One More Step
Searunner: You are a very encouraging writer on this website. I appreciate all you have written. I am a newcomer to the sight, but not to the program. I would just once love to talk with the man who spoke to those who's anxiety was connected to religion or God. He believed that it was the worst kind of anxiety a person could have and to learn to give ourselves a break. I think his name was Mike.I have clung to his words and have hung on for dear life. It has taken me quite some time to see some light through the tunnel because my anxiety was stemmed from my religous background and my confusing family life as a child. My anxiety is very generalized and has touched every part of my life, and has been with me every waking moment from sunrise to sunset. But I am starting to make a breakthrough, even through my personal turmoil . I have clung to a troubled marriage, which only helped keep me stuck. Now my Husband after 27 years has finally messed up to the point that I have no choice but to face my fears and pull myself up and out of my co dependency and find myself as a whole and capable person. I am thankful I have had these tapes, because I know for a fact that I would not have been able to cope with this past year without them. I ask all of you with whom I do feel connected with, Thank God to have meant you just by hearing you speak, and reading your comments, I have had no one else in my life that I could relate to. I am going to ask a few of you who believe in prayer to please pray for me, for I have much to face in my personal life, and I am just now after all these years of confusion about God, turning to him now and I actually feel his love for me for the first time. It is very true how our thoughts play tricks on us and fear itself strips us from the gift we so deserve to have the joy in living, and life. DebSue
DebSue,
your wonderful words to Searunner and about feeling God's love just gave me goosebumps! I once had the similar God anxiety, so I understand exactly what you have been feeling. Try to realize when you are using this as a distraction from the difficulties around you, and know that God loves you more than you could ever begin to imagine! Ask Him to speak to you and guide you and I promise He will.
I am also female and ended a long engagement right before the wedding... I had to send out cancellations and everything, sell the house, basically everything treated as if it were a divorce. I know that is different than being married for 27 years, but I can understand the feeling of suddenly being 'on your own'. This was such a difficult time in my life, but it showed me what a strong and independent woman I really am. This will teach you so much about yourself and you will see that you can overcome anything.
You are not alone.
your wonderful words to Searunner and about feeling God's love just gave me goosebumps! I once had the similar God anxiety, so I understand exactly what you have been feeling. Try to realize when you are using this as a distraction from the difficulties around you, and know that God loves you more than you could ever begin to imagine! Ask Him to speak to you and guide you and I promise He will.
I am also female and ended a long engagement right before the wedding... I had to send out cancellations and everything, sell the house, basically everything treated as if it were a divorce. I know that is different than being married for 27 years, but I can understand the feeling of suddenly being 'on your own'. This was such a difficult time in my life, but it showed me what a strong and independent woman I really am. This will teach you so much about yourself and you will see that you can overcome anything.
You are not alone.
Every time I think someone has summarized anxiety so perfectly, someone else comes along and describes it in a different, just-as-perfect way! THH- your description of fear of fear is right on. And your use of self-talk and humor is such an awesome example for anyone else suffering from anxiety and scary thoughts. I love reading these every day because it puts anxiety in such a realistic and treatable perspective for me. Thank you all so much!
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
berengar isn't that really interesting about perfection. It seems like someone reaches it and then you see someone else that does better. Makes you really wonder if perfection even exists.
By the way amazing how this got to 21 pages! That is just amazing!
THH and I have decided to redo the program after labor day and we'll be having threads going up on each lesson. There is already one up in the support section under the program forums and everybody is welcome to come join us on our journey.
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...05472/m/483009802001
Mike
By the way amazing how this got to 21 pages! That is just amazing!
THH and I have decided to redo the program after labor day and we'll be having threads going up on each lesson. There is already one up in the support section under the program forums and everybody is welcome to come join us on our journey.
http://bbs.stresscenter.com/ev...05472/m/483009802001
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Mike,
I was wondering where you were! I hadn't seen a post from you in a while.
I did the program a second time last year (I did it the first time 2 years ago), and it was very helpful. I will definitely follow your and THH's posts and offer any words of encouragement that I can think of.
Perfectionism is indeed an annoying trait to have, especially because there is no such thing as perfect. And why do we want to even be perfect? What are we trying to prove, and who are we trying to make jealous? Most importantly, perfectionism holds us back from true happiness. Have you ever met an extremely happy, peaceful, content person who tried to be perfect at everything? I think not!
Good job guys. Thanks for continuing to contribute... I love this forum!
I was wondering where you were! I hadn't seen a post from you in a while.
I did the program a second time last year (I did it the first time 2 years ago), and it was very helpful. I will definitely follow your and THH's posts and offer any words of encouragement that I can think of.
Perfectionism is indeed an annoying trait to have, especially because there is no such thing as perfect. And why do we want to even be perfect? What are we trying to prove, and who are we trying to make jealous? Most importantly, perfectionism holds us back from true happiness. Have you ever met an extremely happy, peaceful, content person who tried to be perfect at everything? I think not!
Good job guys. Thanks for continuing to contribute... I love this forum!
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I post almost everyday but its in the program section.
I think this'll be like my 15th time going through the program. I'm actually going to utilize the 6 steps in lesson 2 throughout the program this time though. I didn't do that any of the other times.
Perfection is a fixed idea. It assumes that we cannot grow and improve on what we do and its really sad if you think about it. If you don't realize the reality of it, you see it as this amazing outcome you wish to reach but don't really take into consideration the things you give up in order to reach it. I've given up many things i use to enjoy because of perfection and what did i get out of it? Misery!
Good point, I have not met a person who i thought to be extremely happy and peaceful that was a perfectionist. It's usually the people who don't try to do perfect who do the best jobs and get the best results.
Mike
I think this'll be like my 15th time going through the program. I'm actually going to utilize the 6 steps in lesson 2 throughout the program this time though. I didn't do that any of the other times.
Perfection is a fixed idea. It assumes that we cannot grow and improve on what we do and its really sad if you think about it. If you don't realize the reality of it, you see it as this amazing outcome you wish to reach but don't really take into consideration the things you give up in order to reach it. I've given up many things i use to enjoy because of perfection and what did i get out of it? Misery!
Good point, I have not met a person who i thought to be extremely happy and peaceful that was a perfectionist. It's usually the people who don't try to do perfect who do the best jobs and get the best results.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Hi all -
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a bit overwhelmed with work this last week. I'm on a graduated schedule to get back to regular attendance at the office while I get back on my feet from the last time I went through a down-turn with my anxiety and depression. I've been adding five hours every two weeks to my goal and am now at the 30-hour mark.
The trouble is that I haven't met the 25-hour goal yet, which started three weeks ago. I'm able to get 20 hours consistently because I'm allowed that many hours working remotely from home. The rest has to be done at the office, which is a challenge for me since it's outside the range I feel comfortable traveling. I try every day to get into the office and stay for as long as I can, which is typically one to three hours when I do make it there. But I haven't been able to make it more than a few times a week, which hasn't been enough to meet my goals.
I think I'm falling into the trap of making too big of an issue out of the specific value of the hourly goal. I'm putting so much focus on making that mark that I create additional stress on top of that already existing just from my baseline anxiety and that resulting from pushing myself to get into the office. I usually do my best when I let go of the mindset that I'm working within a strict set of rules and instead just try my best. Typically my best is much more than I think I'm capable of since I almost always underestimate my ability to cope with anxiety.
Instead I am now going to shift my focus on what I've accomplished this far. I took a huge setback and have made a great deal of progress since then. In the last few months I've gone from barely putting any time at all to working consistently 20 to 25 hours per week. Yes, the bulk is at home right now, but I'm making an huge effort to increase my hours in the office and I will get there eventually. I'm taking risks and pushing my boundaries every day.
I'm very fortunate that my employer, managers, and supervisor have all been so supportive for so long. I've been struggling with my anxiety and schedule for well over two years and this recent setback is only the latest. I can't imagine the stress that so many others are facing right not having to search for a job in this difficult economy and I am blessed to have what I do. I want so badly to impress my superiors to show them how much I appreciate their compassion and good will.
I have to keep taking each day as it comes and face up to my fears. I'm not willing to let my anxiety keep stealing so much of my life away. It's time that I take back what is mine and shed this burden.
Take care all and good luck with your journeys as well,
Jamie
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been a bit overwhelmed with work this last week. I'm on a graduated schedule to get back to regular attendance at the office while I get back on my feet from the last time I went through a down-turn with my anxiety and depression. I've been adding five hours every two weeks to my goal and am now at the 30-hour mark.
The trouble is that I haven't met the 25-hour goal yet, which started three weeks ago. I'm able to get 20 hours consistently because I'm allowed that many hours working remotely from home. The rest has to be done at the office, which is a challenge for me since it's outside the range I feel comfortable traveling. I try every day to get into the office and stay for as long as I can, which is typically one to three hours when I do make it there. But I haven't been able to make it more than a few times a week, which hasn't been enough to meet my goals.
I think I'm falling into the trap of making too big of an issue out of the specific value of the hourly goal. I'm putting so much focus on making that mark that I create additional stress on top of that already existing just from my baseline anxiety and that resulting from pushing myself to get into the office. I usually do my best when I let go of the mindset that I'm working within a strict set of rules and instead just try my best. Typically my best is much more than I think I'm capable of since I almost always underestimate my ability to cope with anxiety.
Instead I am now going to shift my focus on what I've accomplished this far. I took a huge setback and have made a great deal of progress since then. In the last few months I've gone from barely putting any time at all to working consistently 20 to 25 hours per week. Yes, the bulk is at home right now, but I'm making an huge effort to increase my hours in the office and I will get there eventually. I'm taking risks and pushing my boundaries every day.
I'm very fortunate that my employer, managers, and supervisor have all been so supportive for so long. I've been struggling with my anxiety and schedule for well over two years and this recent setback is only the latest. I can't imagine the stress that so many others are facing right not having to search for a job in this difficult economy and I am blessed to have what I do. I want so badly to impress my superiors to show them how much I appreciate their compassion and good will.
I have to keep taking each day as it comes and face up to my fears. I'm not willing to let my anxiety keep stealing so much of my life away. It's time that I take back what is mine and shed this burden.
Take care all and good luck with your journeys as well,
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
ManOfMusic -
It really does seem that way. We clear one hurdle only to find that it wasn't the last one. I suppose that's just part of being alive. No one has a perfect life. Everyone has there own struggles and they can vary significantly from one person to the next.
I believe that the people that are happiest realize that life isn't perfect and there will be challenges. They deal with things as they come along as best as they can within the limits of their abilities and situation. They also recognize what is within their power to change versus what is not and also what is truly important versus what is not. Those are lessons that many of us have yet to master, including myself.
I'm glad that you're still striving towards your goal of regular exercise. There's nothing wrong with taking a break, especially when you're on vacation and your regular schedule is upset. You've taken a good attitude and I'm certain that you'll get right back into the swing of things.
I'm also pleased to hear that you're still focusing on not letting other people's negative attitudes and behaviors affect you as they have in the past. You're right that this is a more difficult task. Before, when you were changing your diet, you were pretty much in control of things. But when dealing with other people, you can't control how they are going to behave, only your own reactions. That makes things quite a bit more complex.
But this is an achievable goal and certainly one worth working on. As sensitive as those of us with anxiety tend to be, the last thing we need to do is take on negativity from others. I'm curious what different methods you are using and what you're finding works best for you if you're willing to share. Keep us posted on your progress.
Jamie
It really does seem that way. We clear one hurdle only to find that it wasn't the last one. I suppose that's just part of being alive. No one has a perfect life. Everyone has there own struggles and they can vary significantly from one person to the next.
I believe that the people that are happiest realize that life isn't perfect and there will be challenges. They deal with things as they come along as best as they can within the limits of their abilities and situation. They also recognize what is within their power to change versus what is not and also what is truly important versus what is not. Those are lessons that many of us have yet to master, including myself.
I'm glad that you're still striving towards your goal of regular exercise. There's nothing wrong with taking a break, especially when you're on vacation and your regular schedule is upset. You've taken a good attitude and I'm certain that you'll get right back into the swing of things.
I'm also pleased to hear that you're still focusing on not letting other people's negative attitudes and behaviors affect you as they have in the past. You're right that this is a more difficult task. Before, when you were changing your diet, you were pretty much in control of things. But when dealing with other people, you can't control how they are going to behave, only your own reactions. That makes things quite a bit more complex.
But this is an achievable goal and certainly one worth working on. As sensitive as those of us with anxiety tend to be, the last thing we need to do is take on negativity from others. I'm curious what different methods you are using and what you're finding works best for you if you're willing to share. Keep us posted on your progress.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
THH -
I'm pleased that my thoughts struck a chord with you. There definitely is something healing about knowing we are not alone and that others face similar struggles. This is especially true when we see the possibility that we can overcome the same obstacles that others have. This gives us hope.
I think that your "fear of fear" is actually very common. I came to the same conclusion some time ago. Once we get over the initial fears of specific scenarios like dying or passing out, I think many of us simply are afraid of experiencing the instinctive fear that makes up anxiety and panic attacks. I know this is true for me. In fact, nearly all of my limitations are based the mental calculations of "how long will I be able to handle the fear" and "how much worse will the fear get".
Although I still struggle to believe this when I'm feeling anxious, when I'm calm and can see things clearly, the answers are encouraging. I can handle the fear as long as I need to. It always passes with time, with the very worst of it passing in just a few minutes. Our bodies can only keep us in a very high state of panic for a relatively short period even though it may seem like forever at the time. Also, as I look back and inventory all the times I've gone into full blown panic, it never gets any worse that to a certain point. Yes, it's extremely uncomfortable, but I get through it every time.
I think you have a very realistic and positive outlook on what matters and what doesn't. I agree that it's easy to get caught up in the moment but when we step back and look at our situation in a larger context, most things are not as big of a deal as we make them out to be. It's also encouraging to hear you are checking your fears against reality. Your example of passing out is perfect. When we truthfully address the question of whats really the worst that can happen, the answer is often not nearly as bad as we might imagine. And as you already pointed out humor always helps.
Jamie
I'm pleased that my thoughts struck a chord with you. There definitely is something healing about knowing we are not alone and that others face similar struggles. This is especially true when we see the possibility that we can overcome the same obstacles that others have. This gives us hope.
I think that your "fear of fear" is actually very common. I came to the same conclusion some time ago. Once we get over the initial fears of specific scenarios like dying or passing out, I think many of us simply are afraid of experiencing the instinctive fear that makes up anxiety and panic attacks. I know this is true for me. In fact, nearly all of my limitations are based the mental calculations of "how long will I be able to handle the fear" and "how much worse will the fear get".
Although I still struggle to believe this when I'm feeling anxious, when I'm calm and can see things clearly, the answers are encouraging. I can handle the fear as long as I need to. It always passes with time, with the very worst of it passing in just a few minutes. Our bodies can only keep us in a very high state of panic for a relatively short period even though it may seem like forever at the time. Also, as I look back and inventory all the times I've gone into full blown panic, it never gets any worse that to a certain point. Yes, it's extremely uncomfortable, but I get through it every time.
I think you have a very realistic and positive outlook on what matters and what doesn't. I agree that it's easy to get caught up in the moment but when we step back and look at our situation in a larger context, most things are not as big of a deal as we make them out to be. It's also encouraging to hear you are checking your fears against reality. Your example of passing out is perfect. When we truthfully address the question of whats really the worst that can happen, the answer is often not nearly as bad as we might imagine. And as you already pointed out humor always helps.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
DebSue -
I'm so glad you've found my words to be helpful. This forum is great for sharing encouraging words and helping each other along with our daily struggles. We're in this boat together so we might as well enjoy each others company along the ride!
I believe you are correct about "Mike". As I recall, he is a pastor or youth pastor. In any event, he was going through religious schooling when his panic attacks were at their worst and thought that God was punishing him. I agree it would be very enlightening to be able to sit down and talk with him to see how he would answer so many of our questions. He has the unique perspective of being both highly educated within Christianity and a former sufferer of anxiety and panic.
Based on the fact that there is a an entire section of this website devoted to spirituality, I would say your fears related to God are not unusual. We always are questioning ourselves, whether we're "good enough", and what we might have done to make things worse. That seems to be our nature. But we don't have to live that way. It is our choice to see things in a negative light rather than a positive one. Let's choose to be positive.
I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. But from what your wrote, it sounds like it isn't a healthy relationship, at least not now. In all codependent relationships, you both were getting something out if it. However, in such relationships, the positives you are getting are typically far outweighed by the bad. So you will probably find that once you get through this troubled time in your life, you will come out stronger and happier than before.
I don't know the details of your situation and perhaps your marriage can be salvaged with the proper help. But in any case, I believe that you now recognize that you are your best source of strength. While it is important to have close people in our lives that we can depend on for support, it is most important to be able to depend on ourselves. In fact, I believe that once we are truly happy with and trust ourselves, it serves only to strengthen our relationships with others.
I will definitely include you in my prayers. You are a strong, worthwhile person and deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life. Never settle for less.
Jamie
I'm so glad you've found my words to be helpful. This forum is great for sharing encouraging words and helping each other along with our daily struggles. We're in this boat together so we might as well enjoy each others company along the ride!
I believe you are correct about "Mike". As I recall, he is a pastor or youth pastor. In any event, he was going through religious schooling when his panic attacks were at their worst and thought that God was punishing him. I agree it would be very enlightening to be able to sit down and talk with him to see how he would answer so many of our questions. He has the unique perspective of being both highly educated within Christianity and a former sufferer of anxiety and panic.
Based on the fact that there is a an entire section of this website devoted to spirituality, I would say your fears related to God are not unusual. We always are questioning ourselves, whether we're "good enough", and what we might have done to make things worse. That seems to be our nature. But we don't have to live that way. It is our choice to see things in a negative light rather than a positive one. Let's choose to be positive.
I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. But from what your wrote, it sounds like it isn't a healthy relationship, at least not now. In all codependent relationships, you both were getting something out if it. However, in such relationships, the positives you are getting are typically far outweighed by the bad. So you will probably find that once you get through this troubled time in your life, you will come out stronger and happier than before.
I don't know the details of your situation and perhaps your marriage can be salvaged with the proper help. But in any case, I believe that you now recognize that you are your best source of strength. While it is important to have close people in our lives that we can depend on for support, it is most important to be able to depend on ourselves. In fact, I believe that once we are truly happy with and trust ourselves, it serves only to strengthen our relationships with others.
I will definitely include you in my prayers. You are a strong, worthwhile person and deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life. Never settle for less.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters