desperate....

[Angel38]

I have had the worst last 15 hours.. I seriously can't take anymore!!!! I need more help than I'm getting and I honestly don't know what to do to get that help. I'm doing all my work in the program and my physical and emotional symptoms are worse. I am not functioning. I've spent the last 15 hours or more in total terror. The kind of terror where I find myself thinking thoughts that are completely outside my normal personality, like, I wish I would not take my next breath...I can't handle any more fear...I wished I was strong enough to pick up the kitchen table and throw it around the room. All this either because a panic attack made my feel sick to my stomach and dizzy, or because feeling sick to my stomach and dizzy and being terrified of that, brought on a panic attack. I keep reading that panic attacks usually last only 10 minutes. Mine last for hours. I have been on meds before years and years ago when I was about 15 or 16. Now I'm 38. I'm in the best relationship of my life and I don't want to take the drugs again, as they made me a completely nasty person and modertely suicidal. I am sooooo afraid and soooooo ashamed to be like this in front of this wonderful man in my life. I know he is bewildered and concerned that it is his fault somehow.... I feel trapped by my terror and now Im afraid I will loose his respect and love too. I am tearing apart. Very desperate....can't hardly see how I will get through the next 2 minutes......omg what the he** is wrong with me !!!!
Does anyone have any thoughts on an excellent therapist in the central mass area. or something.....any suggestions. ? For I am loosing my mind and my faith in recovery...so sick of this soo very tired or feeling terrified and sick to my stomach.....something is not being addressed for recovery and I don't know what the missing part is but I need to find out quickly. I've so much I want to enjoy and do........Please please....soooo scared.

[0124vtd]

First of all. You are ok and you are going to get through this and be even better for it. You need to be talking to yourself in a more calm and relaxing way right now. In this message you are thinking very negatively and you need to change your negative way of thinking. You have to keep telling yourself over and over and over that you are going to be ok and that this is just anxiety and it will pass. There are alot of people that have panic attacks that last for hours. Try to focus on doing some 2-4 breathing and some progressive relaxation. I understand that that is all really hard to do right now but you have to try and try until it becomes second nature to you. I personally know how hard it is to do this in the midst of panic attack but after time it does work and becomes second nature. The positive self talk is really key here. I have a hard time believing the positive things but I just keep repeating them to myself and you do start to believe it and it really does work. You are going to be ok and all of these things are part of anxiety and they will not hurt you.