Question? Marriage

Olivia25 · Post by **Olivia25** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:16 am

I have been married for a year now. I am new to fighting my head. My anxiety comes out the most in a relationship. Was wondering if anyone else struggles with anxious thoughts specficly about there spouse cheating on them? In any way? is this anxiety?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 7:32 am

Olivia,

Do you have cause to think your spouse will cheat?

WB

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 7:07 am

nope it's been like this through every relationship i've had which isn't to many. It's a over whelming fear i have.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 7:08 am

It's everywhere.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 7:47 am

Well, the obvious question is "are your parents divorced"? Somewhere you picked up this notion that cheating by your spouse will eventually happen.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 8:47 am

Is it a trust issue, or maybe an "I'm not good enough" issue? Or maybe just watching the news too much about infidelity?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:11 am

No my mom and dad together and so are his.I think some my trust issues come from my last relationship with a addict and also the other big one was sexual abuse I had happened in school with boy's my class in jr' high.I've gone for counseling many times. i know what's wrong with me... it does not stop my fear my negative thoughts, or my million different directions my head goes with one thought!!! It's really sucks the life right out of you. I am on session 2 and I am having the hardest time figuring out how to face it? What do I do I put my husband infront of alot beautiful woman and let him stare at them? hahahahaha while I sit there and watch, is that dealing with my anxiety? i don't know what to do...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 9:14 am

does anyone else have this fear that controls them this much?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 10:15 am

I have thought about that very thing from time to time. To me, it's not so much my husband in front of 'beautiful' women, but those interested in my husband and if he's friendly back. It would be the back and forth attention that would probably do me in.

That fear has happened to me, during a time when there was a lot of tension between us. Because I think that men tend to do that who want to get a certain kind of attention. And after 19 years of marriage, our attention can shift and change on our spouses.

But the fear hasn't really ruled me. I know a lot of advice about obsessive thoughts on here is this:

Don't get mad at the thought or try "not" to think of it. The more you try not to think about it, the more you will. Just allow the thought.

Remember it is just a thought. It's not reality.

Then busy yourself with another thought or something else to change that channel in your mind.

If you don't get mad or annoyed with yourself about those thoughts, and give yourself "permission" to think them, then tend to go away much easier.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 02, 2010 3:38 pm

Thank you so much. Glad to know I am not completly crazy. I will try to remember that when I am thinking things. I wish they weren't so strong or I shouldn't let them be.