I just wrote a response and it didn't post. Hopefully this one will work.
Today I have been trying to keep busy and not sit with my thoughts. I feel like I am just ignoring the problem and am trying to run away from it. I am really trying to be positive and it just feels weird to me. I guess you were right it is like learning a new language. I just feel so overwhelmed lately and frustrated. I want to get better so badly and have a life.
I guess another big thing for me is I think about the future and the big picture. My sister is getting married in a year and I freak myself out about it and it is a year away!!!!! Right now I am teriffied to be social and leave the house. I am just so scared I won't be better in a year and I won't be able to celebrate her wedding. Every time she brings it up I want to throw up. I should be excited to celebrate with my sister but instead it gives me panic attacks and like I said its a year away!!!
I got the 3rd cd now and the relaxation cd so I have the full program. I really want to stick with it this time. Every time I start the program I do it for a couple weeks and I feel like im not getting better so I stop. I guess one day at a time.
Thank you so much for responding!!!
Also, for Katie
You really did the whole program and fully recovered??!! How did you do that? Did you listen to tapes every day? Do you have any tips??! Anyways, I hope you forgive yourself and get back to where you were.
Struggling
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Bryce_in_TX
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:04 pm
- Location: Wichita Falls, TX
- Contact:
Re: Struggling
Gooooooooood morning Vietnam!!!!!!!! 
Well, it's been a while since I was on the forum. Taylor you're ok. If you're freaking out today, you are still loved and accepted by me.
What I am about to say will cause you to think less of me, but that's okay. In high school I was on the varsity basketball team my sophomore year through my senior year. I had a coach that was as hard on us guys on the team as anyone I've ever known, except perhaps Bobby Knight. It paid off, however. My junior year, I and a few other guys on the team led us to the State Tournament in Austin, TX. We finished second. Not a bad outcome. We won our region, 4 in the state, and then finished second in our class in the state of Texas. It was a small school, so none of us were really college material for college sports except two on the team. I wasn't one of them. But I was 2nd in scoring for the team. For our class I wasn't bad.
My senior year, one other guy and myself were co-captains for the team. That other guy's name is Bob Gaines. He's the Dad of Chip Gaines of "Fixer Upper" fame. I last saw Bob at our 51st class reunion last November. We had a good talk and I told him that my wife and I really enjoyed watching Chip and Joanna on their show. Bob is a great person.
That experience of being on that team and the really hard and difficult 3 hour practices that we went through was a once in a lifetime experience. So much stress of performance expectations from the coach. Then, after being successful, the stress from expectations of those in the school for the following year. I would never have thought that I could come down with panic attacks the summer after graduation. But, I did. I had no stress on me then. But, my high school girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me right after graduation and it took me 4 to 5 weeks to start feeling better after that. Then a couple of weeks later, bam, out of the blue I start having panic attacks. I was feeling good, with no stress on me, when I began having them. I thought I was dying each time I'd have one. I couldn't breathe. This was 1968, you know, the prehistoric era.
Eventually my family doc sent me to a psychiatrist who put me in the hospital for about 10 days for testing. The first 15 minutes I was on the ward they gave me a red elixir which I think was phenobarbitol. I can't recall exactly now, but I think that's what it was. It was like putting out a fire. Oh man did I feel better after taking that and it went to work in like 3 minutes. They also gave me Valium. After 10 days the doc released me, I stayed on the meds and he added an anti-depressant also. Then I was able to get into late registration for my first year in college. I was on the meds for about a year and a half and barely stayed in school during this time. Then I started to work off the meds after about a year and a half. It took about 6 months. My grades shot up after being off of them.
Then at age 27 I had my second clinical depression and it lasted until 67. I was on meds the whole time. I want to thank my Mother and Dad for not building within me the self esteem I needed to not go through that hell. I'm being sarcastic, but that was a major contributor to why I suffered with panic and depression. This program and Dr. Burn's books pulled me out of it. I've been psyche med free for almost 3 years now. I know I am very susceptible to falling prey to depression again. I have no allusions about that.
I hope, Taylor, you don't wander in a dessert for 40 years like I did. I have no doubt that how you grew up is a large part of why you are the way you are now. So, learn to be loving and compassionate to yourself, no matter what. That is probably the opposite of what you learned from those that raised you. It's okay to feel weak and defenseless. I've been there too many times. Know that there are people who do really understand and have compassion for you.
You can get better. You can get to a point of being able to hold a job again. You can get to a point that you aren't in an emotional hell every day. Baby steps.
How is that torturing yourself with negative thoughts working out for ya? Is it really helping you or is it destroying you? Ask yourself that on a daily basis. Will you torture yourself with negative and scary thoughts today or is today the day your begin to kick those thoughts out the door and replace them with compassionate, loving thoughts? It's all up to you, Taylor. No one else can do it for you. Please help yourself and learn to be your own best friend. Be good to you.
Bryce
Well, it's been a while since I was on the forum. Taylor you're ok. If you're freaking out today, you are still loved and accepted by me.
What I am about to say will cause you to think less of me, but that's okay. In high school I was on the varsity basketball team my sophomore year through my senior year. I had a coach that was as hard on us guys on the team as anyone I've ever known, except perhaps Bobby Knight. It paid off, however. My junior year, I and a few other guys on the team led us to the State Tournament in Austin, TX. We finished second. Not a bad outcome. We won our region, 4 in the state, and then finished second in our class in the state of Texas. It was a small school, so none of us were really college material for college sports except two on the team. I wasn't one of them. But I was 2nd in scoring for the team. For our class I wasn't bad.
My senior year, one other guy and myself were co-captains for the team. That other guy's name is Bob Gaines. He's the Dad of Chip Gaines of "Fixer Upper" fame. I last saw Bob at our 51st class reunion last November. We had a good talk and I told him that my wife and I really enjoyed watching Chip and Joanna on their show. Bob is a great person.
That experience of being on that team and the really hard and difficult 3 hour practices that we went through was a once in a lifetime experience. So much stress of performance expectations from the coach. Then, after being successful, the stress from expectations of those in the school for the following year. I would never have thought that I could come down with panic attacks the summer after graduation. But, I did. I had no stress on me then. But, my high school girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me right after graduation and it took me 4 to 5 weeks to start feeling better after that. Then a couple of weeks later, bam, out of the blue I start having panic attacks. I was feeling good, with no stress on me, when I began having them. I thought I was dying each time I'd have one. I couldn't breathe. This was 1968, you know, the prehistoric era.
Eventually my family doc sent me to a psychiatrist who put me in the hospital for about 10 days for testing. The first 15 minutes I was on the ward they gave me a red elixir which I think was phenobarbitol. I can't recall exactly now, but I think that's what it was. It was like putting out a fire. Oh man did I feel better after taking that and it went to work in like 3 minutes. They also gave me Valium. After 10 days the doc released me, I stayed on the meds and he added an anti-depressant also. Then I was able to get into late registration for my first year in college. I was on the meds for about a year and a half and barely stayed in school during this time. Then I started to work off the meds after about a year and a half. It took about 6 months. My grades shot up after being off of them.
Then at age 27 I had my second clinical depression and it lasted until 67. I was on meds the whole time. I want to thank my Mother and Dad for not building within me the self esteem I needed to not go through that hell. I'm being sarcastic, but that was a major contributor to why I suffered with panic and depression. This program and Dr. Burn's books pulled me out of it. I've been psyche med free for almost 3 years now. I know I am very susceptible to falling prey to depression again. I have no allusions about that.
I hope, Taylor, you don't wander in a dessert for 40 years like I did. I have no doubt that how you grew up is a large part of why you are the way you are now. So, learn to be loving and compassionate to yourself, no matter what. That is probably the opposite of what you learned from those that raised you. It's okay to feel weak and defenseless. I've been there too many times. Know that there are people who do really understand and have compassion for you.
You can get better. You can get to a point of being able to hold a job again. You can get to a point that you aren't in an emotional hell every day. Baby steps.
How is that torturing yourself with negative thoughts working out for ya? Is it really helping you or is it destroying you? Ask yourself that on a daily basis. Will you torture yourself with negative and scary thoughts today or is today the day your begin to kick those thoughts out the door and replace them with compassionate, loving thoughts? It's all up to you, Taylor. No one else can do it for you. Please help yourself and learn to be your own best friend. Be good to you.
Bryce
"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man, but sooner or later the man who wins is the one who thinks he can."
Napoleon Hill
Napoleon Hill