Chatroom Rudeness :(
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Guest
Jillzmind I don't remember you being in the chatroom nor talking about dental work? Please refresh my memory? I guess I was more out of it than I thought. If I was there I sure don't remember this. I will be the first to apologize though as that makes me even more frustrated with myself. Ninya I agree that not all people mean to be rude but there are those that are. Maybe it doesn't bother you to not be welcomed into the gruop or noticed, and thats great if it doesn't bother you. For some of us though it does bother us. I do agree with you that this is a good way to practice not letting things get to us that are not in our control.
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Guest
Hello again
Susan I was there for maybe 3 min. 5 tops. I waited a few to see if anyone was having serious chat or just fun chat. ANd then you said hi to me and asked how I was and then I told you I was having a rough day and you said the whole chatroom was too and it was a good day to come in. problem was noone was talking to me or you and so I said thanks and that I was going to do some research on novacaine. I said "thanks" and smiled and left. I don't really have too high of expectations for chat. It's just too diverse. So many people at differnt levels of recovery and so on.
I have invited a few friends to chat and they won't come in because they Don't like everyone saying "Hi" to them. They just want to observe and see if it's something they'd might be interested in joining and they have said all the
"hello" and "hi" made some feel self conscious...isn't that funny? It's what made me feel welcome right away. Kinda like Norm from Cheers :p Anyway I just let go of my expectations about chat and it doesn't bother me anymore. Sorry it makes you feel bad.
(((susan)))
J~
Susan I was there for maybe 3 min. 5 tops. I waited a few to see if anyone was having serious chat or just fun chat. ANd then you said hi to me and asked how I was and then I told you I was having a rough day and you said the whole chatroom was too and it was a good day to come in. problem was noone was talking to me or you and so I said thanks and that I was going to do some research on novacaine. I said "thanks" and smiled and left. I don't really have too high of expectations for chat. It's just too diverse. So many people at differnt levels of recovery and so on.
I have invited a few friends to chat and they won't come in because they Don't like everyone saying "Hi" to them. They just want to observe and see if it's something they'd might be interested in joining and they have said all the
"hello" and "hi" made some feel self conscious...isn't that funny? It's what made me feel welcome right away. Kinda like Norm from Cheers :p Anyway I just let go of my expectations about chat and it doesn't bother me anymore. Sorry it makes you feel bad.
(((susan)))
J~
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Guest
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Guest
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Guest
Susan
I know exactly what you are talking about, don't get me wrong. I felt unwanted and told myself people don't care when they invited one person and didn't invite me to some event, or when i'm not introduced when meeting a group of people, even when i'd ask for something and i got a response of no and this would hurt me so much. I took that all of that as rejection on a personal level. I spent sooo many hours feeling bad as a response to all these situations, it made me feel less good enough for anybody or anything. I ended up avoiding social situations, I isolated myself from everybody else and spent most of my time in my bedroom hating people and hating myself all because of that. Most of these situations were not people trying to be rude at all but I have had situations where people were and that's really sad that they feel the need to do that because there is usually some reason why they are like that.
My point is, it is to nobody's benefit to get upset in response to rudeness. What we do get is; we get to feel angry (maybe sad), it keeps us from happy feelings, our attitude from it can make us blow up at other people and bring them down so it can hurt our relationships, our stress level goes up, our immune system and digestive system get supressed and many other things.
Can you tell me what would change if you do get upset? (does it stop the situation from happening?) What good thing can you get out of reacting that way? It doesn't stop people from taking advantage of us.
Mike
I know exactly what you are talking about, don't get me wrong. I felt unwanted and told myself people don't care when they invited one person and didn't invite me to some event, or when i'm not introduced when meeting a group of people, even when i'd ask for something and i got a response of no and this would hurt me so much. I took that all of that as rejection on a personal level. I spent sooo many hours feeling bad as a response to all these situations, it made me feel less good enough for anybody or anything. I ended up avoiding social situations, I isolated myself from everybody else and spent most of my time in my bedroom hating people and hating myself all because of that. Most of these situations were not people trying to be rude at all but I have had situations where people were and that's really sad that they feel the need to do that because there is usually some reason why they are like that.
My point is, it is to nobody's benefit to get upset in response to rudeness. What we do get is; we get to feel angry (maybe sad), it keeps us from happy feelings, our attitude from it can make us blow up at other people and bring them down so it can hurt our relationships, our stress level goes up, our immune system and digestive system get supressed and many other things.
Can you tell me what would change if you do get upset? (does it stop the situation from happening?) What good thing can you get out of reacting that way? It doesn't stop people from taking advantage of us.
Mike
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Guest
I totally with Mike (Ninja frodo).
Maybe the chatroom, or any place challenging, is a good place to work your skills. It doesn't help us to dwell in negative thinking. We have to change the way we react to trying situations in order to feel or best.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how you all feel. I'm sure we all have felt that way at some time, but we have to change that now.
The few times that i've been in the chatroom EVERYBODY spoke to me. But I get my fair share of rudeness on the forum. LOL
I just remind myself that people have problems. When I get upset is when people DELIBERATELY say mean things, over and over, to me.
When people are rude, we don't know what causes them to behave that way. They could be going through something really bad, and I think we should give them the benefit of doubt.
Maybe the chatroom, or any place challenging, is a good place to work your skills. It doesn't help us to dwell in negative thinking. We have to change the way we react to trying situations in order to feel or best.
Don't get me wrong, I understand how you all feel. I'm sure we all have felt that way at some time, but we have to change that now.
The few times that i've been in the chatroom EVERYBODY spoke to me. But I get my fair share of rudeness on the forum. LOL
I just remind myself that people have problems. When I get upset is when people DELIBERATELY say mean things, over and over, to me.
When people are rude, we don't know what causes them to behave that way. They could be going through something really bad, and I think we should give them the benefit of doubt.
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Guest
Wow...if everyone would use those skills no one would "feel" disrespected, or left out, but I have found that people that someone meant this or that, and it comes out of nowhere lots of times, so that is true...I think people are lots of times going through things and may be more sensitive. The chatroom is different. You have to be in there on a regular basis to get the idea of what goes on. One or two times visiting chat doesn't give a good idea of what goes on, but again... Ninja, I do understand your point. I am glad that I can practice my skills here and in the everyday world.
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Guest
Another thing i wanted to add is when i was a bully (I used to be back in grade 4), I thrived on people getting upset. I'd say somehting to get the other person angry at me, they would react with yelling and negativity and what that did for me is that showed me that I had control over them. I could put them in a bad mood whenever i felt like it. I could easily take them out of feeling happy feelings. That is exactly the same thing when you over-react to the behaviors of other people. Numerous people have used this in order to get what they want...getting couples to break up, people fired, even criminal activity. Its not worth it.
A majority of times i come into chat (which is rare), I have several people not saying hi to me and I know for a fact that I'd be extremely miserable myself if I had the expectation that everybody should say hi to me. Situations like this it is best to refer back to the lesson on expectations.
Also you have to keep in mind, none of us have the ability to read other people's minds. You cannot possibly know what other people are thinking unless you actually ask them. The only thing you can do is percieve what you think they might be thinking based on your own past experiences.
deedee is very right, we don't know what causes people to be rude when they are deliberately trying to do so. This website is for people who are suffering with anxiety and depression, you are bound to have people on here that are going through really bad things.
Psalms book, you know that you've grown alot when you can see a problematic situation and say exactly what you just said "I am glad that I can practice my skills here". Thats looking at the positive in a negative situation. The lesson in the problem.
Mike
A majority of times i come into chat (which is rare), I have several people not saying hi to me and I know for a fact that I'd be extremely miserable myself if I had the expectation that everybody should say hi to me. Situations like this it is best to refer back to the lesson on expectations.
Also you have to keep in mind, none of us have the ability to read other people's minds. You cannot possibly know what other people are thinking unless you actually ask them. The only thing you can do is percieve what you think they might be thinking based on your own past experiences.
deedee is very right, we don't know what causes people to be rude when they are deliberately trying to do so. This website is for people who are suffering with anxiety and depression, you are bound to have people on here that are going through really bad things.
Psalms book, you know that you've grown alot when you can see a problematic situation and say exactly what you just said "I am glad that I can practice my skills here". Thats looking at the positive in a negative situation. The lesson in the problem.
Mike
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Guest
I've never used the chat room. If I did, I'd say hi to all ! If I didn't get an answer back, I'd say HI all in capitol letters ! LOL I'd keep saying hi until I eventually wore the people out and they'd have to say hi back ! Simple as that ! LOL
Hi everyone !
I SAID HI EVERYONE !!!!!!!!! hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hello hello hello hello hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hey how's it going hi hi
hi hi hi hi hi hey hello ! hi hi hi hi
Hi everyone !
I SAID HI EVERYONE !!!!!!!!! hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hello hello hello hello hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hey how's it going hi hi
hi hi hi hi hi hey hello ! hi hi hi hi
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Guest
I've only been in the chatroom twice, both times people talked to me and it was great - not everyone spoke to me but a lot of people did and it was nerve wracking! I felt like I had to answer everyone back and I just didn't know what to say. I am not a great typer or very computer literate so I kept popping in and out with no control over it...... I felt like I was upsetting everybody because it was like, "Hello", "Goodbye", "Where did you go?" By the time I actually logged out for real I was a basket case. I decided that was my problem not anyone else's so I never went back. Sooooooo...I just wanted to say if someone is rude, it could be as simple as they don't know what to say or do, or how to do it fast enough!