life is good - and it's a long post!

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 12:37 pm

Originally posted by jillzmind:
Here ya go Karma, maybe this will hold you over for a while?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpP-ZEdAE8Q

if you can't click on it you may have to cut and paste..Be looking for the Arby's Employee Chapel...LOL

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:13 pm

i'm glad you kept your temper and walked away. i wonder why the guy was so frustrated? i mean, to say "i know" in a quiet voice and then throw or knock something around?

i'm so glad i went to mama's yesterday afternoon. it was such a nice time. my aunt and uncle seemed so happy to see the family. i stayed for a long time then heard that the kentucky baskeball game was coming on. i ran from the house LOL i don't watch college basketball and mama and uncle take it so personally. i had to save myself!!!

we all went to the infantry museum - and wow. talk about a huge achievement! it's beautiful and so well done. parts of it brought tears to my eyes.

i did wander away from my people. i got turned around in the "cold war" section. i kept running into the same things and hearing over and over and over the voice of ronald reagan - "mr. gorbachev, take down this wall." there was more to the speech he gave, but that's the part i kept hearing LOL when i finally made it of that part, i inadvertently ran back into my family. where they went from there i don't know but i kept going my own way.

a best friend of mine was doing volunteer work there yesterday afternoon. she asked if i'd run into her husband who gives a talk on vietnam - he was there - and i just said i never really saw anything but all the things in the museum - or heard anyone but reagan. i tell you, just finding my way out of the cold war exhibit caused high anxiety LOL

mama and i took pony on the river walk this afternoon. it was absolutely glorious here today! high 60s and sunshine!!!!! earlier in the afternoon, i finally got around to cutting down the butterfly bushes around my mailbox - they had acquired an addams family look. IF they grow like they did last year - yay for me. at one point, i had to cut them back because the street was turning into a single lane. HA nobody could believe the mailman would even deliver my mail.

i'm not pro or con regarding work tomorrow. it is what it is. of course i'll be there. sometimes i think i just go in to see what the next blow to my soul, confidence and ego will be - really!

i can't imagine having the nerve, the strength, the wherewithal to take a truck load of stuff from this house to the dump. you rule!!! LOL

well everybody - have a super wonderful monday!!!!

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 2:47 pm

I just saw the Arby's Employee Chapel ! LOL

The movie that delivers more "huh's" per second ! LOL Good stuff LOLOLOL

I'm with you on the work thing. I'll go in tomorrow just to see what happens next. It's only a job anyway. It doesn't define who I am.

Have a good night and make sure to keep that

on your face ! LOL

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 3:22 pm

there is nothing like mystery science theater 3000 to put a smile on your face and make you laugh out loud!!!!

in whichever one i was watching last night - in black and white - two guys were riding in train boxcar and the camera panned to the view. joel said about the vista - "war-torn wisconsin". that struck me as hysterical LOLOL

the remarks made by joel and the robots are almost a life script for me LOLOL x forever

i so love the philosophy "it's only a job anyway". you have no idea what reading that line means - to me!!!!

does anyone out there know anything about commit lozenges for helping to quit smoking? i'm asking because of my dreaded pill phobia LOL

any advice would be most appreiciated!!!!

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Sun Feb 21, 2010 4:41 pm

Okay so I have watched that short like 5 times now. I always get something out of it.
"Dad..I want to go to Vassar" ""I just happened to have some sodium in my sock droor" "Rip Taylor" Gosh they are so dang funny.
I can see why you'd love to write for them Karma. And I think you totally could have done it too!! Bring the show back, Hear my Prayer Lord :p

Theres a movie called "Touch of Satan" that had me and hubby laughing our heads off. And of course any Hercules movie, those are some other good MST favs.

So glad you two have a job to go to tomorrow. I haven't worked in almost 4 yrs because of agoraphobia. I am the Food Bank coordinator and that is volunteer. In the year I have been doing that I have gotten so much better and jumped right over the deep depression I was going into after my mini break-down that caused ne to quit after 9 yrs at the phone company. I miss having money and purpose each day. But finding the job I am good at, and can do without being threatened firing because of my panic attacks. I just can't be in that envirnment again ya know? Anyway I am keeping my eyes open and praying alot and pushing myself where I can. It's not easy and I admire you two for how you face your challenges each day ..Bravo to you

I hope you have an awesome week !

J~

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:46 am

oh sweetie! i didn't realize you are recovering from agoraphobia! to say it's an unfair condition doesn't begin to describe it!!!!! i wasn't able to work outside my home for just about forever. i did a small typing service doing resumes, typing master's papers - editing and all that, and taking online courses for people. it kept me busy at times, but i so missed people interaction.

your job as a volunteer sounds wonderful. i think it's wise you've put yourself in an environment that you can leave if you feel you must. volunteering must give you such a sense of self and purpose! it's people like you who make a true difference in the world!!!!

now i'm going to re-watch that video link you sent. i need to laugh laugh laugh!!!!!!

jillzmind · Post by **jillzmind** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 11:23 am

Thanks Karma

I drove myself and back to the Doctor today. Had a great appointment and met my new nurse practicioner. She was very interested in the StressCenter.com since so many patients are anxious and I told her how we breathe thru our anxiety and use positive self talk. She asked for an example and of course I came up with one and showed her the breathing from the belly. (all helping me stay distracted and calm by the way haha)Maybe that was her plan? She was funny, she said she was taking Ambien for insomnia and that she had eaten powdered sugar and yogurt in the middle of the night and sprinkled powdered sugar all over the counters too(all while she was asleep). Man that is some serious med. I wont touch it, not after hearing those wierd stories. Hers was funny thankfully for her. Anyway I even drove on streets that I knew would be more busy and more traffic on the way home and did real well. I am so glad.I needed a success to keep me working my program.I got it!!
Anyway I feel hopefully that I will be working again. I wish that pantry would pay me. That is my happiest place in the world. Feeding needy families. It's awesome.
Thanks for the encouragment and smiles. I hope you have a way cool rest of the week.
xoxo
J~

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:35 pm

Jill ! ~ Do what I do when I start to panic just before I start to do something....I picture all of you cheering me on ! There used to be days where I'd call in sick because I couldn't get out of bed. There was even a time where I had to leave work because I thought I was going to pass out or die. It felt like it came in one big tidal wave. That one had to have been the worst one for me. I walked quickly to the owners office and said "I forgot about a doctor's appointment and I need to leave for a couple of hours." He saw that I was panicking so he said "no problem". If he only knew how panicky I was ! LOL I can laugh about it now, but back then, not a chance of laughter at all !

Karma ! ~ Glad to hear you're going to kick the habit ! I have no idea what "Commit Lozenges" are, but maybe you could google it and see what happens. I know that when my brother quit, he had some pretty severe reactions. He got the shakes, nausea and he would get sick. He did it cold turkey though. My sister quit because she found a lump and it scared her. My dad quit because it's a pain in the butt to take a drag, then put the oxygen tube back in, take a drag, put the oxygen tube back in etc etc. My grandpa ended up on full time oxygen but he never quit. We were all sitting around the kitchen table and he lit up (literally). He looked like a fire breathing dragon. We all had to duck ! LOL Don't give up on quitting. Besides, it will be so much better for your wallet too !!!

Work went so good today. The guy that had a temper tantrum on Saturday was as nice as could be to me today. He even joked around. I think that he was just having a bad day and decided to take it out on the closest person. I'm still being cautious though.

The last job goes for a tryout tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for me ! LOL That will be the last one until May.

We got dumped on with snow again. It's right around the freezing mark, so it's a snow rain mix. It makes to tough to shovel because it's so heavy. It does make for a good workout though ! LOL

How did today go ?????

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:38 pm

i think it's been apparent i've been a bit stressed at work recently - maybe? LOL now throw in that something either got in my left eye on the way to work or scratched it and i was a maniac all day. the eye pain caused so much discomfort and anxiety that i was just plain miserable. i took notes during an hour and a half meeting with such watery eyes that i looked like i was crying. it wasn't pretty LOL

now finally whatever was wrong seems to be almost gone. i will say this, having 42 people in my eye today was - odd? nobody could see anything and they were using a magnifying glass LOL i ran up to walgreens and got eye drops. my friend lisa held me down and put them in. burn baby burn!!!! i did it all afternoon after that - and yes they dilated that eye!

this afternoon lisa said the most wonderful thing to me - i just have to share it. she knows i've been a neurotic mess lately. she was walking by and said "you do know, this job does not validate who you are - right?" wow - words i didn't even know i needed to hear. she's absolutely right too - no job validates me. i validate me. some people - lisa is one - have no idea how wonderful, special they are - or how big a difference they make in another's life! i called her a bit ago to tell her how SHE makes my life even better. and know what? i probably make her life better too!

other than being an in-pain-maniac at work, it was all in all a good day. i stayed as focused as my eyes allowed LOL i kept on task - was polite and friendly - and smiled. for me it feels better to smile and be happy. i prefer being positive - even when half blind. there's an expression - i smile because i have no idea what's going on. ok, i'll take that because it beats being unhappy and complaining about everything.

we had huge thunderstorms through last night, but it didn't rain today. the sun came through in bits and pieces. and i think it hit the low 60s - yayyyyy. i've heard rumoUrs of more cold weather coming this way but i refuse to go there. i wish it would stay like this - mid-60s and sunny.

now it's time to fix my lunch for tomorrow and put together an outfit.

man of mine - i mean music - i'm so glad your day was good. you are my jukebox hero!!!! LOL

karmaberry1 · Post by **karmaberry1** » Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:59 pm

i forgot to say - i made myself very nervous about using commit lozenges. you can't possibly be suprised by that piece of information LOL