I was doing so much better; I started taking Prozac, which is so mild that I was amazed at how much it helped! For a few weeks I was feeling great! My head would start spinning its evil web…and then something miraculous happened…..it stopped! My thoughts did not go round and round the way they always do, but they stopped mid way with a “shrug” and “it will be ok”. I have not felt this good in years. I was on cloud 9.
Then I got sick. That is when all the thoughts came racing back. Of course I did not just have a flu, but some sort of cancer. I could not get better because by the time my brain picked up that I was nauseous, there was no telling which nausea was real and which was anxiety. Now I am starting to question the Prozac, wondering why it has left me when it was working so well….do I need a higher dose? Did my body become immune to its effects? Why cant I just get sick? Why does my body break down as well as my brain? The thoughts of going crazy are racing back…where is the voice that says “chill” why do I have the voice that says…”well maybe?” .
I really struggle with this sickness sometimes. The worst part is never knowing what will break me? Why am I so easily broken?
Maybe there are no answers for me, this could just be my lifelong tug-of-war? Regardless, it does help to get these thoughts out to the universe.
Flu sets me off and makes me crazy again?
When I get the flu my anxiety, thoughts and OCD act up too - even on medication and when I've been doing great for months. But it goes away when the flu goes away. I have no idea why this occurs but you can work through it with positive self talk and know that you will get better (thoughts and all)!