In response to mcshope;
I think 2 days would work too.
Its a good field and there is much more hope revolving around alternative health therapies. Shiatsu was what I found.
Oh no I felt tons of anxiety when focusing on my tasks. I would feel like i was at a level 7 for most of the time but after I got near the end of the workout, I didn't feel as anxious. It was really a rollercoaster of anxiety and there were a few times where I felt really strongly that I needed to run away and rush things because I was afraid I would run out of energy and get exhausted.
Sounds like you might have a job. It is understandable to have anxiety and to have the what-if thoughts. Take it to the worst case senario, which is you would have to quit. Big deal! What-if you felt more comfortable handling your anxiety, what-if you become more confident and your self-esteem improved, What-if this was a key component to becoming fully recovered? What-if you meet alot of great people and have alot of fun there. Which one would you rather focus on?
What is it that you are really worried about? Your performance or that you might have to leave?
Mike
The Challenge...Lesson 4
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Yay JJ is here.
Ya I've wanted to prevent and solve medical problems of certain family members in my life as well. It also doesn't help me being a therapist and all but things do happen despite all our efforts and we just have to work with what life gives us. We do the best that we can and we try to make that other person's life as comfortable as we can when there is a serious health condition.
Good goals and what you talk about is refered to the shen in chinese medicinal theory. The shen is that little window to the soul and the presentness of a person. That sparkle in ones eyes shows that the person is there in the moment as opposed to dwelling on the past or some emotion. I'd like to have that myself actually.
Mike
Ya I've wanted to prevent and solve medical problems of certain family members in my life as well. It also doesn't help me being a therapist and all but things do happen despite all our efforts and we just have to work with what life gives us. We do the best that we can and we try to make that other person's life as comfortable as we can when there is a serious health condition.
Good goals and what you talk about is refered to the shen in chinese medicinal theory. The shen is that little window to the soul and the presentness of a person. That sparkle in ones eyes shows that the person is there in the moment as opposed to dwelling on the past or some emotion. I'd like to have that myself actually.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.
Sataurday; (Yay I passed the 2000 post mark!)
So I ended up staying at that friend's place that I cleaned his apartment. I had woke up a couple of times after certain dreams. I usually don't have dreams that I remember unless I have digestion issues going on. It was a really wierd dream where squirrels were stealing keys (I mean like the old keys that you'd expect to find in the 18 hundreds) and I was chasing them down and getting the keys back and skeletons throwing bones at my head. Is that a message that i'm being a bone head? I don't know.
So I mostly just hungout around his apartment with him. I drank 3 cups of tea with senna tea bags mixed with ginger tea bag just to help with the digestion. I am feeling really worried about this digestion and exhaustion thing. I haven't fallen back into how I was last week only because of the senna and the yukky seasalt water but instead of just dwelling on that and feeling all gloom and doom I actually did some problem solving and made a plan of action as to how to handle it. I broke it down into several goals that I wanted to address. 1)Deal with the excess mucus in the body 2)Increase BM frequency and consistency 3)Cleanse the liver 4)Tonify the spleen (chinese medicine basically increase the digestive functioning and increase the ability to get rid of mucus/decrease the production of it) 5)Increase immune system against external pathogens (colds and flus). I created a list of things I needed to do in order to accomplish these goals.
I also did the same thing with a couple other goals like getting better at hip-hop. I did such a good job and then realized later on that I had left it at my friend's house. Oh well, thats alright because I still remember some of the things.
I felt really anxious for alot of the day today and I'm wondering if its because of the digestive issue, the sleep problem or possibly beginning the day off eatting pancakes with maple syrup (even though it was pure maple syrup it still increase blood sugar level). I also had honey in with my tea. I kept having to remind myself that there is no emergency, I have this issue right now and I have no choice but to work with it.
I had replaced like 12 thoughts on paper today and was going to post them but I had also left my spiral notepad at my friend's place as well. I was feeling bad about that and disappointed in myself but hey stuff happens.
I posted a comment to Karen L and it was really interesting. I hadn't realized the stuff that I had posted until I was actually posting it. It was like something outside of myself was telling me what to type and put in the post and this does happen frequently but it was just like wow. It had a big impact on how I view things especially when it comes to how negative thoughts can be a good thing in relation to other people. It also made me more motivated to do the stop sign thing more.
Another cool thing which I forgot about yestaurday. I went to mcDonalds and ordered food for my friend and I and as I was getting straws and napkins and such there were 2 teenage boys laughing and one of them was turning around slightly and looking my direction while laughing. Now before that would have bothered me so much and I would have thought they are laughing at me and I'd feel bad about myself. I really didn't care so much this time and thought it really doesn't matter if they were laughing at me or not. People are going to laugh and many times people laugh at the stupidest things. I went again to mcDonalds today and people didn't even realize I was there. Same place, diffrent experience.
I still have tons of anxiety on a general level. Some days it is bad and other days it is easier.
Lesson 4 cd
I was listening to this again today and there waw 1 thing that I remember that ment alot to me. When Lucinda was talking about going on vacation the 2nd time and how she said no matter how things turn out, I'm going to make the most out of it. This was really big because what she is saying is basically whatever life throws at me, i'm going to work with it instead of against it. Fighting reality is what makes us more anxious because of our expectations with life itself. Life didn't follow our rules and it costs us our self-esteem. I want to and plan to make this like a game. Life throws me a situation and I'm going to figure out what I can do to make it work! I want to "make the most out of it" instead of responding the way she responded in the first vacation.
I also thought about a couple other things as well. When I get into an idea that something is going to help me to recover...I put all my belief into it (like how Lucinda says about how she told herself it would be the ultimate vacation) and I would tell myself this is it, this is what is going to make me recover! This was great for the first while because it gave me alot of motivation and energy which I put towards this new idea but then after awhile it wouldn't fulfill that expectation of mine, I would get discouraged and stop doing it all together. I think what would have been more appropriate would be to tell myself that this has the potential for really helping me out. I would have been more likely to continue going with it.
Lastly with facing my limitations and thinking of that in a more realistic way. I realized that it would be very unwise to try facing a limitation of mine on a day where I'm not feeling good or don't have the energy to put towards it, if I didn't have to face it. It would be wiser to do it when I have more energy, feel more rested and can really focus on the benefits of facing the limitation instead of feeling bad, dwelling on what I have to do and how bad I feel which would yes still work to face the limitations but I would be resenting myself more than feeling good for facing the limitation.
Mike
Sataurday; (Yay I passed the 2000 post mark!)
So I ended up staying at that friend's place that I cleaned his apartment. I had woke up a couple of times after certain dreams. I usually don't have dreams that I remember unless I have digestion issues going on. It was a really wierd dream where squirrels were stealing keys (I mean like the old keys that you'd expect to find in the 18 hundreds) and I was chasing them down and getting the keys back and skeletons throwing bones at my head. Is that a message that i'm being a bone head? I don't know.
So I mostly just hungout around his apartment with him. I drank 3 cups of tea with senna tea bags mixed with ginger tea bag just to help with the digestion. I am feeling really worried about this digestion and exhaustion thing. I haven't fallen back into how I was last week only because of the senna and the yukky seasalt water but instead of just dwelling on that and feeling all gloom and doom I actually did some problem solving and made a plan of action as to how to handle it. I broke it down into several goals that I wanted to address. 1)Deal with the excess mucus in the body 2)Increase BM frequency and consistency 3)Cleanse the liver 4)Tonify the spleen (chinese medicine basically increase the digestive functioning and increase the ability to get rid of mucus/decrease the production of it) 5)Increase immune system against external pathogens (colds and flus). I created a list of things I needed to do in order to accomplish these goals.
I also did the same thing with a couple other goals like getting better at hip-hop. I did such a good job and then realized later on that I had left it at my friend's house. Oh well, thats alright because I still remember some of the things.
I felt really anxious for alot of the day today and I'm wondering if its because of the digestive issue, the sleep problem or possibly beginning the day off eatting pancakes with maple syrup (even though it was pure maple syrup it still increase blood sugar level). I also had honey in with my tea. I kept having to remind myself that there is no emergency, I have this issue right now and I have no choice but to work with it.
I had replaced like 12 thoughts on paper today and was going to post them but I had also left my spiral notepad at my friend's place as well. I was feeling bad about that and disappointed in myself but hey stuff happens.
I posted a comment to Karen L and it was really interesting. I hadn't realized the stuff that I had posted until I was actually posting it. It was like something outside of myself was telling me what to type and put in the post and this does happen frequently but it was just like wow. It had a big impact on how I view things especially when it comes to how negative thoughts can be a good thing in relation to other people. It also made me more motivated to do the stop sign thing more.
Another cool thing which I forgot about yestaurday. I went to mcDonalds and ordered food for my friend and I and as I was getting straws and napkins and such there were 2 teenage boys laughing and one of them was turning around slightly and looking my direction while laughing. Now before that would have bothered me so much and I would have thought they are laughing at me and I'd feel bad about myself. I really didn't care so much this time and thought it really doesn't matter if they were laughing at me or not. People are going to laugh and many times people laugh at the stupidest things. I went again to mcDonalds today and people didn't even realize I was there. Same place, diffrent experience.
I still have tons of anxiety on a general level. Some days it is bad and other days it is easier.
Lesson 4 cd
I was listening to this again today and there waw 1 thing that I remember that ment alot to me. When Lucinda was talking about going on vacation the 2nd time and how she said no matter how things turn out, I'm going to make the most out of it. This was really big because what she is saying is basically whatever life throws at me, i'm going to work with it instead of against it. Fighting reality is what makes us more anxious because of our expectations with life itself. Life didn't follow our rules and it costs us our self-esteem. I want to and plan to make this like a game. Life throws me a situation and I'm going to figure out what I can do to make it work! I want to "make the most out of it" instead of responding the way she responded in the first vacation.
I also thought about a couple other things as well. When I get into an idea that something is going to help me to recover...I put all my belief into it (like how Lucinda says about how she told herself it would be the ultimate vacation) and I would tell myself this is it, this is what is going to make me recover! This was great for the first while because it gave me alot of motivation and energy which I put towards this new idea but then after awhile it wouldn't fulfill that expectation of mine, I would get discouraged and stop doing it all together. I think what would have been more appropriate would be to tell myself that this has the potential for really helping me out. I would have been more likely to continue going with it.
Lastly with facing my limitations and thinking of that in a more realistic way. I realized that it would be very unwise to try facing a limitation of mine on a day where I'm not feeling good or don't have the energy to put towards it, if I didn't have to face it. It would be wiser to do it when I have more energy, feel more rested and can really focus on the benefits of facing the limitation instead of feeling bad, dwelling on what I have to do and how bad I feel which would yes still work to face the limitations but I would be resenting myself more than feeling good for facing the limitation.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
I think we are both just learning some new things and looking at things we a new perspective....I think reading others posts we can look at things objectly....then a light goes on and we say "hey, that might work for me" lol.....Im glad we are able to help each other realize new thingsOriginally posted by NinjaFrodo:
I don't know what it was about that conversation with Karen L that lead to that discovery about negative thinking but Its making me more aware of my negative thoughts. I'm more motivated to use the stop sign when I get those thoughts. Thank you Karen L for being apart of that!
Mikie
I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost, but I am moving in the right direction. I will use my skills daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am strong and smart. I can do this!
Well, I just wrote out a long post and I then I had a quote and it somehow deleting everything I wrote before the quote....that stinks lol...
I did see the ex again last night. It was nice just to be with him without fighting....actually it was better that nice, it was awesome...we talked alot about our fighting, we both have problems with anger.
Mike
thinking back to what my thoughts were before I wanted to call him or see him....I was lonely and sad....almost like a punishment..I wanted to stop feeling like that....
also, I want to know that he still missed me and wanted me....it was like I needed some validation.....I needed to know he was thinking about me and wanted to be with me also....
but part of me wants to hurt him like he hurt me.....once I know he is still there for me it's like I almost know that I am just going to lead him on then not see him anymoe....like Im playing a game....I intend to only hurt him, but I end up getting hurt also.....I dont want him to move on, I dont ever want him to be happy and get over me......wow, that is some messed up thinking...I need to figure out some constructive ways to deal with all the anger and hurt I have bottled up....
That is a very interesting concept you have there about the negative and positive balance....I need the negative to protect myself.....maybe my mind and body are just reminding me with the negative that it is not a good relationship and it is not healthy for me.....just a protective device.....
but I need to figure out how to stop dwelling on the negative...I am taking it to an extreme and only hurting myself more in the long run.....
looks like I have alot of thinking to do...
maybe it isnt so much an obsession but an addiction I have to him....you use that word Mike, and maybe Im just addicted to him because I want to stay in my negative frame of mind....maybe I like being blamed and put down, then it's not just me doing it, its someone else and its more believable.....that way I cant get better, I have no choice but to stay anxious and depressed.......it just reinforces that I am a bad person that deserves to be miserable....
Im just thinking as Im writing lol
Im quite anxious wring this post......partly dwelling on the decisions I made the last few days and partly because of the new thoughts I am having.....
Well, I just wrote out a long post and I then I had a quote and it somehow deleting everything I wrote before the quote....that stinks lol...
I did see the ex again last night. It was nice just to be with him without fighting....actually it was better that nice, it was awesome...we talked alot about our fighting, we both have problems with anger.
Mike
thinking back to what my thoughts were before I wanted to call him or see him....I was lonely and sad....almost like a punishment..I wanted to stop feeling like that....
also, I want to know that he still missed me and wanted me....it was like I needed some validation.....I needed to know he was thinking about me and wanted to be with me also....
but part of me wants to hurt him like he hurt me.....once I know he is still there for me it's like I almost know that I am just going to lead him on then not see him anymoe....like Im playing a game....I intend to only hurt him, but I end up getting hurt also.....I dont want him to move on, I dont ever want him to be happy and get over me......wow, that is some messed up thinking...I need to figure out some constructive ways to deal with all the anger and hurt I have bottled up....
That is a very interesting concept you have there about the negative and positive balance....I need the negative to protect myself.....maybe my mind and body are just reminding me with the negative that it is not a good relationship and it is not healthy for me.....just a protective device.....
but I need to figure out how to stop dwelling on the negative...I am taking it to an extreme and only hurting myself more in the long run.....
looks like I have alot of thinking to do...
maybe it isnt so much an obsession but an addiction I have to him....you use that word Mike, and maybe Im just addicted to him because I want to stay in my negative frame of mind....maybe I like being blamed and put down, then it's not just me doing it, its someone else and its more believable.....that way I cant get better, I have no choice but to stay anxious and depressed.......it just reinforces that I am a bad person that deserves to be miserable....
Im just thinking as Im writing lol
Im quite anxious wring this post......partly dwelling on the decisions I made the last few days and partly because of the new thoughts I am having.....
I am on the road to recovery. There may be speed bumps, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost, but I am moving in the right direction. I will usa my skills daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depresiion control my life. I am strong and smart. I can do this.
Hope
God, I am so confused....there is always an inner conflict going on inside me....I dont know what to do and I so easy fall into my bad habits and end up off the road to recovery...
Everything you said makes so much sense, but I just get so caught up at moments that I dont know what to do......I just play into the hurt, loneliness, and even anger so bad that I dont see reality....
it's like I want a set time limit....when will I get over him, just so I can fight this for that period....then just wake up one day and not even remember him......my mind is just spinning....
now that I gave into the tempatation I am beating myself up.....I feel like if Im going to be this miserable without him, then I should just get back with him......then at least I will have some good times with him when I least feel somewhat happy...
it's so hard to be positive and even feel like I deserve or can even do anything nice for myself...
I really like your statement " he never changed BUT I DID"....Im fighting this change so bad.....I know it's a good change, but I just dont want to let go.....
Thanks for everything Hope, I appreciate it
Hope
God, I am so confused....there is always an inner conflict going on inside me....I dont know what to do and I so easy fall into my bad habits and end up off the road to recovery...
Everything you said makes so much sense, but I just get so caught up at moments that I dont know what to do......I just play into the hurt, loneliness, and even anger so bad that I dont see reality....
it's like I want a set time limit....when will I get over him, just so I can fight this for that period....then just wake up one day and not even remember him......my mind is just spinning....
now that I gave into the tempatation I am beating myself up.....I feel like if Im going to be this miserable without him, then I should just get back with him......then at least I will have some good times with him when I least feel somewhat happy...
it's so hard to be positive and even feel like I deserve or can even do anything nice for myself...
I really like your statement " he never changed BUT I DID"....Im fighting this change so bad.....I know it's a good change, but I just dont want to let go.....
Thanks for everything Hope, I appreciate it
omg Hope...the excitement of a possible new job!!! Just the possibility of starting a new job is anxiety producing for anyone!! especially the waiting....that is really difficult on everyone...if you get the job you will be fine....if you dont, then it wasnt meant to be and you will find something better!!
try to just view it as excitemnt!!
congrats on the interview!!!
try to just view it as excitemnt!!
congrats on the interview!!!
Hi Karen,
Whatever you do, you just have to go in with your eyes wide open... I understand that you may not be ready to end this relationship.
You know he is not going to change, and it is ok, as long as you don't keep wishing that he does. Accept him the way he is.
Mainly Karen, I am here to support you, wathever you decide to do. Being alone is not easy, but being in an abusive relationship isn't easy either.
I will pray to God that he holds your hand during this difficult times.
Hope
Whatever you do, you just have to go in with your eyes wide open... I understand that you may not be ready to end this relationship.
You know he is not going to change, and it is ok, as long as you don't keep wishing that he does. Accept him the way he is.
Mainly Karen, I am here to support you, wathever you decide to do. Being alone is not easy, but being in an abusive relationship isn't easy either.
I will pray to God that he holds your hand during this difficult times.
Hope
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown