Hello Everyone,
I have just read all the responses to Nikki. The main thing I got from her post is that her husband brings her down and makes her feel bad about herself. Now even though he may not abuse her physically, emotional and spiritual abuse is just as bad if not worst.
I know the Bible counsels married couples to stay together, but at what cost. Our heavenly Father wants us happy and whole in our service to Him. If we are depressed and feeling worthless I don't believe our Father wants that for us.
Nikki only you know if you can survive in this marriage. The final decision is up to you. But remember you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and you must be a role model of love and support for your children.
Maybe, just maybe if you stand firm your husband will bend a little, but if he doesn't get out while you can. In fact since it has been one year I am curious as to how you are doing? Please post a response soon.
Advice?/staying married for the kids
The one thing we learn is that the way we feel is brought on by nobody but ourselves. We can't always blame outside sources.The main thing I got from her post is that her husband brings her down and makes her feel bad about herself.
If we feel bad about ourselves, we've allowed it.
Recovery means that aside from obvious abuse, you will not allow yourself to "feel" bad just because a spouse, friend or relative said something to you. You control your emotions, nobody else can.
Also you learn to respond or react to things that would have put you in an anxious or depressive state before.
If someone divorces because they believe the spouse made them feel bad, they may as well break ties with friends and relatives nilly willy.
We have to overcome that victim mentality for sheer everyday survival and happiness.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
I agree with Celyon.
Emotional, mental, verbal, psychological abuse can be worse than the other forms because that is the kind of abuse that scars for life sometimes. It brings down your self esteem, and allowing it teaches the abuser that he/she is more important than you are , and that it's okay to treat you that way. That's why emotional abuse tends to escalate to physical abuse.
You should never stay in an abusive relationship of ANY kind.
Emotional, mental, verbal, psychological abuse can be worse than the other forms because that is the kind of abuse that scars for life sometimes. It brings down your self esteem, and allowing it teaches the abuser that he/she is more important than you are , and that it's okay to treat you that way. That's why emotional abuse tends to escalate to physical abuse.
You should never stay in an abusive relationship of ANY kind.
I'm in a similar situation, considering a divorce. You all probably don't hear from men much on this topic, so I'll explain.
Just over 11 years ago, I met my wife after being divorced for nearly 5 years. I'd had a few casual dates but nothing even remotely serious. After my divorce in 1995, I had vowed never to get married again. It seemed that through late teen dating and marriage, I was constantly bending myself to properly fit with someone. After dating my wife for a year, we seemed to fit without effort. So, I went against my better judgment and remarried. Now, 10 years later, I find myself bending again.One of the most attractive attributes of my wife when we met was her independence. I thought to myself "now hears a girl who can take care of herself" We agreed when she became pregnant with our daughter that she would be a stay at home mom until the little one started school. Well,our daughter has been in school for two years now. Wifey works part time, 3-4 hours a day, but rather that contributing to the family pot, she manages her finances separately at a completely different bank. I have no idea where her money goes, but I do know that she has several credit cards, and new things show up around the house often.
Finance, is only one of many problems. We may have sex, once a month and I don't think either one of us enjoy it very much any more. She won't kiss me any more, because "mouth germs are yucky" (her words). I am finding more and more reasons to consider dissolving this partnership (or the lack thereof).I feel as if she places value only on my paycheck, not on our marriage. Should I continue this painful relationship for the sake of my beautiful, perfect little girl? Any advise would be appreciated.
Just over 11 years ago, I met my wife after being divorced for nearly 5 years. I'd had a few casual dates but nothing even remotely serious. After my divorce in 1995, I had vowed never to get married again. It seemed that through late teen dating and marriage, I was constantly bending myself to properly fit with someone. After dating my wife for a year, we seemed to fit without effort. So, I went against my better judgment and remarried. Now, 10 years later, I find myself bending again.One of the most attractive attributes of my wife when we met was her independence. I thought to myself "now hears a girl who can take care of herself" We agreed when she became pregnant with our daughter that she would be a stay at home mom until the little one started school. Well,our daughter has been in school for two years now. Wifey works part time, 3-4 hours a day, but rather that contributing to the family pot, she manages her finances separately at a completely different bank. I have no idea where her money goes, but I do know that she has several credit cards, and new things show up around the house often.
Finance, is only one of many problems. We may have sex, once a month and I don't think either one of us enjoy it very much any more. She won't kiss me any more, because "mouth germs are yucky" (her words). I am finding more and more reasons to consider dissolving this partnership (or the lack thereof).I feel as if she places value only on my paycheck, not on our marriage. Should I continue this painful relationship for the sake of my beautiful, perfect little girl? Any advise would be appreciated.
Hi JThomas, I am also in a marriage that I am not completely happy in. We too, have a little girl. So I definately understand where you're coming from. My advice to you would be to talk to your wife. I'm sure that these problems (financial, and sexual) could be resolved with some effort from the both of you. I would simply explain that the financial situation bothers you, and ask her to at least add your name to her account or to share the bank statements with you when they arrive. She may not even realize that it irritates you. As for the sexual aspect, maybe you just need to spice things up a little. Try getting a babysitter for the night and go lingerie shopping, or surprise her by bringing home a bottle of wine, and a new sexy outfit. She may just need to know that you still find her attractive, and reminded that she still turns you on. I know as a wife and mother that sometimes I get stuck in those roles, and I tend to forget about my husband's or my own sexual needs. That may be all it is. I guess my vote is to work on it. I think that these issues (although, could potentially be damaging) can be worked on. I hope that helps. Good luck.
I think I'm ready to throw in the towel on this marriage! In books and movies they call it "growing apart". Sounds like bull****, but guess what it, really happens. Not blaming wifey poo, but accepting that beating a dead horse only wears you out.I'm tired!!! Tired of living according to someone else s rules. My life in MY life.
Wife says "things change as we get older". Bull****!!! People change what they want to change, and I'm ready to change my marital status.
Nuff said?
Wife says "things change as we get older". Bull****!!! People change what they want to change, and I'm ready to change my marital status.
Nuff said?