having anxiety so long its hard to leave without it

footballfan32 · Post by **footballfan32** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:58 pm

I was a complete agoraphobic from 2005-2006. I also had anxiety, panic attacks and depression from 1999-2002. in 2002 I got over them pretty good and was able to live my life without any panic and anxiety for the most part. the only time I got it was every once in a while. I went out of town maybe a 30-40 minute drive to go shopping or to see family. I couldnt go on highways since. it came back in 2004 and I had the problems. the beginning of 2007 I got the program. I was able to go out and not be an agoraphobic. it still wasnt easy and I still only went maybe 5 miles from my house at the most. but I was doing so much better. anyway I still battle with anxiety, panic and scary thoughts. I am able to do thing and still enjoy life. it seems like I am having a hard time completely getting rid of the anxiety in the dailey life. I had it for so long that when it feels like its not there even for a little while I think to myself "where is it?" almost like I need it and I panic. I feel like if I dont think about or keep it close it will all comeback and hit me worse. I always have it on my mind and everything. I question everyday if I can do the thing I have been doing and always try to do what I can do to prove I can still do it and get out. I just really seem like I cant let go of the anxiety, panic and scary thoughts. sometimes I think it is as easy as going to do it. in the program they say as you go along you get rid of layers of the anxiety and what causes it. I think there is something more. I probably became familiar with this. I dont even want to try to do too much more because I dont want any of that anxiety anymore. how do you people get over this. I love to be with people and socialize. I have many friends. I am not a shy person or reserved person like some are with this. people love being with me and have a good time with me. I always like being with people and socializing. I have very good people skills. its seems like going another mile or two really seems scary and so hard to do, that I dont want to.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 4:35 pm

Hi footballfan,

Did you finish the program?

I think it is lesson 11 that asks: "what benefits do we get from having anxiety"?

Lucinda talks about what good we get from being anxious. It sounds silly but there are benefits from having anxiety that sometimes keeps us stuck in anxious mode. What we have to do is make the benefits of NOT having anxiety outweigh the benefits of having anxiety. Then it will go away. It's sometimes the desire that keeps it here.

When you said that when you don't have anxiety, you look for it, that's what makes me think it applies to you, and why it keeps coming back.

For me the benefits of having anxiety are, I don't have to face fears that scare me, I don't have to do much if I don't want to, I can get others to do the things that I don't want to do for me. It seems sick but it's true.

The benefits that I get from not having anxiety are, I can go out and do whatever I want to do without pain and fear. I can build up my self esteem by challenging myself ang having success. My life will be enriched by spending more time with my friends and family. there's so much more.

We need to make journals just for this purpose, cause I think this may be the "missing link" to getting rid of anxiety. I think this is one of the most overlooked lessons of the program, and one of the most needed.

What do you think? Do you agree?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Mar 15, 2010 4:48 pm

yea I finished the program. it always seems automatically I am always analyzing my anxiety to see if I am doing really good or just ok. I think it a pattern I have gotten into. I know by having anxiety your expectations can by low or what is expected of you is low. I always seem like I am bringing it on or testing myself to see if I have it or not. if I dont do that then more anxiety and panic come on because I didnt think things out and make sure everything was fine.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 2:56 am

I feel the same way footballfan, but I think that for me anxiety is the only constant thing in my life, so I want to hold onto it! Also DeeDee I hang onto anxiety for the exact same reasons you do to!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:46 am

Hi footballfan,

I understand what you are describing and the good news is that this is a process- not a permanent situation. I reached a point much like you've described here where you feel like you're in a stalemate with your anxiety. You are functioning again pretty well, but not exactly where you want to be because you're still afraid of your fear to an extent. But you've reached a point where you've experienced enough to know it can't hurt you and you've learned skills to take with you to handle anxious moments.

The only thing I know to say is to "stick with it". Keep getting out there, challenging your negative thoughts and "what-ifs". Direct experience is the best way to face down our fear and learn to let go of it. I used to invite my fear back in by wondering what happened to it. I feared that if I didn't keep it close by then it might come out like a snake and bite me when I least suspected it. But the key to this, as I learned, is that it is this very kind of thinking that was actually keeping the fear alive. The irrational thinking patterns become ingrained and it takes time to reverse them. Again, it takes time and applied effort in both thought and deed to overcome this.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:47 am

another one of my problems is staying good as doing the things I can do. I dont know if it is the weather change or what. I know some people that have fatigue and other people without anxiety who are worn out and tired.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:02 pm

now my problem is that it is getting harder for me to maintain the things I was doing. I think the change in time and weather kind of got me feeling different. I dont have any energy. I also have acid reflux and it has been coming on. I use to have anxiety throghout my day but I was able to still do things with comfort. like a stress anxiety. now it is starting to turn into panic. I really dont think about my anxiety and always analyze it and feel that I am fine. I just do things and after I start I think to my self I didnt think things over or get my mindset to have a little anxiety it is now panic. I went to the doctor he said I could have viral syndrome. I dont know but I am very hungry and tired. its like a new anxiety. I was always able to do something and have some anxiety and still do it and feel ok. now I go to do something and a panic comes on and I want to go home.