Thanks for all of the advice. I will keep trying and take all of these suggestions seriously.
Now, on to the other things and the program.
Peace.
Sex
Joe just a question here and if you are done with this topic that is fine too but are you saying you have no chemistry between the two of you and if you feel like she is like a sister/mother have you ever had chemistry. Just a question trying to look at it from a different angle that is all. Hey ladies I wish you would talk to most husbands you all have awesome advice on how to make a girl feel special and it sounds like you communicated that well to all your hubbys awesome ladies.
Well Joe if you want to talk about that part of things too we can. If not take care and good luck with things with your family.
God bless
Mimi
Well Joe if you want to talk about that part of things too we can. If not take care and good luck with things with your family.
God bless
Mimi
Good topic – thanks Joe. Dan Savage, you’re not on this list, by chance? Could use your help here…☺
I understand how you feel. I don’t know anyone, male or female, who’s satisfied with a sex life wherein their lover/spouse only wants it every other blue moon, and even then only out of a sense of necessity, for relationship maintenance. Not exactly a recipe for making one feel sexy. Very much a recipe for low self-esteem, resentment, and anxiety, especially if it’s giving rise to feelings of straying and the fear of harming one’s relationship/marriage/family.
My girlfriend of 7 years and I had a lull for a time, but it was a time marked with a lot of stress and uncertainty. The sex life improved dramatically once we listened to one another, came to be more supportive of each other, and started seeing each other as a source of relief in this hectic life (rather than just another element of the hecticness, or hecticity, or whatever). As the cliché goes, foreplay begins long before the bedroom.
I’m no therapist, but my understanding is that the solution to this begins with communicating with your spouse, and having good communication in general. If I may ask, why is counseling out of the question?
I understand how you feel. I don’t know anyone, male or female, who’s satisfied with a sex life wherein their lover/spouse only wants it every other blue moon, and even then only out of a sense of necessity, for relationship maintenance. Not exactly a recipe for making one feel sexy. Very much a recipe for low self-esteem, resentment, and anxiety, especially if it’s giving rise to feelings of straying and the fear of harming one’s relationship/marriage/family.
My girlfriend of 7 years and I had a lull for a time, but it was a time marked with a lot of stress and uncertainty. The sex life improved dramatically once we listened to one another, came to be more supportive of each other, and started seeing each other as a source of relief in this hectic life (rather than just another element of the hecticness, or hecticity, or whatever). As the cliché goes, foreplay begins long before the bedroom.
I’m no therapist, but my understanding is that the solution to this begins with communicating with your spouse, and having good communication in general. If I may ask, why is counseling out of the question?
Well just goofed up that post so I'll try again. Glad to see all the comments you got Joe. Also glad to see you'll be doing your program. Please get back to us on how EVERYTHING is going. Just wondering, do you have a relationship with God. God wants intimacy with us. Into me see. See the longing of God's heart, to be with us. The longing of our hearts, feelings and emotions. Is it any different with husband and wife? Same thing: Intimacy= into me see. Take time to really know one another. God bless you with intimacy. 
Mimi - There is a lack of chemistry. It was once there but that was years ago. Now she does not like to be touched and is rarely in the mood. I communicated about this numerous times. BTW, to all of the other ladies, I dod EVERYTHING around the house, make lots of money, and am always thoughtful. I threw her a 40th b-day party with 100 guests. I buy flowers flirt, - everything. I am handsome and in shape. What else do I have to do?
Xophe,
Thank you for the great response as well. She definitely has anxiety issues and her parents have one of the strangest relationships I have ever seen. She is dead set against therapy and only recently accepted the fact that I go.
It truly is a recipe for low self-esteem, resentment, and anxiety.
Xophe,
Thank you for the great response as well. She definitely has anxiety issues and her parents have one of the strangest relationships I have ever seen. She is dead set against therapy and only recently accepted the fact that I go.
It truly is a recipe for low self-esteem, resentment, and anxiety.
Yeah Joe I understand that lack of chemistry t makes it tough for sure and I do get that it makes your self esteem go down the toilet. Trust me I totally understand. Can I ask why she won't go to therapy and does she realize you feel this strongly about what is going on with the two of you, and how it makes you feel aweful about yourself esteem ?? Do you know why the chemistry changed any reason you can think of on either part ie: maybe kids or busy etc.. How old are your kids Joe ?
Sorry I sound like a therapist lol I am not just trying to see if I can help from a womans point of view. You don't have to answer that stuff it you don't want to no problem. You were saying her parents have a strange marriage sometimes that can be an issue my husbands parents relationship sucks and my mom and dad were married for 50 years and had an awesome relationship. I am sure for my husband and I (we don't have a marriage at all) that has been an issue for sure.
Anyway if you want to chat more about it I am here to talk I know how aweful it can be when someone is not feelin it. I hope I haven't been to forward with my questions that is not my intention at all, just here to help if I can.
Take care
Mimi
Sorry I sound like a therapist lol I am not just trying to see if I can help from a womans point of view. You don't have to answer that stuff it you don't want to no problem. You were saying her parents have a strange marriage sometimes that can be an issue my husbands parents relationship sucks and my mom and dad were married for 50 years and had an awesome relationship. I am sure for my husband and I (we don't have a marriage at all) that has been an issue for sure.
Anyway if you want to chat more about it I am here to talk I know how aweful it can be when someone is not feelin it. I hope I haven't been to forward with my questions that is not my intention at all, just here to help if I can.
Take care
Mimi
joe.
first off.....thats fabulous that you do all those things....thats wonderfull....sounds like you got it together. But this is all about YOU.
What you do......what about her. What is her response to this? And why? Sincerely get to the heart of that. If shes anxious....then you know the mental hell that can put us through be kind be gentle be patient......you know as well as we do if we could turn off anxiety it would be gone ***snap**** just like that. It may not be about you....it may not be what you dont do or what you do do.....help her.
That girl you fell in love with that had that sparkle is still in there.....fight for whats important to you and it cant just be sex.
Dodger
first off.....thats fabulous that you do all those things....thats wonderfull....sounds like you got it together. But this is all about YOU.
What you do......what about her. What is her response to this? And why? Sincerely get to the heart of that. If shes anxious....then you know the mental hell that can put us through be kind be gentle be patient......you know as well as we do if we could turn off anxiety it would be gone ***snap**** just like that. It may not be about you....it may not be what you dont do or what you do do.....help her.
That girl you fell in love with that had that sparkle is still in there.....fight for whats important to you and it cant just be sex.
Dodger
Sorry Joe I misunderstood I didn't realize your wife had an anxiety disorder I thought it was you who was having anxiety over these problems and that is what brought on your anxiety. I apologize for the mistake. If you wife has an anxiety disorder than that could be alot of the problem b/c she is not feeling like herself.
Take care
Mimi
Take care
Mimi
-
bevhembree
- Posts: 275
- Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2007 10:44 am
Joe, Congratulations on being such a great husband! I guess it kinda did look like alot of us made suggestions that you try harder like you might not be doing enough. I hope there was no offense taken.
I guess chemistry does fade over the years, though your wants and needs don't. Once our counselor had us make a sex date and commit to sex on a certain day of the week at a certain time no matter what. Dr. Laura, who I used to listen to alot, said sometimes one person might not be in the mood, but once they get started they relax and enjoy themselves. Not to put the burden back on your shoulders, but is there anything that she really likes that would change it from her just wanting to get it over with. Would she be willing to watch a video with you or perhaps use a toy or cream for her extra pleasure? Please keep going to counseling for this and we'll keep praying for the two of you. Plus, this program will help a lot. Beverly
I guess chemistry does fade over the years, though your wants and needs don't. Once our counselor had us make a sex date and commit to sex on a certain day of the week at a certain time no matter what. Dr. Laura, who I used to listen to alot, said sometimes one person might not be in the mood, but once they get started they relax and enjoy themselves. Not to put the burden back on your shoulders, but is there anything that she really likes that would change it from her just wanting to get it over with. Would she be willing to watch a video with you or perhaps use a toy or cream for her extra pleasure? Please keep going to counseling for this and we'll keep praying for the two of you. Plus, this program will help a lot. Beverly
"Here and happy because of my three little angels- Marie, Chad and Cady."
Mimi - I have the anxiety problem. I think my wife does but will not do anything about it. Thanks for your help.
Dodger - I don't understand where you are coming from. If it was just about ME, I would be off having some fun with another woman. Your input is counterproductive.
Beverly - THANK YOU. Your insight and coaching gives me hope and I will heed your advice.
Dodger - I don't understand where you are coming from. If it was just about ME, I would be off having some fun with another woman. Your input is counterproductive.
Beverly - THANK YOU. Your insight and coaching gives me hope and I will heed your advice.