My husband's ex...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 9:27 am

Well I sure did try. It seems nothing I wrote here had much of an effect on you.

You just keep going back to the circumstance outside yourself and refuse to address how you choose to react.

You and you alone gets to choose how you feel and how you react to people and situations.

Hopefully you'll go through the program again.

Good luck with that.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 9:41 am

Originally posted by Shifrah:
Well I sure did try. It seems nothing I wrote here had much of an effect on you.

You just keep going back to the circumstance outside yourself and refuse to address how you choose to react.

You and you alone gets to choose how you feel and how you react to people and situations.

Hopefully you'll go through the program again.

Good luck with that.

Wait wait wait...I never meant to give the impression it didn't help. #1 I know it's what if thinking. #2 I fully admit I am not in control (usually a big problem for people with anxiety disorder).

I understand about not letting someone affect etc All I was saying is that my husband hasn't been through the program and he's finding himself worrying about stuff himself...and is considering getting on meds. I don't know what to tell him. He feels like she has an Ahab complex and is out to get him and he's Moby Dick or something. My last message was more so about his worries than mine. To tell him to simply brush off his worries has never ever worked for him...with anything...I just don't know what's left to do for him....

We can choose to turn a blind eye all we want but sometimes a person may push too far and get in our eyesight again. And yes I know we can choose to ignore it but sometimes...just sometimes there are things that you can't blind yourself to...and he doesn't know how to react in that situation. There is no talking to a sociopath...we just don't know what to do if ignoring doesn't work. Until then...we will stop what iffing. Other than that...if something happens and we react calmly and she does something extremely damaging...we're going to be at a loss.

Thanks for talking.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 9:56 am

This woman may not even be a sociopath. The doctor can't tell if someones really a sociopath without checking them out.

You are way too concerned with this woman. Focus on something else and get her out of your head.

I think your husband may be partly the reason for her getting to you like this.

He's meeting with her privately, when he knows that you don't like her.

You all are going out to dinner, and to her place, even though you don't like her?

I wouldn't be doing that with my husband's ex. And tell me again why is you husband still friends with his ex that you don't even get along with?

Would he be okay with running around with your ex? Oh no, I don't think so.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:22 am

Re: the sociopath thing. Apparently it's hard to even diagnose them in person because they are so well scripted in how to manipulate stuff they fool doctors half the time. I have a link about it here that I posted in my first message. If you read it you'll know what I am talking about.

Anyhow...about the topic at hand...
This was in 2008...not now. She wasn't acting that way back then. She had acted up once before...long before I even met him...and she had expressed regret for her actions. So they stayed friends and she was great while we were first dating. Until this one visit in '08. As for how I felt even before he met up with her...I knew he wouldn't ever do anything bad but no I didn't trust her simply cause what I knew she did before. But he was convinced she had changed and i trust my husbands view. So I allowed him to go since it was public. Being anxious I CAN be paranoid about things that I don't need to actually be paranoid about.

And actually i AM friends with a few of my exes and he doesn't mind it. Because as long as they are being respectful there is nothing wrong with it. It's not become apparent till recently that she hasn't changed one ioda since the incident before we got together. He had forgiven her..she turned out to have not changed after all. I'm beginning to feel like you are not actually reading what I am saying. I've said a few times now this was in '08 and things didn't seem to take a downturn till that day. That's it. There was no meeting up or anything after that. Ever. Not for one or both of us.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:28 am

You and your husband need to take an "information vacation" from your thoughts about her. Go to a movie, or have some new friends over or go out with new people.

How about finding a great church with loving people?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:30 am

Originally posted by Shifrah:
You and your husband need to take an "information vacation" from your thoughts about her. Go to a movie, or have some new friends over or go out with new people.

How about finding a great church with loving people?

First parts a good idea but we've both been christians in the past and it wasn't for either of us. We're both pagan. There is a pagan group nearby though.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:37 am

www.meetup.com is a great place to meet people with similar interests. Broaden your world with new interests and people and your present issues will shortly fade away.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 13, 2010 10:39 am

That's what we'd like to do....we're both writing for theatre now and want our own theatre group but there are issues at hand right now as to why I can't do that yet. But we're working on it.