I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything will make me more recovered. I will do everything possible in order to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on anxiety and depression anymore. How i did things in the past doesn't work anymore
Sataurday;
Relaxation
Relaxation cd;
I did it but felt rushed because i was planning something for a friend and was thinking I need to do this and this and this.
Negative thought replacement;
1)I don't have enough time to get everything done before he comes
->I don't have to do everything before he comes. If i'm still needing some time i can have him watch tv down stairs while i setup everything else.
2)I should've done more self-help things today but I didn't. How am I suppose to recover like that?
->I don't have to always put in the same ammount of effort everyday. I put in effort on a daily basis and I am continuing to grow on a daily basis. There are going to be some days where I'm more busy than normal and don't have as much time to put towards self-help. There will be days like today when I spend a majority of the day with another person and so I can't do as much and thats fine.
3)I really messed up! Now both of my friends are going to hate me because of what i did!
->Yes I did make a big mistake and hurt both my friends. It wasn't intentional, I am willing to do whatever it takes to fix the problem and I didn't do it on purpose. I feel remorseful and I have let them both know how I feel. This is all I can do and the situation is likely to work itself out.
6 Steps;
I got anxious while talking to my friend about our ideas of afterlife. His scared me and I couldn't accept it. I started to obsess about it and I started to practice breathing slowly and walking slowly. I told myself its just because of the conversation we had and it doesn't matter too much. Just because someone believes something doesn't mean it will come to be and they will go where they are ment to go.
Action assignments
Do things in a slower pace;
I kept the dark blue rock in my pocket and pulled it out several times when I was starting to feel stressed and it reminded me to go slower and to relax. This in itself calmed me down a little bit. It was helpful.
Mike
The Challenge...Lesson 2
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Mike and THH -
Thanks for the encouragement to be myself. It certainly is easier that way! I just didn't want to add any more negativity to the site. I guess I thought I would run people off if they really knew how bad I was feeling at times.
I don't know what brought on the memories from my past. They happen from time to time, most often when I'm having trouble going to sleep. Mike, to answer your specific questions, I went to bed close to my normal time, about 10 PM. I hadn't watched anything on TV that evening and the only stressful situation was just the general anxiety I was experiencing that day and the fact that I had not been able to work.
Fortunately, the depression (and anxiety) always lifts. I just have to wait for it to run its course, much like waiting for a panic attack to end. In the interim, I just do my best to keep my spirits up and know that I will feel better in time. The plateaus in my progress also are just temporary. I've had many and gotten through all of them. This time will be no different. I must be patient.
THH, true that there is less emotional involvement when helping others deal with problems then when helping ourselves. I also liked you description of looking with "hard" and "soft" eyes. I suppose it's the same as a looking at a specific detail (micro) versus a situation as a whole (macro). Too often I find myself caught up in the detail and need to remind myself to step back and contemplate things in a larger context. Another old habit to break, yes?
Jamie
Thanks for the encouragement to be myself. It certainly is easier that way! I just didn't want to add any more negativity to the site. I guess I thought I would run people off if they really knew how bad I was feeling at times.
I don't know what brought on the memories from my past. They happen from time to time, most often when I'm having trouble going to sleep. Mike, to answer your specific questions, I went to bed close to my normal time, about 10 PM. I hadn't watched anything on TV that evening and the only stressful situation was just the general anxiety I was experiencing that day and the fact that I had not been able to work.
Fortunately, the depression (and anxiety) always lifts. I just have to wait for it to run its course, much like waiting for a panic attack to end. In the interim, I just do my best to keep my spirits up and know that I will feel better in time. The plateaus in my progress also are just temporary. I've had many and gotten through all of them. This time will be no different. I must be patient.
THH, true that there is less emotional involvement when helping others deal with problems then when helping ourselves. I also liked you description of looking with "hard" and "soft" eyes. I suppose it's the same as a looking at a specific detail (micro) versus a situation as a whole (macro). Too often I find myself caught up in the detail and need to remind myself to step back and contemplate things in a larger context. Another old habit to break, yes?
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything possible in order to recover in the most healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on anxiety, fear and depression anymore. How i did things in the past doesn't work anymore
JJ & Searunner
Yeah i notice if i eat even 2 hours before going to sleep or nap then I feel really exhausted after waking. Especially if it is something sugary! I also feel that really out of control with my mind during those first few moments when i'm coming out of a sleep. I obsess about how exhausted I feel and how horrible my day is going to be because of this. It can take up to 30 minutes for that to go away.
THH
The way you describe riding your horse just sounds amazing! You sound like you are in the moment with your horses. I've rode horses before and it is a really nice feeling.
Mine well i like to sing and dance. If I could do gymnastics I would like that too. I mean i can do some gymnastics but if I could do things like walk up walls and do backflips and front flips and such, I would be doing them all the time and enjoying myself. What is the diffrence between a hobby and work?
Thank you, I am really trying my best to keep us going. I'm using everything I know to figure out ways to keep us motivated.
Right now getting a fish tank isn't something realistic for me but it would be nice. I like spending some time in the dog park around all the trees and the grass and such. I may start learning how to write and speak some more japanese maybe.
The Ellen thing is a goal for the future once i can actually handle anxiety attacks a bit better and am more confident in calming myself down. Being on tv right now would send me into a major panic attack possibly even to the point of having IBS symptoms which I usually do not have. I only get them if I have extreme panic feelings. Do people get money for going on talk shows?
Searunner;
Wow that is AAAAAMazing Jamie! I'm really proud of you and your accomplishments. You are starting to get happy about facing your limitations and you calmed yourself down from a level 8 down to 1 or 2 and thats awesome! You are very very likely to recover this time around buddy!
That sounds alot like yoga or at least the typical kind of yoga. Good idea to do it the way you did.
No you would have just been like most people when it comes to their anxieties and negativeness thats all. Well its good that the depression and anxiety always lifts and you notice it.
Great progress!
Mike
JJ & Searunner
Yeah i notice if i eat even 2 hours before going to sleep or nap then I feel really exhausted after waking. Especially if it is something sugary! I also feel that really out of control with my mind during those first few moments when i'm coming out of a sleep. I obsess about how exhausted I feel and how horrible my day is going to be because of this. It can take up to 30 minutes for that to go away.
THH
The way you describe riding your horse just sounds amazing! You sound like you are in the moment with your horses. I've rode horses before and it is a really nice feeling.
Mine well i like to sing and dance. If I could do gymnastics I would like that too. I mean i can do some gymnastics but if I could do things like walk up walls and do backflips and front flips and such, I would be doing them all the time and enjoying myself. What is the diffrence between a hobby and work?
Thank you, I am really trying my best to keep us going. I'm using everything I know to figure out ways to keep us motivated.
Right now getting a fish tank isn't something realistic for me but it would be nice. I like spending some time in the dog park around all the trees and the grass and such. I may start learning how to write and speak some more japanese maybe.
The Ellen thing is a goal for the future once i can actually handle anxiety attacks a bit better and am more confident in calming myself down. Being on tv right now would send me into a major panic attack possibly even to the point of having IBS symptoms which I usually do not have. I only get them if I have extreme panic feelings. Do people get money for going on talk shows?
Searunner;
Wow that is AAAAAMazing Jamie! I'm really proud of you and your accomplishments. You are starting to get happy about facing your limitations and you calmed yourself down from a level 8 down to 1 or 2 and thats awesome! You are very very likely to recover this time around buddy!
That sounds alot like yoga or at least the typical kind of yoga. Good idea to do it the way you did.
No you would have just been like most people when it comes to their anxieties and negativeness thats all. Well its good that the depression and anxiety always lifts and you notice it.
Great progress!
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything i do makes me more recovered. I will do anything possible to recover in the healthiest of ways because I refuse to live a life based on anxiety and depression anymore. The way I did things in the past doesn't work anymore
Alright it comes to my attention that I may have given the impression that there is a right way to go about doing this challenge. I actually believed this as well. The program gives us suggestions in order to recover and well I have turned those into shoulds and I appologize for this. Keep in mind that my intentions were that of a positive nature. Myself, I've gone through the program at least 10 times and I had missed out on key things and did not recover and I was just trying my best to make sure nobody else fell in that trap. I realized that I was placing extra expectations and stress on both myself and the team and I'm sorry. I also did feel a little irritated when my expectations weren't met and I just tried to hold that in and pretend I wasn't feeling that way. That was my own problem and insecurity and not a lacking on anybody else's part. You all have to choose how you are going to work through this program and what it is you need in order to get better. I will continue to post the way I think I need to post in order to recover but I will not push it on anybody else. If you feel that the way I post is helpful then you can follow suit and if you feel that posting about certain accomplishments would be more beneficial then by all means, do that. Its more wise to feel good about what you are doing as opposed to feeling pressured into doing something. That pressured feeling only leads to resentment and that does not help the team or the person being pressured.
So what changes now? Well I'm not going to push my ways onto anybody. I'm not going to worry as much about the progress of others but I will still encourage and acknowledge the progress, struggles and limitations of others. I will also ask certain questions and try diffrent exercises in order to build on motivation but I will do it on a weekly basis and I'll do it more when I feel it is a good time and not if i'm worried and do it out of despiration. This team effort will also still be a great place to voice struggles, opinions, a place for advice as well as a great place to see the experiences of others when it comes to going through the program.
I accept that I am not perfect, I will make mistakes and I hope others leave room for my mistakes and their mistakes as well. Again I appologize for my error and I hope we can move on past this and grow more and become that person who we want to be!
Thank you again for joining me in this challenge,
Mike
Alright it comes to my attention that I may have given the impression that there is a right way to go about doing this challenge. I actually believed this as well. The program gives us suggestions in order to recover and well I have turned those into shoulds and I appologize for this. Keep in mind that my intentions were that of a positive nature. Myself, I've gone through the program at least 10 times and I had missed out on key things and did not recover and I was just trying my best to make sure nobody else fell in that trap. I realized that I was placing extra expectations and stress on both myself and the team and I'm sorry. I also did feel a little irritated when my expectations weren't met and I just tried to hold that in and pretend I wasn't feeling that way. That was my own problem and insecurity and not a lacking on anybody else's part. You all have to choose how you are going to work through this program and what it is you need in order to get better. I will continue to post the way I think I need to post in order to recover but I will not push it on anybody else. If you feel that the way I post is helpful then you can follow suit and if you feel that posting about certain accomplishments would be more beneficial then by all means, do that. Its more wise to feel good about what you are doing as opposed to feeling pressured into doing something. That pressured feeling only leads to resentment and that does not help the team or the person being pressured.
So what changes now? Well I'm not going to push my ways onto anybody. I'm not going to worry as much about the progress of others but I will still encourage and acknowledge the progress, struggles and limitations of others. I will also ask certain questions and try diffrent exercises in order to build on motivation but I will do it on a weekly basis and I'll do it more when I feel it is a good time and not if i'm worried and do it out of despiration. This team effort will also still be a great place to voice struggles, opinions, a place for advice as well as a great place to see the experiences of others when it comes to going through the program.
I accept that I am not perfect, I will make mistakes and I hope others leave room for my mistakes and their mistakes as well. Again I appologize for my error and I hope we can move on past this and grow more and become that person who we want to be!
Thank you again for joining me in this challenge,
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Mike -
No apology is needed. We all know your heart is in the right place and we appreciate all the effort you have put into hosting the challenge.
Also, thank you for the kudos about my success today. I'm really proud of how things went but it's always nice to hear it from someone else too!
Take care,
Jamie
No apology is needed. We all know your heart is in the right place and we appreciate all the effort you have put into hosting the challenge.
Also, thank you for the kudos about my success today. I'm really proud of how things went but it's always nice to hear it from someone else too!
Take care,
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
I will recover, I am recovering, each and eveything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possible can to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on fear, anxiety and depression any longer.
Thanks for the kind words and reminder that grieving takes time. I sometimes worry that I will get stuck in those down feelings, I have had problems with depression much of my life. But I now have tools to use to fight it too.
Mike and others- Thanks for the encouragement concerning my car ride. Thanks for understanding that this is a kinda big deal for me, people who don't have an anxiety problem just can't see what the big deal is.
today I didn't do much on self help. I did listen to the session again, but that was it.
THH-I rode one of my horses today too, it was such a beautiful day and it does bring my spirits up, today I rode my "safest" horse on a familiar trail with a trusted "safe" person friend so I didn't work on facing fears much but the pure enjoyment of the day was helpful in lifting my mood.
As part of stating who I want to be I didn't mean I wanted to change other people( I learned long ago that doesn't work) I meant I want to stop trying to change myself into what they want me to be so that they will like me, I sometimes see myself being like a cameleon lizard, changeing myself according to what environment I'm in(who I'm with).
Joe- I'm glad you joined us,
Thanks for the kind words and reminder that grieving takes time. I sometimes worry that I will get stuck in those down feelings, I have had problems with depression much of my life. But I now have tools to use to fight it too.
Mike and others- Thanks for the encouragement concerning my car ride. Thanks for understanding that this is a kinda big deal for me, people who don't have an anxiety problem just can't see what the big deal is.
today I didn't do much on self help. I did listen to the session again, but that was it.
THH-I rode one of my horses today too, it was such a beautiful day and it does bring my spirits up, today I rode my "safest" horse on a familiar trail with a trusted "safe" person friend so I didn't work on facing fears much but the pure enjoyment of the day was helpful in lifting my mood.
As part of stating who I want to be I didn't mean I wanted to change other people( I learned long ago that doesn't work) I meant I want to stop trying to change myself into what they want me to be so that they will like me, I sometimes see myself being like a cameleon lizard, changeing myself according to what environment I'm in(who I'm with).
Joe- I'm glad you joined us,
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on fear, anxiety and depression anymore. How I did things in the past doesn't work anymore.
Searunner
Actually I did need to appologize because I felt bad about it and I also needed to bring it up because I want people to realize that it is not good for me to add that pressure to others or for others to add it to themselves. You are also welcome for the kudos, it does feel nice when others acknowledge our accomplishments.
Lindalee
Your right people who's lives aren't controlled by anxiety and depression just don't understand. This is why the forums and this program are so very important. We need to stick together and give each other that kind of support because we aren't going to get that same understanding from people who know nothing about the condition.
Well you listened to the session and thats good and you are putting effort into the program. Just don't forget to use the information.
Mike
Searunner
Actually I did need to appologize because I felt bad about it and I also needed to bring it up because I want people to realize that it is not good for me to add that pressure to others or for others to add it to themselves. You are also welcome for the kudos, it does feel nice when others acknowledge our accomplishments.
Lindalee
Your right people who's lives aren't controlled by anxiety and depression just don't understand. This is why the forums and this program are so very important. We need to stick together and give each other that kind of support because we aren't going to get that same understanding from people who know nothing about the condition.
Well you listened to the session and thats good and you are putting effort into the program. Just don't forget to use the information.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything i do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on fear, anxiety and depression anymore. How I did things in the past doesn't work anymore.
by the way i didn't win the lottery this time around. I expected to win it and then felt dissapointed and a little depressed. That is not cool and i think it was a good learning experience though. I think i may just put $1 a week on it and just go about my business and visualize my goals and such instead of getting obsessed.
Sunday;
Relaxation
Relaxation cd in the morning;
I had several negative thoughts come up while listening to it and I'm realizing that I'm quicker to take notice of them and quicker to replace them. I spent more time focusing on the words and the exercises but I seem to want to rush the progressive muscle relaxation. I went from a level 5 anxiety level down to a 3.
Negative thoughts
1)I'm taking too long visualizing my goals. I should be getting my day started.
->There is no rush and I'm allowed to take my time and enjoy things. This is something to bring my energy up and I cannot do that if i'm trying to rush my way through things. There is no emergency and I deserve to enjoy what i'm doing and I enjoy contentment and calmness.
2)I still have this cough and itchy throat. This will never go away.
->This is a common occurance when I get sick. My immune system isn't very strong because I spend most of my day feeling anxious and that supresses it. I'm going to start to use immune boosting herbs, I'll use the sauna after i workout at the gym on a regular basis, I'll watch what I eat and I'll use foods to help break down the mucous and this will make me feel better. It will go away, It always goes away.
3)I need to figure out a new quote but I can't figure out a good one. My mind is too scrambled.
->It isn't life or death to get a new quote, we can continue to use the quote we did for this week and I can take my time to figure out what would be important to come from the quote and then decide what kinda quote to have. I'll use paper to help me out more.
4)I'm not putting enough effort into facing my limitations. I should be putting in more effort or I won't recover.
->I'm not even at the part in the program where it says to face limitations and i'm already doing it and thats great! I know that I cannot jump too far into my limitations or else it would be counter-productive and so I'm doing things the right way. I'm recovering in a slow way and there is no rush. I cannot rush myself to recover because then I just won't recover at all. It'll happen when it happens.
5)I'm not practicing my skills enough. I should be relaxing more and focusing more on the present moment.
->I'm practicing on a daily basis so I am making progress. I can't expect lots of progress at the beginning because it takes time to get good at a new skill. I am relaxing and focusing more and more in the present moment. If i want to focus more on present moment living then I can make that a goal and do that. I can do more tomorrow if I wish to but I did a great job today and all the other days this week.
6 Steps
I am using the 6 steps more and more as the days go by and I seem to be getting better and better at them. Right now I'm getting better at catching the negative thoughts and I can reduce my level of anxious lower than before and I can do it slightly quicker too. Now there are thoughts or situations where it isn't as strong but i'm still growing.
I was walking and listening to music and got anxiety and I asked what's bothering me and I feel bothered because I want to sing and I don't allow myself. Its my favorate thing to do but I rarely do it. I want to become a really great singer and I want to put so much energy into it. I know when I do karaoke or when I do something similar on one of my videogame consoles it makes me feel pretty happy. I denied myself this. I seem to also deny myself watching So you think you can dance Canada and watching other shows like that which i enjoy.
Action assignments
Upon waking picture peace or a mantra;
I tried to focus on the words "I'm safe, I'm comfortable, I'm relaxed and I'm calm" however too many intrusive thoughts kept in and it was hard to keep on track so I decided to picture a tropical island instead. It took more focus to create and because of that I was able to keep on track easier. Many thoughts came up and I kept shifting my focus back to the image and it felt good even though it was really hard to do.
Slow down;
I looked at the rock a few times while walking towards my friends place and it calmed me down and I felt a little more calmed down and less rushed!
Walking meditation;
I was listening to lesson 1 then paused it and focused on everything around me. It was difficult because I was expecting myself to focus better and I resisted it. I felt more calm though. Its funny the same behavior I wish to have on a consistent basis is also the same behavior i'm really afraid of doing! I guess it'll take some time.
Other
Visualizing goals;
I felt good about visualizing my goals and felt good about picturing a brighter future for the world. Visualizing my goals makes me more motivated and I feel good about myself while focusing on a brighter future for everybody as opposed to just myself, makes more more relaxed and less anxious. I did happen to get intrusive thoughts about rushing but I reminded myself there is no emergency and did some breathing so i could bring myself back to my visualizing.
Socializing;
Went to my friend's place to watch a movie. I didn't feel as much anxiety while there when actually talking. I don't usually have as much anxiety while watching a movie because I forget about myself and today was no exception there.
Lesson 1 cd;
There were many things that jumped out at me. Jan mentioned that she wakes up excited about the day now and how she has to hold herself back as she wants to do soooo many things in a day. Thats cool to get to that point because of the program! Tammy said she was at school in a group setting...she was getting ready to give a presentation and they were in a big circle and had a panic attack. I had tons of anxiety and panicky whenever that happened in school and even now when doing workshops and such.
Tammy even said it took her awhile to tell people and she got sick of hiding it and so she started to tell people and she got so much support from it. It seems similar to the coming out process actually!
Ken said he would get a job and after a couple months he would master it and get bored. He also said when we get bored we find a way to fill the time with obsessive thoughts and such. This is why I kept struggling with all the jobs i've ever done, even the shiatsu!!! I would be fine for the first 2 weeks and then I would start to get so much anxiety about working and not being able to leave. I would even be afraid of panicking on a regular basis that I would often be late to get there because I didn't want to go. I didn't want to put myself through all that pain and suffering!
Dr. Fisher says the mind slows down to the point that it can cope and it zones out everything except what is most important and people are not tuned in as sharply as they would have been...they get this funny spacy feeling which is really the mind's protection system. Its your minds way of block all the negative stuff out and being in a free state.
by the way i didn't win the lottery this time around. I expected to win it and then felt dissapointed and a little depressed. That is not cool and i think it was a good learning experience though. I think i may just put $1 a week on it and just go about my business and visualize my goals and such instead of getting obsessed.
Sunday;
Relaxation
Relaxation cd in the morning;
I had several negative thoughts come up while listening to it and I'm realizing that I'm quicker to take notice of them and quicker to replace them. I spent more time focusing on the words and the exercises but I seem to want to rush the progressive muscle relaxation. I went from a level 5 anxiety level down to a 3.
Negative thoughts
1)I'm taking too long visualizing my goals. I should be getting my day started.
->There is no rush and I'm allowed to take my time and enjoy things. This is something to bring my energy up and I cannot do that if i'm trying to rush my way through things. There is no emergency and I deserve to enjoy what i'm doing and I enjoy contentment and calmness.
2)I still have this cough and itchy throat. This will never go away.
->This is a common occurance when I get sick. My immune system isn't very strong because I spend most of my day feeling anxious and that supresses it. I'm going to start to use immune boosting herbs, I'll use the sauna after i workout at the gym on a regular basis, I'll watch what I eat and I'll use foods to help break down the mucous and this will make me feel better. It will go away, It always goes away.
3)I need to figure out a new quote but I can't figure out a good one. My mind is too scrambled.
->It isn't life or death to get a new quote, we can continue to use the quote we did for this week and I can take my time to figure out what would be important to come from the quote and then decide what kinda quote to have. I'll use paper to help me out more.
4)I'm not putting enough effort into facing my limitations. I should be putting in more effort or I won't recover.
->I'm not even at the part in the program where it says to face limitations and i'm already doing it and thats great! I know that I cannot jump too far into my limitations or else it would be counter-productive and so I'm doing things the right way. I'm recovering in a slow way and there is no rush. I cannot rush myself to recover because then I just won't recover at all. It'll happen when it happens.
5)I'm not practicing my skills enough. I should be relaxing more and focusing more on the present moment.
->I'm practicing on a daily basis so I am making progress. I can't expect lots of progress at the beginning because it takes time to get good at a new skill. I am relaxing and focusing more and more in the present moment. If i want to focus more on present moment living then I can make that a goal and do that. I can do more tomorrow if I wish to but I did a great job today and all the other days this week.
6 Steps
I am using the 6 steps more and more as the days go by and I seem to be getting better and better at them. Right now I'm getting better at catching the negative thoughts and I can reduce my level of anxious lower than before and I can do it slightly quicker too. Now there are thoughts or situations where it isn't as strong but i'm still growing.
I was walking and listening to music and got anxiety and I asked what's bothering me and I feel bothered because I want to sing and I don't allow myself. Its my favorate thing to do but I rarely do it. I want to become a really great singer and I want to put so much energy into it. I know when I do karaoke or when I do something similar on one of my videogame consoles it makes me feel pretty happy. I denied myself this. I seem to also deny myself watching So you think you can dance Canada and watching other shows like that which i enjoy.
Action assignments
Upon waking picture peace or a mantra;
I tried to focus on the words "I'm safe, I'm comfortable, I'm relaxed and I'm calm" however too many intrusive thoughts kept in and it was hard to keep on track so I decided to picture a tropical island instead. It took more focus to create and because of that I was able to keep on track easier. Many thoughts came up and I kept shifting my focus back to the image and it felt good even though it was really hard to do.
Slow down;
I looked at the rock a few times while walking towards my friends place and it calmed me down and I felt a little more calmed down and less rushed!
Walking meditation;
I was listening to lesson 1 then paused it and focused on everything around me. It was difficult because I was expecting myself to focus better and I resisted it. I felt more calm though. Its funny the same behavior I wish to have on a consistent basis is also the same behavior i'm really afraid of doing! I guess it'll take some time.
Other
Visualizing goals;
I felt good about visualizing my goals and felt good about picturing a brighter future for the world. Visualizing my goals makes me more motivated and I feel good about myself while focusing on a brighter future for everybody as opposed to just myself, makes more more relaxed and less anxious. I did happen to get intrusive thoughts about rushing but I reminded myself there is no emergency and did some breathing so i could bring myself back to my visualizing.
Socializing;
Went to my friend's place to watch a movie. I didn't feel as much anxiety while there when actually talking. I don't usually have as much anxiety while watching a movie because I forget about myself and today was no exception there.
Lesson 1 cd;
There were many things that jumped out at me. Jan mentioned that she wakes up excited about the day now and how she has to hold herself back as she wants to do soooo many things in a day. Thats cool to get to that point because of the program! Tammy said she was at school in a group setting...she was getting ready to give a presentation and they were in a big circle and had a panic attack. I had tons of anxiety and panicky whenever that happened in school and even now when doing workshops and such.
Tammy even said it took her awhile to tell people and she got sick of hiding it and so she started to tell people and she got so much support from it. It seems similar to the coming out process actually!
Ken said he would get a job and after a couple months he would master it and get bored. He also said when we get bored we find a way to fill the time with obsessive thoughts and such. This is why I kept struggling with all the jobs i've ever done, even the shiatsu!!! I would be fine for the first 2 weeks and then I would start to get so much anxiety about working and not being able to leave. I would even be afraid of panicking on a regular basis that I would often be late to get there because I didn't want to go. I didn't want to put myself through all that pain and suffering!
Dr. Fisher says the mind slows down to the point that it can cope and it zones out everything except what is most important and people are not tuned in as sharply as they would have been...they get this funny spacy feeling which is really the mind's protection system. Its your minds way of block all the negative stuff out and being in a free state.
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Sun Sep 12, 2010 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Wow lots of reading! Busy place sense I was here last! 
SeaRunner, great job bicycling! What do you fear by being too far from home? Maybe ask your self that at the point you feel you need to turn around. You did a great job challanging your self and I too have broke through the anxiety zone. Then I feel like "ya big dummy" You scared your self again! Thats good on getting a a bit big headed! I like that, I don't have to reach the top of the anxiety scale to use my skills and see that I can handle anxiety.
We all feel bad at times, negitive thoughts do that to us and everyone who dwells on them. We are learning to reconize the negitive thoughts, deal with them or let them go, and replace them with impowering postive self talk, we change our perspective and feel better. All of us have made huge strides, it is a work in progress.
Mike, YES you get paid $$$$ for that! Sometimes big money.
Thats so cool you like to sing. Why do you deprive yourself of a gift and something you enjoy?
I agree with your statement You all have to choose how you are going to work through this program and what it is you need in order to get better. I will continue to post the way I think I need to post in order to recover. GOOD FOR YOU!
It is true everyone has thier streghts and weaknesses they maybe different than each others. You must take care of yourself first. I enjoy the way your doing the program, and your doing it in a way to keep it fresh and interesting. Good job. Don't feel your responsible for everyone else, those that join in are doing so because they want to. Its more fun that way. I don't think you need to appologize for any thing.
BOO on no winning ticket! I used to play, but the only one I ever win on is the instant Bingo one. I got $18.00 the other day!
Relaxation
I rode my horse again this evening. It felt so nice.
Negative thoughts
My husbands sister called today. The one I had words with. I let my husband talk to her, and she was very nice and superficial. I felt anxious for fear she was going to catch me off guard again. I never had to talk to her. It is OK for me not to beg her to like me, be a part of her life. I still like her and wish her the best. We are just two different people.
Rating my day - 7
I am hoping for a peaceful night for all!
SeaRunner, great job bicycling! What do you fear by being too far from home? Maybe ask your self that at the point you feel you need to turn around. You did a great job challanging your self and I too have broke through the anxiety zone. Then I feel like "ya big dummy" You scared your self again! Thats good on getting a a bit big headed! I like that, I don't have to reach the top of the anxiety scale to use my skills and see that I can handle anxiety.
We all feel bad at times, negitive thoughts do that to us and everyone who dwells on them. We are learning to reconize the negitive thoughts, deal with them or let them go, and replace them with impowering postive self talk, we change our perspective and feel better. All of us have made huge strides, it is a work in progress.
Mike, YES you get paid $$$$ for that! Sometimes big money.
Thats so cool you like to sing. Why do you deprive yourself of a gift and something you enjoy?
I agree with your statement You all have to choose how you are going to work through this program and what it is you need in order to get better. I will continue to post the way I think I need to post in order to recover. GOOD FOR YOU!
It is true everyone has thier streghts and weaknesses they maybe different than each others. You must take care of yourself first. I enjoy the way your doing the program, and your doing it in a way to keep it fresh and interesting. Good job. Don't feel your responsible for everyone else, those that join in are doing so because they want to. Its more fun that way. I don't think you need to appologize for any thing.
BOO on no winning ticket! I used to play, but the only one I ever win on is the instant Bingo one. I got $18.00 the other day!
Relaxation
I rode my horse again this evening. It felt so nice.
Negative thoughts
My husbands sister called today. The one I had words with. I let my husband talk to her, and she was very nice and superficial. I felt anxious for fear she was going to catch me off guard again. I never had to talk to her. It is OK for me not to beg her to like me, be a part of her life. I still like her and wish her the best. We are just two different people.
Rating my day - 7
I am hoping for a peaceful night for all!
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
THH
Because I have lots of other things i need to do in order to achieve my goals and to cope with the anxiety or at least I have in the past.
Ya but I care to much to not make sure people stay on track. I don't want people to lose hope, I don't want them to spend another year, 5 years or even 10 years with this condition when they don't need to. But you are right it is not my responsibility and I cannot save the world.
I won the $5 last time but nothing this time. I was hoping for it the first time and the 2nd time I was expecting it. I got a little obsessive. congrats on $18
Oh your husband's sister...ya i remember your struggles with her and that phone conversation. Its people like that which remind us to keep following through with the skills we learn in the program.
You following suit with my wishing a brighter future for everybody?
Its intresting i'm noticing that I feel really sad and depressed during the night time. That is typically when people feel the most depressed. I feel really strong about just dwelling in that feeling too. Sad music, sad anime shows...its pulling me in!
Mike
Because I have lots of other things i need to do in order to achieve my goals and to cope with the anxiety or at least I have in the past.
Ya but I care to much to not make sure people stay on track. I don't want people to lose hope, I don't want them to spend another year, 5 years or even 10 years with this condition when they don't need to. But you are right it is not my responsibility and I cannot save the world.
I won the $5 last time but nothing this time. I was hoping for it the first time and the 2nd time I was expecting it. I got a little obsessive. congrats on $18
Oh your husband's sister...ya i remember your struggles with her and that phone conversation. Its people like that which remind us to keep following through with the skills we learn in the program.
You following suit with my wishing a brighter future for everybody?
Its intresting i'm noticing that I feel really sad and depressed during the night time. That is typically when people feel the most depressed. I feel really strong about just dwelling in that feeling too. Sad music, sad anime shows...its pulling me in!
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/