Music -
You're doing awesome. Keep up the great work. You're making healthy decisions and are certain to see the benefits in your mind and body.
As for your question about my going to work, the answer is yes...and no. When you originally posted, I did not go in Monday. But I was able to go in the next day for about an hour. I missed Wednesday, but then made it in both Thursday and Friday. In any case, I was out trying every day and I give myself credit for that regardless of whether I stepped foot into the building or not. It's all about repetition. Even when I don't make it all the way, I still am getting positive growth from every attempt. In any event, thanks for following up with me. I appreciate the encouragement.
Jamie
One More Step
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Yes i was confused about this as well. I thought that I need to say things like should, must, have to, outta, gotta...etc and that was how i would motivate myself to do something. It is really really stressful to do this and actually creates alot of resistance and well i know for me it drained me alot and I have quit the program many times because I could not keep up with all that pressure. After awhile I would tell myself that I can't handle this anymore and I cannot face my limitations because it is too overwhelming. The most overwhelming part of this was the pressure i put on myself to do it.
One thing we have to realize is that just because we tell ourselves that we are more likely to continue a habit than to change it doesn't mean we will continue with that habit forever. Telling yourself you will keep doing this many times when you go to change is not going to take away your desire to change the habit. You still have your desires, your intelligence of how it will benefit you to change the habit and on top of that you will also release the devestating thoughts of "I won't be able to handle it if i continue this habit" Eventually instead of look at the consequences of continuing the habit you will start to see the benefits of changing it. It can be a very strange concept but it really does work. It will also comfort you when you don't make progress and will increase your hopefulness & self-esteem when you do instead of shoulding and then feeling bad & hopeless when you fail to progress and not feeling too satisfied when you do make progress.
Making accomplishments when you should about that activity can generate thoughts like "well everybody else can do it so its not that big of a deal" whereas this method you are accepting your limitations and you will generate thoughts like "I did it!" That thought will actually make you feel good on a gut level as well and that is really what we want to feel isn't it? Another thing with shoulds...that pressure causes you to link pain to whatever it is you are going to change. According to Tony robbins we are motivated by pain and pleasure. We push the pain away and try to pull in the pleasure. By accepting you are decreasing the pain and becoming comfortable with it and then those thoughts of what it will be like if you actually did accomplish the goal will come in and then you will actually start to like the idea of changing that habit because you will be focused on the pleasure. At least that is what I am experiencing.
One thing we have to realize is that just because we tell ourselves that we are more likely to continue a habit than to change it doesn't mean we will continue with that habit forever. Telling yourself you will keep doing this many times when you go to change is not going to take away your desire to change the habit. You still have your desires, your intelligence of how it will benefit you to change the habit and on top of that you will also release the devestating thoughts of "I won't be able to handle it if i continue this habit" Eventually instead of look at the consequences of continuing the habit you will start to see the benefits of changing it. It can be a very strange concept but it really does work. It will also comfort you when you don't make progress and will increase your hopefulness & self-esteem when you do instead of shoulding and then feeling bad & hopeless when you fail to progress and not feeling too satisfied when you do make progress.
Making accomplishments when you should about that activity can generate thoughts like "well everybody else can do it so its not that big of a deal" whereas this method you are accepting your limitations and you will generate thoughts like "I did it!" That thought will actually make you feel good on a gut level as well and that is really what we want to feel isn't it? Another thing with shoulds...that pressure causes you to link pain to whatever it is you are going to change. According to Tony robbins we are motivated by pain and pleasure. We push the pain away and try to pull in the pleasure. By accepting you are decreasing the pain and becoming comfortable with it and then those thoughts of what it will be like if you actually did accomplish the goal will come in and then you will actually start to like the idea of changing that habit because you will be focused on the pleasure. At least that is what I am experiencing.
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
The last time I started to force myself to get to bed at 10pm I did it for 2 days...then for a few weeks i resisted it and went to bed at 4am...I then started to accept my limitations and how habits really work when you go to change them and I actually went down to 2am on my own. My body wanted to go to sleep and so I felt like going to bed at 2...2 Nights ago my body wanted to go to sleep at 1am so I went to sleep at that time and Last night 12am.
I do have many resources that is very true and I'm glad i can share it with everybody because nobody deserves this kind of pain that we go through with the anxiety and depression. If you want more information check out David D Burns's books feeling good and feeling good workbook however the best way to find if something is true is to test it out. Try it if only for 1 week and i can help you with the thoughts if you write them down here for me.
Everytime you get one of those should thoughts, tell yourself that it is a habit to do X and that you are working to change this. You will most likely fall back many times along your path to change and thats alright, you have handled the outcome of X many times and you can survive it many more times it will just feel very uncomfortable. Your progress will have times when you make progress and other times when you don't and thats fine because this is just how it works with humans. One slip does not destroy all of your efforts and you always have the ability to try again the next day. It will take time and progress will be slow at first but with each accomplishment you will be more and more motivated and you will progress faster.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my posts.
Mike
I do have many resources that is very true and I'm glad i can share it with everybody because nobody deserves this kind of pain that we go through with the anxiety and depression. If you want more information check out David D Burns's books feeling good and feeling good workbook however the best way to find if something is true is to test it out. Try it if only for 1 week and i can help you with the thoughts if you write them down here for me.
Everytime you get one of those should thoughts, tell yourself that it is a habit to do X and that you are working to change this. You will most likely fall back many times along your path to change and thats alright, you have handled the outcome of X many times and you can survive it many more times it will just feel very uncomfortable. Your progress will have times when you make progress and other times when you don't and thats fine because this is just how it works with humans. One slip does not destroy all of your efforts and you always have the ability to try again the next day. It will take time and progress will be slow at first but with each accomplishment you will be more and more motivated and you will progress faster.
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoy my posts.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
NF -
You know, it is very interesting how just a small change in our perception or outlook on something makes such a huge difference. In your example, instead of thinking about what you should be doing, in this case a bad habit, you're thinking about the results how things would be better if you changed your habit. It's a small difference in thinking but it results in much more empowering feelings.
I also agree wholeheartedly that having a setback or "slip up" does not mean failure and certainly does not negate past accomplishments. This was a hard lesson for me to learn since I've always tended to think of things in terms of black and white. But now that I realize that I will have good days and bad days, successes and failures, I recognize that everything is an experience that offers something to learn. And when things don't go to plan, it's not necessarily a bad thing. The important thing is to not give up and to pick up where you left off.
I like to think of my recovery sort of like the stock market. Each days there are ups and downs. Sometimes there are great gains and sometimes there are great losses. But if you look over the long run, which for the market is a century, the general trend is always up.
Jamie
You know, it is very interesting how just a small change in our perception or outlook on something makes such a huge difference. In your example, instead of thinking about what you should be doing, in this case a bad habit, you're thinking about the results how things would be better if you changed your habit. It's a small difference in thinking but it results in much more empowering feelings.
I also agree wholeheartedly that having a setback or "slip up" does not mean failure and certainly does not negate past accomplishments. This was a hard lesson for me to learn since I've always tended to think of things in terms of black and white. But now that I realize that I will have good days and bad days, successes and failures, I recognize that everything is an experience that offers something to learn. And when things don't go to plan, it's not necessarily a bad thing. The important thing is to not give up and to pick up where you left off.
I like to think of my recovery sort of like the stock market. Each days there are ups and downs. Sometimes there are great gains and sometimes there are great losses. But if you look over the long run, which for the market is a century, the general trend is always up.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Yes you are getting it! It is really amazing when you actually see how the diffrence in the thinking actually feels like and how it changes your whole personality...at least when it comes to sleep because the more calmer we are the better quality of sleep we get and then that leads to more positive feelings.
You are definately thinking in a more realistic way and that is a big part of recovery. I just found a book called "what to say when you talk to yourself" and they talk about how to change habits and beliefs. One thing they said that I felt really excited about reading is that when you go to change a habit or belief it takes more then just a couple affirmations to do it. The jist of it, is you take your negative thoughts you have about the habit or belief and then change them into affirmations and you read them 3-4X a day for at least 2 weeks. There are certain guidelines that you have to follow to make them work though. I'm going to make one for sleep for myself and if your intrested I'll post for you and you could use it to if you want.
Mike
You are definately thinking in a more realistic way and that is a big part of recovery. I just found a book called "what to say when you talk to yourself" and they talk about how to change habits and beliefs. One thing they said that I felt really excited about reading is that when you go to change a habit or belief it takes more then just a couple affirmations to do it. The jist of it, is you take your negative thoughts you have about the habit or belief and then change them into affirmations and you read them 3-4X a day for at least 2 weeks. There are certain guidelines that you have to follow to make them work though. I'm going to make one for sleep for myself and if your intrested I'll post for you and you could use it to if you want.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Mike -
Definitely post it. I'd be interested in how you interpreted the book.
I have a copy of "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" and read about half of it but I just couldn't finish it. I didn't like his writing style and found the chapters to be too repetitive. But I'm glad that you were able to glean some good information from it. I know many others have like it as well since I have seen a number of posts over the last year to that effect.
Jamie
Definitely post it. I'd be interested in how you interpreted the book.
I have a copy of "What to Say When You Talk to Yourself" and read about half of it but I just couldn't finish it. I didn't like his writing style and found the chapters to be too repetitive. But I'm glad that you were able to glean some good information from it. I know many others have like it as well since I have seen a number of posts over the last year to that effect.
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
Today I had a major success that I wanted to share. My partner commutes daily by bicycle to work. I got a call from him at 5:00 PM today, rush hour, that he had a flat tire and needed me to pick him up. As many of you know, I have trouble driving and his office is outside the range I typically feel comfortable driving, especially alone.
While I was initially hesitant, I decided I needed to take care of him and give myself a challenge at the same time. So with little preparation, I hopped into the car and headed out to his office. I even had to take the freeway part of the way.
Because of where we live, I was reverse commuting to his office. That is, traffic was light in my direction but very heavy in the direction back towards home. This weighed heavily on my mind since I knew that if I panicked, turning around was not a good option. I'd just be stuck in a traffic jam. This was particularly noticeable on the road I took for the last several miles to his office. Traffic was nearly at a stand-still in the opposite direction and due to the terrain, there are almost no cross streets to get off this road.
For whatever reason, I was generally in good control of my anxiety and while I had moments where I feared that I would start to panic, I never did. I got to his office unscathed and feeling pretty smug. I was able to take some less traveled side streets home since I didn't need to worry about how fast I got back where as these were less of an option to get to his office since I didn't want him to have to wait a long time.
Once again things didn't turn out the awful way I anticipated them. I guess it was fortunate that this was a spur of the moment adventure and I had little time to think about what might happen. It just goes to show how much of our anxiety is caused by the anticipation of an event rather than the actual event itself.
Cheers,
Jamie
While I was initially hesitant, I decided I needed to take care of him and give myself a challenge at the same time. So with little preparation, I hopped into the car and headed out to his office. I even had to take the freeway part of the way.
Because of where we live, I was reverse commuting to his office. That is, traffic was light in my direction but very heavy in the direction back towards home. This weighed heavily on my mind since I knew that if I panicked, turning around was not a good option. I'd just be stuck in a traffic jam. This was particularly noticeable on the road I took for the last several miles to his office. Traffic was nearly at a stand-still in the opposite direction and due to the terrain, there are almost no cross streets to get off this road.
For whatever reason, I was generally in good control of my anxiety and while I had moments where I feared that I would start to panic, I never did. I got to his office unscathed and feeling pretty smug. I was able to take some less traveled side streets home since I didn't need to worry about how fast I got back where as these were less of an option to get to his office since I didn't want him to have to wait a long time.
Once again things didn't turn out the awful way I anticipated them. I guess it was fortunate that this was a spur of the moment adventure and I had little time to think about what might happen. It just goes to show how much of our anxiety is caused by the anticipation of an event rather than the actual event itself.
Cheers,
Jamie
"Common things occur commonly. Uncommon things don't. Therefore, when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras." -- C.J. Peters
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Well thank you JJ, I honestly feel great myself and I have put some of that extra energy into my posts. I feel better than i have in about a decade and a half.
I do not know about these Solution cd's. This must have came after i got my program. I guess life just sends me the resources that I need. Its actually been like that my whole life.
Ha ya i didn't even read most of the book...i just jumped to the sections on beliefs and habits. I've been reading it and thinking about how it compares to what i already know about the program, Tony Robbins stuff and David D Burns's stuff. So my responses are kinda a mix of everything. Shad's scripts talk about liking certain things or not liking them but does not focus on as many benefits. That is where the Tony Robbins stuff comes into play, you can motivate yourself with either pain or pleasure and well I do not think i am ready to use pain as a motivator right now because this can lead to alot of shoulds and i got enough of those. So I added more focus on benefits. David D Burns talks about Silent assumptions or belief systems that make us vulnerable to falling back into depression. Those will be some of the topics i will use to change stuff. I have used his idea of habits whereas you will continue a habit until you change it and this is put in there and I also keep it in mind when working with this affirmation idea of Shad's. Its a new habit i'm trying to create and new belief systems so it will take some time and it may not work for some time but it is bound to have some affect. I actually felt more empowered just writing out my responses so its bound to work to at least some degree. I am also avoiding certain words like should, must, have to, gotta, outta as thats just shoulding on myself and any belief i add should to will only give me guilt when i do not follow through. Also through the program i have been able to detect my negative thoughts very well and it is the negative thoughts i needed in order to figure out affirmations.
Anyways, this post is huge. I am not going to make it more overwhelming by adding the affirmations here...they will be in the next post.
Mike
I do not know about these Solution cd's. This must have came after i got my program. I guess life just sends me the resources that I need. Its actually been like that my whole life.
Ha ya i didn't even read most of the book...i just jumped to the sections on beliefs and habits. I've been reading it and thinking about how it compares to what i already know about the program, Tony Robbins stuff and David D Burns's stuff. So my responses are kinda a mix of everything. Shad's scripts talk about liking certain things or not liking them but does not focus on as many benefits. That is where the Tony Robbins stuff comes into play, you can motivate yourself with either pain or pleasure and well I do not think i am ready to use pain as a motivator right now because this can lead to alot of shoulds and i got enough of those. So I added more focus on benefits. David D Burns talks about Silent assumptions or belief systems that make us vulnerable to falling back into depression. Those will be some of the topics i will use to change stuff. I have used his idea of habits whereas you will continue a habit until you change it and this is put in there and I also keep it in mind when working with this affirmation idea of Shad's. Its a new habit i'm trying to create and new belief systems so it will take some time and it may not work for some time but it is bound to have some affect. I actually felt more empowered just writing out my responses so its bound to work to at least some degree. I am also avoiding certain words like should, must, have to, gotta, outta as thats just shoulding on myself and any belief i add should to will only give me guilt when i do not follow through. Also through the program i have been able to detect my negative thoughts very well and it is the negative thoughts i needed in order to figure out affirmations.
Anyways, this post is huge. I am not going to make it more overwhelming by adding the affirmations here...they will be in the next post.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
When i wrote these, I was not concerned that these affirmations aren't correct for the current situation i am in. I am thinking about the person who I want to become and how he would be thinking and I believe somewhere in the program it says "fake it to make it" or something along those lines. Anyways I will be giving you the negative thought and the affirmation replacement;
-I don't want to go to sleep
->I enjoy sleep, I like to relax and drift off. I enjoy how it feels and I enjoy how refreshed I feel the next day
-I only feel safe at night. Going to sleep would take that way from me
->I feel safe no matter what time of day it is, where i am or what i'm doing. I can handle any problem or struggle I am faced with.
-I need to rush myself to bed
->Although I like getting to bed for sleep, there is no emergency or rush to get to sleep. I still end up getting to sleep at some point
-I should use the relaxation before bed but I don't have enough time
-> I enjoy using guided meditations in order to calm me for sleep (I wasn't too excited about that one)
-If I got to bed early then I'll wake up and I'll have too much time. I won't know what to do with myself
->I have the same ammount of time the next day regardless of what time I go to bed and I have many things that I can do with that time.
-Its not going to really help, I can't comitt to a good sleep schedual
->My body automatically makes a sleep pattern. I can alter it if I need to by changing the time i wake up
-I need to watch my tv shows or play videogames before I go to bed
->I am not in need of any distractions to handle stress. The only coping skill I need is relaxation
-I didn't do enough today, I need to stay up longer and get more done
->I am very productive most days. Some days I am not and thats alright. I have the opportunity to be more productive the next day.
-I won't even be able to get to sleep if I go lie down
->Getting to sleep is very easy for me. I am asleep within minutes of getting into bed
-This is hopeless, I've had this problem for too long. Theres nothing I can do to fix it
->The longer I have a problem the more determined I am to overcome it. I overcome beliefs that don't work for me very quickly.
My extra affirmations;
Sleep makes me more calm and peaceful. I feel more excited about life, I am more confident & clear minded.
Sleep improves my self-esteem, my positive attitude, creativity, memory and my ability to do well at any task I'm involved in
There may be many nights I get to sleep late but there will be many nights I get to sleep when I'm tired and I can handle the outcome of either situation
I always go to sleep when I feel tired. I respect the needs of my body and mind
Sleep gives me creativity and the ability to visualize
Sleep gives me peace of mind and a calm body
I love sleep
Sleep speeds up the progress I make on any skill I learn
By the way, I think it is actually briliant to make that book very repetitive. It is repetition that makes the words stick in there better.
Oh and I do not think this affirmation stuff would have worked if I had not first spent a week or 2 accepting my limitations with sleep. It seems to have given me the self-esteem, hope and confidence in my efforts. I have also experienced first hand that changing my thoughts makes a big diffrence...I'm mostly talking about how i changed my thoughts about sleep.
I will keep you posted about my progress as I go along.
Mike
-I don't want to go to sleep
->I enjoy sleep, I like to relax and drift off. I enjoy how it feels and I enjoy how refreshed I feel the next day
-I only feel safe at night. Going to sleep would take that way from me
->I feel safe no matter what time of day it is, where i am or what i'm doing. I can handle any problem or struggle I am faced with.
-I need to rush myself to bed
->Although I like getting to bed for sleep, there is no emergency or rush to get to sleep. I still end up getting to sleep at some point
-I should use the relaxation before bed but I don't have enough time
-> I enjoy using guided meditations in order to calm me for sleep (I wasn't too excited about that one)
-If I got to bed early then I'll wake up and I'll have too much time. I won't know what to do with myself
->I have the same ammount of time the next day regardless of what time I go to bed and I have many things that I can do with that time.
-Its not going to really help, I can't comitt to a good sleep schedual
->My body automatically makes a sleep pattern. I can alter it if I need to by changing the time i wake up
-I need to watch my tv shows or play videogames before I go to bed
->I am not in need of any distractions to handle stress. The only coping skill I need is relaxation
-I didn't do enough today, I need to stay up longer and get more done
->I am very productive most days. Some days I am not and thats alright. I have the opportunity to be more productive the next day.
-I won't even be able to get to sleep if I go lie down
->Getting to sleep is very easy for me. I am asleep within minutes of getting into bed
-This is hopeless, I've had this problem for too long. Theres nothing I can do to fix it
->The longer I have a problem the more determined I am to overcome it. I overcome beliefs that don't work for me very quickly.
My extra affirmations;
Sleep makes me more calm and peaceful. I feel more excited about life, I am more confident & clear minded.
Sleep improves my self-esteem, my positive attitude, creativity, memory and my ability to do well at any task I'm involved in
There may be many nights I get to sleep late but there will be many nights I get to sleep when I'm tired and I can handle the outcome of either situation
I always go to sleep when I feel tired. I respect the needs of my body and mind
Sleep gives me creativity and the ability to visualize
Sleep gives me peace of mind and a calm body
I love sleep
Sleep speeds up the progress I make on any skill I learn
By the way, I think it is actually briliant to make that book very repetitive. It is repetition that makes the words stick in there better.
Oh and I do not think this affirmation stuff would have worked if I had not first spent a week or 2 accepting my limitations with sleep. It seems to have given me the self-esteem, hope and confidence in my efforts. I have also experienced first hand that changing my thoughts makes a big diffrence...I'm mostly talking about how i changed my thoughts about sleep.
I will keep you posted about my progress as I go along.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/