Post
by Guest » Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:20 am
Good Afternoon, Lovely, Powerful women of God! I am beyond words as to the response I have received from you lovely ladies. This is absolutely incredible and, the things you all have said will stick with me throughout my life. My heart goes out to all of you, you are my sisters in Christ and, I finally found somewhere I belong. I seriously was going through the days saying to my husband "I can't be the only one who has dealt with this......There has to be one person who can understand my pain.........and, I will find her!" Well I didn't find just her I found tons of stories that are similar to mine but this morning this one sticks out and above in my mind.
I am in shock luvpiggy your story is different from mine, BUT "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" is what I have dealt with since I was a young child. No more than five years old I saw my life was changing for the worst but, I trusted in God thinking it would get better. I think I should start from the beginning and, maybe you ladies will understand why this story that luvpiggy just shared is so near and dear to my heart. I don't know how you knew to say the things you did sweetheart but, I can NOT thank you enough! This is my story:
My parents met in a church in Washington State and, my Dad was stepping in as an usher and, my Mother was playing the piano at the front of the church. When I heard this growing up I thought, how wonderful they met in a church and, I would give anything to meet my future spouse this way. These are the things going through a five year old's mind. But even being five years old and, hearing this story time and time again there was a darkness from the beginning that was being hidden. A false prophecy if that makes sense. I never understood why I felt this way. My Father saw my Mother and immediately thought this is the woman he was supposed to marry.
My Grandma on my moms side has now told me almost 22 years later that back then they were going to call off the wedding because, my Dad was being so controlling to my Mother. Telling her how she should worship and, that she has a long ways to go to be part of Gods house. I was in shock that no one had ever told me this as this would have put my heart at rest as to why my life was so rocky....... But, now I know the truth. My Grandma tells me that the wedding continued because my Grandma insisted they still marry. So on the 21st of December they said their vows. Not knowing just how bad of a decision they were making being "unequally yolked."
My mother grew up in the church and, she was what was considered to my father as a "luke warm" christian. A baptist who only went to church on Sundays and, this would not stand. If he didn't have fellowship with her a fight would occur. A discussion as he puts it with his choice of words and, my mother was very meek even before I was born and, would just listen never standing up for herself.
Well on September 29, 1987 I was brought into this world almost a year after their marriage. They named me Amber because they said I was their jewel in the dark world. My Father worked and my mother kept house. We seemed like the perfect little Christian family my Mom teaching me bible verses, songs, and the wonderful art of praying. I grew up listening to Judy Rogers. My grandma would sing Songs with me like go to the ant, and Isabelle is a pig, those cute songs I'm sure some of you grew up with or taught to your children. I loved spending those times with Grandma and Grandpa but, then something happened and, my parents decided to move away from my grandparents because my Dad didn't want them influencing my Mother. He never thought her parents were anything but "luke warm" Christians too.
To make a long story short my childhood was pleasant until I turned five and, then they had their first big argument. My mother grabbed me and, was driving away for good but, she said the spirit of God came over her and told her to return to her husband. This was only the beginning or arguments I watched and, listened to. My parents tried to work everything out and, my Mother said she would never leave him again. I was very confused being that young and, all but had heard some very colorful words directed at my Mother.
When I was growing up with my parents we moved to over five states over a course of twenty or so years. We lived in over 40 different locations.....I know it's more than that but, I didn't keep track it was heart wrenching to move each time. In 1995 my mother had an ectopic pregnancy. In 1999 she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy born with Trisomy 18. Benjamin was the miracle they thought that would save their marriage. After all having only one child was never enough for them. I was never enough to make them happy they would say I would understand when I got older.
to be continued......sorry lol baby fussy.........
