Having trouble going to church

radarsmom · Post by **radarsmom** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 5:27 am

Hi

I am having trouble going to church. My negative thoughts are that everyone at church is just sitting around and if I panic I will be on display.

I am severely agoraphobic and I attend church with my aging parents. I sit in the back on the last row of pews usually alone but sometimes with a friend if she attends. My mother is in the choir and my father sometimes leaves and goes to the bank during the service and is gone for about 30 minutes. This is the hardest time for me when Mom is in the choir at the front of the church and I am sitting alone and Dad is gone.

I am afraid of panic and I am afraid of embarrassing myself. I am afraid of needing my Mom and her being at the front of the church and me not being able to cope with it all.

I should say I like to go to church but it is getting more and more difficult. I don't want to start to avoid church like I have so many other things.

Any ideas?

Davevk · Post by **Davevk** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 8:32 am

Have you tried anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressants? The helped me get over the initial problems, although I hope the program will replace the need for them.
Dave

Kldrn · Post by **Kldrn** » Sun Feb 03, 2008 9:09 am

I have had trouble with going to church for years! Before I even realized I had an anxiety disorder, I never understood why I should feel uneasy in a place that should be so comforting!Now I know it's about agoraphobia, feeling trapped and closed in. I think what you said about everyone just sitting around and if you do anything ususual you will be on display makes sense to explain these irrational thoughts. It's like we think the other parishoners are just sitting there waiting for something exciting to happen, right?! That's funny when you think about it. I am new to the program and only about a month into the realization or acceptance that I have anxiety. So my suggestions are new, but they seem to be working for me so far...I sit at the front of the church, about 3 or 4 rows back,I find it less overwhelming if I don't see the full church behind me. I try to position myself at the end of the pew for an easy exit,(my family helps with this.) Last week I kept reminding myself that all the people around me would only want to help me if I was ever in need... no one is there to judge me... that really helped. I also pray the rosary while I am breathing. If you are not Catholic, any prayer beads to hold in your hands can help you stay focused on the prayers instead of irrational thoughts. Going to church should be a source of peace, not stress. Don't avoid it, it's a great safe place to practice your skills.I see it mentioned so often, so chances are there are many other people at the same service feeling the same way! Wouldn't it be funny to stand up and take a poll! Good Luck, I wish you well.

nitz26911 · Post by **nitz26911** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:18 am

I also feel very anxious in church. My chest starts to hurt and I feel like I am not breathing deeply and my head starts to hurt. I used to feel comforted and safe in church but I started having this fear ever since I woke up in the middle of the night (about a month ago)thinking I was going to hell because I divorced my abusive, drug abusing, alcoholic, not working, staying out all night for several days, husband 15 years ago and remarried 7 years ago. Now all I can think of is the sermon will be about something I am afraid to hear. That I am bad. That I am going to Hell. I apply each message so personally and am constantly telling myself I need to work on this or that and just feel so overwhelmed.

God used to be my comfort. Praying used to help me feel closer to God. Now I feel like running in the other direction. I have refused to allow myself to do that and feel as though maybe this is something Satan has put in my head to seperate me from God. He knows my weeknesses and where I am vulnerable.

Mello Nello · Post by **Mello Nello** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:06 am

nitz
Its amazing how we beat ourselves up!
It seems to me you made the right decision when it came to your marriage. The God i know is a GOD of Love and Forgiveness. You just need to be able to forgive yourself for feeling that you did the wrong thing, because i dont beleive you did.
God is comfort, and strength, and Love. If he wasnt and didnt do what he did FOR US, then he couldnt offer us UNCONDITIONAL lOVE.
Its called "Agape" in the scriptures. Trust me ive done things in my past i was ashamed of, and had it NOT been that i knew above all others, God still loved me, im not sure i could of handled things.... Nelly:)

*D* · Post by ***D*** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 3:27 pm

NITZ,
you should feel happy that you are now married and i know that he treats you well..you need to open the door to your past and close it and never look back...you can look forward to the future..i was married for 33 years to a woman rhhat ran around still after i quit drinking.and she thought nothing of it. when i went to CHURCH and got SAVED snd cleaned my self up she told me i was a goody goody.i thought i was. i did not curse or smoke or drink then.but i did and ran from GOD for years.i tried to hang in there but ashe wanted to live seperate.that was in 2001.i remarried in 2005 and we go to CHURCH together. pray and read our BIBLES and, can talk about anything.now its time you go on your journey of HAPPINESS..take care and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS..
DON

LeeAnn Sanzo · Post by **LeeAnn Sanzo** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:22 pm

I'm confused about this too..I've been going to church since I was a child and I've been playing and singing for church since I was twelve years old..About 5-6 years ago I had my very first panic attack..through many hospitals, doctors and medications it's gotten to the point where during the summer I had a major level 15 panic attack as I was seated on the organ in the church I attended. And that's what someone said to me there..this should be the most comforting place..but the panic attack was so bad I had to leave that day and someone had to take over my place playing the organ..I have always loved God and loved playing music and singing..so why am I so afraid even to go to church..I now go to my childhood church because of my agoraphobia and it's only about 5-7 minutes away..My big problem is also sleep..I worry so much and I try to lay there, but my mind won't shut off..and before I know it, it's 4:00 in the morning..and then if I try to go to church, the panic attacks seem stronger. So far I've been to church maybe 3-4 times since the summer because of my sleep and panic episodes..My two biggest avoidances I want to work on is driving and getting back to enjoying church the way I did before having panic/anxiety attacks..Sometimes I avoid talking to people in church about it because I don't feel like anyone understands..I still believe and have faith in God..so I hope that this program and talking to others going through this is the answer..It feels like my only hope.

merrymelodies · Post by **merrymelodies** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:31 am

To radarsmom,
I know the uneasyness you are feeling at church I never knew why I had a hard time, BUT knew I needed to get through it.I think it was the fact of the unknown or what people might think or say. I have since learned especially at church most people are there to worship God and learn His word and not to judge or find fault. My idea to you would be to get focused on the possitive things before you go. Say to yourself I am ok nothing is going to happen, these people arent here to hurt me, I am not going to embarase myself.Try going with confidence.Please dont avoid going to church.I will pray you get a friend that will help you through this and be with you there.
Take care & God Bless you!!

DeniseD · Post by **DeniseD** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 5:50 am

I have always felt uneasy going to church, too. Which makes no sense to me because I should want to be around others like me. However, there are at least three things that I can think of that would cause this.
1. It is a social situation and I do not like being in large groups of people.
2. I love talking to other people but in conversations with one or two at a time and really talking and listening. I hate small talk and social niceties. When people ask how you are doing I know they want you to say fine, smile and go along with the program.
3. and in church I feel that my depression and anxiety make me feel guilty since as Christians we are supposed to feel love, JOY and PEACE. Alright, then I feel like a big hypocrite or failure.
One thing I have thought about doing once I finish this program is to start a support group at church and see how many others are sitting there week after week with these same feelings.
Time to take off the masks.

By the way, with social anxiety, have you ever wondered if you will like heaven? I keep thinking I may not fit in there, too many people. I know that seems silly but there it is.

Pixie_tired · Post by **Pixie_tired** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:01 am

this is a good post. recently i too have had problems being in church and feeling guilty and nervous, not feeling good enough for god for things i've done. i personally have found confession to be very helpful with a couple of things i have had a hard time forgiving myself. this last weekend however in church our priest talked about confession and how it is something that we should attend to monthly. he also said that no matter how good we are and how good we think we are there's always room for improvement and just because we haven't committed one of the major sins in life doesn't mean we shouldn't come to confession for the little things. i know there is always room for improvement in life but this really got me thinking of what else i need to confess and how i thought i have been such a good person for awhile now but it kind of slapped that idea out of my head. i find it confusing how church can be so helpful but twisted just right to make you feel guilty or put you back in your not so might place. i'm sure it's all in how a person perceives it but it has got me thinking.