Hi friends,
I don't have much time today to respond, but wanted you to know that I am reading your posts and I'm grateful for all the support I have recieved. I was thinking, why doesn't my family support each other in this way, so I have decided to "let it begin with me" so I will try to take what I have seen here and be that supportive person to my family as well.
and Mike, "focusing on the benefits of what we're doing even if we don't like the task" is going to help me do those house and barn cleaning jobs today with a much more positive attitude, Thank You!
The Challenge...Lesson 3
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Guest
Welcome karen L.! 
As mike said the more the merrier!
For me to give mtself permission to "do nothing" is pretty big. I always have to move with a purpose! So glad your going through the program, it will be fun sharing storys along the way.
Mike I liked the pictures you put up to show the difference of feeling joy and we all know how that feels, and the saddness, we all know what that feels like too. I have experanced both. Linking a picture to it makes it more real for some reason to me.
Thanks.
Oh just one more comment, you mentioned when you use the word "got" as in I got to copy these things... or I have to mow my grass, or I have a billion things to do. I have been changing that word/ words to I get to mow my grass, I get to ride my horse. I get to clean my house because I'm lucky to have one. it is a honor to be grateful for things, all in my attitude which changes my perspective. Just a side note that I have been working on.
mcshope, Great job, on being home and content to be there, even enjoying your time by your self. It is nice to have time at home by yourself huh? My husband went for 4 days in the past spring. I was a mess, worry about the animals, doing all the work, what ifing on and on. Once I got into it, I too enjoyed it, eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted, I enjoy beading so I got with a friend and we beaded for hours. It was good. Be proud of your self. Good job!
Lindalee, I have often thought that too, with why family is not more helpful and supportive? I like your let it begin with me. I too am trying that approach. I have liked the way I feel when I don't get myself all involved with all the family drama. I have learned be supportive to my family, help in what ever way I can. But things that seam to just be "run in circles scream & shout" I don't, I bow out. I choose not to let my self to get involved. I've done it a couple times now, and getting better with it as time goes on. Have a good DAY!
As mike said the more the merrier!
For me to give mtself permission to "do nothing" is pretty big. I always have to move with a purpose! So glad your going through the program, it will be fun sharing storys along the way.
Mike I liked the pictures you put up to show the difference of feeling joy and we all know how that feels, and the saddness, we all know what that feels like too. I have experanced both. Linking a picture to it makes it more real for some reason to me.
Thanks.
Big thought! I think that is really true. For me, I am becoming more conected with faith at that point. My belief. Thats good Mike!The part of our brain that stores these memories which cause those intense obsessive thoughts is not a thinking part of the brain. This is why knowledge alone isn't good enough. This part reacts to experience and thus you have to use experience to tell yourself its alright.
Oh just one more comment, you mentioned when you use the word "got" as in I got to copy these things... or I have to mow my grass, or I have a billion things to do. I have been changing that word/ words to I get to mow my grass, I get to ride my horse. I get to clean my house because I'm lucky to have one. it is a honor to be grateful for things, all in my attitude which changes my perspective. Just a side note that I have been working on.
mcshope, Great job, on being home and content to be there, even enjoying your time by your self. It is nice to have time at home by yourself huh? My husband went for 4 days in the past spring. I was a mess, worry about the animals, doing all the work, what ifing on and on. Once I got into it, I too enjoyed it, eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted, I enjoy beading so I got with a friend and we beaded for hours. It was good. Be proud of your self. Good job!
Lindalee, I have often thought that too, with why family is not more helpful and supportive? I like your let it begin with me. I too am trying that approach. I have liked the way I feel when I don't get myself all involved with all the family drama. I have learned be supportive to my family, help in what ever way I can. But things that seam to just be "run in circles scream & shout" I don't, I bow out. I choose not to let my self to get involved. I've done it a couple times now, and getting better with it as time goes on. Have a good DAY!
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I feel stronger. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitations I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
It was a good night. I watched a movie and I played the relaxation cd. It was good.
Today I want to continue clearing the clutter at home. My husband is not coming back until late tonight, so I have the house all by myself.
Mike,
Remember to take it one day at a time. Sometimes, when you feel tired, it is good to go for a short walk, trying to enjoy the view. It is good that you don't push yourself, however it is also important to get out and breathe some fresh air.
You have to take it easy as long as you need... Think of it as ME time. Little by little you will feel more energy and desire to do stuff.
I agree with how you feel about our group, for me it is great to have people to talk to, people who understands what I am going thru. You had a great idea with this challenge.
Karen,
Good for you, I think the "thoughts only thoughts" line is great, I have used it myself. Sometimes is not easy to control the anxiety, but being aware that they are only thoughts helps, it kinda puts everything in perspective. Good job in calming yourself.
Lindalee,
I understand what you said about the support in the family. I guess sometimes we forget how important it is to feel appreciated. I agree, it has to start with us. We need to let them know how wonderful they are and how much we love them.
Good luck with your busy day.
THH
Thank you for your support, I feel pretty good about spending the night by myself, it is like a vacation. The dogs kept going to the livingroom, I think they where waiting for my husband and son, finally I closed the door of my room and we all went to sleep.
Jamie,
Long time no see!!!... I wish you are doing great.
Have a nice day.
Hope
It was a good night. I watched a movie and I played the relaxation cd. It was good.
Today I want to continue clearing the clutter at home. My husband is not coming back until late tonight, so I have the house all by myself.
Mike,
Remember to take it one day at a time. Sometimes, when you feel tired, it is good to go for a short walk, trying to enjoy the view. It is good that you don't push yourself, however it is also important to get out and breathe some fresh air.
You have to take it easy as long as you need... Think of it as ME time. Little by little you will feel more energy and desire to do stuff.
I agree with how you feel about our group, for me it is great to have people to talk to, people who understands what I am going thru. You had a great idea with this challenge.
Karen,
Good for you, I think the "thoughts only thoughts" line is great, I have used it myself. Sometimes is not easy to control the anxiety, but being aware that they are only thoughts helps, it kinda puts everything in perspective. Good job in calming yourself.
Lindalee,
I understand what you said about the support in the family. I guess sometimes we forget how important it is to feel appreciated. I agree, it has to start with us. We need to let them know how wonderful they are and how much we love them.
Good luck with your busy day.
THH
Thank you for your support, I feel pretty good about spending the night by myself, it is like a vacation. The dogs kept going to the livingroom, I think they where waiting for my husband and son, finally I closed the door of my room and we all went to sleep.
Jamie,
Long time no see!!!... I wish you are doing great.
Have a nice day.
Hope
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Guest
Mike,
I've been thinking about that quote all afternoon. It is very good because I have a tooth that has been bothering me off and on. I'm going to have to address this one day in the near future.
this can cause those intense obsessive thoughts to surfaace. I have let them in the past frighten me so bad I can not allow this any more.
This is why knowledge isn't good enough. Sense this part reacts to experiance, and some of mine have been bad, i need to tell myself every situtation is not going to be the same. This time may be different than all the others. I have dentist that I have a "good " history with, who always made me feel good and thier work has been the best i've ever had. Some of my problems have come from bad dentistry and that is long ago. Many of my problems hae come from things that had to be redone because of poor workmanship. I have the best dentist in the Cleveland area and if they can't help me no one can. I will be okay!
Oh and sometimes when I'm not into doing something, I don't. so maybe you can make it a goal to one day copy your notes, but not today. maybe pick a day that is raining or you are in the mood to write. Rather than push yourself to get all this done today, even when your not in the mood. Maybe your in a better mood to do something totally different. Just a thought?
I've been thinking about that quote all afternoon. It is very good because I have a tooth that has been bothering me off and on. I'm going to have to address this one day in the near future.
this can cause those intense obsessive thoughts to surfaace. I have let them in the past frighten me so bad I can not allow this any more.
This is why knowledge isn't good enough. Sense this part reacts to experiance, and some of mine have been bad, i need to tell myself every situtation is not going to be the same. This time may be different than all the others. I have dentist that I have a "good " history with, who always made me feel good and thier work has been the best i've ever had. Some of my problems have come from bad dentistry and that is long ago. Many of my problems hae come from things that had to be redone because of poor workmanship. I have the best dentist in the Cleveland area and if they can't help me no one can. I will be okay!
Oh and sometimes when I'm not into doing something, I don't. so maybe you can make it a goal to one day copy your notes, but not today. maybe pick a day that is raining or you are in the mood to write. Rather than push yourself to get all this done today, even when your not in the mood. Maybe your in a better mood to do something totally different. Just a thought?
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Guest
Lindalee
Your family isn't as knowledgeable about this kind of support as we are. Yes be the change you wish to see in the world.
Your welcome. I'm trying to do that but I am so unbelievably exhausted today. I can barely get myself to do anything today, I'm barely intrested in anything and all i feel like doing is sleeping. So I haven't practiced that yet. Just practiced the part that no matter how exhausted i am, i'll be fine and this shall pass.
THH
I'm usually the type to always be doing something. This last week I haven't had much of a choice in the matter and am forced to do nothing.
Visuals are usually good for that. It makes the message stronger, it sure does for me anyways.
Hey thats a great change of words, I think I may also adapt that myself. I get to clean my room because i have one. A little harder to do then when your very exhausted though, i think i'll practice that more tomorrow. That information about the part about the brain not being a thinking part and anxiety and such definately resognated with me as well. It does make alot of sense.
Yes we tend to follow that cognitive distortion which is called fortune telling that is when something negative happens in one situation and you keep assuming it will happen again and again and again. Situations are rarely the same but may have some things similar. Good positive response about the dentist.
Perhaps. That writing just drainned the poop out of me and I was more exhausted for the rest of the day. When do you really know when a good time is to push yourself or when you know your really in the mood? I know today would probabbly be the worst because I'm not in the mood to do anything and I don't care much about anything today. I was excited about going to that get together today but I'm not even in the mood for that.
mcshope
Sounds like you made some good progress.
ya maybe getting some of the fresh air would be helpful. I was going to push myself to go to that get together but I think you're right I need to take care of myself and perhaps a short walk would be useful. Being stuck in the house for several days at a time can be overwhelming. No time limit then, I guess if i did try to expect myself to get better by a certain time that would only keep me exhausted for longer and create self-hate. Ok i'll work on me time for the time being. I haven't felt this kind of exhaustion for awhile so it did get really scary.
I can't take all of the credit for the challenge. It was more of a joint effort with THH.
Mike
Your family isn't as knowledgeable about this kind of support as we are. Yes be the change you wish to see in the world.
Your welcome. I'm trying to do that but I am so unbelievably exhausted today. I can barely get myself to do anything today, I'm barely intrested in anything and all i feel like doing is sleeping. So I haven't practiced that yet. Just practiced the part that no matter how exhausted i am, i'll be fine and this shall pass.
THH
I'm usually the type to always be doing something. This last week I haven't had much of a choice in the matter and am forced to do nothing.
Visuals are usually good for that. It makes the message stronger, it sure does for me anyways.
Hey thats a great change of words, I think I may also adapt that myself. I get to clean my room because i have one. A little harder to do then when your very exhausted though, i think i'll practice that more tomorrow. That information about the part about the brain not being a thinking part and anxiety and such definately resognated with me as well. It does make alot of sense.
Yes we tend to follow that cognitive distortion which is called fortune telling that is when something negative happens in one situation and you keep assuming it will happen again and again and again. Situations are rarely the same but may have some things similar. Good positive response about the dentist.
Perhaps. That writing just drainned the poop out of me and I was more exhausted for the rest of the day. When do you really know when a good time is to push yourself or when you know your really in the mood? I know today would probabbly be the worst because I'm not in the mood to do anything and I don't care much about anything today. I was excited about going to that get together today but I'm not even in the mood for that.
mcshope
Sounds like you made some good progress.
ya maybe getting some of the fresh air would be helpful. I was going to push myself to go to that get together but I think you're right I need to take care of myself and perhaps a short walk would be useful. Being stuck in the house for several days at a time can be overwhelming. No time limit then, I guess if i did try to expect myself to get better by a certain time that would only keep me exhausted for longer and create self-hate. Ok i'll work on me time for the time being. I haven't felt this kind of exhaustion for awhile so it did get really scary.
I can't take all of the credit for the challenge. It was more of a joint effort with THH.
Mike
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Guest
I was going to save this song for the next week but the way I feel I kinda need it right now and I don't want to be selfish with the experience. I want to share it with everybody.
Keep Holding On (Glee version)
Mike
Keep Holding On (Glee version)
Mike
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I feel stronger. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitations I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Mike,
Maybe I am going to sound like a mother, but... are you eating well?... are you getting enough sleep?...
Have you heard of Ayurveda?... I have been reading about it and, it offers very simple things that you can change in order to feel better. Since you know about Chinese Medicine, I think a lot of the Ayurvedic treatments are going to make sense.
From time to time I also get one of those days that I don't feel like doing anything. I tend to feel guilty about it. However if I get myself out of the house, usually my mood changes. Sometimes I mow the grass or clean the back patio, that is usually enough.
Do not feel bad about having a couple bad days, it happends and it is OK. Use this time to relax, meditate, read something light, watch some comedy. Maybe your body is just telling you that it needs a break.
Thank you for the song... I really liked it.
Hope
Mike,
Maybe I am going to sound like a mother, but... are you eating well?... are you getting enough sleep?...
Have you heard of Ayurveda?... I have been reading about it and, it offers very simple things that you can change in order to feel better. Since you know about Chinese Medicine, I think a lot of the Ayurvedic treatments are going to make sense.
From time to time I also get one of those days that I don't feel like doing anything. I tend to feel guilty about it. However if I get myself out of the house, usually my mood changes. Sometimes I mow the grass or clean the back patio, that is usually enough.
Do not feel bad about having a couple bad days, it happends and it is OK. Use this time to relax, meditate, read something light, watch some comedy. Maybe your body is just telling you that it needs a break.
Thank you for the song... I really liked it.
Hope
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, and each and every day I get closer to overcoming my fears. I have everything inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitation. Each day I become stronger with my skills and can access more and more of my inner resources.
Hey everyone! Sorry that I was missing for a few days. I was still doing the work, just not logging in and posting. Wow, a lot has been added since I last posted. I have a a lot of catching up to do! I'll be going back a ways so, please bear with me. My last post regarding my progress was back on Wednesday, September 15.
DEALING WITH ANXIETY
Thursday and Friday went much as the rest of the week. My anxiety was generally at a lower level and I've been accomplishing more, albeit my sleep has been erratic and exhaustion has reduced my performance. On Thursday, not only I did make it into the city where I work, I again took the freeway the entire way and made the trip twice back to back. That's something I don't usually do but believe would be extremely beneficial for me to make into a habit. I definitely find that the more often I do something, the faster I progress. If there's too much time between exposures, then I don't progress nearly as quickly.
The top reason I don't typically take this approach is that when I face several fears in a row, I typically have more trouble with each attempt successively. It's as though I'm using up my "coping reserve" and I have less to work with for the next attempt. However, if I retreat back to home to recoup, I'm much less likely to go back out. I tend to tell myself once I'm back home that I've done enough already.
Today, Saturday, has not been as easy in terms of anxiety. I forced myself to get up early, which left me with only four hours of sleep of the night, which was broken up into short chunks of about sixty to ninety minutes each. I went out to coffee with my partner in the morning (decaf, of course), and then we went to Costco. I was feeling out of sorts from lack of sleep and by the time we got to Costco I was pretty nervous. We still did all of our shopping and I didn't have to leave early, but I was reacting enough to my anxiety that my partner noticed. Typically he can tell because I become much less attentive and more irritable with other people. If only everyone knew the mess that was really going on inside my head, LOL!
We came home and I started to relax again. After watching a pretty bad movie, I decided to take a short nap. The sleep did me good and I'm feeling quite a bit better now.
THOUGHTS ON SESSION 3
I continue to work on Session 3 and checking my negative thoughts. I really think that I'm doing a better job of actually reducing the number of negative thoughts I have. It seems like I used to catch them all the time but now they are coming less frequently. Apparently the Program works!
I realize that part of it is that I've been in a better state of mind so of course my outlook on life is more positive. But I really think that I've made noticeable progress in immediately catching negative thoughts and replacing them with realistic and positive thoughts, beliefs, and affirmations. Perhaps through this process I'm actually training my brain not to think in such negative terms. Do you think this is possible?
PARTICIPATING ON THE SITE
I'm going to start commenting on all of the posts that I've missed since my last visit. This means I'll be going back in history, so please bear with me. I'll try to include the poster and post date so that people can better reference what I'm talking about. This will probably take a while and I don't want to overwhelm myself so I'm probably going to do things in batches. If I miss someone, I probably overlooked something so please forgive me.
Jamie
Hey everyone! Sorry that I was missing for a few days. I was still doing the work, just not logging in and posting. Wow, a lot has been added since I last posted. I have a a lot of catching up to do! I'll be going back a ways so, please bear with me. My last post regarding my progress was back on Wednesday, September 15.
DEALING WITH ANXIETY
Thursday and Friday went much as the rest of the week. My anxiety was generally at a lower level and I've been accomplishing more, albeit my sleep has been erratic and exhaustion has reduced my performance. On Thursday, not only I did make it into the city where I work, I again took the freeway the entire way and made the trip twice back to back. That's something I don't usually do but believe would be extremely beneficial for me to make into a habit. I definitely find that the more often I do something, the faster I progress. If there's too much time between exposures, then I don't progress nearly as quickly.
The top reason I don't typically take this approach is that when I face several fears in a row, I typically have more trouble with each attempt successively. It's as though I'm using up my "coping reserve" and I have less to work with for the next attempt. However, if I retreat back to home to recoup, I'm much less likely to go back out. I tend to tell myself once I'm back home that I've done enough already.
Today, Saturday, has not been as easy in terms of anxiety. I forced myself to get up early, which left me with only four hours of sleep of the night, which was broken up into short chunks of about sixty to ninety minutes each. I went out to coffee with my partner in the morning (decaf, of course), and then we went to Costco. I was feeling out of sorts from lack of sleep and by the time we got to Costco I was pretty nervous. We still did all of our shopping and I didn't have to leave early, but I was reacting enough to my anxiety that my partner noticed. Typically he can tell because I become much less attentive and more irritable with other people. If only everyone knew the mess that was really going on inside my head, LOL!
We came home and I started to relax again. After watching a pretty bad movie, I decided to take a short nap. The sleep did me good and I'm feeling quite a bit better now.
THOUGHTS ON SESSION 3
I continue to work on Session 3 and checking my negative thoughts. I really think that I'm doing a better job of actually reducing the number of negative thoughts I have. It seems like I used to catch them all the time but now they are coming less frequently. Apparently the Program works!
I realize that part of it is that I've been in a better state of mind so of course my outlook on life is more positive. But I really think that I've made noticeable progress in immediately catching negative thoughts and replacing them with realistic and positive thoughts, beliefs, and affirmations. Perhaps through this process I'm actually training my brain not to think in such negative terms. Do you think this is possible?
PARTICIPATING ON THE SITE
I'm going to start commenting on all of the posts that I've missed since my last visit. This means I'll be going back in history, so please bear with me. I'll try to include the poster and post date so that people can better reference what I'm talking about. This will probably take a while and I don't want to overwhelm myself so I'm probably going to do things in batches. If I miss someone, I probably overlooked something so please forgive me.
Jamie
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Guest
Mike (Re. Post Sept. 16, 6:27 AM) -
Thanks, but I think you're giving me too much credit. I struggle just like everyone else. I do make an effort to face my limitations, but it's only because this is my second time going through high anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. So I'm not really starting from the beginning. I already have many years of experience and knowledge to draw on. The only way I got through this the last time was to force myself to do the things I feared. I figure it will be the same this go around as well.
I did try cutting the dosage of my the Trazodone in half, which for me is a quarter of a tablet (12.5 mg). It did put me to sleep but then I woke up about an hour later in a complete state of panic. I had to get up and pace the floors until I could calm down even though I was still very tired. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control as though I'm partially anesthetized. Since this last experience, I'm a bit timid to try it again.
I'm glad that my post about overdoing things helped even if only a little. I know we only know what others share and it's easy to make a mistake or misinterpretation so I'm happy that you understood it was a suggestion and not a criticism. I always worry about saying the wrong thing on the site since I hate causing bad feelings or conflict.
I can see why you're able to do the relaxation in the mornings if you're waking up so anxious. It's unfortunate that you're using pain as a motivator. I wonder if there is a way you can reword that thought to make it more positive. I like your suggestions and will give them a try. Honestly, I know the CD so well by now that I can do the exercises from memory rather than listening. Plus that gives me more ability to tailor a relaxation session to my particular needs at the moment and it also helps to keep me focused since I'm guiding myself through the process.
Jamie
Thanks, but I think you're giving me too much credit. I struggle just like everyone else. I do make an effort to face my limitations, but it's only because this is my second time going through high anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. So I'm not really starting from the beginning. I already have many years of experience and knowledge to draw on. The only way I got through this the last time was to force myself to do the things I feared. I figure it will be the same this go around as well.
I did try cutting the dosage of my the Trazodone in half, which for me is a quarter of a tablet (12.5 mg). It did put me to sleep but then I woke up about an hour later in a complete state of panic. I had to get up and pace the floors until I could calm down even though I was still very tired. I hate the way it makes me feel out of control as though I'm partially anesthetized. Since this last experience, I'm a bit timid to try it again.
I'm glad that my post about overdoing things helped even if only a little. I know we only know what others share and it's easy to make a mistake or misinterpretation so I'm happy that you understood it was a suggestion and not a criticism. I always worry about saying the wrong thing on the site since I hate causing bad feelings or conflict.
I can see why you're able to do the relaxation in the mornings if you're waking up so anxious. It's unfortunate that you're using pain as a motivator. I wonder if there is a way you can reword that thought to make it more positive. I like your suggestions and will give them a try. Honestly, I know the CD so well by now that I can do the exercises from memory rather than listening. Plus that gives me more ability to tailor a relaxation session to my particular needs at the moment and it also helps to keep me focused since I'm guiding myself through the process.
Jamie
Last edited by SeaRunner on Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Guest
Mike (Re. Post Sept 16, 6:41 AM) -
It's okay to let your mind wander while doing relaxation. When you notice it, you don't need to berate yourself, just gently guide your thoughts back towards the exercises. A counselor I went to years ago likened relaxation to holding a cube of Jello in your palm. If you force it to stay there by squeezing your hand into a fist, the Jello will just squirt through your fingers and you'll lose it all. However, if you just allow it to be there, it will stay happily on your hand. The same goes for relaxation; it can't be forced. The less effort you make to keep a state of relaxation, the more effective it is.
I also really like the concept of "failing successfully". At first it sounds like an oxymoron. But there is a great amount of truth to it. There is so much to be gained by not having something working out perfectly and then being able to garner information on the experience and how to improve your approach. It's like a child growing up with extremely over-protective parents. When they finally are move out on their own, they aren't equipped to handle problems because their parents always protected them in the past. By allowing a child to fully experience life, which include dealing with negative situations, they are much better prepared to deal with all of life not just the good times.
I don't know enough about the situation with your friend to give you specific advice on how to handle it, but one thing you wrote about struck a chord with me; obsessing about how you handled the situation. I think we all do this. We look back and criticize how we could have handled something differently, had a better response, or avoided the situation altogether. While it is good to review our actions and behaviors, it's not healthy to dwell on them. Dwelling only seems to lead to more negative feelings and ultimately self loathing. This type of thinking provides a great chance to practice the "stop sign" technique. When you realize you're obsessing, stop the train of thought, redirect, and move on. If you still need to address something from the situation, get out a writing pad and jot down some ideas. But when your done, leave the worries with the pad.
Jamie
It's okay to let your mind wander while doing relaxation. When you notice it, you don't need to berate yourself, just gently guide your thoughts back towards the exercises. A counselor I went to years ago likened relaxation to holding a cube of Jello in your palm. If you force it to stay there by squeezing your hand into a fist, the Jello will just squirt through your fingers and you'll lose it all. However, if you just allow it to be there, it will stay happily on your hand. The same goes for relaxation; it can't be forced. The less effort you make to keep a state of relaxation, the more effective it is.
I also really like the concept of "failing successfully". At first it sounds like an oxymoron. But there is a great amount of truth to it. There is so much to be gained by not having something working out perfectly and then being able to garner information on the experience and how to improve your approach. It's like a child growing up with extremely over-protective parents. When they finally are move out on their own, they aren't equipped to handle problems because their parents always protected them in the past. By allowing a child to fully experience life, which include dealing with negative situations, they are much better prepared to deal with all of life not just the good times.
I don't know enough about the situation with your friend to give you specific advice on how to handle it, but one thing you wrote about struck a chord with me; obsessing about how you handled the situation. I think we all do this. We look back and criticize how we could have handled something differently, had a better response, or avoided the situation altogether. While it is good to review our actions and behaviors, it's not healthy to dwell on them. Dwelling only seems to lead to more negative feelings and ultimately self loathing. This type of thinking provides a great chance to practice the "stop sign" technique. When you realize you're obsessing, stop the train of thought, redirect, and move on. If you still need to address something from the situation, get out a writing pad and jot down some ideas. But when your done, leave the worries with the pad.
Jamie
Last edited by SeaRunner on Sat Sep 18, 2010 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.