Is it recommended that children go through this program?
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workingfool
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Mar 05, 2008 5:46 pm
I just started the program last week, and just yesterday was progress report day. My 9yr old has on her report "needs focus on expressing herself" and good attitude but is not self confident. I felt a huge sinking feeling of OH CRAP! What have I done! And my 12yr has difficulties on focusing on tests, A's in homework but fails on testings. I didn't know if anyone has had their family go through this program together, or should it be done on an individual basis. And I know some of the words on tape 1 would be hard for my girls to understand. Does the verbage continue at a higher level? Thanks
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Guest
I know I'm not going to be of any help, but I thought it said somewhere in the program that it was ok for kids...that Lucinda, herself, was helping a 10 year old or something like that. Why not do the program with them, that way you can help them understand what they may not.
Oh...and I was just like your 12 year old. Actually it's not uncommon to do good on homework and fail tests...a lot of people are like that. So don't feel like you've done something wrong.
Oh...and I was just like your 12 year old. Actually it's not uncommon to do good on homework and fail tests...a lot of people are like that. So don't feel like you've done something wrong.
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Guest
I hope this doesn't come out wrong, and if it does, I apologize in advance.
I think if you can do this program with children, and it will help to alleviate their anxiety, of course you want to help your children, and that is great:).
I know I just have a different situation, but maybe some of my experiences will provide you with some insight. My son is ten with severe autism, non-verbal, still in diapers, etc. One time I went to a Christian counselor who really advertises this program, and I do support this program and have used it with success. However, she kept saying that when I calmed down my son would calm down. I agree that my emotions affect my son because he's very sensitive. At the same time, my anxiety didn't cause his autism. Actually, my son having an incurable brain disorder increased my anxiety. There is a study that vaguely links a mother having anxiety while pregnant to the child having autism, but it may be because the mother has an intuition that something is wrong or is exposed to something in the environment that causes anxiety and autism. Actually, my second and third trimesters were great:)! Anyway, it was a big assumption for her to make, and not helpful at all. At first, I understood what she was saying, but one time, I went back to her, and she ended up going too far with it. She started to share about her experiences with her daughter who developed severe anxiety. She obviously felt very responsible for her daughter's anxiety, and her daughter ended up in the mental hospital and had to be put on Risperdol many years ago. As she continued talking, it just became very clear that she started to believe her situation was exactly like mine. I told her that it wasn't, but she just continued to argue with me to the contrary. She started to project and portray my situation as being exactly like hers, and basically believed that I was causing my son's autism when all was said and done. She kept telling my husband and me that we weren't doing enough to help our son because he had severe autism. Trust me, all parents of children with autism feel that we aren't doing enough to help our children so this was just horrible for us to hear from her, and every time we would tell her about how we had moved to get our child in a better school system, or that we had tried medications that didn't work, etc. she just refused to listen. Also, I'm better now, and my son still has severe autism. I feel better. I feel better able to handle his autism and my husband and I think that our daily patterns are easier with me, but it's still hard with my son, and he still has severe autism. So, I wish it was that easy. I actually think that my anxiety is often a distraction from the fact that I can't make my son's autism go away, if that makes any sense.
So, I guess my advice is, please be careful about blaming yourself when your children aren't perfect. If you over react to those criticisms from the school, your children can also pick up on that as you believing they aren't good enough. I am not saying that that is what you are doing. It's just a potential problem that you may want to be careful about. You have two wonderful beautiful children, and I know that you know that, and that I am just a stranger. I know to me, your son being smart and failing tests is a problem that I wish I could have, and so that does have to be put into perspective. If you think the program will help them, that is really great, but you may want to talk to them first. You may want to find out if they are really feeling anxious, and if they feel like it will help them.
I really hope that what I have said makes sense. I just don't want you to blame yourself for something that you may not even be responsible for. It's just not clear why your son is failing tests, so talking to him to find out if it is actually test anxiety before blaming yourself is a better option. You are a wonderful mother:)!
Also, just you doing the program and them seeing your success may help them if they have picked up on your anxiety. Please understand that I am not saying not to let them do this program. I'm just trying to give you some things to think about before you think that you've done something horrible.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
I think if you can do this program with children, and it will help to alleviate their anxiety, of course you want to help your children, and that is great:).
I know I just have a different situation, but maybe some of my experiences will provide you with some insight. My son is ten with severe autism, non-verbal, still in diapers, etc. One time I went to a Christian counselor who really advertises this program, and I do support this program and have used it with success. However, she kept saying that when I calmed down my son would calm down. I agree that my emotions affect my son because he's very sensitive. At the same time, my anxiety didn't cause his autism. Actually, my son having an incurable brain disorder increased my anxiety. There is a study that vaguely links a mother having anxiety while pregnant to the child having autism, but it may be because the mother has an intuition that something is wrong or is exposed to something in the environment that causes anxiety and autism. Actually, my second and third trimesters were great:)! Anyway, it was a big assumption for her to make, and not helpful at all. At first, I understood what she was saying, but one time, I went back to her, and she ended up going too far with it. She started to share about her experiences with her daughter who developed severe anxiety. She obviously felt very responsible for her daughter's anxiety, and her daughter ended up in the mental hospital and had to be put on Risperdol many years ago. As she continued talking, it just became very clear that she started to believe her situation was exactly like mine. I told her that it wasn't, but she just continued to argue with me to the contrary. She started to project and portray my situation as being exactly like hers, and basically believed that I was causing my son's autism when all was said and done. She kept telling my husband and me that we weren't doing enough to help our son because he had severe autism. Trust me, all parents of children with autism feel that we aren't doing enough to help our children so this was just horrible for us to hear from her, and every time we would tell her about how we had moved to get our child in a better school system, or that we had tried medications that didn't work, etc. she just refused to listen. Also, I'm better now, and my son still has severe autism. I feel better. I feel better able to handle his autism and my husband and I think that our daily patterns are easier with me, but it's still hard with my son, and he still has severe autism. So, I wish it was that easy. I actually think that my anxiety is often a distraction from the fact that I can't make my son's autism go away, if that makes any sense.
So, I guess my advice is, please be careful about blaming yourself when your children aren't perfect. If you over react to those criticisms from the school, your children can also pick up on that as you believing they aren't good enough. I am not saying that that is what you are doing. It's just a potential problem that you may want to be careful about. You have two wonderful beautiful children, and I know that you know that, and that I am just a stranger. I know to me, your son being smart and failing tests is a problem that I wish I could have, and so that does have to be put into perspective. If you think the program will help them, that is really great, but you may want to talk to them first. You may want to find out if they are really feeling anxious, and if they feel like it will help them.
I really hope that what I have said makes sense. I just don't want you to blame yourself for something that you may not even be responsible for. It's just not clear why your son is failing tests, so talking to him to find out if it is actually test anxiety before blaming yourself is a better option. You are a wonderful mother:)!
Also, just you doing the program and them seeing your success may help them if they have picked up on your anxiety. Please understand that I am not saying not to let them do this program. I'm just trying to give you some things to think about before you think that you've done something horrible.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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marinasunlight
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Mon Aug 25, 2008 12:35 am
Thank you Tammy and Luvpiggy. I shouldn't OVERERACT just yet. See I haven't got that far in the program.(ha)I am worried about them turning out like me.; But all this should change really SOON!! So thanks for pointing this out, as I enjoy having another ones outlook on things.
Thank you again
Workingfool
Thank you again
Workingfool
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Guest
I understand how you feel, to some degree, workingfool. I agree with luvpiggy, though, being the worriers that our personality types tend to be I think it's common for us to blame ourselves and/or over react to any shortcomings our children may have. We simply have to stop doing that.
I am brand new to this program, but I did use some of the coping techniques with my 8 year old son. He is afraid of the dark....sooooo much. I leave the hall light on for him and check on him every 20 minutes until he's fallen asleep. If I don't, he'll work himself up and I've laid next to him when his heart is racing. It bums me out.
Well....the other night I decided to teach him (in a kid way) how to use the breathing to calm himself down. He had gotten himself all worked up over "noises". I had him put one hand on his chest and the other on his abdomen and practice with the counting and the positive self-talk.
Then I had him close his eyes and did the whole walking through the forrest to the waterfall. He was out within ten minutes after that.
The best part is when I woke him up for school the next morning the first thing out of his mouth was how GREAT he slept and how GREAT he felt. At least 3 times over breakfast he thanked me for helping him fall asleep the way I did. I was astonished at how much that helped him. Quite frankly, more than it has helped me. I think children are so open; virtual sponges.
So...while maybe the child isn't going through the program, we can certainly teach and share with them some of the coping skills that we are learning now and maybe that will set a strong foundation for them in the future.
I don't know about you, but my well-meaning and much loving mother would always tell me to "stop worrying" or "stop being such a worry wart" and I learned to internalize my anxiety until it found it's way out on it's own.
Good luck!
I am brand new to this program, but I did use some of the coping techniques with my 8 year old son. He is afraid of the dark....sooooo much. I leave the hall light on for him and check on him every 20 minutes until he's fallen asleep. If I don't, he'll work himself up and I've laid next to him when his heart is racing. It bums me out.
Well....the other night I decided to teach him (in a kid way) how to use the breathing to calm himself down. He had gotten himself all worked up over "noises". I had him put one hand on his chest and the other on his abdomen and practice with the counting and the positive self-talk.
Then I had him close his eyes and did the whole walking through the forrest to the waterfall. He was out within ten minutes after that.
The best part is when I woke him up for school the next morning the first thing out of his mouth was how GREAT he slept and how GREAT he felt. At least 3 times over breakfast he thanked me for helping him fall asleep the way I did. I was astonished at how much that helped him. Quite frankly, more than it has helped me. I think children are so open; virtual sponges.
So...while maybe the child isn't going through the program, we can certainly teach and share with them some of the coping skills that we are learning now and maybe that will set a strong foundation for them in the future.
I don't know about you, but my well-meaning and much loving mother would always tell me to "stop worrying" or "stop being such a worry wart" and I learned to internalize my anxiety until it found it's way out on it's own.
Good luck!
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Guest
Thank you for your insight kitkat, I know all of you are all right about not taking it upon myself (blaming myself) to feel as though I am responsible. And yes, being the "responsible" person, I guess it's easier to do that. But I did start on wk 2 and working my way through this. I will get better and most of all get the hang of NOT blaming myself and overreacting. (This is just feeling so weird hearing myself say this out loud )Onward and outward we shall go! LOL
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Guest
The Good news!! You are going through the program and you can now recognize it in her, if that's the case and you can do somethig positive about it. I may tend to blame my self for the same thing I now see in on of my kids, instead my tendancy which I believe is a normal response is to blame my self for my contribution to it. Well now I can take responsibility for it and as I get better myself I can teach her the coping skills I am learning to save her from all the future pain this can cause. If you had not recognized in your child the problem, and you wouldn't have, you can't help them and they'd still have it. Now though you recognize it and can do the best you can to pass on what they need to know! You are to be credited for recognizing this this means you are the loving caring parent your child needs.