Taking on family responsibilities

P&P · Post by **P&P** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:03 pm

Hello,

There's something that's been bothering me for a while. I find when family members leave on vacation, the expectation is that I look after their pets. As much as I LOVE animals, I haven't adopted any of my own because I'm young, on my own and don't have the time to devote to them. Unfortunately, I feel SO obligated whenever they ask me to help them out by watching their dogs, or rabbits ect... My sister is away for Christmas and wants me to watch her rabbits for 5 days, which entails going over to her place, and feeding them once in the morning and once in the evening. This is during my holidays. I have my own life going on and as much as I like helping my family out, I feel like they expect this from me and that's not fair. I just have such a hard time saying no.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:07 pm

I am sorry to hear that you are upset over this. Hope everything gets much better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 12:47 pm

Thanks

Does anyone have any advice? These boards seem very quiet lately.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 9:38 pm

P&P -

I'm not sure what session you're on, but it sounds like Session 7 on assertiveness would be really helpful for you. In that session, we learn that it's okay for us to say "no" and we don't even have to give an explanation. If you don't want to do something that someone asks of you, you don't have to do it. It's completely up to you.

You also don't need to feel guilty about it either. Like you said, you have life too and you're entitled to spend your free time the way you like.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 2:04 pm

Hi SeaRunner,

Thanks for your help

I have listened to lesson 7 several times. I guess I still feel like I'm being "selfish" when I say no. My family feels like family helps out whenever you ask for it. And like I said, I do help out and I have a lot in the past but it just feels like they expect me to always say yes and I feel somewhat dominated by them.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Dec 13, 2009 5:36 pm

Hi P&P
I can totally relate. My mom is the same way. In her mind it's a given; always has been that way. It took me a long time to learn that I had the right to say "no" to even her. I don't think she really gets it though, but at least we're past the offended/pouting/outright-mad-saying-I'm-a-selfish-ungrateful-daughter stage.
And I feel much better

(Practice, practice, practice.) And you can always strike compromises if you don't feel comfortable saying "no" to start with, like: I'll feed them in the mornings but you'll have to find someone for the evenings...
Hope this helps.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Dec 14, 2009 12:00 pm

Sylvan,

Thanks for your wise words of advice! The more I think about it, the more I think I'm comfortable with letting her know that these are my holidays and I don't want to be tied down to her rabbits. Like you said, I think it's because of how I was raised, you do what you're told without ever saying no, or else you would be punished. Now that I'm an adult, I'm starting to see that I should be able to say no.
Thanks again!