Sex with partner.. or lack of... my heads done in with it all :'(

[lau_von_c]

hey everyone

i know this forum is about anxiety but everyones so lovely on here i wanted to ask ur opinion, my mates kinda judge me on it so theres no point talking about it really..

most of my anxiety comes from self hatred. when me and my partner met 2 years ago it was PERFECT! like sickly movie stuff.. just amazing. his dad died tho 3 months into it.. and he started a degree (while working full time) and it took its toll. as a result he began having problems in the bedroom.. as he calls it, "it" wouldnt work...
this has carried on .. on and off since. long story short, he stopped initiating sex and eventually became much less affectionate with kissing etc. this really really got to me (im not ready to give up on romance at 21) and it ended up being me all the time.. initiating it or getting knocked back.
it got to the point where my paranoia set in and thought its cause i put weight on.. i look like a man.. u name it i thought it and i too stopped initiating..
and now.. its just nothing. its so upsetting. we are a young couple so in love but the affection has just kinda gone. i get turned on by thinking HE wants it.. so if for a moment i feel he doesnt it puts me off...
he went to see the DR and he said not to worry. but .. this is really getting me down now.
anyone have any advice on this? he said to me he wants to be able to work to get me and that might help.. so i knocked him back one time , just said "oh im not in the mood" and now.. he came round every night this week and nothing!!
im scared it will never come back.. sorry for rambling on. even if noone answers i have got it off my chest a bit lol but.. can anyone wiser than me make sense of this?

oh btw... he said the other week that he didnt initiate it cause he thinks "It" wont work.. and then this week he said my anxiety and depression has been hard on him and maybe thats why..??

[bevhembree]

There's a lot of things in your post, and I probably will meet a lot of oppositon, BUT I've been there. Intimacy is normal; lack of it is not. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, BUT he should be willing to render, and (here's where I will really get in trouble) there's almost an obligation on his part to meet your needs. I ONLY say that b/c you can't get it anywhere else. Lack of it makes you feel rejection, depression, anxiety, wondering what is wrong with you, self conscious, low self-esteem, etc. A doctor might help him to perform, but since he doesn't want to talk, he probably won't see one. I'm sorry to say that acceptance and being content may have to suffice for you. I don't believe that you can say or do anything to change whether he will or not. Maybe you could go into counseling, but that won't change him. The one thing we did do that might help is to schedule a time a week on advance and be committed to sticking with it. To start on the first date, don't expect it to go all the way. Accept touching, caressing, talking and work your way up each date. Hope something in here helps- Take care...