What are your expectations like?

[pat2]

Hi Peony and Dixie,

Oops, I realize I didn't log me out last time....nice to hear you are progressing well peony that's really comforting , today I started with session 5....actually I didn't drink coffee for the last ten years. so that will not be a big problem but I do have a problem with exercise, getting tired or maybe exhausted and blablabla...so there comes the self talk and relaxation exercise again....woaw I think that program is so good.... It's hard and it will take time but I think we can make it... so we keep in touch....good to know you out there

[ropersue]

I am a school teacher, and an only child! So all of my life I have felt that I have had to be "perfect". It has been a struggle all of my life. But the anxiety didn't start until last year! My third year of teaching. My boss is the demanding and type that you feel you can never be at ease around. So I am always worried that I will not be perfect enough and my students will not be quiet enough when he walks in my classroom. But since starting this program, I have felt less anxious and more at ease at work. I am so grateful for this program. Your perfectionistic comments relate very close to me! I am also that way at home, I cannot stand clutter or anything else! But after listening to session 4, I am learning so much more on how to control it, and that it is okay if things do not go perfect!

[Dixiesmom]

Peony,
Hope everything is going well! I also have such a big to do list that I'm not sure where to start. Problem is we have started a couple of projects and have not completed any and now I feel overwhelmed! Painting the baby bed and ran out of paint. Painting my oldest boys room and out of paint (scary colors for me - he is 11 and wants a Harley Davidson theme room, so I put a grayish color on 3/4 of the walls and decided it was a little dark and we needed to do an accent wall. I let him pick the color - bright orange to go with the Harley orange! OH MY!!! I keep telling myself it's just paint, but we still need to finish the wall). And, like you, gardening and landscaping issues. There were tall boxwoods that the previous owners had put in and they had gotten too tall and overgrown, so we had someone come and pull them up. Now there is absolutely NOTHING in front of our house! It's so bare, I now feel like maybe we shouldn't have done that. I know nothing about landscaping and can't afford someone to do it - one estimate was about $2,000! But, we've got to do something! I told my husband today that we need to finish some of these projects. I guess it's one step at a time. Complete the smaller and easier things first - the baby bed - which we will do when the weather permits as we are spray painting it outside. Then, the orange in my boy's room and the trim work. The landscaping will have to be slower. I would rather do it right than quickly and it not look good. I will look up landscaping ideas on the internet and go to a nursery and show them pictures of our house and give them an idea of what we want and let them show us some possible plants to put in. I feel better thinking it out and "talking" about it. I've set out a plan of action. Now to put it in motion.

[peony]

Hi Dixie,
I am sure we will get through some of our projects. One thing at a time. And if something doesnt get done perfectly that's okay too. It's great that you let your son plan his own room. I think it gives them power and confidence.

I was at nursury today and couldnt decide on my annuals. I get paralysed because I think it has to be perfect, but my plan is to just keep it simple. Only a few colours in the pots and lots of the same plants and colours all over, I think. And be done with it (easier said than done)
I am on session 7 now and posting on session 7. Had a rather stressful day "being assertive" You could check out my post for today... I feel a bit rattled at my "assertiveness" Dont know if I did it right and I think I may have done some damage.

Thanks for the reply.

[pat2]

Hi ropersue, peony and Dixie

Well at home I was the youngest and a girl on top of it (my father biggest wish...this didn't make it easier for me), so my parents wanted me to be nice and quiet and of course perfect in every way....so I can understand what you feel ropersue, with trying to be perfect in everything you do...it is really exhausting....but now we have tools to cope with it and try and try and try again till it works....at the beginning of this week I felt so fool of energy, I was so happy that I started with my garden and wednesday I even saw the all day....but I realize when I'm sawing I wan't it to be so perfect that without consciously beware of it in no time my body start to be so tensed that in the evening I was so exhausted and felt like a piece of wood....so there I should maybe change a few bad habits and not try to make it in one day or to be perfect....now its friday and I'm still have a sour back and be so tired....
So like you said peony, let's doing it step by step...nothing is going to run away, your garden or my dress will still be there next week or next month....no hurry....and your son seems to know what he want....that's good....even if it looks a bit flashi and weird for us, maybe you can see it has a kind of therapy....a way he can express his emotions with choosing strong colors....I think that's a very important step for a child ..... ! So that was it from me for the moment....talk to you later again...see you probably next week...have a nice week-end!

[pat2]

Hi
it's me again...I made a few mistakes...I know....perfectionism and so on...the one with fool energy....maybe it was foolish of me to do so much work but of course I meant full of energy and the second one was: I didn't saw any dress but actually sew a dress.... does anybody speaks french it would be easier !

[ropersue]

I am going on week two with session four! I feel like in my case this is an important session! I am learning so much! I am beginning to let things go! Which has been nice! I have noticed that with my students I do not allow them being loud and not doing things perfectly to bother me any more! It has been nice. I feel like I can let that part go! I really think the biggest problem is that I want to be in control of everyone and everything! But with session 4, I am feeling that I can stand up for my self, and that I can't control how my husband and students act. It is so great to begin to feel the freedom. Now just to get to where I feel like I don't need to be in constant control of myself! That is my goal! I can not believe how much energy I have felt within week four! I feel like I am getting more finished and accomplishing more since I have let others issues go, and since I have tried to let my control of others go. It hasn't been easy, and it is still a trial I am working through, but I am getting there! I am so glad! You are all awesome! And we can do this!

[pat2]

Hi Dixie and Peony,

I would like to apologize for mixing myself up into your mail exchange....since a few days I really feel bad about me doing this....this is not the way I use to react...but it's done and I can't change it. Now I'm on session 6 and have to try to deal with these kind of situations....to wright this words down make me feel better and lighter...so that I can let go and feel more free.

regards
Pat

[peony]

Hi all,

I have had a history of either doing nothing and letting weeds take over (laziness or perfectionistic paralysis?) OR working myself silly all day long in the garden so I decided to spend one hour per day. This time of year needs more, but my plan is to make it reasonable and regular. One hour per day. I hope it will be be effective.

Pat, I dont know why you feel bad.. .. last time I checked anyone can post. Any time! It's all good!

[pat2]

Hi Peony,

Thank you for answering, I feel much lighter!
About you working in your garden, I thought the same way with my sewing.....instead of spending my day off trying to finish my dress and feeling completely exhausted for the next few days, I decided to do an hour or two of sewing every second day and feel much better about my work and myself. This week was a little bit awkward, till I realize I had PMS (actually I have it every month and guess what, each time it take me 2 till 3 days before I realize what it is... ) and this time, on top, I felt just like I forgot everything about positive thinking at all, I felt so down and tired and negative....and so on.So today I listened to session 3 again and there it was all again. So it's time to wake up and go back to work, write my negative thoughts in my notebook and think positive.
I wish you a nice week-end and a peaceful gardening time
Pat