Writing down negative thoughts

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 10, 2010 5:53 pm

Gisette that idea about focusing on other people is a great way to handle situations like that. Keep in mind you would not be the only person to feel that anxiety in a situation like that. I can't remember where i heard this but we all have one thing in common and that is pain. We can connect with everybody through pain via empathy. Deep down nobody is going to fault you for being anxious as they have experienced this themselves.

There is one thing i just started to say in response to someone else's negative comment and perhaps you may find it useful too. What i say if someone is making a negative comment regarding anything about me is, You're the one thinking like that so its your problem. I don't have to go along with it and make it my problem too.

One more thing...take it to the worst case and no i don't mean you embarass yourself and then someone pulls your pants down and a giant meteor hurls down into the building and kills everybody. You have a job already so if this doesn't turn back you are still fine financially, people might think you're an aweful person and then they waste their time making themselves feel bad with those kinds of thoughts...etc.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 10, 2010 6:32 pm

Ooh, Ninja, you just reminded me of "The Compassion Exercise" (from a book called _Resurfacing_, by Harry Palmer).

"This exercise can be done anywhere people congregate (airports, malls, parks, beaches, etc.) It should be done on strangers, unobstrusively..."

(rest paraphrased and reordered) Repeatedly identify a person and think (all on the same person):

1. Just like me, this person has known pain.

2. Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness, and despair.

3. Just like me, this person seeks to meet his/her needs.

4. Just like me, this person is learning from life.

5. Just like me, this person seeks to be happy.

Can be done on bothersome people / interactions in memory, too. (Like people who hurt you, or said something to you that still smarts.)

Actually, I was kinda surprised going back and reading the actual directions after many years. In practice, I've used it when trying to chill out over getting irritated with someone.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 11, 2010 10:57 am

I can definately see how that can be helpful. I dunno about other people but alot of the times I'm constantly thinking people are better than me and more secure and such. Reminding myself that they are similar to me via something like what you just described might actually help to reduce the anxiety and expectations.

You also said you can use it on people who hurt you in the past. I could definately practice using that when those thoughts come up and they come up pretty frequently.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 11, 2010 1:48 pm

Yeah, it connects to people on an "I'm OK you're OK" kinda level. Helps me most with being judgmental and thus projecting that other people are being judgmental about me. And as we know realistically - perfect strangers in the mall or wherever, are probably not paying any attention at all to me. And the people in my head - they've long ago forgotten that painful little episode I'm still re-living, right?

That's neat, how you immediately saw it as a way of being compassionate to yourself, Ninja. I only saw it as being other-directed. And felt better for the break in self-absorption.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 11, 2010 5:31 pm

omg I constantly have thoughts that other people are being judgemental with me without proof so i know what you're talking about.

Then we helped each other

. I tend to think in a self-absorbed way alot of the time actually. I guess i'm still in that phase.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 13, 2010 3:10 pm

I'm always worried when someone says they were talking about me. I get this scared look on my face and wonder for hours what was said...was it good was it bad....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Apr 17, 2010 8:40 am

I can still get caught up in that kind of thinking too browneyedgirlnmo. The thing we have to realize is the effect it is really going to have on our entire lives. What would change, how would it affect your life in 10 years? is it really that important? Would it change how you live life? Most of the time its really unimportant and has very little effect on the future. If someone thinks poorly of you then that is based on their thoughts and thus is their own problem, don't make it yours too.

Mike