Lack of friends?

pearpickinporky · Post by **pearpickinporky** » Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:02 am

Because of your issues with anxiety do you have a lack of friends? Myself I can honestly say I have zero friends, Sure I have people I work with etc but they are not friends, no one I could say pop out for a beer with or go for a day out with. If I look at facebook, I follow a few celebs etc but do not have 1 friend

Anyone else in a similar situation? I feel like quite the reject

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 09, 2010 6:20 am

Pear,

Making friends is a skill rooted in communication. Work on your communication skills and you will see a difference. Moreover, become the kind of friend you would want to have. For instance, someone who always has an uplifting comment; one that see's the glass have full rather than half empty; and one who knows that a bad today does not mean a bad tomorrow. I truly believe we receive what we project.

WB

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 09, 2010 7:03 am

Woodbridge,

What awesome advice! I feel pretty lonely alot of the time and much of it is made worse by the isolation that is part of this anxiety disorder. I've cancelled on so many people that they stop asking me out. Most of them are kind about it but... they just don't get it. They try but just can't. God bless the ones who at least try but I've had a few that have just written me off. I am glad I found out just how "fair weather" they were. But, it sometimes makes me very sad that I have very little social life. At least not with adults. So, Pear, yes, I am completely empathetic to how you feel. That is one thing that I want to change with our 2nd go 'round through the program. Getting out more!

Good friends, the kind the Woodbridge is describing can be worth their weight in gold. They reinforce our self worth, they help us see the world through different eyes, they can be a mirror in which we can see ourselves. And, good ones will be there for you no matter what and accept you just the way you are. I've got one or two and I absolutely treasure them. Unfortunately, they live far from me and I am not much of a traveller.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 09, 2010 7:22 am

Same here - I struggle alot with agoraphobia right now along with the anxiety has kept me pretty isolated. I have two friends but one is in Florida and we've been getting more distant and the other is on the other side of the city (Indianapolis) and I don't drive far usually. We email and talk occasionally but I too am looking forward to making new friends and being more social. There was one couple that kept asking my husband and I to go out. I tried to explain to the lady that I had anxiety/panic issues and wasn't comfortable going certain places but they obviously didn't get it cause the next weekend they invited us to a concert! That is way out of my league right now - but I'll get there one day!

That is one thing nice about this forum - it helps us know we are not alone and offers support as we work on getting through to the other side.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 10, 2010 11:52 am

Gosh I sure relate to you all. I have been such an open book in the past and got really burned. My best friend of 34 years lives in Michigan, my other best friend of 28 yrs lives in FL. My Spiritual Parents are in Mexico and I am in CO. It does make it hard. I have had people at church ask me out and when I dont show up they quit asking me, it's hard to see someone struggle with something and not overcome it easily. I guess its natural to lose patience with people like us?
But I was always taught if you want a friend
be a friend. And I try to live by that.
Hey we all have each other here and thats a good thing. We get it and we know what it feels like in our struggles and that is priceless to me.
I hope you all have a blessed week
Jill~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:40 am

I can really relate to you. I definately have a serious lack of friends and social life. It's due to being totally self-absorbed with my anxiety issues, my withdrawal from anxiety promoting situations, and the negative energy I give off. People describe me as angry, difficult to talk to, too focused and driven. I'm reading Wayne Dyer's "The Power of Intention" and he goes into how negative energy (depression, anxiety, anger) begets negative response and attracts negative energy in others. Consequently people feel negative around me and not surprisingly, don't want to spend alot of time with me. I'm actively trying to incorporate the wisdom of this program and the wisdom in Wayne Dyer's books to become the positive energy person I've always admired and wanted to be. Just not there yet...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:17 am

I can also relate to this post by pear. I feel like my life has become so consumed with anxiety - struggling with it, deciding to face it, learning to overcome it, trying to learn how to live life differently through the program, etc., etc., etc. I don't have a job right now because I have been strugling so badly with agoraphobia. I used to teach elementary school. My focus used to be on my job, family, church. Now it's all on this stuff all of the time. I was just thinking earlier today that at this point of going through the progam again, having improved somewhat (though agoraphobia is still my major conern), that I should try to find something totally different to put energy and focus into for at least an hour a day or something. I am now serving in my church, which I hadn't done for a long time and that feels good. I do the church bulletin on my computer and hand it out the other member on Sundays. But I feel ready for something else as well. Any suggestions out there? And pear, if you want a friend in me, you've got one.
EllaRose

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:36 am

I too have issues with friends. 15-20 years ago I had many friends and went out all the time. I think I was pretty fun to be around and outgoing. But over the past few years I have become a bit of a loner. I never go out because I really don't want to. I don't get together with friends anymore partly because I don't want to or people don't ask. I wish I could put my finger on it. I go on a couple of business trips every year and basically keep to my self at the meetings and stay in the hotel. I feel really bad for my wife and kids as they know what's going on but have a hard time dealing with it all. Does anyone know what to do for the spouse that has to cope with what I'm going through? I'm sure she could come on here to get a good idea. I really miss the old me...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:05 am

Ditto all of that! I have this burning desire in me to make and have more friends, but I feel like I just don't even know how to go about it. So I make excuses NOT TO, which only leaves me stuck in this situation of not really having any GOOD friends - those that Woodbridge describes. I do have a few, but they are definitely more of the "fair weather" variety. I also think that my communication skills are lacking, which makes me feel a bit socially awkward. I am good at asking questions of others and listening, but when the focus comes to me, I clam up and don't seem to have a lot to share. I have made some "slight" progress here, but definitely no where near where I'd like to be. One of my goals for 2010 is "to build a friendship or two that will last a lifetime", which sounds good and all, but there is no action plan for that one yet..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 19, 2010 10:47 am

Ok folks, here is the first step to make new friends: "Hi!" Thats it. "Howdy", "hello", "morning", even a nod of the head if talking to strangers is a trigger for anxiety. Just remember a stranger is a friend you havent met. I'm not trying to be a jerk. I met my best friend just like that. I truly understand that the first step can be very hard. But it only starts with one little word. I think if you try it things will really kick into gear for you. Find a persoon at work or church or wherever and just say "hi". You may be nevous even feel axiety like mad but it will be worth it.

Give it a try I'm sure the results will suprise you!