i have recently been havingi a lot of anxiety and panic attacks at work. I am a teacher and do not really have the ability to just leave my classroom. I also feel very pressured to remain calm in front of my class. I know that I am bringing the panic on myself and I know that it is only anxiety and that it can't hurt me, but it seems incredibly hard to stop it. I have been told a lot about staying in the "precious, present moment" but right now it seems that most of my moments are filled with major anxiety, someplace I don't want to be. I feel like screaming, crying and running out of my classroom most of the day and now I am starting to bring these anxious feelings home with me too.
I realized today that the CDs say that everytime you get through a panic attack, you should feel good about getting through it and that the more often you get through them, the less frequently they will come. I am having the opposite experience. Every time I get through one, I dread having to go through it again.
I actually feel like I am going backward instead of forward.
I also seem to feel lately that I am daring myself to have an anxiety attack at work. It's almost like I say to myself "What are you going to do if you have a panic attack, go ahead, I dare you to have one right now to see if you can deal with it." And of course, I have one.
I know that I am rambling, but I definitely need some advice. What am I doing wrong? I welcome any comments.
Thanks,
Maureen
Having alot of trouble at work
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Guest
You teach? That's so great:)! I wish you could give yourself credit for that because there was a time in my life when I had that opportunity and completely chickened out:)! You're doing so great to even be able to do that to begin with!
I don't know all of the dynamics. I don't know how you feel about your job, etc., but I can see where being in front of a lot of people and having to constantly appear like you are in control and be responsible would be scary. Please find out how much of that pressure is coming from within yourself instead of outside of yourself and that may help. I don't know if I can give much advice, but I will try. First of all, please remember that you are not trapped. It looks like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Can you remember that your profession is a choice and would remembering why you made that choice help? What do you love about your job and being a teacher? Remember why it's your passion, and why you chose the profession:)! If it's a job you are not enjoying for whatever reason, be honest with yourself about it. Having anxious thoughts can definitely be a distraction to underlying job dissatisfaction that you may not feel you have the right to voice or look at. Do you feel pressure to do this job from other people? Is the work environment stressful, etc.? If it is stressful, do the benefits outweigh the negative aspects? These are some issues you may want to look at. I mean investing in at least four years of education and meeting a lot of stringent requirements to enter the profession, etc. would make anyone not want to know the truth about their unhappiness with the job. Sometimes, this can come out in the form of anxiety, so I just think it's worth considering. I know that I have 45 graduate hours in social work, and the program was horrendously stressful. I just got to this point where I went, "Hey, this is college. I chose this! That's the benefit of getting an education! The social work teachers didn't come and grab me off the street at gun point and make me go to graduate school!" This thought made me realize that I didn't feel like I chose this career path, and if I felt so horrible that I felt like I didn't choose it, then that wasn't the career path for me. I am not saying that is the case with you though, but looking at it may help. Also, when you teach, are you highly structured and a perfectionist? Maybe relaxing some of those tendencies would help. There's just so much pressure in the teaching profession to be the best. Have the best lesson plan, and be perfect. It really is a bunch of bologna! Of course you want to do a good job, but do you know the burn out rate is higher for teachers who made A's in college compared to those who made lower grades? It's because the A students put too much pressure on themselves, and lower graded teachers are more relaxed and in it for the long haul. I just sense that you have some very high standards, and lowering them may make your job way more enjoyable. You really can get away with less:). It is possible. Try it. I know a lot of structure makes for a good classroom in regards to discipline, but in the areas of your lesson plan, do you incorporate some less rigid and fun activities? I don't know what you teach or what age, but it may even be possible for you to incorporate some relaxation time in your classroom:). Maybe that would help you, and the class:). Also, I've just never met anyone with anxiety who's actually run off screaming, crying, etc. I've had some pretty bad anxiety, and it's just never happened. It's just not going to happen for you. If you had to leave your class because of anxiety, you would just excuse yourself as being sick and another teacher would come in your room and take over. It just wouldn't be the big deal that you think it would. If that happened every day, then it would be that there is something else going on regarding job satisfaction or your confidence level about doing the job, and that would be the heart of the matter.
You are not going backwards. I understand your confusion about how you are daring yourself to have panic attacks and that it doesn't make you feel stronger. There is a book called, "Don't Panic" where the author asserts that exposure to panic attacks makes them go away. I don't believe that for many reasons, and I have had enough panic attacks to know that isn't true, and they will never feel good. We all will always have the fight or flight mechanism in our bodies and we need that to survive. The focus should be on coping, and not making yourself have attacks. The point is to know how to cope so well that you actually don't have panic attacks, and if you have one, you aren't afraid of it and can come down faster because of your coping skills. That's the focus-the coping. Panic attacks don't feel good, but the point about exposure is to see that you are the one who is causing your own panic attacks, and you have admitted you are, so instead of causing them with your thinking, use your thinking to keep yourself calm. Don't make yourself have them just to have them. That shouldn't be the focus. The focus should be on living your life and accomplishing your dreams:). Quit daring yourself to have one, and start daring yourself to be calm, relaxed, and peaceful. Again, you are doing what I have not done, so it is hard for me to give advice, but hopefully something in here helps. And just knowing that you are already an accomplished and brave person in my eyes, and most likely the eyes of others around you may help.
Take Care
I don't know all of the dynamics. I don't know how you feel about your job, etc., but I can see where being in front of a lot of people and having to constantly appear like you are in control and be responsible would be scary. Please find out how much of that pressure is coming from within yourself instead of outside of yourself and that may help. I don't know if I can give much advice, but I will try. First of all, please remember that you are not trapped. It looks like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Can you remember that your profession is a choice and would remembering why you made that choice help? What do you love about your job and being a teacher? Remember why it's your passion, and why you chose the profession:)! If it's a job you are not enjoying for whatever reason, be honest with yourself about it. Having anxious thoughts can definitely be a distraction to underlying job dissatisfaction that you may not feel you have the right to voice or look at. Do you feel pressure to do this job from other people? Is the work environment stressful, etc.? If it is stressful, do the benefits outweigh the negative aspects? These are some issues you may want to look at. I mean investing in at least four years of education and meeting a lot of stringent requirements to enter the profession, etc. would make anyone not want to know the truth about their unhappiness with the job. Sometimes, this can come out in the form of anxiety, so I just think it's worth considering. I know that I have 45 graduate hours in social work, and the program was horrendously stressful. I just got to this point where I went, "Hey, this is college. I chose this! That's the benefit of getting an education! The social work teachers didn't come and grab me off the street at gun point and make me go to graduate school!" This thought made me realize that I didn't feel like I chose this career path, and if I felt so horrible that I felt like I didn't choose it, then that wasn't the career path for me. I am not saying that is the case with you though, but looking at it may help. Also, when you teach, are you highly structured and a perfectionist? Maybe relaxing some of those tendencies would help. There's just so much pressure in the teaching profession to be the best. Have the best lesson plan, and be perfect. It really is a bunch of bologna! Of course you want to do a good job, but do you know the burn out rate is higher for teachers who made A's in college compared to those who made lower grades? It's because the A students put too much pressure on themselves, and lower graded teachers are more relaxed and in it for the long haul. I just sense that you have some very high standards, and lowering them may make your job way more enjoyable. You really can get away with less:). It is possible. Try it. I know a lot of structure makes for a good classroom in regards to discipline, but in the areas of your lesson plan, do you incorporate some less rigid and fun activities? I don't know what you teach or what age, but it may even be possible for you to incorporate some relaxation time in your classroom:). Maybe that would help you, and the class:). Also, I've just never met anyone with anxiety who's actually run off screaming, crying, etc. I've had some pretty bad anxiety, and it's just never happened. It's just not going to happen for you. If you had to leave your class because of anxiety, you would just excuse yourself as being sick and another teacher would come in your room and take over. It just wouldn't be the big deal that you think it would. If that happened every day, then it would be that there is something else going on regarding job satisfaction or your confidence level about doing the job, and that would be the heart of the matter.
You are not going backwards. I understand your confusion about how you are daring yourself to have panic attacks and that it doesn't make you feel stronger. There is a book called, "Don't Panic" where the author asserts that exposure to panic attacks makes them go away. I don't believe that for many reasons, and I have had enough panic attacks to know that isn't true, and they will never feel good. We all will always have the fight or flight mechanism in our bodies and we need that to survive. The focus should be on coping, and not making yourself have attacks. The point is to know how to cope so well that you actually don't have panic attacks, and if you have one, you aren't afraid of it and can come down faster because of your coping skills. That's the focus-the coping. Panic attacks don't feel good, but the point about exposure is to see that you are the one who is causing your own panic attacks, and you have admitted you are, so instead of causing them with your thinking, use your thinking to keep yourself calm. Don't make yourself have them just to have them. That shouldn't be the focus. The focus should be on living your life and accomplishing your dreams:). Quit daring yourself to have one, and start daring yourself to be calm, relaxed, and peaceful. Again, you are doing what I have not done, so it is hard for me to give advice, but hopefully something in here helps. And just knowing that you are already an accomplished and brave person in my eyes, and most likely the eyes of others around you may help.
Take Care
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Guest
Wow, what a great response. I appreciate the time you took to read my post and respond in such a thoughtful way. You gave good advice and pointed out alot of things that I need to consider. I am sitting here getting ready to leave for work and will think about your comments today. I will let you know how it goes!
Thanks again
Maureen
Thanks again
Maureen