The Challenge...Lesson 5

[NinjaFrodo]

My goals today are acceptance, putting effort towards my skills and interupting negative habits. As long as I follow these goals, I will end up becoming that person I want to be and have that life I desire, that will be inevitable and I don't need to worry about it. I spend my time nourishing my mind and body with positive productive things.

The above quote is the one I came up with for this week

We are now on week 5 of the program or 1/3rd of the way there and I think we are all doing amazing! Do not get discouraged if you are not at the level you had hoped for or expected. We all grow at our own pace and it wouldn't be fair for anybody to start comparing. We are 1/3rd of the way through the information but that doesn't mean we have 2/3rds left of the program before we have to be recovered. Don't put that time limit on yourself to recover because it can make you more discouraged instead of more motivated!

We are all making some wonderful changes and things might seem really hard right now but keep pushing through and it'll get easier. Continue your efforts at making a great life for yourselves and lets continue to share our great experiences with each other and help each other grow!


heres a funny video to lighten everybody's spirit!

Eat It!



Mike

[mcshope]

It is official, I am sick... :p I got a cold or something, my son and my husband are going thru it too. So, I am going to take it easy and "work from bed"...
I will listen to lesson 5 and then I will post again.

I am sick but I don't feel miserable... I will take care of myself and I will get better.

[NinjaFrodo]

My goals today are acceptance, putting effort towards my skills and interupting negative habits. As long as I follow these goals, I will end up becoming that person I want to be and have that life I desire, that will be inevitable and I don't need to worry about it. I spend my time nourishing my mind and body with positive productive things.

Alright I think now is a great time to reflect on all the accomplishments and changes since we restarted the program. Something to build more motivation (you know cuz i don't have enough of it already )

My original goal that I posted when we first started was;

My purpose is to enjoy life more. I want to feel more excited about singing and hip-hop, I want to be more excited about other people and their excitement. I want to be able to share in the joys of others and I want to feel secure in any situation I am in. I'd like to be my biggest support and I'd like to live life the way that creates happiness and joy. I want to get out the cycle where I am focusing my whole life on just coping with anxiety and depression. I want to be the best that I can be and I want to help people on a very wide scale. I want to write books and do talks in front of 1000s of people. I want to make a lasting change in this world for the better, I want to inspire people to live the best kind of life they can and I want more love and understanding in this world.

I am in fact enjoying life more than I was back then, I am more excited about other people's excitement and its easier for me to share in the joy of others and I am feeling more secure in general. I am spending less time coping with the anxiety and depression and a bit more time doing the things I want to do. I am helping people and I feel that I'm more effective now more than ever and I'm definately inspiring people based on the responses I've gotten in the posts. I may not be to the point where my symptoms are gone and I can enjoy life without thinking of anxiety at all but I'm getting there.

I also fully get the 6 steps and am putting more effort into them then I did in the past with the other attempts through the program. I also realized I can use the 6 steps to handle obsessive thoughts and I have been able to defuse many obsessive thoughts that way.

I've realized that all the personality traits when it comes to socializing I already have in me already but the only thing that keeps them from being accessable is my anxiety.

I am learning to accept the anxiety more instead of fighting it.

I have realized that I have been pushing myself too hard and have taken steps to change this and now I don't push myself as much and I relax more. I spread out the self-help throughout the day instead of clumping it all together in one session. I also learned to pay attention to my own needs and do something about them.

I have gotten better at doing nothing and taking care of myself. Accepting my limitations and working with them. I also have noticed how I mentally drain my self as a secondary gain to avoid doing things and have taken steps to change that by saying if i'm going to faint then faint.

I realized that the exhaustion feeling is the same as Caroyln's Puddling feeling and it does not mean I am dying or going to stay that way forever.

I have figured out how to approach affirmations without thinking of them in the sense of all-or-nothing but how everytime I hear it I get better with those skills.

I realized 2 diffrent types of exhaustion and I realized how to handle both of them. I had gotten exhausted in a general way and instead of staying and dwelling on it, I took action and figured out how I can handle it.

I started to focus on the benefits of doing the things that I want or need to do instead of all the things I have to do, all the time it takes, how hard it will be and such. I'm still working on that one but I'm better than before with that. I get to clean my room and thats great because I feel more calm when i'm in a clean room.

I have also learned that I take things too seriously at times and have started to change how I respond to people when they joke towards me.

I have realized that a few people in the tapes have generalized anxiety and have gotten more hope that I can overcome the anxiety and depression.

I have lowered my expectations when it comes to my friends and how people respond to me. I didn't feel bad about myself when I saw a situation that seemed like 2 teenagers were laughing at me. I am also allowing for the idea of people coming into my life and out of my life and allowing for the possiblity of times where I don't see or talk to friends.

I have started to problem solve, make goals and plans of action of get the things or outcomes I want instead of just dwelling and feeling sorry for myself about the thigns I don't have.

I've become more productive and motivated in other areas of my life like cleaning.



I have taken to fix this rushed feeling. I have learned to tell myself that I enjoy taking my time and feel calm while doing it and breath through it and that has helped.

I have stopped expecting myself to keep everybody motivated. I am allowing everybody to move on their own terms and I do my stuff as well and post videos that might help everybody feel better about their efforts and themselves.

I have put myself in situations that are limitations for me and cause anxiety and I was able to survive through them.

I started to become less prejudgemental.

I learned my goals for the day were too big and so I lowered them to something alot more attainable and realistic.

I forgave myself for the problems with going to sleep when I feel tired. I forgave myself for not listening to my needs.

I realized the idea of recovery for me is very negative on keeps me constantly focused on everything that is wrong with me instead of focusing on the good things. I am more focused on improving the good personality traits I already have within me.


Overall I'm feeling more positive then I ever have, I have so much hope and my motivation increases more and more everyday. I want to cultivate great feelings and good personality traits and my optimism not just so i can reach some fixed state but because I want a great life. I still have a long way to go but I have made alot of accomplishments, I'm proud of myself and I know I will get to where I want to go.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Ok so after having that insight about recovery and making it a goal to work on personality traits I have decided to post about feelings. This information comes from one of Tony Robbins's programs. He talks about both the messages of negative feelings (which I feel is more appropriate in the anger section so next week's lesson) as well as cultivating the feelings you want. There are a list of 10 positive things he suggests in order to have a great life.

1)Love and warmth
->If you want to have close relationships and do the things that make you closer to other people then cultivate this.

2)Appreciative and Greatful
->If you want to feel good about what you have as opposed to what you don't have then cultivate this

3)Curiosity
->cultivate this and life becomes an unending study of joy

4)Excitement and Passion
->Makes everything great

5)Determination
->This helps with goals and when you are stuck in ruts.

6)Flexibility
->This comes into play when things don't go the way you want them to and unexpected problems come your way. It helps in situations when you need to change your perception, behavior and communication

7)Confidence
->You become willing to try things and you have faith in yourself (like when you tie your shoes you have faith that you can do it)

8)Cheerful
->This is when you feel happy and you tell your face about it. You feel happy on the inside and it shows on the outside and people want to be around you. This enhances your self-esteem and confidence and you won't need so many action signals anymore (he calls negative feelings as action signals)

9)Healthy
->This is a great way to make sure things bounce off. Practice the things you know that will make you feel healthy and vital on an ongoing basis and this will make it so you can handle everything better.

10)Contribution
->Life takes on a new deeper sense of meaning. Focus on these things everyday. These would be when you are contributing in other people lives and in the world.


To cultivate these rehearse in your mind these feelings over and over again, take some action on them (like with the health and contribution), watch movies that generate these feelings, surround yourself with people who radiate these things, do the things you love to do and put yourself in situations that improve on some of these things.


Maybe you could practice;
1)Warmth and love by looking at pictures of babies
2)Appreciative and greatfulness by thinking about all that you have like team Awesome!
3)Curiosity by asking yourself lots of questions about things you see in the world around you
4)Excitement and passion by doing things you really enjoy or watching other people do things they really enjoy
5)Determination by watching a movie with a very determined character
6)Flexibility by making goals and plans of action for them and encountering obsticals on the way
7)Confidence by visualizing how confident you are at doing something like tying your shoe
8)Cheerful by thinking about other people who are cheerful and asking yourself what does it feel like?
9)Healthy by exercising and eatting food that is good for your body
10)Contribution well we do that everyday when we post, give advice and encouragement



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

Oh you joined the club now eh. Seems like many people are getting sick these days. I'm sure you'll have some great experiences from getting sick! Maybe some really helpful insights!

Sure and I'll be ready to respond after you post...well maybe not right after but sometime after. Lesson 5 is one of those lessons I haven't really listened to that much. I think i've skipped it many times in the past because its one of my stronger ones.


Mike

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost, but I am moving in the right direction. I am in control of my life and thoughts. I am the one that creates my own anxiety and I can stop it also.

Well, here we are on the next lesson as I eat my chocolate


Hope

sorry to hear you arent feeling well.....take the time to relax and take care of you..... feel better soon


Mike

wow are you off to a great start.....I have to go back and look at my original goal so I can comment... bur wow have you come along way since I have joined the group....you self-confidence, self-control, and your belief in your self are all prospering
you really are making positive strides toward your goals....and your positivity is soooo motivational
Im so glad that you can actually see all the things that you have accomplished..you really are doing great!!

Thanks for sharing the 10 positives to a great life

Hope you have an excellent week-end!!

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost, but I am moving in the right direction. I am in control of my life and thoughts. I am the one that creates my own anxiety and I can stop it also.

all in all, not a bad day here....I was so exhausted still all day long.....I thought for sure that would stop me from staying positive....I didnt have the motivation to work-out so I decided to go outside late this morning and do some yard work...the sun was out and it was cool....I started raking some leaves and ended up mulching all the leaves in my back and front yard it was quite a workout and took me about 2 hours to complete, so I felt positive

pretty laid back afternoon, but the anxiety wasnt bad at all
had some negative thoughts about my ex a few times through-out the day, but quickly reminded myself he has his own issues to work out and that I am much healthier without him and the added stress in nmy life
this evening I did a bit of driving and actually felt a bit refreshed as the cool evening air did me some good

hope everyone has an enjoyable week-end!!

[NinjaFrodo]

Karen L;

Lol ya as you eat your chocolate and I eat my McDonalds!

Thank you. I think it is very good to evaluate our progress and to do it based on fact every once in awhile instead of evaluate our progress on a daily basis based on how we feel.

Yeah I agree and I hadn't really realized how far i've come until i went through all my posts through this trip through the program. It definately helped to make me feel better and I'm happy that you find it motivational because all of us can make this kinda of progress. For me it has taken 6 years but then again we all have diffrent speeds when it comes to overcoming this condition and we all have diffrent things we are dealing with.

I hope your weekend is great as well and great work today facing your limitations and being flexible with your working out.

You know I feel lonely at times myself and I know this might seem strange because I'm not a child anymore but I think I wanna get myself a stuffed toy, cuddle with it and hug it...I'm not going back to sucking my thumb though and I don't care if it makes me seem crazy!


Mike

[Karen L]

Mike

McDonalds lol ....you are too funny

my 12yo sleeps with me basically every night with her stuffed animals lol
and I sometimes menatally go to a place in my past that I loved....I was probably 3 or 4 and I would fall asleep in chuch with my mom's arm around me

I dont recommend the thumb sucking though lol

nite

[NinjaFrodo]

My goals today are acceptance, putting effort towards my skills and interupting negative habits. As long as I follow these goals, I will end up becoming that person I want to be and have that life I desire that will be inevitable and I don't need to worry about it. I spend my time nourishing my mind and body with positive productive things.

Friday;

Comment
So I remember Lucinda saying in lesson 4 something about possibly having unclear goals being unclear about what you want out of life. My whole focus before was on recovery recovery and recovery and not too much beyond that. That was definately unclear. However focusing on increasing my positive emotions, confidence, sense of security are pretty clear and I know that I want to get a job, get back into doing shiatsu, write a book. To get to that stage I'm going to work on those first things I mentioned with the confidence and such.

As I was doing some stuff to help my friend out I did start to realize with my exhaustion feelings that I was what-ifing about collapsing. So I don't think its effective enough to just use one method to handle these thoughts that surround the exhaustion.

Also thinking about my new goals one of the best ways to cultivate the positive emotions is to do fun and exciting things and watch fun and exciting shows. The first season of So you think you can dance Canada was really exciting for me to watch but for some reason I didn't let myself watch the 2nd season and I missed alot of this 3rd season. I haven't let myself do many fun things and watch fun things, dunno why. I think I'm going to get back into doing those fun things and watching the so you think you can dance...maybe all the diffrent versions.

Relaxation
1)Relaxation cd in the am;
Nothing too exciting to comment on this time. I used it and I felt calmer.

My day
I decided to come over to my friend's house to help him setup for a party he is having for his friend. I was feeling extremely exhausted when thinking about some of the things he asked of me which really weren't that big of a deal. It was really difficult to get through all the tasks even though it wasn't much and I didn't even need a brain to do them. I had alot of anxiety but I also had moments where it was fun as well. I guess I'm accepting the anxiety a bit more.

One thing I did was I took my friend's empty beer bottles to the beer store to get money back and also to pick up a case of beer. I had one of those confusion moments and I was going to just take out all the 6 pack cases of empty beer bottles and put them on that counter with all those wheels that you push the cases towards the cash and then I was like I should just take them out of the bags at the counter. I was having a hard time deciding and I probabbly looked really funny because I decided to go the one way and then to the other way and then back to the first way. It was kinda funny actually. Neways I decided to just go to the cash and take them all out. I did that and the guy asked if I wanted to pick something up and I guess I was still feeling anxious and I said Stella. There was a bit of a silence and the guy said A what of Stella? A can? A case? He even said it in a really rude way but It didn't matter to much to me. I said a case and he asked if I had id and I said no (I had left it at my friend's because the id is expired) so he said he couldn't sell it to me and I said thats fine. See in the past I would get really offended and feel extremely embarassed if someone said no to me for any reason. I would feel that as a personal rejection but not so much this time which was pretty cool and I didn't dwell on how the guy talked to me, it wasn't because of me that he had his rude attitude.

Later on when I got back to my friend's place we were just talking about the birthday party he was throwing for his friend and we were talking about how special the 30th birthday party is suppose to be and also about his birthday party which will be on the 15th of this month. I had a very very hard time listening to what he had to say, I got really jealous and I felt really sad and unloved. I always have to plan my birthday's and I don't have too many close friends that would do that for me, that made me feel sad and I also kept telling myself that I'm not going to have a good 30th bday party and that nobody will come because nobody loves me (my 30th isn't going to be until 2013 by the way) it was such a negative thought and I haven't felt such a strong sad feeling for awhile. He had also asked me if I would feel uncomfortable if he invited Evan to his birthday party. For those of you who don't know, that guy was being very inconsiderate with me by inviting my friends and friends he met through me to his party and not invite me and then tell me I'm being dramatic because I'm trying to talk to him about how that hurt me. We hadn't got into an argument or fight before that and he just started to invite me less and less. So I got upset about that and started to worry that I wouldn't enjoy myself and I'd just spend my time feeling really bitter. I did the thought replacement on paper and I did feel better so that was good. I wanted to listen to lesson 5 but that didn't happen. Oh well I can do it tomorrow.

Thought replacement
1)What-if I get so exhausted that I collapse?
[Fortune telling]
->I'm not going to collapse, I've never collapsed in my life and I've felt more exhausted than this before and I got through it. I'm going to take my time and I'll be alright, its no big deal.

2)Nobody will show up at my 30th birthday. Nobody loves me
[Fortune Telling, Overgeneralization]
->My 30th birthday isn't for another couple of years. Even if it were soon I would still have people come. I don't need tons of people there but lots can change in a couple of years especially when I'm making some really great progress. My worth however is not measured by how many people come to my birthday party.

3)I won't be able to handle seeing Evan at Mark's party. I will get very uncomfortable and bitter and I won't enjoy myself.
[Fortune Telling, All-Or-Nothing, Minimizing]
->I may feel somewhat uncomfy but I have such amazing skills in order to handle my thoughts about anything. I might feel strong feelings but I don't have to stay stuck in them and he definately won't be the only person there. I don't have to pay much attention to him at all. I can meet all the other people and enjoy their company.

4)Mark's friends got along with me both times when I was invited with him to a dinner party so they shouldn't ignore me on facebook.
[Should]
->It makes sense to me but I've already been told about the situation where they don't feel comfortable because they don't know how to take the relationship between Mark and I. They aren't doing this to upset me and it doesn't say anything about my worth. They are just 2 other humans on earth, they certainly aren't better then everybody else and I can certainly live without them. They aren't the air I breath.

5)Oh no I'm feeling really dizzy again, I can't go through this again.
[Magnification]
->It is just a symptom of anxiety. I got upset and obsessive and anxious so of course I felt that way. Its just anxiety, I'm going to float through it and it'll go away. I'm not dying, going crazy or going to faint, I'm ok.


Last final thing
You know In the older program (the one I got in 2004), the 6 steps were a little diffrent...at least the last one. Instead of let time pass it was to find humor in how you feel. I was helping my friend put up streamers and stuff and was feeling kind of panicky. I know nothing bad was going to happen but I still felt that way. Perhaps next time just for fun I might imagine the most rediculous outcome when I get panicy. For instance one of the ceiling decorations has a paper cake...I could imagine that it just spontaneously bursts into flames but these flames don't burn my friend's appartment down but just the ceiling and then skittles fall down but I can't eat them because they are sugar but then little leprachauns come and gather all the skittles in a golden pot. These lepracauns however have mental illness and can't really tell gold coins from skittles and then the paper presents that were also on the ceiling decorations burst open and animals come out and and we all dance and sing and have a gay old time (:P) Maybe I'm really going crazy!