lol) & it was a beautiful day - sunny & all - on a Sunday afternoon. She sat by 1 of her TREES, reading a book. <span class="ev_code_RED">Do you want to know what my HONEST & INITIAL REACTION WAS? "why would she do that? Gosh, that is just so boring - to sit & do nothing. I'd rather keep busy, doing something productive".</span> Do you get the picture? lol, I had no real understanding of relaxation. Rather, I always had to keep busy, do something always - that meant I was productive. Heck, that theory got me where I was - thankfully I began to understand. When I 1st did the relax c/d - I laughed & said "you gotta be joking" - honest. But, so far Lucinda was right on w/ personality traits & all. So, I was willing to trust what she was saying about relaxing & learning to. I did that c/d everyday - 3x's per day & sometimes more. I'd go in my bedroom: close the door - lay on my comfortable bed & do it. Yes, I did it even when it felt strange & when I didn't want to. Gradually, I began to FEEL SOMETHING - different. I started to feel CALM. Heck, for yrs, hubby told me I SNORED - I told him, "I don't snore, you're lying". Well, I PROVED HIM RIGHT, lol. One day I was doing relaxation when he was at work. I got so into it, that in the middle of it, I heard this LOUD, SNORKLING TYPE OF SOUND(you know, like HORSHACK FR WELCOME BACK KOTTER?) - I kind of JUMPED UP "what was that?" I fell asleep & that was me snoring, lol. I fell asleep & didn't even realize it.

W/ Lucinda's help, I began to learn & understand RELAXING more. I began to see, thru me doing it everyday & doing it everyday - its impact on me, how good RELAXING IS FOR ME. I DID IT EVEN WHEN THE NEED FOR IT WASN'T CLEAR TO ME - I took a leap of faith. I began to understand & see: life will have everything & all it can entail. We can have responsibilities, worries, stress - that is LIFE. However, I need to take care of ME & that includes, STOPPING. Yes, stopping in the middle of it all sometimes, recognizing what I am feeling & saying "ok, I need to stop, I need me time & I need to take care of me" - a concept also foreign to me & one that initially produced GUILT.

I allowed myself to get INTUNED to what I was feeling, so I could recognize when I NEEDED A TIME OUT,lol. Sure, I do the relaxation sessions STILL. I also might take a nice Lavendar bubble bath w/ some relaxing music: Yanni Or Kenny G, etc. I'd might go take a nice walk in the park near by, by myself. Or I'd go to this one park near us that has these 2 mini waterfalls - I'd sit there by myself & just draw NATURE IN to every part of me: sights & sounds. Now, this particular experience w/ waterfalls would not have happened yrs ago - I'd though it was BORING. The new & healthier me - NEEDS THAT NOW & to know that, is RECOVERY. I learned part of me being responsible for me, includes be taking care of me & that includes, STOPPING sometimes to get ME TIME & that it is healthy & I am entitled to it.

4) Positive self talk. It can be very easy to fall prey to the lies ANXIETY DISORDER tells you. That is why, as we're changing - it is important to consistantly reinforce ourselves w/ pos self talk - to monitor what we are telling ourselves & when. So that, we can keep on top of things. The key is consistancy = repetatively doing it, even when you don't believe it. I am stubborn as a mule - I didn't believe it either. However doing it everyday - I feel SO MUCH BETTER. Read some pos self talk books - education is key. They even have little palm size books on pos self talk phrases you can read to yourself everyday - I have one: IT'S BY LOUISE L HAY. She also has great audio book(regular book as well) on pos self talk & the power of the MESSAGES WE GIVE OURSELVES - phenominal. As you gradually learn the power of pos self talk, you can also create your own POS SELF TALK INDEX CARDS - as they relate to YOU & YOUR ISSUES. I've done that as well:for example - I had a fear of being alone & abandoned(childhood) - so, as I was home & recovering - I had a prob w/ it, lol. I created an index card & read it periodically thru out the day. It said, "I am alone right now - yes. However, I am not alone in my life & this world." Thats just 1 ex of the many I created for myself as they pertained to things I needed to work on.

5) Medication is a very personal issue. In addition, 1 that should be taken into consideration w/ your personal feelings - assisted w/ the aid of a medical professional = pharmacist, reg dr, or therapist.

Choosing to take a medication for anxiety does not mean you'll be on those meds forever. Nor does it mean you'll become an addict(that fact that becoming an addict to them frightens you so, is a clear indication that BECOMING AN ADDICT TO THEM IS NOT YOUR PERSONALITY TYPE). I too had a fear of medications. My fear stemmed fr: 1st) my not realizing just how bad my anxiety disorder was. 2nd) growing up, I lived in an environment caroded w/ drug addicts - some of them who had careers(rn's, etc) & fell prey to DRUGS & PRESCRIPTION MEDS. I saw the effects of these drugs on them(since grade school age) & I didn't want that to be me. So, I used to stay away fr them. So, I was aided by my therapist(who is not the type to just push a med - only when & if you need it. then, if you do, he is like the CIA OR FBI, b/4 he prescribes it). He got me to address my fear & why. He also helped me help myself - in knowing w/ certainty - I will never allow myself to become a drug addict. I also made a BIG STIPULATION: I told him, "I agree to take a med. However, I don't want to be so medicated that I don't feel anything - I just want to hamper the symptoms, so that I can face & feel what I need to - so I can do the work necessary. So that, I will not be on anxiety med forever".

Being prescribed an anxiety med or sleep aid or whatever, does not necessarily mean you will be on them forever. I am living proof that you don't have to. When my anxiety disorder triggered, I was on an anxiety med 3x's per day & 2 sleep aids(cause I was only averaging 1-2 hrs of sleep per every 24hrs). I went thru 20 mths of intensive therapy(facing my past), then I was ready to face myself - I started her program in Nov-2006. I completed it in March-2007. I am currently going thru program again 2nd time - just to further cement the changes I am making & the skills I continue to learn. As of today: I haven't taken a sleep aid in 1 1/2 yrs & I haven't taken an anxiety med since Dec-2006. Again, medication is a personal choice. However, don't let the aid you may receive fr a med be inhibited by fear - it doesn't have to be forever.

Life will always continually evolve. As such, we will have to polish our skills. Thats no biggy - cause WE DO HAVE THE SKILLS. Listen to what you are saying to yourself + what is going on in your life that is creating stress at levels that is creating heightened anxiety? Once you know this, then put together a plan on how you can both address it & change your REACTION to it. + you have the program forever - its yours. It is no big deal to go thru the program again - many do. Don't frighten yourself - anxiety can't hurt you - just be gentle w/ yourself, try not to over-react to the body symptoms, pamper & take care of you(exercise, dietary intake, caffeine, sugar), pos self talk yourself silly sweetie: day in & out. You prob just experiencing some new things in life & some stress - you can handle it & the skills of the program can aid you. When you're experiencing a BODY SYMPTOM: instead of doing what we all sometimes do , the infamous OH NO - calmly think of it as an internal alarm clock - your body telling you <span class="ev_code_RED">"Angela, hello you got a minute. I'm feeling some heightened stress here - can you help me out - lets work together to figure out whats going on & address it, so we don't frighten ourselves & create these body feelings"</span>

6) GET BUSY. By this I don't mean AVOIDANCE. Once you figure out what NEW THINGS are going on in your life that has created such stress & increased anxiety & you address them - Get busy.Instead of falling prey to WALLOWING & DWELLING to the negativity anxiety produces - get busy = distract yourself: call a friend, go to a book store, go out for something to eat, go to a gym, visit a friend for some GIRL TIME, go shopping - buy yourself something , put on some good music & shake shake shake - dance baby, exercise, read a good book, call someone you've been meaning to talk to - THE SYMPTOMS ALWAYS PASS. & you know what else happens during this DISTRACTION PERIOD? By distracting yourself, you give yourself a time out fr the symptoms - thereby not OVER-REACTING TO THEM. So, when they pass - you are not really bothered anymore - kind of like "oh ok, I've already moved on & let go" = kind of like what Lucinda says about the anger thing & the 24hr time out. What seems important during the midst of a heightened anxiety attack - is not important to you - once you allow that ANXIETY ATTACK to pass.

Continued Success - you can do it!!! :p

LENORE

[Guest]

Lenore
Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement and motivation. I definitely needed to hear them today. I too suffer with alot of what Angela described. The negative, scary guilt thoughts which result in what if thinking and panic attacks. I find it difficult to practice the relaxation tapes and then I feel bad because I feel that I'm not working hard enough to overcome this disorder. I feel so selfish becuase it seems like I am consumed with how I'm feeling that its hard to be there for my husband and family. Your post was very comforting. Thank you. God Bless and Good luck to us all.

[Guest]

Lenore:
Excelent comment, sometimes like this morning i fee like this will never pass and that i am in a black hole, yu turn every were and you feel motionless, with no hope, and with some effort in discrtaction and talkin to people all around, I started to feel some release, but when I read positive experiences like this one you posted, you made me feel alive and hope, God bless you and Thank you very much

[Guest]

"the drs. have told me theres nothing wrong with me. its all anxiety, and just like u, its hard for me to believe cause how powerful the symptoms are."

Angela: this is true, I understand this completely. The symptoms are very real to you... 'there just MUST be something wrong'... I had those exact thoughts for a YEAR before I finally started getting it through my thick skull that there was nothing physically wrong with me. After I had a bunch of physical tests, I didn't believe the results (clean bill of health) and continued to worry about it for a year - which just dragged me down further mentally. Basically, I wasted a year.

Please, KNOW that you are physically fine. BELIEVE the TRUTH that you are physically well (your dr's have confirmed this). Now move forward with re-programming your mind; that will benefit your physical well-being as well.

Trust me on this - if you don't believe the fact that you're physically fine, you will only be delaying your recovery. Regards, M.

[Guest]

rucca~ thank you so much for ur relaxation tip. honestly, i hadn't thought about my ipod or pasteing pix on my notebook, i dont know how to distract myself in the mist of a attack. thank you and i for sure will give it a shot...

schnauzermom~
ur right, i am the one that has to make changes, i tend to rely on my family or friends for lots of support on me getting better, and when i dont get it, i get upset..i tend to want all the attention, which is a high expectation for me. which i noticed definetly needs to be changed.. thank you for saying that. it is up to me to be not only my safe place, but the one to change my life.. thank you. and ur right, i am going through the program again.

Lenore~
where have u been! just by reading what u wrote, i know u have gone a long way into the program. u can tell that ur much happier in ur life. freedom of fear. ur an inspiration for me. and first i would like to say thank you for taking ur time writing to me. which i wanted to ask? are u a writer? ur really good. u went through details for me. something i really needed. i love everyones advice dont get me wrong, but u responded with relation, and cures. u mentioned all parts of me. from health/symptoms/ diets(not diets, change of lifestyle), exercise, medtation/relaxation, and feelings of guilt.. and i liked when u mentioned oprahs day of relaxation, cause i would of thought the same thing, i dont know how to relax or unwind, & i dont want a pill or alcohol to relax me. i want to do it on my own, i like how u said, u like to be by ur waterfall. it sounds sooothing, ur lucky. i will have to turn on the faucet and sit in the tub.(lol) and i loved ur quote how i should talk to myself when a symptom hits. to think of it as an alarm clock.. thats such a good idea. and i did see louise l hay. on oprah today, OMG! she is amazing, im not sure if u had a chance to watch it, but it was about positive attitudes and outlooks on life. the laws of attraction. how u feel is what u attract. i do want to get her book now for sure. again, lenore, thank you so much for taking the time out for me. mostly i got a small comment, relax, walk, exercise, ull be ok. but honestly i needed to hear from u. u went step by step. i know u developed alot of patience. i will keep u posted on my update. thank you again. and ur right, I CAN DO IT!

[C.C. Ryder]

Hello, I have alot of what-if thinking. In November I was supposed to get blood tests taken because I didn't know what was making me dizzy or nervous..so then the what if's start. I had cancer two times in 1995 and had two major operations..but I'm alive and I made it through..the wierd thing is I didn't have panic attacks back then..but anyways, now that I do..I was so afraid of going to get those blood tests, I put it off for two months. Everytime I would put a date on the calendar to take those tests, my heart would race all night and all these what if? questions would race in my mind to the point I'd get no sleep, then the anxiety would be ten times worse the next day and I'd put it off for another day. One day in January, I got so sick of being sick because of worrying about the blood tests that I told my mom (she has to drive me, because I fear driving too) to take me, let's just leave, I'm feeling horrible, but I just couldn't take another night of worrying about getting these tests. The wait wasn't too bad, but I was having anxiety attacks the whole time, by the time I took the blood test the nurse asked me if I was ok..I told her just go ahead I have anxiety problems.. when I got home I thought I would be relieved that it was over, but then I kept myself up wondering what the results would withold on Friday..Friday came and my blood tests came back normal..I worried and worried and worried myself sick over those blood tests, but it was the anxiety that was making me sick..I'm only on section one, but this is definitely the section I have to work on when I get to it.

[Gman5256]

LEEANN - Hang in there Leeann. We're all in this together. The important positive thing to focus on is that your tests came back normal. You're good! And you're right, in part the anxiety is what got you sick but in reality...it was you that got you sick. I'm just realizing this...we are our own enemy. We need to change our way of thinking and realize that anxiety will NOT hurt us. It will pass.

ANGELACHRISS - Hang in there girl. Lenore's message really is an inspiration to us all. One thing that I hope you can get through after reading your posts is that meds are ok and can help you get better. Remember, if it's a chemical imbalance there is nothing you can do physically to become better and may need the meds to balance you out. I can, however, appreciate your concern about becoming addicted. Just a thought.