Hi everyone
-I've in the ol pit of depression again- I've actually had to put Lucinda's program on hold because I kept getting stuck on session 3-on the negative and postive thoughts-doing what she had mentioned in her book or dvd i can't remember exactly which-that I had to find the root of my depression-which I set out to do by seeking a help through a counselor and obviously with Jesus direction and help. Doing this is will get me back to be able to do the next session for I am determined to finish it. I have been doing a workbook on "Healing of Damaged Emotions" and i'm on the chapter of what do you know "Depression" which also talks about anger- I've been set out to find out why i'm so angry deep with in me and not knowing why- I believe that people in psych. wards and are hurting because there is a reason-just like me. There has to be a reason why people are so angry, depressed, anxiety, mood swings,etc.. I've learned and realized starting with Lucinda's system and the workbook i'm not doing goes hand in hand-except the workbook-Healing of Damaged Emotions-goes deeper (like Lucinda mentioned we might have to go deeper like she did-in finding out what causes us to be angry or anxiety,etc...)and I'm dealing with it even though it hurts so bad and not denying and burying it anymore which I was trying to do.These are the chapters in my life that I ripped out in my mind, except they weren't ripped out in my heart and because they were in my heart they also kept coming back-replaying in my mind-so i decided to stop ripping them out of my mind and dealing with it and accepting it and amongst other things but most of all forgiveness. I've been in and out of psych. wards and I stopped going because I knew going in and out wasn't working except doing more harm on my family-my husband and kids and all the precious time in living and making me more in debt. I could be rich by now,but, like alot of people i am poor. And that's ok. Every time I was admitted I asked those whom I made friends with why were they here and like me they even didn't know why? If they did they blamed others and were very angry. This chapter on depression got me thinking and remembering how Lucinda talked about her past-her dad,etc. and reading and studying the bible i've realized there is a reason why so many people is hurting in their minds which is also in their hearts and not to mentions suicidal ('cause i've been there to) for the two go hand in hand. I always watched how people acted and behaved and what came out of their mouths-their words-while i was in the wards due to there was nothing else to do. And I knew instantly they like me were hurting so severly. I asked Jesus what was the root of my problem, I had to acknowledge my sin and the sin of others that was done to me and I repented-asked for his forgiveness for all the wrong i've done even to all those who hurt me so severly-I realized I was judging them and who am i -am i God? no, of coarse not! I was obviously stepping on his toes-territory-and not to mention I was blasapheming God by doing this. Ephesians 4:31-32 is why I need to forgive others and as I forgive others including myself and God holding him responsible for what happened to me and even for my circumstances which I didn't realize that i was doing just that. And also surrendering my life-and all that comes with my life:the burdens, depression,anxiety,sadness,hardness of it,etc. and the life of my kids,my husband to Him and asking Him to be the center-controller of my life for I want His ways to be my ways, His mind to be my mind, His heart to be my heart,etc.. I now read and study His Word and when ever i need comfort I go to His Word and look up whatever it is I need at that time-whether it's strength, forgiveness, peace,etc: I recommend to everyone to get a book of "God's promises" because it has sections of His promises on things like: jealousy, anger, anxiety,boredom,envy,etc.. so when every I have these awful thoughts of such I look it up in this book and i memorize it and when we do that we have His word stored in our hearts so that we may not sin against Him and also encourages us,lifts us out of that awful pit. and we are building our minds and hearts with His strength and power and His love and His friendship and keeps us in His light and in obedience to Him and His words which He tells us in His Word in the book of 1 Chronicles 16:11,18="Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always...So commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these words of mind." (NIV). and because of Hebrews 4:12="For the Word that Goid speaks is alive and full of power; it is sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and the spirit, and of joints and marrow (of the deepest parts of our nature), exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart." And Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and the Word of God is the way, the truth, and the life which = Jesus Christ. This is why we-including myself for I can never leave myself out-should read and study and pull out the His promises when we need comfort or even when were sad,etc.. 'cause then were communing with Him and we are being changed into His image and living for Him instead of us-our selfish ways,purposes, wants. And I've learned and realized deep in my heart and mind that's not where happiness is, not where joy is, not where love is,etc.. The true joy, love, laughter,etc is where Jesus is in His Word and also gives us hope: His returning to earth to set up His kingdom and bringing all those who believe in Him, follows his commandments and obeys them every single day till He comes back for us whether were in the grave or alive. We can't just believe in Him because the devil himself believes in God-and Jesus says also that if we love him we will keep his commadments and love God with all of our hearts and minds and strength and to love others as myself. The only way we can do this is by reading and studying His Word-by doing this were also allowing Him to heal, encourage, etc. us. I wanted to share this with every one because I really care deeply for every heart (person) that is hurting as I am and in the same boat of depression, anxeity,etc.. And i'm not minimizing Lucinda's book also-it's a book that helped me get to this point and I believe is a way that pointed me toward Him. ---Jupiter7
