Hello all, Let me state that I have never seen such a great group of understanding people as the ones on the Community site.
With that said, I have been unemployed for almost 5 months. I left a job of 2 years because of stress. Before that, I left an unfulfilling job of 15 years because of stress & anxiety. At one point, I felt I could land on my feet. Time, age and lack of direction has snuck up and bitten me. After, being jobless for 2 months I started the program, I felt better initially. I am to session 5, I feel I hit a wall. So many negatives have popped up that it has just devestated me. I receive calls and tips on jobs then they go unfulfilled. It is like somebody is teasing me for no good reason. I sense people around me are losing patience with me and so have I. I hate feeling this way. The longer I go with this condition the more locked into an anxiety ridden world I become.
I listen and listen to my sessions, do the work book, but when you are not providing for your family it is hard to get a focus. Instead of trying to heal myself, all my extra time is spent trying to find a job. I felt that the anti-dpressants that I am on have plateaued. My physcian, wants me to stay on them or up them. I have had such a surge of negative thoughts that it has paralyzed me to the point that I almost become mentally comatose. I have even begun having, thoughts of how my family would get along if I were not around. I had a long talk with my wife about just walking away. That if I cannot be productive or add value to anyone's life, I will just disappear.
My wife say's that everyone is praying for us. I said what are they praying for? Tell them to stop if this is the result!! I am sorry. I have always built positive energy from positive steps. When the positives don't show up often enough, it just knocks you into the ground. If anyone can give me some assistance or moral support I would greatly appreciate it. I just can't believe this is happening to me. Life continues on and I am not a part of it. I have so much to offer, but feel incappable of reversing my decent. Yes, I do trust in the Lord. Unfortunately I don't know if he trust's me. Help!!!!!
Unemployed, Going Backward?
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Guest
I am so sorry that you are having a hard time. I am not the main provider of my family so I can't imagine the pressure you must be under. I have a ten year old son who has severe autism so that is something that, as a mother, I always feel a tremendous amount of responsibility for, and when I have severe anxiety, I have the most guilt when I feel I am not being the best mother I can be for him.
I can tell you that two years ago, I came on this board in very desperate circumstances. I can tell you that this past month, I have gone places and done things that I haven't done in years:). I can tell you that, unfortunately, some times things just take time, and just because you go backward before you go forward doesn't mean you will never go forward. Anxiety is something that passes through you. It is not who you are. You will not be stuck in a constant state of anxiety forever. You will change. There's a saying, "While you are waiting for your ship to come in, you have to build your dock." Maybe if you can look at it that way. It really looks like you are doing all that you can regarding medication and this program, and it will take time to really internalize everything. Also, adding a good therapist to the mix can help some people, and it did help me, but learning that I am the one who controls my thinking, and that I can be my safe person because God really does value me and love me as He does every person on this planet helped me. God does trust you, but it looks like it is you who doesn't trust yourself right now. He wants to work through you, and His word says that he actually works through us when we are the most weak:)! In the mean time, what are some of your options regarding employment? Is it possible to get disability to provide for your family to take the pressure off? This does not mean that you have to do this forever, but it just seems like you need something to take the pressure off of you because instead being a motivator and source of inspiration having to provide for your family is serving as a reason for you to beat yourself up. Can you get a paper route, or something small to do to make some extra money from home knowing that this will not be something you will be doing forever? If the help and options are there, please take them, and work on not feeling guilty for it. Anxiety is a weakness, and there is not a person alive who doesn't have a weakness. However, just because you have anxiety, doesn't mean that YOU are weak. You have nothing to feel ashamed for, and I imagine that you are putting more pressure on yourself than anyone.
Also, you are mentioning God. I really think that my view of God as compassionate, loving, and a source of peace no matter what the circumstances is really helping me. I think that's one of the biggest lessons God wants to teach us. Of course, none of us wants to be in desperate circumstances, and God does want us to ask for better circumstances, but at the same time, it is so comforting to be able to feel God's love inside no matter what the circumstances outside. I have a few quotes from Christian books that may help. All of these come from Christian books for women, but I think they can apply to males too:). The first is a Quiet Times for Mothers by Julia Graham. The lesson is titled, Limitations. The scripture is 2 Corinthians 12:8-9. "I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me, and He said to me, 'My grace is enough for you, because My power is made perfect in weakness.' I will have pride in my weaknesses and have joy because of them, so Christ's power can be in me." This doesn't mean that your circumstances will not get better, but it just means that while you are waiting you still have value and purpose and you are an asset to your family. I am sure that they don't want you to walk away or not be here because God is using you even right now when you don't think much of yourself. You can be assured that God loves you, and is with you, and wants to comfort you. Another long quote from the lesson is this "Know who you are and accept yourself. Don't covet someone else's abilities, but recognize your own assets and use them. Also accept your limitations. God doesn't ask you to account for what you don't have. Isn't that a relief? The Lord puts less pressure on us than anyone in the world, because He knows us as we really are."(Sara Abram 66) "In my attempts to promote the comfort of my family, the quiet of my spirit has been disturbed...a placid face and a gentle tone will make my family more happy than anything else I can do for them." (Elizabeth T. King 67) This means that if you are beating yourself up for not providing financially for your family, you are not helping them. They want you to feel better more than anything so don't focus on what you are not doing for them. Your presence does more for them then you realize. The final quote comes from a book called "What Women Want: The Life You Crave and How God Satisfies", and the quote is written by Katie Brazelton. "Forgetting the past so that we can press on toward the future isn't an instant, one-step event; it is a multifaceted process. Psychologists tell us that we really can't forget something (except through dangerous repression of it) until we have experienced some type of healing. So before we launch full-steam ahead down the pathway to purpose, we need to allow healing to be a legitimate life focus for a period of time. It really is okay to give yourself permission to slow your pursuit of purpose in order to concentrate on healing and to put behind you whatever could overwhelm or immobilize you on the journey ahead."(207)
I hope something in here has helped you. I know that it's not fun, but you really can get better. Please just work on accepting and loving yourself no matter what your performance is. Please understand that your family and God loves you unconditionally, and you can love yourself the same way. Once you get that internalized, you really will get better.
God Bless You
I can tell you that two years ago, I came on this board in very desperate circumstances. I can tell you that this past month, I have gone places and done things that I haven't done in years:). I can tell you that, unfortunately, some times things just take time, and just because you go backward before you go forward doesn't mean you will never go forward. Anxiety is something that passes through you. It is not who you are. You will not be stuck in a constant state of anxiety forever. You will change. There's a saying, "While you are waiting for your ship to come in, you have to build your dock." Maybe if you can look at it that way. It really looks like you are doing all that you can regarding medication and this program, and it will take time to really internalize everything. Also, adding a good therapist to the mix can help some people, and it did help me, but learning that I am the one who controls my thinking, and that I can be my safe person because God really does value me and love me as He does every person on this planet helped me. God does trust you, but it looks like it is you who doesn't trust yourself right now. He wants to work through you, and His word says that he actually works through us when we are the most weak:)! In the mean time, what are some of your options regarding employment? Is it possible to get disability to provide for your family to take the pressure off? This does not mean that you have to do this forever, but it just seems like you need something to take the pressure off of you because instead being a motivator and source of inspiration having to provide for your family is serving as a reason for you to beat yourself up. Can you get a paper route, or something small to do to make some extra money from home knowing that this will not be something you will be doing forever? If the help and options are there, please take them, and work on not feeling guilty for it. Anxiety is a weakness, and there is not a person alive who doesn't have a weakness. However, just because you have anxiety, doesn't mean that YOU are weak. You have nothing to feel ashamed for, and I imagine that you are putting more pressure on yourself than anyone.
Also, you are mentioning God. I really think that my view of God as compassionate, loving, and a source of peace no matter what the circumstances is really helping me. I think that's one of the biggest lessons God wants to teach us. Of course, none of us wants to be in desperate circumstances, and God does want us to ask for better circumstances, but at the same time, it is so comforting to be able to feel God's love inside no matter what the circumstances outside. I have a few quotes from Christian books that may help. All of these come from Christian books for women, but I think they can apply to males too:). The first is a Quiet Times for Mothers by Julia Graham. The lesson is titled, Limitations. The scripture is 2 Corinthians 12:8-9. "I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me, and He said to me, 'My grace is enough for you, because My power is made perfect in weakness.' I will have pride in my weaknesses and have joy because of them, so Christ's power can be in me." This doesn't mean that your circumstances will not get better, but it just means that while you are waiting you still have value and purpose and you are an asset to your family. I am sure that they don't want you to walk away or not be here because God is using you even right now when you don't think much of yourself. You can be assured that God loves you, and is with you, and wants to comfort you. Another long quote from the lesson is this "Know who you are and accept yourself. Don't covet someone else's abilities, but recognize your own assets and use them. Also accept your limitations. God doesn't ask you to account for what you don't have. Isn't that a relief? The Lord puts less pressure on us than anyone in the world, because He knows us as we really are."(Sara Abram 66) "In my attempts to promote the comfort of my family, the quiet of my spirit has been disturbed...a placid face and a gentle tone will make my family more happy than anything else I can do for them." (Elizabeth T. King 67) This means that if you are beating yourself up for not providing financially for your family, you are not helping them. They want you to feel better more than anything so don't focus on what you are not doing for them. Your presence does more for them then you realize. The final quote comes from a book called "What Women Want: The Life You Crave and How God Satisfies", and the quote is written by Katie Brazelton. "Forgetting the past so that we can press on toward the future isn't an instant, one-step event; it is a multifaceted process. Psychologists tell us that we really can't forget something (except through dangerous repression of it) until we have experienced some type of healing. So before we launch full-steam ahead down the pathway to purpose, we need to allow healing to be a legitimate life focus for a period of time. It really is okay to give yourself permission to slow your pursuit of purpose in order to concentrate on healing and to put behind you whatever could overwhelm or immobilize you on the journey ahead."(207)
I hope something in here has helped you. I know that it's not fun, but you really can get better. Please just work on accepting and loving yourself no matter what your performance is. Please understand that your family and God loves you unconditionally, and you can love yourself the same way. Once you get that internalized, you really will get better.
God Bless You
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Guest
Thank you Luv, your inspirational message helped enormously. It even brought a tear. I know their is a purpose for all that I am enduring. I guess it's my lack of patience that continues to complicate matters. I can't say enough to you though, in how thankful I was to read your post. I hope to re-read it often. You truly have a spiritual gift.
Thanks again for your help. You have a freind forever.
God Bless you and your family.
Thanks again for your help. You have a freind forever.
God Bless you and your family.
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Guest
No one can say they truly feel or understand the pressure that you have endured, but you have fought the battle and won to this point. It is not time to stop battling, as we all have a war to win. Being not able to provide for your family is very damning for most men and can be so debillatating, but just when you fell you have had enough and can't go on, we have to kick it into another gear and believe like you said , everything happens for a reason. Anything worth fighting for, as much as we do, will only make us a better and more prepared person to handle all that we must face in our lives. God Bless you and your beautiful family. You will succeed
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Guest
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Guest
Hi Denny,
I am now employed at home trying to get some things going I have chosen to do- a 'now or never' kind of deal. I left my employ in automotive because my lower back was giving me trouble due to the physical stresses involved in the job. To top that off the dealership I worked for put me under a lot of duress and it caused me a lot of anxiety over time. I sometimes worked 6 days a week and the management seemed to take some sick pleasure in putting people down, insulting and creating conflict within and among the employees. It's unreal that companies still exist today that harass and treat people so unbelievably bad but there still is. Before that I worked in other capacities and each company I worked for offered their own unique flavors of stress and ridiculousness.
We do not have children and my wife does support me in what I am trying to accomplish. I have a certain time limit and if this fails then the worst thing is that I’ll have to seek employment out of the home. I am struggling badly with the ‘stay at home’ thing and I’m under more pressure and stress now than I ever realized I would feel in this situation. I too am battling negative thoughts that keep popping up. And yes they are very, very harsh thoughts. Here I am now trying to work on making a living on my own terms and I also am battling anxiety and trying to rework the program and it’s tough. If anything I feel like I’m sliding backwards with all the progress I had made a few short years ago when my anxiety got bad.
The one thing I know is this: You cannot solve a problem at the same level of thinking that caused it to begin with. My answer to this was to take a leap of faith on something that may or may not work out. If my stay at home employment doesn’t pan out then it must mean I’m destined to do something else. Part of this journey of faith is to understand that ‘walking away’ is not an option because you will still be here in the present moment and your problems will only transmute into another form. If anything I feel far from perfect about where I am today. This has provoked anxiety in me and there are many times I feel like my wife would be better off about me too. But, if I did walk away, where would I go? What would it resolve? I have no choice but to face myself and my life ‘as is’ and accept and keep moving on. Because if this is as bad as things can get for me then there is certainly a lot of upward potential for me too. Life is always moving on and it doesn’t leave anyone behind. You are here and a part of it. Refuse to let anything get you down and don’t give up. If I can do this so can you!
I am now employed at home trying to get some things going I have chosen to do- a 'now or never' kind of deal. I left my employ in automotive because my lower back was giving me trouble due to the physical stresses involved in the job. To top that off the dealership I worked for put me under a lot of duress and it caused me a lot of anxiety over time. I sometimes worked 6 days a week and the management seemed to take some sick pleasure in putting people down, insulting and creating conflict within and among the employees. It's unreal that companies still exist today that harass and treat people so unbelievably bad but there still is. Before that I worked in other capacities and each company I worked for offered their own unique flavors of stress and ridiculousness.
We do not have children and my wife does support me in what I am trying to accomplish. I have a certain time limit and if this fails then the worst thing is that I’ll have to seek employment out of the home. I am struggling badly with the ‘stay at home’ thing and I’m under more pressure and stress now than I ever realized I would feel in this situation. I too am battling negative thoughts that keep popping up. And yes they are very, very harsh thoughts. Here I am now trying to work on making a living on my own terms and I also am battling anxiety and trying to rework the program and it’s tough. If anything I feel like I’m sliding backwards with all the progress I had made a few short years ago when my anxiety got bad.
The one thing I know is this: You cannot solve a problem at the same level of thinking that caused it to begin with. My answer to this was to take a leap of faith on something that may or may not work out. If my stay at home employment doesn’t pan out then it must mean I’m destined to do something else. Part of this journey of faith is to understand that ‘walking away’ is not an option because you will still be here in the present moment and your problems will only transmute into another form. If anything I feel far from perfect about where I am today. This has provoked anxiety in me and there are many times I feel like my wife would be better off about me too. But, if I did walk away, where would I go? What would it resolve? I have no choice but to face myself and my life ‘as is’ and accept and keep moving on. Because if this is as bad as things can get for me then there is certainly a lot of upward potential for me too. Life is always moving on and it doesn’t leave anyone behind. You are here and a part of it. Refuse to let anything get you down and don’t give up. If I can do this so can you!
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Guest
denny4,
I read your post and was like you in 2004..as i read your post you said that you tired to heal yourself..i can not say that is possible if GOD healed me then he can do the same for you..when your wife said that we were praying for you we are..but you have to have faith that you will get better..not everyone beleives like we do. some rather go by their selves and its hard.i had panic and anxiety and agrophobia since a child and went through the program in 2004. in 2006 it finally left. after i had the skills and tools from the program to go on my journey..its hard to change what you used to do and think..sometimes some feel like it is easier to just be like they are rather then reach out and go for it..i think that you family understands what you are going through. especially your wife. you are not alone in this. alot of others are like that as well..if you walk away it will go with you and you will feel a loss of your family.
reach out to others for support and hang in there. in time you will be able to do things a little at a time..how do i know..i did it and so can you..keep praying and never say never and never give up...know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS.if you ever need to talk just give me a shout..doninva23605@yahoo.com
i will even call you or have you call me if you would like to talk..hang in there my friend we are there for you and will be with you through out the program and after as well..
don
I read your post and was like you in 2004..as i read your post you said that you tired to heal yourself..i can not say that is possible if GOD healed me then he can do the same for you..when your wife said that we were praying for you we are..but you have to have faith that you will get better..not everyone beleives like we do. some rather go by their selves and its hard.i had panic and anxiety and agrophobia since a child and went through the program in 2004. in 2006 it finally left. after i had the skills and tools from the program to go on my journey..its hard to change what you used to do and think..sometimes some feel like it is easier to just be like they are rather then reach out and go for it..i think that you family understands what you are going through. especially your wife. you are not alone in this. alot of others are like that as well..if you walk away it will go with you and you will feel a loss of your family.
reach out to others for support and hang in there. in time you will be able to do things a little at a time..how do i know..i did it and so can you..keep praying and never say never and never give up...know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and GOD BLESS.if you ever need to talk just give me a shout..doninva23605@yahoo.com
i will even call you or have you call me if you would like to talk..hang in there my friend we are there for you and will be with you through out the program and after as well..
don
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Guest
Thanks *D* and Sparkus. The power of prayer can do wonderful things. I appreciate the kind thoughts and words. I hope I have the stamina that you all have shown. I am going to re-read Session 3 and 4 to try and reset myself. God willing things will come into focus.
And Sparkus, I can relate with you. It is truly stunning how rude and inconsiderate business owners and managers can be to employee's. God willing if I ever have the opportunity to manage people or own a business. I will do everything in my power to make sure employee's work in a anxiety free environment. It can be done.
Thanks again for the support. One day at a time.
Thanks *D* for the e-mail, it gives me a great amount of comfort.
God Bless you.
And Sparkus, I can relate with you. It is truly stunning how rude and inconsiderate business owners and managers can be to employee's. God willing if I ever have the opportunity to manage people or own a business. I will do everything in my power to make sure employee's work in a anxiety free environment. It can be done.
Thanks again for the support. One day at a time.
Thanks *D* for the e-mail, it gives me a great amount of comfort.
God Bless you.