The state of being you all describe is well known to me in the past year. As a Registered Nurse I saw death often in Emergency and Trauma situations, worked in an Operating Room, and Palliative Care. I did it all without a tinge of anxiety. Raising two children and caring for a house, job, social obligations,stressful times, and lifes' ups and downs never ever bothered me. Then last year I was hit with every symptom that is described for anxiety, then I had major panic attacks. I like to think that it will go away. I am diligently working on it, and although at times it seems hopeless and my morning anxiety is through the roof, I seem to keep on plodding along, often preoccupied with imaginings that are frankly 'crazy'!! I have discovered a definite lack of understanding of this condition in the medical world, the world I lived in for over 36 years. It makes me ashamed of my colleagues.
I refuse to go to any hospital again, and difficult though it may be, I try daily to combat this.
I have been so very sick! I am counting my blessings that I have a good home, a quiet place to live, and all of that. This anxiety is free floating and threatens to ruin my life at this point.
So, why the heck is this happening when the cause appears to be faulty thinking, something I was never guilty of, and I am helpless in the face of this 'brain assault'!
What is happening to me??
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Guest
Cantbeme...Be kind to yourself. This condition that we all live with is just that...a condition. Our biggest struggle is to be ok with what we feel and know that we will ultimately be ok. You've seen a lot and sure enough been through a lot. If we have no outlet, this somehow manifests itself through our bodies. It's a vicious cycle that we embroil ourselves into through our thinking. Remember, we're obsessive and thus make matters worse through repetitive and faulty messages to ourselves. Consider going on meds if needed. They are there to help. Best of luck. You're not alone in this.
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What Joe P said is so true. I was at the same place you are now a few weeks ago. I thought I was going crazy and noone was understanding. I made an appt. to see my Dr., since I have been in this lonelyness since 2003, was put on meds. that I can say have helped to this point. Sometimes we all just need to let the medication work for us until we can deal with it on our own. I will keep you in my prayers.
Originally posted by cantbeme:
The state of being you all describe is well known to me in the past year. As a Registered Nurse I saw death often in Emergency and Trauma situations, worked in an Operating Room, and Palliative Care. I did it all without a tinge of anxiety. Raising two children and caring for a house, job, social obligations,stressful times, and lifes' ups and downs never ever bothered me. Then last year I was hit with every symptom that is described for anxiety, then I had major panic attacks. I like to think that it will go away. I am diligently working on it, and although at times it seems hopeless and my morning anxiety is through the roof, I seem to keep on plodding along, often preoccupied with imaginings that are frankly 'crazy'!! I have discovered a definite lack of understanding of this condition in the medical world, the world I lived in for over 36 years. It makes me ashamed of my colleagues.
I refuse to go to any hospital again, and difficult though it may be, I try daily to combat this.
I have been so very sick! I am counting my blessings that I have a good home, a quiet place to live, and all of that. This anxiety is free floating and threatens to ruin my life at this point.
So, why the heck is this happening when the cause appears to be faulty thinking, something I was never guilty of, and I am helpless in the face of this 'brain assault'!
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Guest
cantbeme,
I too am a Registered Nurse. i spent years working in the Med-surge units, Occupational med and labor and delivery. In all departments I can not count the times I spent with grieving parents, families and i too did it for years without a problem. All of a sudden I found myself totally home bound, suffering one panic attack after another, and my peers in the medical profession all but wrote me off as a nut case. One day, it was a sunday, I called my Dad and had him take me to the ER. I packed a bag. When I went in they started to blow mw off when I stated in no uncertian terms that I had packed a bag, and I was not leaving until they found what was wrong with me, and that they had better get me a room. I knew I was ill, and the panic disorder was a secondary effect of me getting worked up over the orginal symptoms I was having. After a battery of tests and scans It was discovered that I had a Pulmonary embolism. Had I just taken them at their word I would now be dead. I now question just about everything I am given and any explaination that is offered. I have become the biggest PIA-nut they have evern known! Peace be with you.
I too am a Registered Nurse. i spent years working in the Med-surge units, Occupational med and labor and delivery. In all departments I can not count the times I spent with grieving parents, families and i too did it for years without a problem. All of a sudden I found myself totally home bound, suffering one panic attack after another, and my peers in the medical profession all but wrote me off as a nut case. One day, it was a sunday, I called my Dad and had him take me to the ER. I packed a bag. When I went in they started to blow mw off when I stated in no uncertian terms that I had packed a bag, and I was not leaving until they found what was wrong with me, and that they had better get me a room. I knew I was ill, and the panic disorder was a secondary effect of me getting worked up over the orginal symptoms I was having. After a battery of tests and scans It was discovered that I had a Pulmonary embolism. Had I just taken them at their word I would now be dead. I now question just about everything I am given and any explaination that is offered. I have become the biggest PIA-nut they have evern known! Peace be with you.
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Guest
:p
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I am hard on myself and have always been an overachiever. I wrote a book, had it published, won photography contests +++. But seemingly I am afraid of success or some darn thing. My career was very successful and that did not bother me.
My doctor says that the critical incident stress will always find a way out. I cared for everyone but myself he says. Now is the time for me to start caring for me. But how?? Nurses are notorious for this. I have seen it happen to others but could not imagine it happening to me. However, I feel better than I did a month ago, and certainly better than I did a year ago. I will beat this somehow. My way of thinking has to change, perfectionistic characteristics are OK in the Operating Rooms but not in personal life. It worked for me at work!!
I do not like to see others in pain, but it does help to know that others understand this suffering. The old saying of 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional' certainly applies.
I will continue to take care of me better than I did--hard way to learn though. I went out to a community dinner with my husband tonight and had a great social time. The old me is still alive and kicking, and trying to survive. I have to see that she does at this point.
Gawd, I long for the simpler times.
'Enter to Learn, Go forth to Serve' was our nursing motto at college.Nobody said that our careers could swallow us whole and like the story of Jonah and the whale, our careers can spit us back up!! Combine that with the stressors of life today and what do you have??
Large scale RUIN!!
I'm not ruined yet! Lucindas' e-mails, although at first I was doubtful, do hold some amazing solutions if applied.
Thank you again!!
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, I am hard on myself and have always been an overachiever. I wrote a book, had it published, won photography contests +++. But seemingly I am afraid of success or some darn thing. My career was very successful and that did not bother me.
My doctor says that the critical incident stress will always find a way out. I cared for everyone but myself he says. Now is the time for me to start caring for me. But how?? Nurses are notorious for this. I have seen it happen to others but could not imagine it happening to me. However, I feel better than I did a month ago, and certainly better than I did a year ago. I will beat this somehow. My way of thinking has to change, perfectionistic characteristics are OK in the Operating Rooms but not in personal life. It worked for me at work!!
I do not like to see others in pain, but it does help to know that others understand this suffering. The old saying of 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional' certainly applies.
I will continue to take care of me better than I did--hard way to learn though. I went out to a community dinner with my husband tonight and had a great social time. The old me is still alive and kicking, and trying to survive. I have to see that she does at this point.
Gawd, I long for the simpler times.
'Enter to Learn, Go forth to Serve' was our nursing motto at college.Nobody said that our careers could swallow us whole and like the story of Jonah and the whale, our careers can spit us back up!! Combine that with the stressors of life today and what do you have??
Large scale RUIN!!
I'm not ruined yet! Lucindas' e-mails, although at first I was doubtful, do hold some amazing solutions if applied.
Thank you again!!
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Guest
You are so welcome. When I was in Nursing school they mentioned once that those of us that we perfectionists would be the most sucessful......I am not sure what they were measuring that against....Since I left nursing I have been continuly recruited by old employers to return to their empolyment. I have to say that it is very flattering. I also have to say I will never return to the profession in a patient care setting. I am exhaused ALL the time, I am lightheaded ALL the time, and after 8 months I have finished the program and find that the symptoms continue...however I am now convinced that it is either the embolism or the coumadin that is causing it. Having come to this conclusion and with the help of the program I do not get the panic attacks anymore because I guess I have made up my mind as to the cause of these symptoms. I can't seem to get an answer from my doctor though as to whether the coumadin causes such feelings. I find this a bit unnerving. I am in the VA health network, and if you know anything about them it takes an act of god to change providers. I have searched the internet for a coumadin support group but can't find one. Any suggestions?
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Guest
:pYou are probably like me and gave and gave and gave, thinking nothing of it until it all collapsed and our bodies could not take it, nor could our minds. I retired at 51 years of age and have constantly been pulled back to the profession but have not buckled. I write about it now. It seems it is difficult to get nurses to write, and the anxiety issue has stopped me for awhile, hopefully I will pursue it again.
As for Coumadin, also known as Warfarin, I have a friend just 58 years of age who had a CVA and is on the med. She maintains it makes her 'feel funny'. The lightheadedness is something she complains of and she is not a complainer ordinarily. So it is worth checking out.
I went to Google and googled 'Warfarin Support Groups' and a huge long list came up. So why not do that? It is the same medication. It is just that different companies and different countries call it by different names, just to screw people up I figure.
Some of those groups are quite interesting and I do hope you find one to answer your questions.Let me know how you do with it.OK?
Yes, very flattering to be pulled back isn't it? However it is self-sabotage I think. I loved my career and it is a big part of who I am. However I have had to learn that we all have a 'Best Before Date' -- right?
Cannot say I know too much about VA etc as I am Canadian and our system is different. In Newfoundland we just have trouble finding a darn doctor, let alone changing docs like I would like to do.
Best of luck with the Warfarin thingy. You will get answers b/c you sound very determined.
As for Coumadin, also known as Warfarin, I have a friend just 58 years of age who had a CVA and is on the med. She maintains it makes her 'feel funny'. The lightheadedness is something she complains of and she is not a complainer ordinarily. So it is worth checking out.
I went to Google and googled 'Warfarin Support Groups' and a huge long list came up. So why not do that? It is the same medication. It is just that different companies and different countries call it by different names, just to screw people up I figure.
Some of those groups are quite interesting and I do hope you find one to answer your questions.Let me know how you do with it.OK?
Yes, very flattering to be pulled back isn't it? However it is self-sabotage I think. I loved my career and it is a big part of who I am. However I have had to learn that we all have a 'Best Before Date' -- right?
Cannot say I know too much about VA etc as I am Canadian and our system is different. In Newfoundland we just have trouble finding a darn doctor, let alone changing docs like I would like to do.
Best of luck with the Warfarin thingy. You will get answers b/c you sound very determined.
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Guest
Gosh...you know googling warfarin makes perfect sence, I was just going by coumadin....duhhh. 
. I swear this stuff works on my brain too sometimes. Great suggestion, thanks a heap!!! I totally agree on the "best before date"! Thats great, can I use that next time somebody calls and gives me grief about going back to work for them? Thanks again!!!
. I swear this stuff works on my brain too sometimes. Great suggestion, thanks a heap!!! I totally agree on the "best before date"! Thats great, can I use that next time somebody calls and gives me grief about going back to work for them? Thanks again!!!-
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I too am in the medical profession as a physician assistant. Over the past three years, my anxiety has been through the roof. It actually drove me to the ER about 1 month ago as I swear there was something wrong. I was told that I was "dehydrated" and sent on my way with a script for Xanax. I am currently out of work as I relocated to a new state. I worked in long term care and rehab and again, for the last 10 years, worked with countless patients without a twinge of panic. But when it hit---it hit like a ton of bricks. Fortunately I was still able to work but towards the end it was unbearable. I, too, was received with the cold shoulder by my colleagues. I can appreciate all you say. My worst symptoms are the dizziness, unreality, and terrible numbness/tingling--all the real scary things. I am terribly afraid that I am just going to die. We all must stay strong and continue to press forward. Good luck!