I need my wife...
I am just starting the program as of two days ago. I came to realize that I am suffering from depression and anxiety. It has affected our marriage and I want to change that. My wife has encouraged me to do something and this program seemed like a great way to do it. However, I do not know if she is interested in helping me or not. May be that she does not know how to help. Can someone give me advice on what I should expect of her during this time. I know that we tend to have too high of expectations of those around us and I do not want to do that to her.
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Guest
jases003, congragulations on starting the program and welcome to this important resource here on the forum. I know for me my anxiety disorder and the resulting depression had been slowly killing my marraige for years. We were on the brink of divorce, which neither of us wanted, up until I bought this program. this program is the best thing to happen to my marraige. I went undiagnosed for all my adult life until about three years ago and was told I had anxiety disorder and social phobia. I really wasn't making much progress in counselling until I bought this program and started learning the tools I needed to get anxiety, panic, bad attitudes, depression and so forth out of my life. I read your post and wanted to share my experience to give you a heads up. I am so glad your wife has encouraged you to take action and this program, if you put in the effort, will certainly change you as a person. I started this program in January and my wife noticed changes in the first two weeks, my boss in six weeks, even my counsellor is impressed with the progress I've made applying this program to my anxiety. I've been working this program for some months now and have seen some real improvement in my life. Most importantly, my wife likes me again because I'm so much easier to be around. Here is my advice:
1. Let your wife be as involved or uninvolved as she wants to be. this is a self help program and in the end you have to do the work a lot on your own. It's just not stuff someone can really help you with since it deals with our thinking, feeling and all the stuff going on deep inside. Don't close her out of the loop, though.
2. I'm sure she is very interested in helping you, but what can she do? If there is something reasonable and in her power she can help with, by all means ask her to.
3. I'd advise to not have any expectations of your wife right now, you are starting on a journey to a better place and she will be full of joy as she sees your progress over the coming days, weeks, months. As this program changes you, she will be very glad and excited by that. She just wants you to feel better.
4. Keep posting and reading on the forum, the people here know what you are experiencing and there is a whole community that understands what you are dealing with. Here you will find you are not alone, so very many people struggle just like you are.
5. Feel free to private message me if you need to. I've been doing that with another guy for months and it really helps in this way. Talking and sharing with the forum community here will take a load off of your wife. I know for me I had loaded my wife down for years with depression and negative thinking, who else was going to put up with it for all that time?
Again welcome to the program and get excited. you will find answers here to help you get better and learn to really enjoy life again.
1. Let your wife be as involved or uninvolved as she wants to be. this is a self help program and in the end you have to do the work a lot on your own. It's just not stuff someone can really help you with since it deals with our thinking, feeling and all the stuff going on deep inside. Don't close her out of the loop, though.
2. I'm sure she is very interested in helping you, but what can she do? If there is something reasonable and in her power she can help with, by all means ask her to.
3. I'd advise to not have any expectations of your wife right now, you are starting on a journey to a better place and she will be full of joy as she sees your progress over the coming days, weeks, months. As this program changes you, she will be very glad and excited by that. She just wants you to feel better.
4. Keep posting and reading on the forum, the people here know what you are experiencing and there is a whole community that understands what you are dealing with. Here you will find you are not alone, so very many people struggle just like you are.
5. Feel free to private message me if you need to. I've been doing that with another guy for months and it really helps in this way. Talking and sharing with the forum community here will take a load off of your wife. I know for me I had loaded my wife down for years with depression and negative thinking, who else was going to put up with it for all that time?
Again welcome to the program and get excited. you will find answers here to help you get better and learn to really enjoy life again.
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Guest
You sound like such a great guy! You sound very sensitive to your wife. I think it is important in marriage for people to at least be able to share what they are going through-- their vulnerabilities. If you can honestly tell her about what you are going through, and she can listen to you-- that's a lot. That's probably the best you can expect.
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Guest
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Guest
Great reply mtbkr....and thanks for the original post.
I had tried this program after my break up with my last girlfriend....and I am starting it again after a new break up. I am realizing how selfish of self absorbed/concerned I have been, and how I have been taking some of this depression and anxiety out on her....and most of my relationships. Mtbkr is right...she does want you to be happy and healthy, and she may really not know how or if she can help you, but it does not mean that she doesn't love you as you are even now....but she does want you to be better for you...and for her as well to be with you. The expectations thing is REALLY big! The less you have, honestly, the easier to seems to be for our partners. I really do wish you all the best. It is hard and will take time....patience, celebrate the little victories and don't sweat the small stuff.
Cheers
I had tried this program after my break up with my last girlfriend....and I am starting it again after a new break up. I am realizing how selfish of self absorbed/concerned I have been, and how I have been taking some of this depression and anxiety out on her....and most of my relationships. Mtbkr is right...she does want you to be happy and healthy, and she may really not know how or if she can help you, but it does not mean that she doesn't love you as you are even now....but she does want you to be better for you...and for her as well to be with you. The expectations thing is REALLY big! The less you have, honestly, the easier to seems to be for our partners. I really do wish you all the best. It is hard and will take time....patience, celebrate the little victories and don't sweat the small stuff.
Cheers