can you think of a replacement for this?

KDlady · Post by **KDlady** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 6:02 am

Hi all!

I need a replacement thought for these strands of thoughts:
I don't WANT to have to do this work replacing...I don't want to have to stay on top of my thoughts and re-focus so much...I want to just live through my day and not "think" so much...I don't want to be like this...why can't I be normal?

They all flow into one main area that I'm having a tough time replacing compassionately: I don't WANT to. It sure sounds whiney

Please post any suggestions you have for replacing these. I'd appreciate it!
Thanks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 6:47 am

elcome KD...yeh its alot of self work. first, take just ONE of the thoughts --you wrote several above---and try to turn it around to something more accepting and self compassionate-and your goal. i felt overwhelmed so very much too at first. its normal.=like, sure i don't WANT to, but i WANT to get better and i AM GONNA do this one negative thought at a time and right away talk to myself REASONABLY---i WANT this bad feelings to go away, so i WANT to keep putting ONE foot in front of the other and re-program ONE negative thought at a time. i CAN MAKE myself do this ONE thought at a time---like slowly learning a new language. it IS possible, and just ONE day of homework at a time. (or something similar--you will find your own ways that help turn things around KD. NOW, that NEXT SINGLE BAD thought and write it down=it will eventually shake down to a common theme you will see, and then it is easier to tackle the negative thoughts --with a common reasonable counter you have come up with after all the practicing prior homework finding a common theme to all your negativity to go toward your happier goal of thinking) i eventually put a journal in my car to tackle those negative thoughts when waiting in the parking lot or for an appointment-put another little journal in my purse even. the worse thing we do to ourselves=is beat ourselves up with the "what is WRONG with me's..."......that is our goal----to STOP that negative bashing of ourselves. the self compassionate counters like "of course, i would feel this way...because =..." is part of healing that negativity towards ourselves, when everybody can have moments of self doubt/questioning/scared/etc=and to learn to treat ourselves like we would talk to a dear friend. have patience KD, it IS ALOT of work=but is soooo worth it. isn't happiness with ourselves and life=our goal? of course....and this program has worked for so many others who thought they too were the "worst". you will do fine....keep trudging forward. best wishes to all your hard efforts KD!!! you may not see/feel it now...but keep doing the homework best You can, and it will all eventually re-program your mind to better thinking=which is the cure.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 7:19 am

We are always thinking, and most likly the thoughts we have today are the same thoughts we had yesterday. It takes me a long time to get unwanted thoughts out of my mind, and that is when i'm trying. I told my wife to even help me with this. If I bring unwanted thoughts to her, she tells me to quit bringing it up and talking about it because every time I do, that strengthens that thought. To weeken a thought I believe that you can't talk about it, and you do have to replace it through much effort on your part. No it isn't easy for me to drop it, but through practice and much effort I am better. Keep practicing and practicing. I believe we are in the same boat, That is the only paddle I have, and I hope to learn more ideas.

Glass

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 10:57 am

Wow. h.beth, I really appreciate your time and words. They were a big help. I really like the part about our goal which is happiness with ourselves and life, along with those replacement suggestions. I know those whiney thoughts don't get me anywhere and I've gotten a ton better at recognizing them, but moving forward when they nag me is still tough. I think it's good that I'm angry/frustrated instead of letting them scare me like they used to...at least I think that's improvement.
Glass, I like the idea of utilizing my husband. He hears a lot of negatives when I share them with him, but I really think the best thing he could say to me would be, "yes, you don't want them so what can you do about it?" or something like that.

P.S. I'm having my first child on Tuesday so there's a source that's stirring up things for me inside

I just want to be on top of this so badly. Do you think going through such a huge change while having to work with my skills will be even better for me? A huge challenge?

Thanks so much! Any more suggestions are welcome!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:13 am

Good luck on the new child! And, I agree with taking it one thought at a time. YOu don't have to be hypersensitive to everything, just do the best you can.

Instead of I don't want to do this work --
I am going to be so glad when this is second nature.
I really want to change the way I think and talk to myself.
This is going to make a big difference for me and I can already see the progress I'm making.
I'm just going to take baby steps.