I stumbled across the chat about a week ago. It is a nice feature although it is hard to keep up at times. Some of those people can hold several conversations at once.
So you mentioned you wife would go to see someone with you. Are you going to do this? Getting it all out in the open I think would be beneficial. Maybe a therapist can explain what is going on better than you can. Like somebody else said in here, for a while I didn't know what was wrong with me so I couldn't explain it to my wife. I'd tell her I had this nervous feeling all the time and just always felt like something bad was getting ready to happen. She, nor I, really thought it was a disorder. I just knew I was getting nervous to the point of panic attacks for unknown reasons. When I finally was up one night and saw the infomercial for this program I DVRd it and had her watch it. These people were explaining what I was going thru better than I could. Where before my wife was getting annoyed with my constant worrying and anxiety she now realizes the extent and encourages me to continue the program and take my meds. Don't count her out just because you think she has made up her mind. She is probably frustrated and not sure what to do to help you. My daughter was in therapy for an eating disorder years ago and me and my wife were at our wits ends with her. When we went to therapy though she would say things in front of the therapist that she would say to us alone.
Wife is tired of my condition
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I was on a different web site forum and talking about what I'm going through and I had a few people tell me that everything was basically my fault and I'm the one the needs to snap out of it and change. Why is that so much easier said than done for people that haven't gone through this? Believe me, I have tried for the past 3 years to change. I want to correct everything and make it better for my wife and myself. Maybe what they say is right. I just don't know what to do. I'm making myself sick over this and I know it's not helping the situation.
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Kodiak,
I'm sorry to hear about your marital troubles regarding your anxiety. People don't seem to understand anxiety disorders and even minimize them, confusing them with some character deficiency in the sufferer which is just not true. It's as if people need for you to have cancer before they will have any shred of sympathy. Unfortunately anxiety takes a back seat because people think it's just something you need to 'snap out of' or 'get over it' and it isn't that easy. It's a bona fide disorder that is highly treatable and your spouse should take hope in that.
Your wife does seem willing to see someone with you about things. I would take that seriously and not give up the ship too soon. She may be very frustrated right now because she's confused and not understanding your anxiety. It sounds like you are both very upset right now and it's easy to get into disasterizing-mode. It's time to calm down and think rationally about a solution that would work and I think you both could use some counseling. I urge you to do just that and I think you will both feel better having that outside support to prop you back up and begin developing a better atmosphere in the home that is healing and supportive. I wish you the best.
I'm sorry to hear about your marital troubles regarding your anxiety. People don't seem to understand anxiety disorders and even minimize them, confusing them with some character deficiency in the sufferer which is just not true. It's as if people need for you to have cancer before they will have any shred of sympathy. Unfortunately anxiety takes a back seat because people think it's just something you need to 'snap out of' or 'get over it' and it isn't that easy. It's a bona fide disorder that is highly treatable and your spouse should take hope in that.
Your wife does seem willing to see someone with you about things. I would take that seriously and not give up the ship too soon. She may be very frustrated right now because she's confused and not understanding your anxiety. It sounds like you are both very upset right now and it's easy to get into disasterizing-mode. It's time to calm down and think rationally about a solution that would work and I think you both could use some counseling. I urge you to do just that and I think you will both feel better having that outside support to prop you back up and begin developing a better atmosphere in the home that is healing and supportive. I wish you the best.
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Hi again Kodiak. I hope you know that what your wife says to you or how she feels or what she decides is never "your fault".
But she does have her own will and unfortunately her patience isn't the same as yours would have been. Maybe she is saying this in hopes to get you to move forward.
I do not know for sure but she may think that in some capacity you have been in control of the relationship with your anxiety. Even though it is hard to imagine that we get something out of our anxiety, sometimes we do use our anxiety and depression for certain reasons to our advantage, good or bad. The program speaks of this.
Sometimes 'push comes to shove' and sometimes not. I had a 'push comes to shove' which got me to get this program and go through it. But I don't know what makes others tick. I think if my DH threatened to leave it'd probably be a 'push comes to shove' situation for me and put a fire under me to make some serious changes in my life. But others won't budge until they are good and ready. Yet others will continue in a downward spiral and lose everyone and everything.
I do think though that sooner or later most of us come to a point where we are ready to make some serious changes whether it be through this program, counseling, meds or other therapies to improve our situation.
But she does have her own will and unfortunately her patience isn't the same as yours would have been. Maybe she is saying this in hopes to get you to move forward.
I do not know for sure but she may think that in some capacity you have been in control of the relationship with your anxiety. Even though it is hard to imagine that we get something out of our anxiety, sometimes we do use our anxiety and depression for certain reasons to our advantage, good or bad. The program speaks of this.
Sometimes 'push comes to shove' and sometimes not. I had a 'push comes to shove' which got me to get this program and go through it. But I don't know what makes others tick. I think if my DH threatened to leave it'd probably be a 'push comes to shove' situation for me and put a fire under me to make some serious changes in my life. But others won't budge until they are good and ready. Yet others will continue in a downward spiral and lose everyone and everything.
I do think though that sooner or later most of us come to a point where we are ready to make some serious changes whether it be through this program, counseling, meds or other therapies to improve our situation.
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I feel your pain. Ive been where your at. You got one thing going for you that i dont. Your wife is willing to goto counseling with you mine refused.
Just and idea to try and make her think about what brought you together you said your anniversary is coming up if you have a video of your wedding try to make it a romantic evening and after you watch it pour heart out to her. I wish you well unfortunately mine of 18 years is gone but stay positive shes agreeing to counseling and thats a huge plus
Just and idea to try and make her think about what brought you together you said your anniversary is coming up if you have a video of your wedding try to make it a romantic evening and after you watch it pour heart out to her. I wish you well unfortunately mine of 18 years is gone but stay positive shes agreeing to counseling and thats a huge plus
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Hi Kodiak,
I suffered for 21 years of my life from severe panic and anxiety attacks, and became agoraphobic!!!
I hid the panic attacks from my hubby for a very long time, until they got so bad that I could no longer hide them!!!
I must say that is was a very difficult time for my hubby and myself!!! It was difficult for him because he did not understand, and it was difficult for me because he was so insensitive!!!
I actually became very angry at him because I wanted to stay home and sleep and I did not understand why that was bothering him so much!!!
After all, I was not causing anyone any harm, and I was doing the only things, that I thought I could do at that time in my life!!!
I can remember driving with those panic attacks, because I did not want him to think something was wrong with me!!!
Finally, the panic attacks became so bad, that I could no longer hide them from anyone...LOL
I was totally fed up with his behavior!!! Like I said, I did not think I was hurting anyone by my actions!!! What was wrong with me sleeping and staying home???
As I look back, I can see where he was coming from!!! He was overly concerned and felt so helpless and he just wanted me to "snap" out of it!!!
When I ordered the program, he began to see a change pretty quickly!!! Within 3 months, I became a very spontaneous person and was out doing things, that I never dreamed I could ever do in this life!!!
You may say that I became overly independent!!! I would intend on driving 5 miles to town and end up in a nearby state, a zoo, or some place relaxing!!!
I made the most of my new found freedom!!! I only had clean fun, because I am a very open and honest human being who believes in doing what is right in the eyes of God!!!
I do have to say that I felt like a bird let out of a cage!!! I enjoyed every single thing in nature, and still do!!!
I love all the beauty of God's creation!!! Every single bit of it!!! Things, that I barely noticed before the panic attacks began took on a new in depth meaning to me!!!
I became such an observer of nature!!! I became and still am very fascinated with the "simple things" in life!!!
As I look back on my life, I have to say, that those panic attacks changed my life for the better in every single way!!!
No, they were no fun!!! It is NO fun feeling like you are dying every single day of your life, and just waiting on your number to be called!!!
I have never given my hubby any reason to be jealous, so we have a very good marriage!!! He does not mind me doing the things, which I enjoy in this life!!! We have a mutual "trusting" and loving marriage, and I "praise God" for having him in my life!!
Kodiak, when you develop a new "independence" then, it not only boosts your "self esteem" but, it also helps your spouse develop a great respect for you!!!
They come to the realization that you are no longer dependent on them, and they tend to cling to you more!!! It is kinda like "turning the tables" on them, and they don't know how to react to the "new" you!!!
I do have to say that I did NOT do the program for my hubby, but for my own self!!! I had (had) enough and "enough is enough"..
The way that I saw it was like this...I was not living, just existing and I became very angry at those "panic attacks" for stealing my life from me!!!
I set out on a mission to overcome those panic attacks!!! I did everything, which I have mentioned in prior postings to do so, and by the Grace of God, I did just that!!!
When one really gets fed up with those "panic attacks" and becomes angry at them, then they can use their anger as a motivator, and this is exactly what I did!!!
I know that this was a long posting, and I pray that God helps you to "really set your mind to overcome these things" and that God helps your spouse to see how painful this is for you, and to stick by you during this trying time in your life!!!
I also pray that you get some rest!!! May God richly bless you on your journey to recovery!!!
I suffered for 21 years of my life from severe panic and anxiety attacks, and became agoraphobic!!!
I hid the panic attacks from my hubby for a very long time, until they got so bad that I could no longer hide them!!!
I must say that is was a very difficult time for my hubby and myself!!! It was difficult for him because he did not understand, and it was difficult for me because he was so insensitive!!!
I actually became very angry at him because I wanted to stay home and sleep and I did not understand why that was bothering him so much!!!
After all, I was not causing anyone any harm, and I was doing the only things, that I thought I could do at that time in my life!!!
I can remember driving with those panic attacks, because I did not want him to think something was wrong with me!!!
Finally, the panic attacks became so bad, that I could no longer hide them from anyone...LOL
I was totally fed up with his behavior!!! Like I said, I did not think I was hurting anyone by my actions!!! What was wrong with me sleeping and staying home???
As I look back, I can see where he was coming from!!! He was overly concerned and felt so helpless and he just wanted me to "snap" out of it!!!
When I ordered the program, he began to see a change pretty quickly!!! Within 3 months, I became a very spontaneous person and was out doing things, that I never dreamed I could ever do in this life!!!
You may say that I became overly independent!!! I would intend on driving 5 miles to town and end up in a nearby state, a zoo, or some place relaxing!!!
I made the most of my new found freedom!!! I only had clean fun, because I am a very open and honest human being who believes in doing what is right in the eyes of God!!!
I do have to say that I felt like a bird let out of a cage!!! I enjoyed every single thing in nature, and still do!!!
I love all the beauty of God's creation!!! Every single bit of it!!! Things, that I barely noticed before the panic attacks began took on a new in depth meaning to me!!!
I became such an observer of nature!!! I became and still am very fascinated with the "simple things" in life!!!
As I look back on my life, I have to say, that those panic attacks changed my life for the better in every single way!!!
No, they were no fun!!! It is NO fun feeling like you are dying every single day of your life, and just waiting on your number to be called!!!
I have never given my hubby any reason to be jealous, so we have a very good marriage!!! He does not mind me doing the things, which I enjoy in this life!!! We have a mutual "trusting" and loving marriage, and I "praise God" for having him in my life!!
Kodiak, when you develop a new "independence" then, it not only boosts your "self esteem" but, it also helps your spouse develop a great respect for you!!!
They come to the realization that you are no longer dependent on them, and they tend to cling to you more!!! It is kinda like "turning the tables" on them, and they don't know how to react to the "new" you!!!
I do have to say that I did NOT do the program for my hubby, but for my own self!!! I had (had) enough and "enough is enough"..
The way that I saw it was like this...I was not living, just existing and I became very angry at those "panic attacks" for stealing my life from me!!!
I set out on a mission to overcome those panic attacks!!! I did everything, which I have mentioned in prior postings to do so, and by the Grace of God, I did just that!!!
When one really gets fed up with those "panic attacks" and becomes angry at them, then they can use their anger as a motivator, and this is exactly what I did!!!
I know that this was a long posting, and I pray that God helps you to "really set your mind to overcome these things" and that God helps your spouse to see how painful this is for you, and to stick by you during this trying time in your life!!!
I also pray that you get some rest!!! May God richly bless you on your journey to recovery!!!
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Guest