Is it OCD??

christinepsc · Post by **christinepsc** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:10 pm

I cannot stop thinking about my health and that I am dying, losing my mind, or going to have to go to a hospital. I am terrified of taking ANY meds. Not even tylenol or vitamins. Even medicated creams. I feel so sick in my head right now. I am ashamed of the person I have become. I have not felt this much anxiety I think in my life. I feel I have lost myself. These scary thoughts of cancers, brain, tumors, and whatnot are taking over my life!!! I miss my kids. I feel like such an aweful Mom and wife. Yes I guess I am depressed too. The anxiety is so bad that I have pain somewhere all the time. Right now I feel like I am choking. I have felt like this for a couple weeks now. I guess I am so tense. I just don't see how I am ever going to change. I have been through CBT, and one on one for years. I have had anxiety for many years. About 22 now. I am 35. All of my life. I can't travel. I WANT TO!!! I can walk outside alone or work but I am always uncomfortable and scared of the next panic attack. I am always anxious and my thoughts are always racing. I can't handle this. My GP wants me on effexor. I can't bring myself to do it. I can't swallow the pill. I have to be REALLY sick to take something like antibiotics.

I have learning disabilities and I have trouble concentrating. I wish I had the money to see someone to help me through this program but I just can't afford it. I know that sounds really bad that I can't put my mental health first but I can't.

I am able to see someone for five sessions through my employees assistant program at work. So I am going to try and see I he can help me get over my fear of taking medication. Who knows!

I think about my health ALL THE TIME. I monitor my symptoms. Any time I have an ache or pain it's cancer and I am dying or I have to have an operation. Is this OCD?

I am going to give myself a heart attack right?? argh!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. You don't even have to answer. I just needed to vent.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:30 pm

Christine
I completely understand. I use toconstantly worry about my health. I was always so sure I have something. When all of this started I was convinced I had a health problem that was killing me and that everyone knew what it was but me. I assumed they weren't telling me because they thought I couldn't handle it so I was going to die and not know why? I was wrong I now know it is and was anxiety. I feel like I am fighting for my life daily but it is getting better. I know nobody can take on this fight for me I HAVE TO DO IT. That was and is a struggle for me my husband is so confident and independent I was sure he could save me that I could just depend on him. Love yourself, take care of yourself. I know it is easier said than done. I struggle myself. You know have all of us here to help. Don't give up you are scaring yourself. Have you thought of trying a anti depressant to help[ you level out will you workon you?

Mary65 · Post by **Mary65** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:33 pm

Yes I am going to see a therapist to try and help me get over my fear of taking meds to try and get on something.

cynthiams · Post by **cynthiams** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:38 pm

Yeah, I've got OCD, too: Obsessive Cookie Disorder.

On a more serious note, look through Craigslist or Ebay for used copies of this program.

tmj81 · Post by **tmj81** » Sun Jan 13, 2008 3:41 pm

Hi Luckyme I do have the program. I got it off ebay many years ago. Have never finshed it or made it past session 4 or 5 I am starting fresh on week one now.