My oldleader for my BSF group used to say "if the devil can't make you bad he'll make you busy". And that sure feels true.
I'd try to hook up with an established group to study with. Then when you have questions, you can discuss and try to find the answers and you have the fun of being with others. My group I've been going to for 8 years is called Bible Study Fellowship. It meets during the school year time and is weekly. You do homework questions to your best, then get into small groups to discuss what others thought and found out, then hear a lecture on the stuff you did homework on and then get a handout that further fleshes out the lecture. It's free and it's international. I'm sure they have a website that you can find locations on. www.bsfinternational.com or something like that. They take it REALLY slow and pick stuff apart, and each year they alternate between old and new testaments. I've been in groups where people have confessed Jesus for the first time during the class year and in groups where people have been there for 20 years. All over the world, everyone studies the same lesson each week. And they have classes for preschool thru highschool too. If you are under 35ish, I think they have young adult classes that are co-ed, and otherwise they are single sex classes. Some are in the day and some are in the evening.
and, during this 8 years I have had anxiety when I've gone there. But- no one is really paying attention to you personally and if they are, they are concerned for you and want to pray for your healing and understanding. It's helped me a ton- to accept that this is how God made me and also that God is in control and I need to let him drive the bike and I just need to pedal like heck.
Have a super day.
Some ups and some downs
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Guest
So its been a while since my last reply
Things have been ok. I have not really made any improvements at all. At least I am better then I was. I am just tired of living with this never ending fear on embarrassing myself. Dieing or disease don't scare me one bit. I know I am healthy and will live for many years.
I am just scared of embarrassing myself. whats funny is I can drive 20 miles away and have very little anxiety, but when walking 200 yeards from my house, it is full blown anxiety. Why? well when I am in my car, I know I can just pull over if I have an anxiety attack. Nobody will even know whats going on. But If I am walking a good distance from my house, I don't have that "cover" like I do in a car. If I am walking and start to get anxious, I know that I could easily embarrass myself. If I pass out on my walk, I am lying there on the side-walk where everybody can see me. Its kind of hard to fake hyperventilating in front of neighbors.
The program has helped me tons and thankful for that. But it has not gotten me to the point where I can hop on a plane and head to Rome or even get a job. I have completely gone though the program 2 different times.
For the first time I am really close to getting on meds. The reason I am hesitant to take meds is because they don't work for all. If anxiety meds worked for 100% of people, I would take them in a heart beat. I would have not problem being on meds for the rest of my life, if that meant I could give my amazing girlfriend the life she deserves.
When does "exposing" yourself to these fears wear off. I always read to face your fears and to keep doing it and they will go away. Well I have been walking this same path 5 times a week for the past 5 months and other then the first 2 weeks of getting better--there has been no improvement whatsoever.
I am sorry for the rant.
Things have been ok. I have not really made any improvements at all. At least I am better then I was. I am just tired of living with this never ending fear on embarrassing myself. Dieing or disease don't scare me one bit. I know I am healthy and will live for many years.
I am just scared of embarrassing myself. whats funny is I can drive 20 miles away and have very little anxiety, but when walking 200 yeards from my house, it is full blown anxiety. Why? well when I am in my car, I know I can just pull over if I have an anxiety attack. Nobody will even know whats going on. But If I am walking a good distance from my house, I don't have that "cover" like I do in a car. If I am walking and start to get anxious, I know that I could easily embarrass myself. If I pass out on my walk, I am lying there on the side-walk where everybody can see me. Its kind of hard to fake hyperventilating in front of neighbors.
The program has helped me tons and thankful for that. But it has not gotten me to the point where I can hop on a plane and head to Rome or even get a job. I have completely gone though the program 2 different times.
For the first time I am really close to getting on meds. The reason I am hesitant to take meds is because they don't work for all. If anxiety meds worked for 100% of people, I would take them in a heart beat. I would have not problem being on meds for the rest of my life, if that meant I could give my amazing girlfriend the life she deserves.
When does "exposing" yourself to these fears wear off. I always read to face your fears and to keep doing it and they will go away. Well I have been walking this same path 5 times a week for the past 5 months and other then the first 2 weeks of getting better--there has been no improvement whatsoever.
I am sorry for the rant.