Mike -
In the Session 2 thread you mentioned that you sometimes will over do things and cause yourself anxiety. I wonder If you're doing the same thing by getting the tally counter and a watch to time your anxiety. I think that it's great that you want to measure things to gauge how well you're doing, but do you think you might be trying to be too precise? I can certainly see how this might cause more anxiety than it solves.
Sometimes it's better to be imprecise. A rough count of your negative thoughts is just as useful as an exact count. Likewise, and estimate of how long you were anxious is just as useful as an exact measurement to the second. You can still watch your progress but you don't have to worry or obsess about getting things perfect.
I may be way off base here, but I thought I'd mention it to see if you were falling into old habits. This are just my observations. I'd hate to see you go through additional unnecessary anxiety.
Jamie
The Challenge...Lesson 3
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I am more recovered. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Searunner
Yes I mentioned that sometime I overdo things in which I push myself to go with an activity for too long at a time. When I posted I was refering how I bunched up all the self-help stuff into 4 hours. I have broken up that habit and am doing things more spaced out. It may seem that I might be doing the same thing with the tally counter but that would really depend on how you percieve it and also how obsessed I can get with doing those things.
For the tally counter It isn't so much about a certain number when I use it. The purpose is to get into the habit of catching the negative thoughts and I use the counter to motivate myself to catch them and the simple task of clicking is a way of getting in between the thoughts. Its my thing I use to interupt that negative thought cycle. I agree that If I were to become obsessed with it and carry it around with me while i'm doing yoga, hip-hop, working out, socializing and such then it would become an expectation and I might feel guilty for the times I'm not doing it. I was thinking about doing it that way and then you just posted this message and I thought about it and so I'm going to use it at certain times. Right now what i'm experiencing with it is less anxiousness and less obsessive thoughts. But you're right it isn't good to spend all my time thinking about anxiety and working on my skills.
The watch on the other hand I need some way to keep track of my progress with goals because I have a hard time remembering progress and I need some way to measure it...using the watch helps. I don't trust my estimations and with the ammount of spaciness and bewilderment my concept of time is very distorted. Again this is a tool for measurement when I purposely work on facing my limitations. If I do worry about being perfect then I will get more anxiety but perfection is not my plan of action. This may not work for many people but well I feel motivated by these ideas and so I'm just going to go with them. I am also starting to feel excited about facing my limitations now that I have the watch and am using the tally counter. I can see how you could think it is me falling back into old habits and I'm sure that could be an easy trap to fall into but if you think about it (at least with the watch), I am going to go until I start to feel those feelings of overwhelm and then practice the 6 steps and other calming ways and then keep track of how much more i can do afterwards because of my calming down. I'm hoping this will get me even more excited to face limitations, I'll have some results on paper so i can look at those if i go back to basing my progress on how i feel and it will also help to convince me that relaxation is good.
Think of it this way. Recovery through anxiety is like an experiment and I'm a scientist. In order to understand what works and what doesn't as well as how the process works I need some data to do this. Maybe I could spread out using both exercises to every other day or something and not pressure myself to do them when things are too overwhelming. I might even create flow charts alot later on I mean after I finish the program just to show people what they might see with their own progress.
I feel the same way with feeling the need to respond to everybody as well even when i get overwhelmed. I don't want people to feel that they are ignored.
Thats also really great that you had no anxiety when doing the same task again later on and especially on a day when you felt exhausted after waking up. That is some great progress you got there!
I also agree with what you said about how you can turn something into a great accomplishment or a horrible trial. I had that experience yestaurday when it came to my hip-hop. I was feeling really really horrible about myself because I couldn't get one part of the overall routine down. I did get alot of the rest of the routine down and I choose to focus on that and it made me feel better. So I can agree based on that experience as well as many others that I can't think of right now.
Mike
Searunner
Yes I mentioned that sometime I overdo things in which I push myself to go with an activity for too long at a time. When I posted I was refering how I bunched up all the self-help stuff into 4 hours. I have broken up that habit and am doing things more spaced out. It may seem that I might be doing the same thing with the tally counter but that would really depend on how you percieve it and also how obsessed I can get with doing those things.
For the tally counter It isn't so much about a certain number when I use it. The purpose is to get into the habit of catching the negative thoughts and I use the counter to motivate myself to catch them and the simple task of clicking is a way of getting in between the thoughts. Its my thing I use to interupt that negative thought cycle. I agree that If I were to become obsessed with it and carry it around with me while i'm doing yoga, hip-hop, working out, socializing and such then it would become an expectation and I might feel guilty for the times I'm not doing it. I was thinking about doing it that way and then you just posted this message and I thought about it and so I'm going to use it at certain times. Right now what i'm experiencing with it is less anxiousness and less obsessive thoughts. But you're right it isn't good to spend all my time thinking about anxiety and working on my skills.
The watch on the other hand I need some way to keep track of my progress with goals because I have a hard time remembering progress and I need some way to measure it...using the watch helps. I don't trust my estimations and with the ammount of spaciness and bewilderment my concept of time is very distorted. Again this is a tool for measurement when I purposely work on facing my limitations. If I do worry about being perfect then I will get more anxiety but perfection is not my plan of action. This may not work for many people but well I feel motivated by these ideas and so I'm just going to go with them. I am also starting to feel excited about facing my limitations now that I have the watch and am using the tally counter. I can see how you could think it is me falling back into old habits and I'm sure that could be an easy trap to fall into but if you think about it (at least with the watch), I am going to go until I start to feel those feelings of overwhelm and then practice the 6 steps and other calming ways and then keep track of how much more i can do afterwards because of my calming down. I'm hoping this will get me even more excited to face limitations, I'll have some results on paper so i can look at those if i go back to basing my progress on how i feel and it will also help to convince me that relaxation is good.
Think of it this way. Recovery through anxiety is like an experiment and I'm a scientist. In order to understand what works and what doesn't as well as how the process works I need some data to do this. Maybe I could spread out using both exercises to every other day or something and not pressure myself to do them when things are too overwhelming. I might even create flow charts alot later on I mean after I finish the program just to show people what they might see with their own progress.
I feel the same way with feeling the need to respond to everybody as well even when i get overwhelmed. I don't want people to feel that they are ignored.
Thats also really great that you had no anxiety when doing the same task again later on and especially on a day when you felt exhausted after waking up. That is some great progress you got there!
I also agree with what you said about how you can turn something into a great accomplishment or a horrible trial. I had that experience yestaurday when it came to my hip-hop. I was feeling really really horrible about myself because I couldn't get one part of the overall routine down. I did get alot of the rest of the routine down and I choose to focus on that and it made me feel better. So I can agree based on that experience as well as many others that I can't think of right now.
Mike
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I am more recovered. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Wednesday (67 clicks on the tally counter)
Practice Opportunities
1)Getting up this morning was a huge hassel. I had went to sleep around 1am and set my alarm to wake up for 8:30 so I could go to yoga at the gym. I had very very strong negative feelings mostly about how bad I was feeling and how exhausted I was. I quickly did the red stop sign thing and immediately used the relaxation cd. I had many negative thoughts but I still got through the relaxation cd and then I immediately got myself out of bed instead of just lying there thinking about how aweful I feel. I had many negative thoughts but I got myself into the kitchen and started to make breakfast for myself as well as a protein smoothie and my 2nd meal. I had lots of anxiety and felt like I needed to rush but I reminded myself to slow down and getting to yoga was not an emergency or life and death situation. I still had high anxiety but I accepted it and kept saying its just an uncomfortable feeling and I got through the morning and got myself to the gym. I got there late so I just did some working out while i waited for the next class to start.
2)I was planning to workout my triceps, shoulders and abs today on top of the yoga. I got to the gym late so I just worked on my triceps...I did 3 diffrent exercises to hit all 3 heads of the triceps and then I took about 10 minutes break and then did the yoga. During the yoga I wanted to push myself but I was feeling overwhelmed so I just stopped a few times to relax and recoup and then I got back into doing it. I felt good about taking that time to relax and not push myself and I was already feeling really exhausted before hand and so after I was pretty tired so I decided not to workout my shoulders or abs today. I can do that another day.
3)Walking back from the gym to my place I was get very overwhelmed and one of my strong thoughts was, I need to take a break and relax. This was really big for me because I am so used to just pushing myself and avoiding the relaxation but now I want to go do it and so I ended up stopping and sitting down on a bench for about 10 minutes. I just relaxed, I didn't try to do anything else but just slow down and enjoy how the rays of the sun felt on my face. I then got up and walked for awhile and I started to feel overwhelmed again and so I had went to my favorate spot (dog park where there is lots of grass and its shaped like a bowl with the hills and such) and I again sat down on one of those benches and I was watching people playing frisby. It felt pretty good to just do nothing.
I was planning on meeting up with someone and chatting. I had met this person a few years about and it was a very brief meeting during halloween and I saw this person at my gym about a year ago but didn't talk to him because I was anxious and was afraid I was wrong with my assumption that he was the same person and then I didn't see him until last wednesday and I worked up the courage to go talk to him. Anyways, we were suppose to hangout and I would have pushed myself to go do that but something came up and so we couldn't. Probabbly best it happened that way because I really didn't feel like socializing right now but I do want to get to know him. I would have just forced myself to go and do it at a time when I didn't want to, I wouldn't enjoy myself and that could get akward for the other person as well because I wouldn't be interacting as much which could give off the message that I'm not interested in what the other person has to say and on top of that I would resent myself. Totally not worth it to push myself.
I have also thought about Searunner said a little bit more and it could drive me nuts to click that thing for the whole day, everyday for this week. Thats alot of pressure to do that. I already fulfilled that action assignment to keep track during 1 whole day so I think it served its purpose which I believe is to show how negative I can be. I still feel however that reserving a few hours with the clicking can still be useful in stopping negative thoughts so I'll keep doing it but I will put a cap on the time I spend doing it. Also I'm already feeling really exhausted and its 6pm right now, I'm done with the clicking today and I'm not even going to bother trying to face anymore limitations right now so I'm not even going to bother using my watch but I have something to look forward to tomorrow so I have some motivation to get to sleep earlier and before i'm completely exhausted. I seem to remember in one of the lesson tapes where one person was saying how they didn't even make their bed that day and how that was a big deal for them. It was a big accomplishment for them not to do that. I'm feeling like giving myself a break and not getting as much done is a big accomplishment for me today. I guess sometimes you can accomplish more by doing less. I'm not even going to read lesson 3 in the book until tomorrow.
Relaxation
1)Relaxation cd in the am;
Immediately put it on when I woke up and had many intrusive thoughts going on which made it difficult to concentrate but I got through it and there were parts I was focused on it even though I switched from focused on the words to my wandering thoughts. It did make me feel a little less stressed.
2)Relaxation cd while walking home;
I didn't pay too much attention while listening to it however I did feel a little less overwhelmed with things.
Negative Thoughts
1)Oh no here comes those feelings again, I can't handle it, I need to just stay in bed
->They're just feelings of discomfort thats all. I've got through them many times and I will many more. They can't hurt me.
Other
I'm feeling pretty good about myself today even though I'm not doing as much. I'm really tired and I'm allowing myself to be tired and allowing for room to not be as productive. I'm noticing as the days go by, it is easier to accept these anxious feelings as "uncomfortable" as opposed to "dooming". I can tolerate anxiety a little more each day and I'm not as afraid. I feel hopeful and very motivated and I can feel myself changing. I don't feel I have as much pressure on myself like I had had in all the other times i've done the program. I feel like I'm being more reasonable with myself, my goals, my expectations and accepting the reality of change and recovery. I actually bought myself some new protein powder as a reward to myself for doing so good. Its a vegan type protein powder with an awesome flavor of berries and hemp which I've never actually had before. At least not that flavor, I have had a packet of a diffrent blend from the same company which tasted really awesome. I'm planning to spend the rest of the day watching stuff online and maybe play maybe a bit of videogames or something then relax before bed.
It was a tough day but it was a great day!
Mike
Wednesday (67 clicks on the tally counter)
Practice Opportunities
1)Getting up this morning was a huge hassel. I had went to sleep around 1am and set my alarm to wake up for 8:30 so I could go to yoga at the gym. I had very very strong negative feelings mostly about how bad I was feeling and how exhausted I was. I quickly did the red stop sign thing and immediately used the relaxation cd. I had many negative thoughts but I still got through the relaxation cd and then I immediately got myself out of bed instead of just lying there thinking about how aweful I feel. I had many negative thoughts but I got myself into the kitchen and started to make breakfast for myself as well as a protein smoothie and my 2nd meal. I had lots of anxiety and felt like I needed to rush but I reminded myself to slow down and getting to yoga was not an emergency or life and death situation. I still had high anxiety but I accepted it and kept saying its just an uncomfortable feeling and I got through the morning and got myself to the gym. I got there late so I just did some working out while i waited for the next class to start.
2)I was planning to workout my triceps, shoulders and abs today on top of the yoga. I got to the gym late so I just worked on my triceps...I did 3 diffrent exercises to hit all 3 heads of the triceps and then I took about 10 minutes break and then did the yoga. During the yoga I wanted to push myself but I was feeling overwhelmed so I just stopped a few times to relax and recoup and then I got back into doing it. I felt good about taking that time to relax and not push myself and I was already feeling really exhausted before hand and so after I was pretty tired so I decided not to workout my shoulders or abs today. I can do that another day.
3)Walking back from the gym to my place I was get very overwhelmed and one of my strong thoughts was, I need to take a break and relax. This was really big for me because I am so used to just pushing myself and avoiding the relaxation but now I want to go do it and so I ended up stopping and sitting down on a bench for about 10 minutes. I just relaxed, I didn't try to do anything else but just slow down and enjoy how the rays of the sun felt on my face. I then got up and walked for awhile and I started to feel overwhelmed again and so I had went to my favorate spot (dog park where there is lots of grass and its shaped like a bowl with the hills and such) and I again sat down on one of those benches and I was watching people playing frisby. It felt pretty good to just do nothing.
I was planning on meeting up with someone and chatting. I had met this person a few years about and it was a very brief meeting during halloween and I saw this person at my gym about a year ago but didn't talk to him because I was anxious and was afraid I was wrong with my assumption that he was the same person and then I didn't see him until last wednesday and I worked up the courage to go talk to him. Anyways, we were suppose to hangout and I would have pushed myself to go do that but something came up and so we couldn't. Probabbly best it happened that way because I really didn't feel like socializing right now but I do want to get to know him. I would have just forced myself to go and do it at a time when I didn't want to, I wouldn't enjoy myself and that could get akward for the other person as well because I wouldn't be interacting as much which could give off the message that I'm not interested in what the other person has to say and on top of that I would resent myself. Totally not worth it to push myself.
I have also thought about Searunner said a little bit more and it could drive me nuts to click that thing for the whole day, everyday for this week. Thats alot of pressure to do that. I already fulfilled that action assignment to keep track during 1 whole day so I think it served its purpose which I believe is to show how negative I can be. I still feel however that reserving a few hours with the clicking can still be useful in stopping negative thoughts so I'll keep doing it but I will put a cap on the time I spend doing it. Also I'm already feeling really exhausted and its 6pm right now, I'm done with the clicking today and I'm not even going to bother trying to face anymore limitations right now so I'm not even going to bother using my watch but I have something to look forward to tomorrow so I have some motivation to get to sleep earlier and before i'm completely exhausted. I seem to remember in one of the lesson tapes where one person was saying how they didn't even make their bed that day and how that was a big deal for them. It was a big accomplishment for them not to do that. I'm feeling like giving myself a break and not getting as much done is a big accomplishment for me today. I guess sometimes you can accomplish more by doing less. I'm not even going to read lesson 3 in the book until tomorrow.
Relaxation
1)Relaxation cd in the am;
Immediately put it on when I woke up and had many intrusive thoughts going on which made it difficult to concentrate but I got through it and there were parts I was focused on it even though I switched from focused on the words to my wandering thoughts. It did make me feel a little less stressed.
2)Relaxation cd while walking home;
I didn't pay too much attention while listening to it however I did feel a little less overwhelmed with things.
Negative Thoughts
1)Oh no here comes those feelings again, I can't handle it, I need to just stay in bed
->They're just feelings of discomfort thats all. I've got through them many times and I will many more. They can't hurt me.
Other
I'm feeling pretty good about myself today even though I'm not doing as much. I'm really tired and I'm allowing myself to be tired and allowing for room to not be as productive. I'm noticing as the days go by, it is easier to accept these anxious feelings as "uncomfortable" as opposed to "dooming". I can tolerate anxiety a little more each day and I'm not as afraid. I feel hopeful and very motivated and I can feel myself changing. I don't feel I have as much pressure on myself like I had had in all the other times i've done the program. I feel like I'm being more reasonable with myself, my goals, my expectations and accepting the reality of change and recovery. I actually bought myself some new protein powder as a reward to myself for doing so good. Its a vegan type protein powder with an awesome flavor of berries and hemp which I've never actually had before. At least not that flavor, I have had a packet of a diffrent blend from the same company which tasted really awesome. I'm planning to spend the rest of the day watching stuff online and maybe play maybe a bit of videogames or something then relax before bed.
It was a tough day but it was a great day!
Mike
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Thu Sep 16, 2010 6:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Today was much better for me. I was really tired yesterday and I did have more negitive thoughts than normal.
I got some things done around here, listened to my tape, and I know for me this session is very good. Self talk is going to put you in a good mood or a bad mood. I can talk myself into either way. Because I want to feel better and have a better attitude, this session is key. I can relate well to Ken in the tapes. I didn't realize what I have been doing to myself and now that I know I have to get between those negitive thoughts back to reality.
This for me will be a long lesson possibly the rest of my life. I am very good at thinking black/ white and I have noticed when I try the good self talk I do feel 100 times better.
I also wish I had more positive friends to be around. Maybe some will come into my life now that I know what I need.
I think thats why I like coming here to this site. It gives a person a place to practice reconizing good thoughts, compliments, and growth spurts. Its good for all of us to have a healthy self esteem. Practice, Parctice, Practice. ( good thoughts, pats on the back to our selves for trying to improve on our weakness)
"As a man thinketh, so is he."
Seearunner, your doing well with your work goals, be pround!
I got some things done around here, listened to my tape, and I know for me this session is very good. Self talk is going to put you in a good mood or a bad mood. I can talk myself into either way. Because I want to feel better and have a better attitude, this session is key. I can relate well to Ken in the tapes. I didn't realize what I have been doing to myself and now that I know I have to get between those negitive thoughts back to reality.
This for me will be a long lesson possibly the rest of my life. I am very good at thinking black/ white and I have noticed when I try the good self talk I do feel 100 times better.
I also wish I had more positive friends to be around. Maybe some will come into my life now that I know what I need.
I think thats why I like coming here to this site. It gives a person a place to practice reconizing good thoughts, compliments, and growth spurts. Its good for all of us to have a healthy self esteem. Practice, Parctice, Practice. ( good thoughts, pats on the back to our selves for trying to improve on our weakness)
"As a man thinketh, so is he."
Seearunner, your doing well with your work goals, be pround!
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Guest
"I will recover, I am recovering, and each an every day I get closer to overcoming my fears. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources."
I've actually been having a very good week. Monday was the most productive, but I still have had very positive experiences yesterday and today. Even though I continued to be very tired today like Tuesday, once I got up an going I was able to push myself into doing things I haven't been able to do comfortably in some time.
Today I went driving completely alone. I have typically had a safe person with me for the last few months after my major setback but I still spend some of my time driving alone. Today was one of those days. I was able to go farther from home than I have in several months and I felt really comfortable doing it. I am encouraged by these recent experiences and hope this is a sign that I'm making some type of breakthrough.
This has happened to me in the past. I'll struggle and improve in small increments and then suddenly I'll make a huge leap forward. I feel like I'm experiencing that right now. Even if it turns out not to the case and I'm just having a good week, I'll still enjoy this time and use it as positive examples of what I can accomplish. No matter what, my recent accomplishments will be helpful in my recovery.
DEALING WITH ANXIETY
Fortunately, there hasn't been much anxiety to deal with today. Yay! Most of my challenge has been related to sleep. I'm still on a fairly odd sleep schedule that will need to change if I'm going to be getting back to regular attendance at work. My company allows some flexibility with time, but not to the extremes my current sleep patterns would require.
I've been working with sleeping medication with mixed results. At first it seemed to be helping, but now I'm finding it's making me too drowsy the next day. Since the whole process has been somewhat trial and error, I think I'll try cutting the dosage in half and see if that helps. It may give me give me an extra edge at night without the excessive drowsiness the next day. It certainly can't hurt to try; even if it it doesn't help I'll at least know.
One of the things I'm noticing now that I'm feeling better is that I'm allowing my mind to wander when I'm out. Instead of focusing on how I'm feeling or what I'll do if I start to panic, I'm just enjoying being out. It's a somewhat alien feeling since I've not been able to do that in so long. It is just another reminder of how powerful our thoughts our in creating or diffusing our anxiety. If I'm not even thinking about it, there is no anxiety.
THOUGHTS ON SESSION 3 READING
A particular sentence jumped out at me while reading the Session 3 Guidebook. It's found on the first page in the bulleted section, third item from the bottom. Specifically it reads "...the brain does not know the difference between an imagined scenario and a real happening. It responds as if the imagined is real."
This is such an important point. We know that our thoughts and emotional responses are entirely responsible for our internal anxiety. How much of that anxiety is due to imagined thoughts that never even happen? For me the answer is many. I often will imagine horrible scenarios that aren't even possible. Why would I do this? It's so counter productive. In this session I would like to really master getting a hold on my thoughts. More precisely, I need to always remember to measure them against reality. Chances are that those thoughts that make me most anxious aren't even in the realm of possibility.
Jamie
I've actually been having a very good week. Monday was the most productive, but I still have had very positive experiences yesterday and today. Even though I continued to be very tired today like Tuesday, once I got up an going I was able to push myself into doing things I haven't been able to do comfortably in some time.
Today I went driving completely alone. I have typically had a safe person with me for the last few months after my major setback but I still spend some of my time driving alone. Today was one of those days. I was able to go farther from home than I have in several months and I felt really comfortable doing it. I am encouraged by these recent experiences and hope this is a sign that I'm making some type of breakthrough.
This has happened to me in the past. I'll struggle and improve in small increments and then suddenly I'll make a huge leap forward. I feel like I'm experiencing that right now. Even if it turns out not to the case and I'm just having a good week, I'll still enjoy this time and use it as positive examples of what I can accomplish. No matter what, my recent accomplishments will be helpful in my recovery.
DEALING WITH ANXIETY
Fortunately, there hasn't been much anxiety to deal with today. Yay! Most of my challenge has been related to sleep. I'm still on a fairly odd sleep schedule that will need to change if I'm going to be getting back to regular attendance at work. My company allows some flexibility with time, but not to the extremes my current sleep patterns would require.
I've been working with sleeping medication with mixed results. At first it seemed to be helping, but now I'm finding it's making me too drowsy the next day. Since the whole process has been somewhat trial and error, I think I'll try cutting the dosage in half and see if that helps. It may give me give me an extra edge at night without the excessive drowsiness the next day. It certainly can't hurt to try; even if it it doesn't help I'll at least know.
One of the things I'm noticing now that I'm feeling better is that I'm allowing my mind to wander when I'm out. Instead of focusing on how I'm feeling or what I'll do if I start to panic, I'm just enjoying being out. It's a somewhat alien feeling since I've not been able to do that in so long. It is just another reminder of how powerful our thoughts our in creating or diffusing our anxiety. If I'm not even thinking about it, there is no anxiety.
THOUGHTS ON SESSION 3 READING
A particular sentence jumped out at me while reading the Session 3 Guidebook. It's found on the first page in the bulleted section, third item from the bottom. Specifically it reads "...the brain does not know the difference between an imagined scenario and a real happening. It responds as if the imagined is real."
This is such an important point. We know that our thoughts and emotional responses are entirely responsible for our internal anxiety. How much of that anxiety is due to imagined thoughts that never even happen? For me the answer is many. I often will imagine horrible scenarios that aren't even possible. Why would I do this? It's so counter productive. In this session I would like to really master getting a hold on my thoughts. More precisely, I need to always remember to measure them against reality. Chances are that those thoughts that make me most anxious aren't even in the realm of possibility.
Jamie
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Guest
Mike -
By all means, do whatever you need to in your recovery that you find helpful. I only brought up the issue of overdoing things because when I was reading your last post I was suddenly reminded of what you had written in the last session. It certainly wasn't a criticism, only an observation. I think that one of benefits of all of us going through the Program again together is that we can be independent observers for each other. I know that for myself, I often don't see things that I am doing or not doing when someone with an outside view does.
Reading your post for today, I'm really encouraged to see how well you are handling your anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. I think it's fantastic that you were able to pause on your walk home and sit down in the park and just watch. We get so wrapped up in our lives and obligations that we often forget to give time to ourselves to just enjoy life. Isn't that what this is all about? To get to the point where we can enjoy life? You're getting a sneak preview of what things will be like when anxiety is no longer a concern for you!
By the way, I'm curious how you are able to practice your relaxation right after getting up when you are feeling so tired. I would only just fall back asleep if I did that. Where do you practice your relaxation? Are you doing any activities at the same time? I'd love some suggestions since this is one of my major stumbling blocks with practicing relaxation regularly. Even the walking meditation is difficult for me when I'm tired like that.
Jamie
By all means, do whatever you need to in your recovery that you find helpful. I only brought up the issue of overdoing things because when I was reading your last post I was suddenly reminded of what you had written in the last session. It certainly wasn't a criticism, only an observation. I think that one of benefits of all of us going through the Program again together is that we can be independent observers for each other. I know that for myself, I often don't see things that I am doing or not doing when someone with an outside view does.
Reading your post for today, I'm really encouraged to see how well you are handling your anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. I think it's fantastic that you were able to pause on your walk home and sit down in the park and just watch. We get so wrapped up in our lives and obligations that we often forget to give time to ourselves to just enjoy life. Isn't that what this is all about? To get to the point where we can enjoy life? You're getting a sneak preview of what things will be like when anxiety is no longer a concern for you!
By the way, I'm curious how you are able to practice your relaxation right after getting up when you are feeling so tired. I would only just fall back asleep if I did that. Where do you practice your relaxation? Are you doing any activities at the same time? I'd love some suggestions since this is one of my major stumbling blocks with practicing relaxation regularly. Even the walking meditation is difficult for me when I'm tired like that.
Jamie
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Guest
THH -
Congratulations on a good day! Doesn't it feel great? Every so often we get a taste of what it will feel like to be recovered. I covet those opportunities and they keep me fighting.
You're so right that positive self talk is going to be a life long habit. This is not something that we should use just to recover and then throw away the skill. It is such a powerful tool and I think that everyone should be practicing it, even those without any trouble with anxiety or depression.
One of the things about having a positive outlook and attitude is that you will attract people with similar views. So your desire to have more positive friends will likely be vastly impacted by the hard work you're putting in right now to improve your attitude. You may also notice that you tend to spend less time around those with negative personalities that currently surround you.
Jamie
Congratulations on a good day! Doesn't it feel great? Every so often we get a taste of what it will feel like to be recovered. I covet those opportunities and they keep me fighting.
You're so right that positive self talk is going to be a life long habit. This is not something that we should use just to recover and then throw away the skill. It is such a powerful tool and I think that everyone should be practicing it, even those without any trouble with anxiety or depression.
One of the things about having a positive outlook and attitude is that you will attract people with similar views. So your desire to have more positive friends will likely be vastly impacted by the hard work you're putting in right now to improve your attitude. You may also notice that you tend to spend less time around those with negative personalities that currently surround you.
Jamie
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everday I am more recovered. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
THH
Well you got us and from my experience while changing they just show up (not out of a portal or whatever). Myself I've found them alot from online dating sites and activities I was doing like working out, doing hip-hop and yoga. I am also very greatful for this website because we don't have to do things on our own. There is much more energy in a group with like minded people.
Searunner
You know its really inspiring how you are consistently facing your limitations and pushing them a little bit each time. You've made alot of progress and if it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have even thought about facing my limitations until the program said to do so. I also wouldn't have figured out how to go about overcoming them...like how much is too much and such.
As for sleep I can relate completely even with the medication (since we are on the same stuff). Why not try cutting the dose in half and using the relaxation cd before bed (if you aren't already).
Thats great about how you allow your mind to wander. I'm also getting this way when I allow myself to relax mid-way through a walk or if i'm watching people on a field play some game. I can't say there is no anxiety for me though but its pretty low.
Ah the mental movies. Ya I do that alot myself especially if I have heard about a situation where a friend has been really hurt by. I will imagine myself in that same situation and facing the person who did it. I also have mental videos of people trying to kill me and me fighting them off or catastrophizing thoughts and like you they cause me alot of anxiety. When I have asked myself why do I do this, I realize these are obsessive thoughts that distract me from dealing with the reality i'm in at that moment.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you posted about your concern about me overdoing things. I thought about it and I was planning to obsessively use the tally counter and I was going to push myself to use the watch thing that day even though I was extremely exhausted and would have resented myself for pushing me to do it. Since that post you made I decided that no I don't need to use the tally counter all day long and I'll just use it during certain situations like walking or for a limited time period that day and I also didn't push myself yestaurday. That is what your observant words did. I'd like to call it constructive criticism and yes it did make a diffrence. I do agree that we can do that kinda thing for each other to help each other see our blind spots when it comes to our actions and behavior. I guess your right this is kinda a sneak preview and yes life should be about enjoying it.
When I get up I'm usually overwhelmed by the ammount of stress I have. On a scale of 1-10 i'm usually around a 7-8 when I wake up and this anxiety keeps me from falling asleep. I know that I can't fall asleep that quickly when my heart is racing, my thoughts are racing and I'm feeling somewhat panicky. I also know that I have things I want to get done and the feelings of guilt I will feel if I go back to sleep and wake up later on and then have to rush. Basically I use pain to motivate myself to stay up if I do start to calm down during the relaxation cd to the point where I feel like sleeping. I relax in my bed and its the only thing I do. Suggestions...well take your time in doing them and only do the first section of the relaxation cd and build up to the full 15 minutes. Or space out all 3 parts and do them on their own. Ie wake up and do the breathing...make food eat something maybe go for a jog and then do the progressive muscle relaxation part then do some other activity and then do the imagry part.
Hope that helps,
Mike
THH
Well you got us and from my experience while changing they just show up (not out of a portal or whatever). Myself I've found them alot from online dating sites and activities I was doing like working out, doing hip-hop and yoga. I am also very greatful for this website because we don't have to do things on our own. There is much more energy in a group with like minded people.
Searunner
You know its really inspiring how you are consistently facing your limitations and pushing them a little bit each time. You've made alot of progress and if it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have even thought about facing my limitations until the program said to do so. I also wouldn't have figured out how to go about overcoming them...like how much is too much and such.
As for sleep I can relate completely even with the medication (since we are on the same stuff). Why not try cutting the dose in half and using the relaxation cd before bed (if you aren't already).
Thats great about how you allow your mind to wander. I'm also getting this way when I allow myself to relax mid-way through a walk or if i'm watching people on a field play some game. I can't say there is no anxiety for me though but its pretty low.
Ah the mental movies. Ya I do that alot myself especially if I have heard about a situation where a friend has been really hurt by. I will imagine myself in that same situation and facing the person who did it. I also have mental videos of people trying to kill me and me fighting them off or catastrophizing thoughts and like you they cause me alot of anxiety. When I have asked myself why do I do this, I realize these are obsessive thoughts that distract me from dealing with the reality i'm in at that moment.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you posted about your concern about me overdoing things. I thought about it and I was planning to obsessively use the tally counter and I was going to push myself to use the watch thing that day even though I was extremely exhausted and would have resented myself for pushing me to do it. Since that post you made I decided that no I don't need to use the tally counter all day long and I'll just use it during certain situations like walking or for a limited time period that day and I also didn't push myself yestaurday. That is what your observant words did. I'd like to call it constructive criticism and yes it did make a diffrence. I do agree that we can do that kinda thing for each other to help each other see our blind spots when it comes to our actions and behavior. I guess your right this is kinda a sneak preview and yes life should be about enjoying it.
When I get up I'm usually overwhelmed by the ammount of stress I have. On a scale of 1-10 i'm usually around a 7-8 when I wake up and this anxiety keeps me from falling asleep. I know that I can't fall asleep that quickly when my heart is racing, my thoughts are racing and I'm feeling somewhat panicky. I also know that I have things I want to get done and the feelings of guilt I will feel if I go back to sleep and wake up later on and then have to rush. Basically I use pain to motivate myself to stay up if I do start to calm down during the relaxation cd to the point where I feel like sleeping. I relax in my bed and its the only thing I do. Suggestions...well take your time in doing them and only do the first section of the relaxation cd and build up to the full 15 minutes. Or space out all 3 parts and do them on their own. Ie wake up and do the breathing...make food eat something maybe go for a jog and then do the progressive muscle relaxation part then do some other activity and then do the imagry part.
Hope that helps,
Mike
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I am more recovered. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources
Thursday;
Sleep
I got myself to sleep at 11pm last night which was a really big accomplishment. I was so exhausted all day and I would usually just push myself to stay up longer but I asked myself is it really worth it? Would I actually enjoy any activity I do if I did push myself to do it? I concluded that no I wouldn't so I took my trazadone and headed to bed. I was lying there and concerned about how long it would take for me to fall asleep. I realized this being a negative way to approach the situation and I really really didn't want to listen to the relaxation cd so I just did the progressive muscle relaxation on my own and then some breathing techniques and then I went to sleep within 10 minutes. I woke up this morning before 8am and I was feeling exhausted but not as much as the day before.
Practice Opportunities
1)I woke up, I immediately did the relaxation cd and then listened to a few songs on my ipod. I kept getting those obsessive thoughts about how exhausted and anxious I was feeling but I kept using the stop sign and told myself its just uncomfortable, i'm not going crazy or losing it and I can still get through my day despite it. I then decided to listen to some new songs that I had put on my ipod which i normally wouldn't do because it would cause alot of obsessive thoughts but I did it and I just layed on my bed and the songs were alright and so was I
Relaxation
1)Relaxation cd in the am;
I listened to the relaxation cd and was mostly having a wandering mind but there were parts during the imagry that I paid attention to. I focused on the waterfall and I focused on imaging how I wanted to be and a little about picturing myself living in the moment, making the most of my moments. I felt more empowered picturing myself doing the things I wanted to do without worrying about the anxiety. In my head I was like...hey thats going to be me soon.
Lesson 3 workbook
First thing that popped out to me in the workbook is to learn to praise yourself and mean it. Use positive dialogue instead of negative when you feel you have failed at something or done something wrong. Well this is pretty big especially after an argument I had recently. I know how to be assertive and I know how to handle myself if someone gets angry but I hadn't handled it well at all. I beat myself up for not doing it the "right" way but I saw the error of it and i am now taking some steps to fix the problem and hear the other person out as well as say how I felt as well.
2nd. Fear of failure is fear of rejection. The key is to fail successfully. You should keep trying till you get it right. So what if it takes you a little longer than the next person? The only way to get comfortable with the possibility of failure and rejection is to expose yourself to it. Gradually becoming less and less affected by it, is extremely freeing. Your choices will be made out of desire, not fear. (that is not a direct quote I took out lots of words in between). This is so good, when I think back to the hip-hop issue I had where i was struggling with the routine and dumping all over myself it was because of fear of failure and rejection. I expected myself to be at par with everybody else which is unrealistic because not everybody is at the same level with this and the anxiety makes it harder to focus. I am not everybody else and I don't have the same strengths and weaknesses and I didn't have the same clarity of mind as other people may have. I successfully made many mistakes and thats what I will let myself know whenever I make another mistake.
3rd is about thought replacement. When written as a complete statement and the reason for your fear is given, it is easier to write a replacement statement. Well I can agree with that and if i'm having a hard time replacing a thought I'll consider the possibility that it may not be a complete thought and go back and see if i can make it a complete thought.
4th Always ask if you're catastrophizing or exaggerating your negative thoughts. Is the thought even valid? Thats a great question to ask when I first start to feel anxious.
Negative Thoughts
1)I got good sleep but i'm still exhausted, I'm never going to overcome this exhaustion.
->I've had less sleep the last couple of days and so it takes a bit to recover from that. One good sleep isn't as likely to fix the whole problem. It takes time and I might not feel completely energetic today but i'm feeling more energetic than yestaurday and as long as I keep working on the goal my energy level will keep increasing and I can handle the process that leads to that.
2)I may give out intelligent responses, understanding and empower people online but I can't do it in person, i'm not good enough.
->I have the very same skills online as I do in person I just get really anxious and its harder for me to concentrate and my mind becomes all foggy. That doesn't make me a bad person, it just means the anxiety gets in the way. The more I practice relaxing and calming myself down during anxious periods, the more i'll be able to access those skills in any anxiety producing situation.
Other
A situation happened yestaurday with another person in which both me and the other person got upset. I didn't handle the situation very well and spent so much time obsessing over it. I asked myself what it was that was really bothering me and well its mostly about being taken advantage of manipulated and disrespected. The more I thought of it, the more angry and hurt I got and the more I just wanted to hurt the other person. I know I will be assertive with the person and try to work through the situation but wow the ammount of obsession there. So what i'm going to do is just remind myself that yes i do deserve being considered and respected but I'm not going to get this from everybody at all times and thats alright. Most of the time the situation is not about me but more about the other person and no matter how I am treated, I am still a very worthwhile person. Manipulation only works if I am convinced into whole heartedly believing the negative words someone else attacks me with or if I'm convinced into doing something that is not in my best interest. I can partially agree with any negative thing someone says to me because there are times I am negative and my behavior may fit into that category. I can agree with the behavior without agreeing that I am 100% like what they say.
Mike
Thursday;
Sleep
I got myself to sleep at 11pm last night which was a really big accomplishment. I was so exhausted all day and I would usually just push myself to stay up longer but I asked myself is it really worth it? Would I actually enjoy any activity I do if I did push myself to do it? I concluded that no I wouldn't so I took my trazadone and headed to bed. I was lying there and concerned about how long it would take for me to fall asleep. I realized this being a negative way to approach the situation and I really really didn't want to listen to the relaxation cd so I just did the progressive muscle relaxation on my own and then some breathing techniques and then I went to sleep within 10 minutes. I woke up this morning before 8am and I was feeling exhausted but not as much as the day before.
Practice Opportunities
1)I woke up, I immediately did the relaxation cd and then listened to a few songs on my ipod. I kept getting those obsessive thoughts about how exhausted and anxious I was feeling but I kept using the stop sign and told myself its just uncomfortable, i'm not going crazy or losing it and I can still get through my day despite it. I then decided to listen to some new songs that I had put on my ipod which i normally wouldn't do because it would cause alot of obsessive thoughts but I did it and I just layed on my bed and the songs were alright and so was I
Relaxation
1)Relaxation cd in the am;
I listened to the relaxation cd and was mostly having a wandering mind but there were parts during the imagry that I paid attention to. I focused on the waterfall and I focused on imaging how I wanted to be and a little about picturing myself living in the moment, making the most of my moments. I felt more empowered picturing myself doing the things I wanted to do without worrying about the anxiety. In my head I was like...hey thats going to be me soon.
Lesson 3 workbook
First thing that popped out to me in the workbook is to learn to praise yourself and mean it. Use positive dialogue instead of negative when you feel you have failed at something or done something wrong. Well this is pretty big especially after an argument I had recently. I know how to be assertive and I know how to handle myself if someone gets angry but I hadn't handled it well at all. I beat myself up for not doing it the "right" way but I saw the error of it and i am now taking some steps to fix the problem and hear the other person out as well as say how I felt as well.
2nd. Fear of failure is fear of rejection. The key is to fail successfully. You should keep trying till you get it right. So what if it takes you a little longer than the next person? The only way to get comfortable with the possibility of failure and rejection is to expose yourself to it. Gradually becoming less and less affected by it, is extremely freeing. Your choices will be made out of desire, not fear. (that is not a direct quote I took out lots of words in between). This is so good, when I think back to the hip-hop issue I had where i was struggling with the routine and dumping all over myself it was because of fear of failure and rejection. I expected myself to be at par with everybody else which is unrealistic because not everybody is at the same level with this and the anxiety makes it harder to focus. I am not everybody else and I don't have the same strengths and weaknesses and I didn't have the same clarity of mind as other people may have. I successfully made many mistakes and thats what I will let myself know whenever I make another mistake.
3rd is about thought replacement. When written as a complete statement and the reason for your fear is given, it is easier to write a replacement statement. Well I can agree with that and if i'm having a hard time replacing a thought I'll consider the possibility that it may not be a complete thought and go back and see if i can make it a complete thought.
4th Always ask if you're catastrophizing or exaggerating your negative thoughts. Is the thought even valid? Thats a great question to ask when I first start to feel anxious.
Negative Thoughts
1)I got good sleep but i'm still exhausted, I'm never going to overcome this exhaustion.
->I've had less sleep the last couple of days and so it takes a bit to recover from that. One good sleep isn't as likely to fix the whole problem. It takes time and I might not feel completely energetic today but i'm feeling more energetic than yestaurday and as long as I keep working on the goal my energy level will keep increasing and I can handle the process that leads to that.
2)I may give out intelligent responses, understanding and empower people online but I can't do it in person, i'm not good enough.
->I have the very same skills online as I do in person I just get really anxious and its harder for me to concentrate and my mind becomes all foggy. That doesn't make me a bad person, it just means the anxiety gets in the way. The more I practice relaxing and calming myself down during anxious periods, the more i'll be able to access those skills in any anxiety producing situation.
Other
A situation happened yestaurday with another person in which both me and the other person got upset. I didn't handle the situation very well and spent so much time obsessing over it. I asked myself what it was that was really bothering me and well its mostly about being taken advantage of manipulated and disrespected. The more I thought of it, the more angry and hurt I got and the more I just wanted to hurt the other person. I know I will be assertive with the person and try to work through the situation but wow the ammount of obsession there. So what i'm going to do is just remind myself that yes i do deserve being considered and respected but I'm not going to get this from everybody at all times and thats alright. Most of the time the situation is not about me but more about the other person and no matter how I am treated, I am still a very worthwhile person. Manipulation only works if I am convinced into whole heartedly believing the negative words someone else attacks me with or if I'm convinced into doing something that is not in my best interest. I can partially agree with any negative thing someone says to me because there are times I am negative and my behavior may fit into that category. I can agree with the behavior without agreeing that I am 100% like what they say.
Mike
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Thu Sep 16, 2010 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I am more recovered. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Ok so I decided to add a little more motivation for myself (and you guys can join in if you would like) by doing a simple activity. My idea is to find a picture of someone I think is inspiring and say something short about what it is about them that is motivating or inspiring and what the diffrence between myself and that person is.
<IMG class="inline_image" SRC="http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/apr20 ... 711520.jpg">
My person is Susan Boyle. She followed her heart and got up in front of 1000s of people both in the stage and via tv and despite what everybody thought of her, she did what she wanted to do. She believed in herself and in that instant she started to sing, she changed the opinion of all those people against her and immediately they became her fans. She had alot of courage to go up and do that. The only diffrence between her and myself (besides age and sex of course) is her belief system. She believed she was allowed to follow her heart and deserved good things and she also believed in her ability. With that same change in my belief system, I could do amazing things like that too and so could any one of you that are reading this post.
Mike
Ok so I decided to add a little more motivation for myself (and you guys can join in if you would like) by doing a simple activity. My idea is to find a picture of someone I think is inspiring and say something short about what it is about them that is motivating or inspiring and what the diffrence between myself and that person is.
<IMG class="inline_image" SRC="http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/apr20 ... 711520.jpg">
My person is Susan Boyle. She followed her heart and got up in front of 1000s of people both in the stage and via tv and despite what everybody thought of her, she did what she wanted to do. She believed in herself and in that instant she started to sing, she changed the opinion of all those people against her and immediately they became her fans. She had alot of courage to go up and do that. The only diffrence between her and myself (besides age and sex of course) is her belief system. She believed she was allowed to follow her heart and deserved good things and she also believed in her ability. With that same change in my belief system, I could do amazing things like that too and so could any one of you that are reading this post.
Mike