Hello

Missy555 · Post by **Missy555** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 5:48 am

Hello everyone, i went through the program about 10 years ago, and been doing pretty good with it. About maybe a month ago i started in again with this anxiety or depression. I also have the upset tummy, not eating much, thinking all the time, shaking, headache. You name it. It seems different this time though. Last time i had the symptoms, but i was worrying about dying, and get cancer or stupid stuff. This time it started out a month ago i had surgery (D&C) i had a miscarriage again. (Number 4)I handled it pretty good cause i know not to get excited until i make it past the third month. Man was i a nervous reck to get put under. I was only under for about 7 mins and everything went well. So then i was worrying about my heart, was i ok after it, then snow came and i felt a little depressed, but working full time and going to school i was keeping my mind off it a little. Then i woke up about two weeks ago and i looked at my dog and i had pains in my chest or should i say a heavy feeling, it scared me, then i stared my over thinking! oh my do i love my dog, then my neice and nephews came over then i was like do i love them? Then the heavyness came in my check so i thought what is this, then i looked at my fiance and thought the same. Let me tell you something i love them all very much and im crying saying it but why do i think this way? How come i dont feel like talking and i want to be alone? Then i go from thinking i dont love the people i love to thinking about someone breaking up and not being together back to my neice and nephew back to my fiance and its driving me nuts. Anyone got any ideas on how to stop this. The heavness in my chest is making feel these thoughts. Looking to talk.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:05 am

I completely understand EVERYTHING you are going through. I had been doing great for about 4 years after I finished the program. Then about 2 months ago, I had numerous incredible stressful situations occur all at once. At the time, I thought I was handling them pretty well, then crash! One night I started to worry and couldn't turn it off. I didn't use my skills and let it carry me away. Then started the constant worry, couldn't eat, shaking, doubting everything (do I really love my husband, do I really like my job, should I have gotten this dog...) What I realize now is that despite my thinking that I was handling everything great, I wasn't, the anxiety was creeping back up and I was falling back into old familiar patterns of worry and what-if-ing.

My sense is that you had alot to deal with, the miscarriage, pending marriage, etc. and didn't realize the toll it was taking on you. Alot of times there are hidden emotions or worries that don't surface until we activly work through them. I was taking on more and more stress, but doing less and less for myself. Even when you feel great, you HAVE to do for yourself!! Start doing some negative thought replacement journals. You will be surprised out how bad to talk to yourself, without even being aware!! I think I am finally pulling out of it, but it is work everyday! Get active, go walking, do yoga, journal, meditate, talk to your fiance about what it going on. I am very honest with my husband, he is incredible, I tell him all my scary thoughts, etc. No matter how hard it is, and how tempting it can be, don't just sit still and let it paralyze you, all you do is practice your worrying and that makes it worse. Dust your tapes off and start from the beginning, you might just need a "booster course" of it.

Alot of people have been through these growth spurts, actually, everyone one who has ever recovered has probably had them! Just keep trying and keep fighting. I know what a loss it can feel like to have the life you always wanted and feel like it was pulled from you when the anxiety comes back. It is depressing, but it can only affect you as much as you let it. 10 years is great, you obviously kicked it's butt before, and can do it again. I think I need to get advice from you!!

Unicorn1524 · Post by **Unicorn1524** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:15 am

Thank you. Yeah 10 years i still had some anxiety in those years but not like this. I mean a month or so ago i never once doubted my love for anyone, and why now? Why didnt the fear of dying come up like last time? I did tell my fiance (been together for 14 years) on christmas as i cried that i had weird thoughts this time with my anxiety and depression and i felt like i didnt love any one, and he hugged me. I love that man so much he is awesome, just three weeks ago my heart ached cause he went to hunting camp, i cried, funny huh. I just dont know why i thought that and the heavyness in my chest, i just want to be alone. I was off my meds for almost 6 months and i went back on zoloft, that bummed me out, but i think i need it. Talking helps to.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:24 am

Same thing, stopped the Zoloft, started again to get me over the hump. But my Dr. said an eye-opening thing. "there isn't a pill in the world that will make you happy all the time, that takes work". What has really worked for me this time is I am seeing someone who specialized in CBT, just like the program. When I am super-anxious, I also want to be alone. I feel like if I can worry enough about something, I can solve it. If I prepare for the worst-case scenario, I can overcome it if it does happen. All that does is make me more anxious! You can do this, you have worried yourself into a corner, you just have to fight your way out. Maybe going to see a counselor will give you a jump start!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:53 am

Also, the fear of dying didn't come up because you know that it won't happen, anxiety won't kill you. Your mind has just moved on to something else to worry about. It does that!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 6:58 am

true, but i dont like thinking this way, i get a pain in my chest knowing that i think i dont love anyone, exspecially when its my mom or dad. I guess its feeding off that part, but i think way to much. I didnt feel this way a month ago, so i know its not the truth but when im around anyone i keep thinking this over and over again, about my friends, family, fiance, it just tears me up

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:01 am

It sounds like it has become an obsessive thought. Treat it the same way you would any other obsessive thought, recognize it and replace it. Easier said than done, I know!!! Like you said, you know it's not true, but the more value you give to it, the more you focus on it, the more power it has. The more you let it upset you, the longer it sticks around!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 7:12 am

very ovsessive thought. why does it work like that? why does it stick around, because we keep thinking about it? When i think of it my chest hurts right away, then its like is it the aniexty or is it real. But i know its aniexty but i have to keep telling my self it, over and over again. I have Lucinda book from panic to power, i think i need to read it again. I should look for a new book from her too.