lost and lonely

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 4:54 am

Hi Verb from Texas, thanks you for all the help. I am going to have to print this one off and keep it with me. Your right fear can stop me from continuing on with what God has planed for me. Thank you! Thank you! and Thank you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:13 am

Hi Sews,
Thanks for the positive feed back. I really needed that today. I don't always get on line everyday since I work on the computer all day I don't even turn on my computer at home for days of weeks. I am glad you took the time to respond I did really need to hear that today I am needed for someone. My grand kids. I forget that a lot.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:31 am

Hi Everyone, thanks you for the wonderful help. Since you have helped me with a lot of my issues I thought I would ask for some additional help with my kids. I have a son that is a great person to people he doesn't know or other than family. But to his brother and myself and his family ( wife & kids) he is disrespectful, rude and he says he is just kidding and that I am too sensitive. I do know that I am sensitive but the names he calls his wife really bother me and if she wasn't a religious person and like me afraid to be alone. I fear that she would have left him like I did his father. I also am afraid of loosing him. I can't imagine my life without him, even though days he is so rude I can't stand it. When I am alone with just him it is the most wonderful time in my life. Help with ideas please. I just don't know how to handle this. He is in his 30's now.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 7:04 am

When alone, I would tell him how much it breaks my heart to hear him saying those things to his wife. That they are partners in a marriage and should give each other the utmost courtesy and respect. And that he is teaching his kids to say mean things - he is not going to realize this until they get older and boy are they going to mouth off.

And that even when when he says he 'jokes' around about something, it really shows how he feels.

When people say bad things to others, but they are 'joking' or 'drunk' it shows an ugly side to them.

Since things are great when the two of you are together, this is the best time to do it. Put your hand over his and look into his eyes. Make sure he really knows how much this breaks your heart.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Nov 17, 2009 6:36 pm

It sounds like you have talked to your son about his behavior and he is denying doing anything wrong. If you feel anything like I did you feel very confused when one of your children is doing something that you know is wrong and they tell you your wrong.

When I got to the part of the program about anger and how to be assertive it really helped me to deal with my family's issues a lot better.

I have found a lot of very useful information about dealing with how to talk to others when I get angry or hurt by things they say. I know that I will have to practice these things for a while before I am very good at it. I don't get upset for very long when I practice the skills I have learned already.

When you are stronger you will be able to deal with this. It is hard not to worry about what is happening with your kids. Please make sure you are taking care of you first. It isn't selfish and it is necessary in order for you to deal with all that life is throwing at you. You will also be able to help your family learn the things you have learned.

If I tried to do this program perfectly (I do get tempted) then I would never have gotten past lesson 1. It goes fast when you do the week you are on and then move on. You can go back to any of the others anytime you feel you need to.

I wish you peace.
Sews

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:52 am

Shifrah

Hi Shifrah, thanks for your help I think I will try that next week if we are able to get together before he picks up his kids. I always feel like I am the one who is wrong and have a very hard time standing up for myself. I will definitely have to pray to God before I talk to him. I don't want to attack him like everyone else does, but I am tired of him blowing off what I say too.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:56 am

sews

Hi Sews, your right it does make me feel so confused most of the time. He is so much like his father I can't really blame all of it on him. Even though I left his father when he was 3. He has and had so much anger toward everyone except his father. The reason I left his father was because of how he treated me and other people. I hoped that leaving him would help my kids instead he is a very angry and hurt person. Who doesn't think he is angry or upset about anything.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Nov 29, 2009 4:54 pm

The Lost One,
I think you are doing the right thing by telling your son to change the way he talks to you. He needs to realize that if he can not learn to talk to you and his family respectfully then he has to work on some serious anger issues. I hope this conversation went well. I know standing up for myself is always difficult. It is easy for me to let people use me as the stepping stone.

I have been thinking alot about the ideas for depression. I think I forgot the most important thing in my life. Last year in July I got two cats. They are a year and 1/2 now. They have been the best decision I ever made. I had many people tell me to get a pet. I kept telling everyone I knew, I am not a pet person. I don't need animals running around my house. I didn't want a dog, because I would have to walk him all the time. I guess no one told me what cleaning out a litter box is really like, until after I had my little ones home. It is okay, because the love I get in return is well worth the effort to clean it out. I suggest a cat or dog. Anything that is good at cuddling or likes to be petted. There is nothing better for my mood than to be with someone who I know is always happy to be around me.
Theresa