The Challenge...Lesson 10

[NinjaFrodo]

Frank From Japan's post in the thread, Denise's Program for Causing Anxiety and Depression

Expect yourself to have that university degree that you know you deserved and had a right to, eventhough everythings going fine without it! Wink

Demand your inlaws to be *nice people* and think the same way as you, afterall that's only FAIR! And afterall, you've made sure that your partner now thinks the same way as your own parents right?! Wink

If you get splashed by a passing car while walking on a rainy day, remember that the driver of that car, eventhough they've never met you, they got up extra early that morning to intentionally plan it out and do it! Wink

When the guy at the supermarket gave you the wrong change, remind yourself that yes, it ALWAYS happens to you only, and yes, he planned that one out especially for you, because he was the guy driving the car that splashed you in the rain that morning! Wink

Then you remind yourself, that these things only happen on rainy days. Wink

Then you see the weather report, and there is rain forecast for the WHOLE week ahead. Wow, there's gonna be some trouble brewin ahead! So that requires bingeing out on all the junk food just purchased from that rip off supermarket. Wink

Karen L;
Its great that you can still enjoy thanksgiving even though it wasn't perfect...Take that Perfectionism!!!

Yes we all need a break at times. I still need to work through lesson 10 in the workbook!

By the way there is a really important post I am going to make after this one which I really believe you would benefit greatly from. It talks about unconscious change vs conscious change and why people don't follow through with goals and what to do.


Paisleegreen;
Thank you, I think i'm getting better at it. I am feeling fired up and ready to make many changes!

Right not something too big maybe working at a coffee shop or stalking shelves in a grocery store or maybe some small shop that makes smoothies or something like this.

It was a pretty good picture eh?


THH;

Yep I guess that would be self-nurturing. Actually I have used the Tony Robbins idea when it comes to motivating yourself for change and have come up with a great belief when it comes to this idea of nurturing or doing things I want to do and why I deserve it. So keep your eyes peeled for this. It'll be apart of my beliefs that counter the old beliefs that kept me from following through on my sleep.

Thats great that it works for you to get self approval that way.

Well like any skill or belief or anything really its not black or white like that so I agree with you. Each time you say a belief to yourself it gets a little stronger, each experience you have makes you a little stronger and each time you use a skill it becomes a little more ingrained.

It seems to be easier for me to come up with humorous replacements for other people. That one was actually really fun! The idea is to link the humor to the obsessive thought so your brain becomes confused and cannot think of it in the same way. Tony Robbins says its like a record that you scratch. The more you interupt that cycle the obsessive thought gives, the more scratched the record becomes until you cannot play the record anymore, meaning you cannot possibly have that original obsessive thought anymore or the original fear to go with it.

His energy is amazing! I will post more about his work and I am planning to use it to make some tapes. My idea is to make some questions you can throw on tape that will quickly change your mindstate if you are feeling crappy. Also questions to start off the day right. Wouldn't that be helpful? I'm actually going to utilize his methods with the affirmation scripts and come out with some amazing tapes! I may even make it available to you guys to download. You can listen to me everyday! Would that be helpful?

Yes it was really awesome and I enjoyed it!


MCSHOPE;
Christmas is ok. I spend it with my friend's family.

What is it with you guys and sisters-in-law that are nuts?

What about the situation is upsetting to you? I have no idea where Monterrey is by the way.



Wednesday/Thursday

Ok So I'm going to make this brief.

I have been doing this hour of power for a couple days and it gives me alot of energy and drive! Its pretty cool but I can notice the doubt peaking its way in. One thing I've learned awhile ago is that feeling is not fact but it never really stuck and so what would happen is that I would get sooooo hyped up with something and put 1000% confidence into this new thing telling myself this is going to be the ultimate thing and will be the answer and the key to overcoming my condition! I would feel a huge boost of positive energy and I would do it with so much intensity and then after awhile I would lose confidence in it and get discouraged. What happened was I would notice that I was feeling negative (possibly because of lack of sleep or a diffrent situation or even because the resource wasn't living up to my expectations) and I used that as a way of measuring my effectiveness. SUCH A HUGE MISTAKE!!! So in my mind because I was feeling negative, my efforts weren't working and I was falling behind. FEELINGS DO NOT REFLECT FACT!!!! This is something I have to keep reminding myself and one thing I use to combat those doubtful feelings is telling myself "No matter how frustrated I get or how many times I fail or feel bad, I will make this work!" and it seems to help me out however I am going to do some more of Tony Robbins's techniques to overcome this garbadge.

The last 2 days I didn't feel the enormous ammount of energy throughout the day but I believe that is because i'm really tired and pushed myself alot more than I have lately so I'm giving myself the right to not have the same effects as the first day. That would be an unrealistic expectation.

I have started to use Tony's methods on my sleep problem and I think its starting to work but I am not finished. I prefer using these methods as opposed to David D Burns's when it comes to finding and changing beliefs however I think the Feared Fantasy method would be more useful in certain situations that might involve confronting others.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Subconscious Change VS Conscious Change This information is not completely word for word but it comes from Tony Robbins's program, "Get the edge"

Lets start with subconscious change. This is where we just naturally hit our breaking point and we reach out to change. This is how it typically happens and It might explain why people get to the point in a program (like this one) and then just stop and go back to square one and go through the pain again and might even go through the same process (like myself because I have done this many many many many times with the program).

1)We experience pain, we reach a threshold and our brain says "This is too much and something has to change!"

2)We take some kind of action (ie join a gym, start a diet, buy a self-help program or book)

3)We get results from our actions (ie we feel more confident, less anxious and stressed, less afraid)

4)This then reduces our pain and suffering

5)Our drive is then reduced

6)We reduce or stop the actions that gave us our results and reduced our pain

7)We go back to feeling pain at the same intensity or even more!


What Tony said in his tape with a self-help program or audio book is that only 10% of people who purchase these things ever read past the first chapter! (So congrats to all of you guys who are going through the program!!!) What happens is they feel that pain and they buy the product and they feel good about it and then it just sits on their shelves.



Conscious Change

This is where you take charge and are in control of every aspect of the change! You know the why's, the how's, you deal with the internal obsticals and you make this a life time change!

1)Get disturbed!!!
->Pain is not always a bad thing! Any living organism tries to avoid pain and seek pleasure, that is just how it works. Pain is then a message that something needs to change because we do not want to continue to feel this pain. What gets us in trouble is when we pop those pills, do drugs or take alcohol to numb the pain and also when you tell yourself "It's not that bad", or use words like "kinda" These are considered to be softeners and they soften the pain and lessen your drive! So how this works is you look at all the things you are missing out in life! You look at all the areas you hate! You look at all the suffering you have been going through and are going through and will continue to go through if you do not change! This is the place you talk about how much your life is not good enough! This is the place you talk about how much you don't like yourself! You will then build the power and motivation to start the process to change (this is what I did in the bold and italiced portion of my previous post)

2)Make a decision
->You make a decision about what you want and why you want it. Make one section about what about your life isn't good enough and if you're honest about yourself is discusting! The other section, put down what you are going to do instead.

3)RPM plan
Result->This is the outcome you want. Make sure it is very specific and detailed. (ie I'm going to write a book by March 10 2012)

Purpose->This is where you write about why it is important for you to make this change. You can write about what it will give you by changing and what suffering you will continue to have if you don't!

Massive action plan->You brainstorm things you can do. Write for the wastebasket and don't worry about being perfect. Write as many things as you can and then go through them and circle 2-5 things you MUST do. (Maybe one of these things would be to make it so you have no choice but to take action ie. throw out all the junk food in your house!)

If you are struggling then read this;
->There are times in your life that which you've already succeeded. You need to go back and model what you did in putting together your action plan because then you'll have certainty it will work.
->Write down everything in your life thats here today that once was a dream or a goal. Circle 1 or 2 that seemed impossible and now write down how you made that happen.


4)Internal obsticals (Beliefs)
->A belief is a feeling of certainty about a particular idea or situation. When we are certain of our limitations we are in trouble but if we become certain of our assets then we can do anything! The purpose of this part is to develop absolute certainty that your efforts will work and you will achieve this goal!

You do this in 2 parts!
A)In the past what were all the beliefs that you had that kept you from following through on this goal?
B)What beliefs will empower and get you to follow through?

5)Set the game up to win!
->Reward yourself for doing things approximately right)
->Do everything you can to make it enjoyable. Create enjoyment in the process
ie.Can I do incantations while I do this?
Can I listen to music?
Can I do it with a buddy?

->Don't have time? Use net time aka time while doing other things you don't need to think about
->Measure your results (ie feelings chart before and after or any other possible way of measuring)


6)Take Massive Action!!!
->Never leave the site before taking some action toward the goal (ie, Incantations). Once you get started you build momentum and it becomes easier and easier


7)Use the 7th power! (The power of environment!)
->Whoever you spend time with is who you become. Spend time with people who focus on success, who are better in areas that are of intrest to you, people who are encouraging and positive!


Like all ideas that I post, you will be seeing examples as I will post how I used them so keep an eye on this thread!

Oh and here is a video that goes with the theme of change Change by Tears for Fears

Mike

[THH]

Mike,
The quote you posted was right on time!
I love ***Demand your inlaws to be *nice people*!!! LOL... Perfect for the holidays as a gentle reminder.

I will keep my eyes open for your post on self nurturing. I could do better too.

Well lets hear it!!! Cool a audio!

Boy I really liked the subconscious change vs conscious! WOW! That is really true for me. I'll be copying that one down.


Hope,
YEY! glad your back!
Yes I celebrate Christmas. I never had kids but the kid in me is still there! Its different for me & my husband now, mostly because we are all getting older. His parents are gone, and mine are here but getting older, no one can hear,we help them up and down our steps. It is like a brochure for a nursing home here! LOL... Our dogs are the only young ones! LOL...
I'm just glad they are here and all the crazy stuff that goes with them. Did anyone ever see Chevy Chase Christmas vacation??? I love that show and watch it every year. It takes the edge off. We all want the perfect Christmas dinner, tree, gifts and it is what it is every year! As long as my Aunt don't wrap the cat up in the box were good! LOL...

I thought it was funny Mike said that about sister in laws, I have one too that has been acting up!
Which part are you upset with?


Paislee,
Sound like you have a lot of fun things to watch too! We are lucky. Oh you have a fish pond? How cool!!! I want one.
I have a flower garden too, lots of cool things.

We are getting snow, so it sets the mood a bit more. I'm getting there. This year is going to be a practical year as far as gifts. That will make it very easy for me.

[Paisleegreen]

1)Get disturbed!!!
->Pain is not always a bad thing! Any living organism tries to avoid pain and seek pleasure, that is just how it works. Pain is then a message that something needs to change because we do not want to continue to feel this pain. What gets us in trouble is when we pop those pills, do drugs or take alcohol to numb the pain and also when you tell yourself "It's not that bad", or use words like "kinda" These are considered to be softeners and they soften the pain and lessen your drive! So how this works is you look at all the things you are missing out in life! You look at all the areas you hate! You look at all the suffering you have been going through and are going through and will continue to go through if you do not change! This is the place you talk about how much your life is not good enough! This is the place you talk about how much you don't like yourself! You will then build the power and motivation to start the process to change (this is what I did in the bold and italiced portion of my previous post)

Mike--:) This is so true! Thanks for posting this!

THH--Yes, we are lucky. I have an irrigation pond as well as the man made one. These are my life and have helped me with loneliness and stress. But now I either have to scale back on big dreams or just "wait it out" as I overcome my anxiety. It helps this winter time around to have moved all my favorite fish to a closer pond that stays warmer and I can see the fish from my window.

Now I'm not fretting over the other fish ponds that did house fish from getting iced over. I went through that last winter as well as other years. But I didn't have the issues I'm having now that I have to work through.
Gee, the time is just rolling by and I need to get dressed and out the door!

Have a good day everyone! CYA tomorrow or tonight. Paislee

[forever young 06]

hey,
where is everyone? I have enjoyed this thread and have been reading alone with everyone even though I haven't posted. I know it is a busy season and hard to find time. for me it hasn;t been easier to ignore then face, but do I want to live the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and that is what I always do.

[NinjaFrodo]

Today's funny bit comes in the form of a music video. It is a silly interpretation of a song from the 80s. Check it out, you'll laugh!
Tatu All the things she said video interpretation


These are 2 questions I want to ask for everybody!
1)What is important in your life? (I want to know what things do you value)
2)What has to happen in order for you to feel successful?

The purpose of these questions is to figure out what your brain focuses on and what it might filter out. It also helps to see what rules that you have for yourself when it comes to success. By rules I mean expectations. Figuring these out can help you to overcome self-sabotage.

THH;
Awesome, i'm always impressed when things happen just at the right time, its really cool how that works! The first time i read that I was laughing for like 5-10 minutes.

As for the self-nuturing well I was trying to find this hour of power audio clip or something online but I failed to find it on youtube anyways, pity! But anyways what you do is spend 3 minutes using the breathing techniques, 3 minutes on gratitude, 3 minutes visualizing goals already achieved, a bunch of time doing incantations and then after focusing on your environment, thinking about happy and joyous memories or events and focusing on having more energy all of this while walking. Its pretty cool! Doing that every morning has helped to give me more energy and drive and encouragement! As long as I do this, I feel like the day is successful! Also I need to laugh at least once a day so I watch some comedy show at least once a day. That seems to do it for me. Oh there is also an audio file of affirmations that Marbel1 talked about that I use everyday! It is better then the affirmations I had created and its for anxiety and panic. It also seems this lady is someone who went through the program..ie one of the affirmations says "I'll feel the fear and do it anyways."

I still have to work on the questions I want to ask. I want to make sure it is the best work I can do right now so it could take a few days!

That subconscious vs conscious was really helpful. It showed me why I kept failed! There is also something about self-sabotage I will be posting as well. It has to do with values and beliefs and its also from tony robbins.


Paisleegreen;
Your very welcome! It had a big impact on me so I figured it might for you guys too.

Forever young 06

We're still here we just haven't posted for a couple days. I hit my stress threshold and needed some time away from posting but i'm back. It is good we have someone like you to come up and ask that question by the way, thank you!

And you deserve better than to always look over your shoulder and be haunted by the idea that you haven't faced problems or issues that have arisen.


Last couple days

I've gotten really stressed out and overwhelmed lately with getting myself to post and email and read and listen to audio tapes and do a bunch of other things and I was at my threshold where I was feeling like I was about to explode and just flip out! When this happens I just ignore people and isolate myself from people and let it dissipate. I wasn't angry or frustrated with anybody in perticular, I was just stressed with life. In my head it was like..."Don't talk to me", "Don't call me" "I don't want to hear anybody's problems" "I don't care about with anybody has to say" "Just leave me alone!". So I took a few days off.

I realized one thing that I want to share and that is when I felt on the edge of explosion I had put on some comedy shows (How I met your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and 30 rock) and I noticed something intresting. After watching an episode I felt a little less on that edge. I was still feeling stressed but not as much. So I guess if the relaxation cd is not something I really want to do then I can put on comedy and feel better that way. Also my hour of power gives me that as well.

When going to the gym I didn't really like warming up by jumping on the tredmill. It was really boring and so I decided hey why not warmup doing hip-hop. I did this and it felt so amazing! I got myself into that same state I was in while doing the hip-hop to begin with and it gave me so much positive energy and was a great way to start off my workout routine that I was more excited about working out. I was able to push myself longer too. Also I found after when I met up with a friend and his friend, I was able to think faster and speak more fluidly instead of choppy and instead of becoming spacy.

I went to a christmas party and it was ok. I wish I got there earlier then everybody so I could actually meet everybody but I didn't however I did hangout with one group and we talked the whole night. It was a good evening!

As for my obsessive thoughts. They are like this;
1)I'm afraid I will strip naked and do some inappropriate thing with someone that I don't even want to think of sexually.
2)Jabbing someone's eyes out and them screaming and never being able to see ever again
3)Punching someone in the face(however this is really rare)

I'm having a hard time making those humorus. Anybody got any ideas?


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

Alright it has taken me a little while to do this but here it is!

Conscious Change for Sleep habit
Just to talk about the problem a bit, what happens is I avoid getting into bed when I'm tired and I push myself to stay up till i'm completely exhausted. I then rush myself to bed and feel really anxious. I then wake up really anxious and I spend my day struggling with this anxiety and I constantly worry about falling asleep and I have no energy, determination, drive and I have a hard time thinking clearly (I have alot of broken thoughts), I have a hard time getting sentences out of my mouth, I have a hard time memorizing things and I feel a constant pressure throughout the whole day.

To recap these are the steps to conscious change, Tony Robbins's Style;
1)Get Disturbed
2)Make a decision to change
3)RPM plan
4)Change beliefs
5)Set yourself up to win
6)Take massive action!
7)Put yourself in an environment that helps you achieve this goal

1)Getting Disturbed
Think about things I am getting really fed up! I've been telling myself that my life is ok and I've been telling myself I'm not ready for a job yet and telling myself I can't get into a relationship, I can't buy myself nice things, I can't do alot of things I want to do and my life is still a struggle! This is complete BS! My life is not ok, its TERRIBLE! How many more days, months, years or even decades am I willing to give to this condition? How many great opportunities am I going to give up because "i'm not good enough?" How many people am i going to let drift away from me? How many more moments am I going to spend struggling? How many awesome things am I going to give up because other people criticize me about them? How many more times am I going to let my feelings keep me from achieving the things I want? How many more times am I going to run away and keep excusing myself from feeling happy and experiencing joy? How many more hours, days and years am I going to spend feeling miserable, hating myself, feeling guilty and just coping with life instead of experiencing the awesome parts of it? I might be afraid but this is utter crap! I don't deserve this, I don't deserve any more of this self-inflicted torture. I don't think any of us do. Am I right? But if I continue to live this way then it'll be a huge waste! I'd be like a caterpillar rotting away in a cocoon! I have to take action because this is just unacceptable!

2)Making a decision to change;
A)What about my life isn't good enough and is discusting?
My sleep is ppor and I get to sleep alot later than my body wants
I have no job and struggle financially
I am losing touch with my friends and they're drifting away
I don't allow myself to relax when I'm tired and could use it
I Let my emotions run my life. They are in control of me and what I do
I am controlled by my fear of criticism and rejection and I always need the approval from others
I don't keep my room clean and it looks discusting!
I'm not doing shiatsu which I spent thousands of dollars to study
I'm egotistical and judgemental

B)What am I going to do instead?
I'm going to setup a healthy sleep schedual and stick to it
I'm going to allow myself to get to sleep when I get tired
I'm going to get myself a job and feel comfortable working
I'm going to make my relationships with others stronger
I'm going to relax when I need to
I'll allow myself to relax when I want and have time
I'm going to stop letting my life be run by my feelings and stop being affected by the criticisms and rejection from others
I'm going to stop basing my worth on the approval and love of others
I'm going to keep my room clean on a consistent basis
I'm going to get back into shiatsu
I'm going to do my hour of power and give myself the energy, drive and encouragement I need everyday
I'm going to be less egotisical and judgemental


3)RPM For Sleep
Results
->Create a sleep schedual where I wake up at 7am and go to bed by 11pm and I stick with this but allow myself every now and then to stay up later for some special occasion.

Purpose
->So I can enjoy my life more, feel my emotions stronger, increase my cognitive functioning so its not a struggle to get sentences out as well as remember things, decrease stress so I can spend my time living instead of coping, overcome my anxiety and depression and not let it control my life anymore, be able to get a job and keep it, have better immune functioning so I don't get a serious illness and die, enjoy the company of others, enjoy my activities to the max, to be able to spend more time feeling passionate and compassionate and not have everybody leave me because I isolate myself from them. Not wasting my life trying to cope with my problems and to enjoy sleep.

Massive action plan

Brainstorm
-Keep digestion going good*
-Avoid food before bed*
-Avoid heavy meals
set alarm for 7am*
face problems so I don't have to worry*
Thought replacement if I don't get to sleep at desired time*
Get into bed before 11*
Link pleasure with sleep
Exhaust myself before bed
Set computer timer to let me know its bed time
Make room dark before bed*
Imagine the best outcome possible with sleep
Listen to calm music
Go for a walk before bed
Relax on the porch before bed
Get a friend to remind me to follow through
Make a promise and committ to it by telling someone else
Ask questions to make me think positive about sleep
Make a tape with affirm/questions and listen everyday*
Focus on achieving goal everyday with hour of power*
Listen to guided meditation before bed
Listen to holosync
List benefits of sleep
Ask others about sleep
Use guided meditation during the day*
Exercise everyday

The * are the things I must do


4)Beliefs
A)Beliefs that have kept me from following through in the past?

-I have no reason to wake up. I have nothing I have important to do
-I have to stay up late because its the only time I'm safe
-Its not that bad. Theres still time to change this around
-I won't get to sleep if I go to bed now, my mind will just race and i'll waste time in bed. I'm too anxious
-Late at night is the only time I get to talk to my friends
-I have had this problem for too long. I've tried many times to change it around but have always failed and always will fail. I will never be able to consistently follow through with my new plan.
-I have many things I still must get done before I get to sleep.
-If I committ then I'll never get to go to social functions anymore
-Nobody goes to bed this early
-My brain is too messed up and it doesn't produce the right chemicals or the right brainwaves for sleep
-I'll have to deal with these my problems and I won't have any excuse anymore and what-if I get into situations I cannot handle?

B)Beliefs that are going to help me follow through on my goal;

1)Getting up at 7am is important for me. I have my hour of power to do and I want to give myself as much up time to do all the things I want to do.

2)When I'm working I need to put my best foot forward, these people are paying me and they deserve a good job from me.

3)I can't give the best I have to offer others without creating the best within myself first. I need to take care of myself or I'm useless to everyone including myself.

4)Without proper sleep I cannot grow properly, I become slower cognitively and physically, my chances of getting a serious disease are increased, my ability to think, feel and live is impared, pain and suffering are magnified, my tolerance for stress decreases and I'm more likely to get into accidents as I'm less cautious and aware.

5)If I spend a consistent ammount of time putting sleep off, I will get very sick and I'll be alone and have nobody to help me because I wouldn'tve let all my friends drift away.

6)I won't have to worry about my health as long as I'm making daily effort to eat healthy, exercise and get a good quality of sleep. In fact my health will only improve more and more.

7)Sleep is the most beneficial thing to my physical healthy as well as mental health. I am most prepared to handle any problem or stress, have the most energy, the most joy and excitement, am most compassionate and passionate as well as most successful after I've gotten a good night's rest. There is nothing else more beneficial then sleep.

8)Denying sleep goes against everything I believe in. It pushes me further away from achieving all my goals and futher away from success.

9)Everyday I deny myself sleep is another day wasted with struggling to stay awake, another day of hard to handle obsessive thoughts and anxieties and another day where I missed out in feeling good.

10)Putting off and denying myself sleep is the ultimate self-torture! Allowing myself to go through the struggles of the poor sleep during the entire day just for a few hours of alone and quiet time is cruel. I can't even enjoy that because I'm anticipating the suffering of the following day.

11)As long as I spend time on gratitude, exercise, visualizing my goals and empowerment then I've done what I must get done. I can get this all accomplished right in the morning with my hour of power and the other things I will be able to do a better job of if I do them after a good night's sleep.

12)Consistency of sleep is important but so is going to social events and there will be days I do this instead of going to bed at my desired time. I can enjoy a day here or there where I'm doing something else but then I can get back on track.

13)The more I go to bed at the desired time or when I'm tired, the quicker, easier I'll fall asleep and the more my brain chemistry will change to fit this. My body does everything it can to return to a normal functioning state.

14)I'll do it no matter how many times I've failed in the past or how discouraged I feel. I will make this happen no matter how many times I fail.


5)Set it up to win
I'm going to chart how I felt before sleep and after as well as the overall feeling of the day in % of emotion. I will also add guided meditation before sleep.

6)Take massive action
I'm going to make a tape of the new beliefs and listen to this!

7)The power of environment
I have absolutely no idea how to use this for this issue!



Mike

[forever young 06]

thanks mike for answer my post.A lot of time no one replies and that makes me feel rejected.I know I wear my feelings on my shoulders some times.
You have put a lot of work in this program and you have been very helpful to everyone. We have got to the lesson where she says it is time to start facing your fears feel the fear and do it any way. This is my hardest thing I don;t want to feel the fear, Got to work on this one.

[NinjaFrodo]

Forever young;

What about nobody replying makes you feel rejected? I've also never heard of someone saying wearing feelings on their shoulders but I have heard of wearing their heart on their sleeves. I think the shoulders make more sense though!

Thank you for acknowledging my efforts, I appreciate that greatly!

Yes this idea of facing the fears now scares me too! I still face fears but I'm afraid of getting into a situation where I have to consistently face fears like at a job or something. It can be challenging.

What about the fear is most problematic for you?


Mike

[Paisleegreen]

Also I found after when I met up with a friend and his friend, I was able to think faster and speak more fluidly instead of choppy and instead of becoming spacy.

Wow, Mike, that is great about your Hip Hop warm up and that you were able to speak fluidly. That is what I have noticed about this "anxiety". I don't speak fluidly, it is choppy. It is very frustrating and along with that is I have a lost for words. My mind goes blank. So this adds to the stress and anxiety.

This is what happened when I went on my trip to California and was lost a few times in a city I use to know. Very frustrating. There were times... I just had to stop the car and THINK! I was racking my brain as to where are the streets that I'm looking for. Now part of this was after being off of anti-depressants and xanax for 2 months.

But when I was w/ old friends or family and could laugh and enjoy myself. I felt so much better and could easily talk.

So I feel that I can get to that point again where I'm not on the anti-depressant I'm taking now. I just have to get the exercise in and the "work" done as explained by Lucinda and others.
Now I'm going to read more of your postings. Paislee