Berengar and THH,
Our feelings about driving are so similar. I'm also much calmer in the right lane, and have a really tough time with cement walls and construction barrels, tunnels, and bridges with no shoulders. I was in therapy with a psychologist a few years back for this and eventhough I explained how I felt she never really understood. She didn't understand that just being in traffic didn't scare me, it was being in traffic at highway speeds with mergers and such, where more than just bent fenders would happen if something went wrong.
As a passenger this summer after starting the program I started watching the attitudes of the confident drivers I was riding with. They have a lot more trust in the other drivers than I do, they trust the mechanical soundness of their cars more than I do, even if they are older.THey trust themselves more than I trust myself too.
I remember getting through a root canal at the dentist (another really scary place for me) by choosing to trust the dentist, I kept repeating to myself "I choose to trust" and after some time I did actually start to trust. Maybe this could help on the highway too.
I can't find the words to truely tell you how much it means to me to find people who understand how I feel and what I go through. I have felt alone and defective
One More Step
Don't worry, you are not alone. You are among probably millions who have varying degrees of this fear. It does all come down to trust and it is very hard to trust hundreds of other drivers around you.
I used to think I was strange for this, but then I realized how good I am at so many other things. Who cares if fast traffic with multiple lanes/mergers scares me? I am working on getting better at it, and I accept that I may go very slow in my progression. You should keep trying to practice and allow yourself to feel anxious as you take small steps. It won't feel good while you're doing it, but you need to be proud of yourself every time you try.
I have found through these forums that I am NEVER the only one who has a certain fear. Never be hesitant to share here!
I used to think I was strange for this, but then I realized how good I am at so many other things. Who cares if fast traffic with multiple lanes/mergers scares me? I am working on getting better at it, and I accept that I may go very slow in my progression. You should keep trying to practice and allow yourself to feel anxious as you take small steps. It won't feel good while you're doing it, but you need to be proud of yourself every time you try.
I have found through these forums that I am NEVER the only one who has a certain fear. Never be hesitant to share here!
LindaLee, THH, and Beranger -
It sounds like we're all in a similar situation with driving. Beranger, like you said, so many of us tend share common fears it some form or another. LindaLee, you're right to recognize the power your vehicle, but you are even more right to trust yourself. It sounds like that's the obstacle really holding you back. And that's not unusual for those of us that suffer from anxiety conditions. We tend to not trust ourselves, others, and our surroundings, which fuels our fears that something terrible will happen or that we won't be able to cope.
THH, I think that your description of being trapped is another strong commonality between our driving fears. While I am also bound by distance along with many of the fears you, Beranger, and LindaLee described, it is based on the feeling of being out of control, that is being trapped in a situation I feel like I can't control.
With me I also fear driving in situations where I feel like I can't escape. This definitely applies to bridges, tunnels, and freeways with limited exits, especially during heavy traffic where changing lanes or getting to a place to turn around is difficult or impossible. I hate feeling like I can't move and just have to wait for others. Don't they know I'm panicking and they need to get out of the way, LOL?
Beranger, your description of the "skyway" sounds a lot like a particular freeway ramp near where I live that I despise using. It's the highest ramp in a rather unusual freeway interchange. There are four levels of freeway and ramps and this one is the uppermost and is probably eighty feet above the ground. Furthermore, it curves so it's banked to one side. Along with my fear of being trapped (once I start crossing it I can't stop or turn around) I also have a huge fear of heights. Add to that the sense of vertigo I often get with my anxiety and it's a potent combination.
There's also a bridge (my arch nemesis) that crosses Lake Washington between Seattle and Bellevue, the two largest cities in my immediate area. The lake is roughly twenty miles long and up to two miles wide so going around takes a long time and a lot of extra driving. The bridge is over two miles long, has no shoulders, and a central barrier that prevents any way to turn around. Once started, you can't stop until you've crossed it. Furthermore, it's heavily used and so there's almost always traffic at some point along the route. I haven't used it in about five years due to the number of panic attacks that I've had on it. The worst was when I was driving my motorcycle across and my hands got so numb from panicking that I could hardly feel the handles to steer.
There is a second bridge that crosses the lake that I actually do better on even though it has two tunnels as well as one mile-long bridge deck. There is an island midway between the first bridge deck and the second where I can get off and rest or turn around. Plus there are wide shoulders in the event I ever needed to pull over. Of course I never have pulled over, but knowing I could makes me much more comfortable. I just don't want to be the guy on the news who stopped his car in the middle of the freeway (both bridges are major freeways) and caused a major traffic jam because no one could get around. I can just picture it now; news helicopters taking live shots of my stopped car while the police are knocking on my window to find out what the problem is when I reply "leave me alone, I'm only on step two of the six-step process for dealing with a panic attack!" Oh the things we fear, LOL.
But eventually we have to face these fears lest we let them control us. I have slowly been expanding my range of driving as well as what routes I will take. I keep repeating the drives over and over until I get comfortable and can move on to the next step (AKA One More Step).
Take care all,
Jamie
It sounds like we're all in a similar situation with driving. Beranger, like you said, so many of us tend share common fears it some form or another. LindaLee, you're right to recognize the power your vehicle, but you are even more right to trust yourself. It sounds like that's the obstacle really holding you back. And that's not unusual for those of us that suffer from anxiety conditions. We tend to not trust ourselves, others, and our surroundings, which fuels our fears that something terrible will happen or that we won't be able to cope.
THH, I think that your description of being trapped is another strong commonality between our driving fears. While I am also bound by distance along with many of the fears you, Beranger, and LindaLee described, it is based on the feeling of being out of control, that is being trapped in a situation I feel like I can't control.
With me I also fear driving in situations where I feel like I can't escape. This definitely applies to bridges, tunnels, and freeways with limited exits, especially during heavy traffic where changing lanes or getting to a place to turn around is difficult or impossible. I hate feeling like I can't move and just have to wait for others. Don't they know I'm panicking and they need to get out of the way, LOL?
Beranger, your description of the "skyway" sounds a lot like a particular freeway ramp near where I live that I despise using. It's the highest ramp in a rather unusual freeway interchange. There are four levels of freeway and ramps and this one is the uppermost and is probably eighty feet above the ground. Furthermore, it curves so it's banked to one side. Along with my fear of being trapped (once I start crossing it I can't stop or turn around) I also have a huge fear of heights. Add to that the sense of vertigo I often get with my anxiety and it's a potent combination.
There's also a bridge (my arch nemesis) that crosses Lake Washington between Seattle and Bellevue, the two largest cities in my immediate area. The lake is roughly twenty miles long and up to two miles wide so going around takes a long time and a lot of extra driving. The bridge is over two miles long, has no shoulders, and a central barrier that prevents any way to turn around. Once started, you can't stop until you've crossed it. Furthermore, it's heavily used and so there's almost always traffic at some point along the route. I haven't used it in about five years due to the number of panic attacks that I've had on it. The worst was when I was driving my motorcycle across and my hands got so numb from panicking that I could hardly feel the handles to steer.
There is a second bridge that crosses the lake that I actually do better on even though it has two tunnels as well as one mile-long bridge deck. There is an island midway between the first bridge deck and the second where I can get off and rest or turn around. Plus there are wide shoulders in the event I ever needed to pull over. Of course I never have pulled over, but knowing I could makes me much more comfortable. I just don't want to be the guy on the news who stopped his car in the middle of the freeway (both bridges are major freeways) and caused a major traffic jam because no one could get around. I can just picture it now; news helicopters taking live shots of my stopped car while the police are knocking on my window to find out what the problem is when I reply "leave me alone, I'm only on step two of the six-step process for dealing with a panic attack!" Oh the things we fear, LOL.
But eventually we have to face these fears lest we let them control us. I have slowly been expanding my range of driving as well as what routes I will take. I keep repeating the drives over and over until I get comfortable and can move on to the next step (AKA One More Step).
Take care all,
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
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forever young 06
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm
wow why do we love reading about the limations of others that we relate to. I guess sympathy but I love this, I know what it is like to avoid going certain places beause of the fear of a panic attack.I have lived stuck in the situations for years getting better in some areas and staying in the same in some.
Its time I took my life back it times to start facing. I have dug my program back out,funny thing is I have almost memorized the tapes but maybe I can recall the advice when all gets horrible and I want to run I think I stopped the tapes when she said now you got to get out and face your fears but in the right way. I am not just out there enduring but practicing and in the right way learn how to talk your self down and eventually they will stop coming I love that.
searunner thanks for this thread I love reading it I hope to see all of us make some success in the areas we need to and encourage others as they make their way. there is no failure as long as we try and never give up.
Its time I took my life back it times to start facing. I have dug my program back out,funny thing is I have almost memorized the tapes but maybe I can recall the advice when all gets horrible and I want to run I think I stopped the tapes when she said now you got to get out and face your fears but in the right way. I am not just out there enduring but practicing and in the right way learn how to talk your self down and eventually they will stop coming I love that.
searunner thanks for this thread I love reading it I hope to see all of us make some success in the areas we need to and encourage others as they make their way. there is no failure as long as we try and never give up.
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
forever young -
The only thing I can say is to just face the fears and do it.
I used to love driving. There came a point where I hated it. It was one panic attack after another while I was behind the wheel. At one point I actually had to decide whether I wanted to drive (to work) or lose the house because I couldn't afford it without the job. I had to drive because there was no bus service near where I work. Long story short, I forced myself to get behind the wheel, shaking and fearful, and I forced myself to drive. There were times where I forced myself to take the long way to work. There were times I had to pull over or turn onto a side street, but the thing is, I did it. The more I did it, the easier it got. Thursday, I drove 200km on the highway. I had a few attacks, but I never had to pull over. When I got to my destination, I went into some stores, restaurants, etc. I had a panic attack in each place I went. I breathed and I calmed myself down. I purposely took my time in these stores.
The thing is that once I got home, I realized that I can do whatever I want, attacks or no attacks. No one else knows when I have one, just me.
Just push yourself to do something and keep pushing yourself to do more everyday. If you have a setback, who cares. Press on the next day. Maybe you can even keep a journal where you write down your accomplishments. Just don't give up.
The only thing I can say is to just face the fears and do it.
I used to love driving. There came a point where I hated it. It was one panic attack after another while I was behind the wheel. At one point I actually had to decide whether I wanted to drive (to work) or lose the house because I couldn't afford it without the job. I had to drive because there was no bus service near where I work. Long story short, I forced myself to get behind the wheel, shaking and fearful, and I forced myself to drive. There were times where I forced myself to take the long way to work. There were times I had to pull over or turn onto a side street, but the thing is, I did it. The more I did it, the easier it got. Thursday, I drove 200km on the highway. I had a few attacks, but I never had to pull over. When I got to my destination, I went into some stores, restaurants, etc. I had a panic attack in each place I went. I breathed and I calmed myself down. I purposely took my time in these stores.
The thing is that once I got home, I realized that I can do whatever I want, attacks or no attacks. No one else knows when I have one, just me.
Just push yourself to do something and keep pushing yourself to do more everyday. If you have a setback, who cares. Press on the next day. Maybe you can even keep a journal where you write down your accomplishments. Just don't give up.
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forever young 06
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm
manofmusic,
loved your post. that is what lucinda says just do it face your fears if you wait till you don't have panic attacks you never do it and I guess that is where I am right now years gone by and I am still sitting here. I do a little but there are places I avoid.
I am glad to see you are facing your fears how far do you drive to work. you know I thought how does he have the panic attacks and keep going but that is what you have to do learn to not be afraid of them you know it looks like they would stop coming that is what they say wonder what keeps your coming if I stay in my safe areas I won't have any so see that reinforces the fear because when I go out I have one or high anxiety. glad you are facing yours and hopefully I can find the courage
loved your post. that is what lucinda says just do it face your fears if you wait till you don't have panic attacks you never do it and I guess that is where I am right now years gone by and I am still sitting here. I do a little but there are places I avoid.
I am glad to see you are facing your fears how far do you drive to work. you know I thought how does he have the panic attacks and keep going but that is what you have to do learn to not be afraid of them you know it looks like they would stop coming that is what they say wonder what keeps your coming if I stay in my safe areas I won't have any so see that reinforces the fear because when I go out I have one or high anxiety. glad you are facing yours and hopefully I can find the courage
FY06 -
In answer to your question, I think that we tend to congregate with others that have similar issues not so much for sympathy but for a sense that someone else understands what were going through. It's nearly impossible for someone who has never had a panic attack or deep depression to understand what it really feels like and the significant impact they can have on someone and their behaviors. So we share our stories and give each other encouragement in a way no one else can.
I so pleased that you like this thread and come to it often. I'm also very glad to hear you are ready to start stepping outside your comfort zone and challenge your anxiety. If you go back to the very first post of this thread, you'll see that I started it with precisely that in mind: to set goals to challenge ourselves.
It doesn't matter so much how well we do or what the exact results are but that we take risks and start taking back our lives. I truly believe that is the best way to recover from an anxiety condition. Medication is wonderful but we still need to be able to handle stressful situations on our own wherever we are.
I say this not as someone who as mastered taking risks but as someone who is struggling like everyone else. I still have many limitations, but I try to challenge myself everyday. Sometimes things go well and sometimes they don't but over time things get easier. Just knowing that I'm taking action is a healthy feeling in itself.
Keep up the great work and let us know how things are going. We're here for you.
Jamie
In answer to your question, I think that we tend to congregate with others that have similar issues not so much for sympathy but for a sense that someone else understands what were going through. It's nearly impossible for someone who has never had a panic attack or deep depression to understand what it really feels like and the significant impact they can have on someone and their behaviors. So we share our stories and give each other encouragement in a way no one else can.
I so pleased that you like this thread and come to it often. I'm also very glad to hear you are ready to start stepping outside your comfort zone and challenge your anxiety. If you go back to the very first post of this thread, you'll see that I started it with precisely that in mind: to set goals to challenge ourselves.
It doesn't matter so much how well we do or what the exact results are but that we take risks and start taking back our lives. I truly believe that is the best way to recover from an anxiety condition. Medication is wonderful but we still need to be able to handle stressful situations on our own wherever we are.
I say this not as someone who as mastered taking risks but as someone who is struggling like everyone else. I still have many limitations, but I try to challenge myself everyday. Sometimes things go well and sometimes they don't but over time things get easier. Just knowing that I'm taking action is a healthy feeling in itself.
Keep up the great work and let us know how things are going. We're here for you.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
ManOfMusic -
I'm so impressed that you were able to just push right through your fears and face them head on. I can only imagine when I'll be able to do that, but I'm on the right path. It's so encouraging to hear when someone breaks through that barrier. We all can do it, but for many of us it seems so far away. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's truly inspirational.
Jamie
I'm so impressed that you were able to just push right through your fears and face them head on. I can only imagine when I'll be able to do that, but I'm on the right path. It's so encouraging to hear when someone breaks through that barrier. We all can do it, but for many of us it seems so far away. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's truly inspirational.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
Well, Jamie, sometimes it seems that I'll knock a barrier down only to find it leaning up against another barrier. It can go on like that for a while. I guess the trick is to keep on pushing until the sun shines thru.....
Last week (vacation), I made it for the riverwalk once. I got kind of lazy. I didn't beat myself up too much. Now that things are back on a schedule, I feel like doing more. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the way it is for me. I just got lazy last week.
This week, I'm still going to work on not taking garbage from other people seriously. This one seems to be tougher than the "no salt" thing.
Hope all is going good for all today !
Last week (vacation), I made it for the riverwalk once. I got kind of lazy. I didn't beat myself up too much. Now that things are back on a schedule, I feel like doing more. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the way it is for me. I just got lazy last week.
This week, I'm still going to work on not taking garbage from other people seriously. This one seems to be tougher than the "no salt" thing.
Hope all is going good for all today !
Sea Runner, I like your reply. 
It has been a big comfort to me to read other peoples experiances dealing with anxiety.
I had a very mentally active week, dealing with my moms new meds., my job being busy, a sick horse, 2 birthdays. whew!
I am learning for me, I have a fear of fear??? When I actually get into something I deal well. When it gets drawn out I get to thinking ahead to much. Slowing down is very hard at times, when the pressure is on. I feel I did well. I think for me the best was reconizing I have the anxiety, (the symptoms) Let go... remember I am not in control of the universe. Make pioritys what is the most important thing I need to deal with at this min. A couple times I thought, I'm going to pass out, I DID NOT!, And I told myself - so what, if you do get up and do what you were doing. Your not going to be out long...Haha... It all helps, it brings a laugh to your mind. Then I felt better.
Manofmusic, You got it, keep pushing until the sun shines thru. That is what vacations are for, doing what feels good. If you feel lazy be lazy. Enjoy that too!
Good for you on your walk too!
When dealing with people giving you garbage, remember your better than that. Sometimes no comment is best, walk away. I agree it is very hard but like Lucindia says, alot of people won't like you no matter what you do or say, so don't try to please them so much. I'm sure you do a great job, and the guy who signs your pay check likes you!!! Be proud of yourself!!!
Have a good day everyone!
It has been a big comfort to me to read other peoples experiances dealing with anxiety.
That is really the truth, I think that is what is nice about this fourm.In answer to your question, I think that we tend to congregate with others that have similar issues not so much for sympathy but for a sense that someone else understands what were going through. It's nearly impossible for someone who has never had a panic attack or deep depression to understand what it really feels like and the significant impact they can have on someone and their behaviors. So we share our stories and give each other encouragement in a way no one else can.
I had a very mentally active week, dealing with my moms new meds., my job being busy, a sick horse, 2 birthdays. whew!
I am learning for me, I have a fear of fear??? When I actually get into something I deal well. When it gets drawn out I get to thinking ahead to much. Slowing down is very hard at times, when the pressure is on. I feel I did well. I think for me the best was reconizing I have the anxiety, (the symptoms) Let go... remember I am not in control of the universe. Make pioritys what is the most important thing I need to deal with at this min. A couple times I thought, I'm going to pass out, I DID NOT!, And I told myself - so what, if you do get up and do what you were doing. Your not going to be out long...Haha... It all helps, it brings a laugh to your mind. Then I felt better.
Manofmusic, You got it, keep pushing until the sun shines thru.
That is what vacations are for, doing what feels good. If you feel lazy be lazy. Enjoy that too! Good for you on your walk too!
When dealing with people giving you garbage, remember your better than that. Sometimes no comment is best, walk away. I agree it is very hard but like Lucindia says, alot of people won't like you no matter what you do or say, so don't try to please them so much. I'm sure you do a great job, and the guy who signs your pay check likes you!!! Be proud of yourself!!!
Have a good day everyone!