THH,
Thank you for the support. I still don't know anything more about the job, so I will take it 1 day at a time.
Thanks a lot.
Hope
The Challenge...Lesson 4
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Judging by the responses within these last 3 weeks I figured it would be helpful to talk about cognitive distortions. I know some of us have had a hard time figuring out if what they are thinking is rational or irrational and I wanted to help make that easier. Now I know the workbook talks about cognitive distortions and they have a list of them which are alright but I think it would be very beneficial to touch more on them as they can be used as a kind of checklist to figuring out irrational vs rational. You can also add them to your thought replacement if you find it easier to figure out a rational replacement. The list I choose is from Dr.David D Burns's book Feeling good.
All or nothing or black and white thinking;
I bet everybody knows about this one. It is where you see something as either 100% or 0% with nothing in between. This is very rare to find in this world as things can always be improved on and even if you don't met your expectations with a goal you may still have a partial accomplishment. Maybe you were only able to do something 10% effective but it was still effective. So you can choose to focus on how you did it 90% wrong or 10% effective. What do you think would be more motivating? This is in most irrational thoughts however it is most prevalent in thoughts of "I can't", "It's impossible"
Over generalization
This is those thoughts of "never" or "always". It always happens this way or that way or I never have X happen. Because something happens a certain way the person believes it always to happen that way. If one person responds to you in one way then this kind of thinking will convince you that everybody will also respond the exact same way for instance when you get rejected. This is highly unrealistic because we all have diffrent thoughts, behaviors, ideas, likes and dislikes. You can put 100 people in the same situation and get 100 diffrent results. Also when you tell yourself somehting always happens then you say it happens 100% of the time or when you say never you said 0% of the time. I already mentioned above about that. Not only are you lying to yourself when you say always and never but you put yourself in a doomed situation. If always and never are true then what is the point of doing anything? This type of thinking assumes that we can't change and that is one of the biggest lies because we are in a constant state of change!
Mental Filtering
This type of thinking can either be when you dwell on one piece of the whole picture. The example from David D Burns's book feeling good i thought was very descriptive "83 out of 100 during a test, the person would focus on the 17 wrong ones and conclude that they would flunk collage" A good deal of time this is where feelings of inadequacy occur however they can also occur from other cognitive distortions
Disqualifying positive
This is when you turn something that is neutral or even positive into a negative. This is the type of cognitive distortion you would see when you get compliments and you can't accept them. IE; When someone compliments you at work and you tell yourself "they're just being nice." Or another response would be Oh it was nothing, really...or That was a fluke, it doesn't count. You may also compare yourself to someone you consider "normal" and see that it isn't hard for them to do what you did so it isn't that big of a deal. This results in intense misery and inability to appreciate the good things and makes life look very bleak. If you keep downplaying the good stuff of course your going to be depressed! And there are always people who can do things better than us but they don't have the same weaknesses and its not as hard for them as it would be for us.
Mind reading
This is when you assume others are looking down at you. ie; You are doing a lecture and a guy in the front row is nodding off you may think that the audience thinks you are boring when in fact the guy could have been up late last night.
ie; A friend passes you on the street but doesn't say hi and you might think he doesn't like you
This sets up a negative interaction in your relationships.
Fortune Telling
You have a crystal ball that tells of miserable future. You think something bad is going to happen and you take it as fact. IE. "I realize, I'll be depressed forever. My misery will go on and on, and I'm absolutely convinced that this or any other treatment will be doomed to failure." This usually leads to feelings of hopelessness
Magnification & Minimization
This is when you blow things out of proportion like errors, fears, mistakes and imperfections. You take them from common place negative events to nightmarish monsters. Minimization is where you minimize your own strengths to seem small and unimportant. The magnification could be also called catastrophizing. They usually go together as you magnify imperfections and minimize strengths and that makes you feel inferior. Magnification can be easily identified when you are saying something is "too, big", this or that. When you tell yourself you can't stand it, you are magnifying your pain.
Emotional Reasoning
This is where you take your feelings as fact and disregard logic. So if things feel negative you are convinced that they really are. This distortion plays a role in nearly all of your depressions. Procrastination falls in here
IE (there are a few examples from the book);
I feel guilty therefore I must have done something bad
I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Therefore, my problems must be impossible to solve
I feel inadequate so I must be worthless
You avoid cleaning up your desk because you tell yourself, "I feel so lousy when I think about that messy desk, cleaning it will be impossible" then you do it later and realize it was actually easy.
Shoulds
These cause you to feel pressured and resentful. Paradoxically, you end up feeling apathetic and unmotivated. Should statements cause frustration when directed towards others. When the reality of your own behavior falls short of your standards, your shoulds and shouldn'ts create self-loathing, shame and guilt. When others don't meet your expectations you'll feel bitter and self-righteous
Change your expectations to approximate reality or always feel let down by human behavior
Labeling
This is an extreme form of over generalization. They usually begin with "I'm a..." It is creating a completely negative self-image based on your errors.
Ie;
When you miss your putt on the eighteenth hole, you might say, "I'm born a loser" Instead of "I goofed up on my putt"
you say "i'm a failure" instead of "I made a mistake"
Yourself cannot be equated to what you do. Would you consider yourself an eater because you eat or a breather because you breath?"
Labeling others causes hostility and resentment and eventually both parties involved will focus on the others mistakes and weaknesses to prove how worthless the opposing party is.
Personalization
This is the mother of all guilt! Basically you are assuming responsibility for a negative even when there is no basis for doing so. You blame yourself for something you may not have had any control over or that wasn't your responsibility. This kind of distortion is based on the assumption that you are all knowing and can predict the future with 100% accuracy, have control over everything and cannot possibly make mistakes.
ie; A patient didn't do self-help assignment and the therapist felt guilty because of his thought, "I must be a lousy therapist. It's my fauilt that she isn't working harder to help herself. It's my responsibility that she gets well."
So what you can do is if you get confused you can go through these 10 cognitive distortions and see if your thought fits into one. I have bolded and made the key words italics to make it easier.
You could also add this to your thought replacement;
ie; Recovery is too hard, Its too overwhelming
->Cognitive distortion; Magnification
=>Recovery is hard and overwhelming if i'm trying to achieve it all at once. By breaking it down I can make it easier and not so overwhelming. The smaller goals will eventually take care of my overall big goal.
What practice you will be able to categorize what cognitive distortion your thought fits into before you even realize that its negative! It has helped me out alot and I really hope this information helps you guys out there too!
Mike
All or nothing or black and white thinking;
I bet everybody knows about this one. It is where you see something as either 100% or 0% with nothing in between. This is very rare to find in this world as things can always be improved on and even if you don't met your expectations with a goal you may still have a partial accomplishment. Maybe you were only able to do something 10% effective but it was still effective. So you can choose to focus on how you did it 90% wrong or 10% effective. What do you think would be more motivating? This is in most irrational thoughts however it is most prevalent in thoughts of "I can't", "It's impossible"
Over generalization
This is those thoughts of "never" or "always". It always happens this way or that way or I never have X happen. Because something happens a certain way the person believes it always to happen that way. If one person responds to you in one way then this kind of thinking will convince you that everybody will also respond the exact same way for instance when you get rejected. This is highly unrealistic because we all have diffrent thoughts, behaviors, ideas, likes and dislikes. You can put 100 people in the same situation and get 100 diffrent results. Also when you tell yourself somehting always happens then you say it happens 100% of the time or when you say never you said 0% of the time. I already mentioned above about that. Not only are you lying to yourself when you say always and never but you put yourself in a doomed situation. If always and never are true then what is the point of doing anything? This type of thinking assumes that we can't change and that is one of the biggest lies because we are in a constant state of change!
Mental Filtering
This type of thinking can either be when you dwell on one piece of the whole picture. The example from David D Burns's book feeling good i thought was very descriptive "83 out of 100 during a test, the person would focus on the 17 wrong ones and conclude that they would flunk collage" A good deal of time this is where feelings of inadequacy occur however they can also occur from other cognitive distortions
Disqualifying positive
This is when you turn something that is neutral or even positive into a negative. This is the type of cognitive distortion you would see when you get compliments and you can't accept them. IE; When someone compliments you at work and you tell yourself "they're just being nice." Or another response would be Oh it was nothing, really...or That was a fluke, it doesn't count. You may also compare yourself to someone you consider "normal" and see that it isn't hard for them to do what you did so it isn't that big of a deal. This results in intense misery and inability to appreciate the good things and makes life look very bleak. If you keep downplaying the good stuff of course your going to be depressed! And there are always people who can do things better than us but they don't have the same weaknesses and its not as hard for them as it would be for us.
Mind reading
This is when you assume others are looking down at you. ie; You are doing a lecture and a guy in the front row is nodding off you may think that the audience thinks you are boring when in fact the guy could have been up late last night.
ie; A friend passes you on the street but doesn't say hi and you might think he doesn't like you
This sets up a negative interaction in your relationships.
Fortune Telling
You have a crystal ball that tells of miserable future. You think something bad is going to happen and you take it as fact. IE. "I realize, I'll be depressed forever. My misery will go on and on, and I'm absolutely convinced that this or any other treatment will be doomed to failure." This usually leads to feelings of hopelessness
Magnification & Minimization
This is when you blow things out of proportion like errors, fears, mistakes and imperfections. You take them from common place negative events to nightmarish monsters. Minimization is where you minimize your own strengths to seem small and unimportant. The magnification could be also called catastrophizing. They usually go together as you magnify imperfections and minimize strengths and that makes you feel inferior. Magnification can be easily identified when you are saying something is "too, big", this or that. When you tell yourself you can't stand it, you are magnifying your pain.
Emotional Reasoning
This is where you take your feelings as fact and disregard logic. So if things feel negative you are convinced that they really are. This distortion plays a role in nearly all of your depressions. Procrastination falls in here
IE (there are a few examples from the book);
I feel guilty therefore I must have done something bad
I feel overwhelmed and hopeless. Therefore, my problems must be impossible to solve
I feel inadequate so I must be worthless
You avoid cleaning up your desk because you tell yourself, "I feel so lousy when I think about that messy desk, cleaning it will be impossible" then you do it later and realize it was actually easy.
Shoulds
These cause you to feel pressured and resentful. Paradoxically, you end up feeling apathetic and unmotivated. Should statements cause frustration when directed towards others. When the reality of your own behavior falls short of your standards, your shoulds and shouldn'ts create self-loathing, shame and guilt. When others don't meet your expectations you'll feel bitter and self-righteous
Change your expectations to approximate reality or always feel let down by human behavior
Labeling
This is an extreme form of over generalization. They usually begin with "I'm a..." It is creating a completely negative self-image based on your errors.
Ie;
When you miss your putt on the eighteenth hole, you might say, "I'm born a loser" Instead of "I goofed up on my putt"
you say "i'm a failure" instead of "I made a mistake"
Yourself cannot be equated to what you do. Would you consider yourself an eater because you eat or a breather because you breath?"
Labeling others causes hostility and resentment and eventually both parties involved will focus on the others mistakes and weaknesses to prove how worthless the opposing party is.
Personalization
This is the mother of all guilt! Basically you are assuming responsibility for a negative even when there is no basis for doing so. You blame yourself for something you may not have had any control over or that wasn't your responsibility. This kind of distortion is based on the assumption that you are all knowing and can predict the future with 100% accuracy, have control over everything and cannot possibly make mistakes.
ie; A patient didn't do self-help assignment and the therapist felt guilty because of his thought, "I must be a lousy therapist. It's my fauilt that she isn't working harder to help herself. It's my responsibility that she gets well."
So what you can do is if you get confused you can go through these 10 cognitive distortions and see if your thought fits into one. I have bolded and made the key words italics to make it easier.
You could also add this to your thought replacement;
ie; Recovery is too hard, Its too overwhelming
->Cognitive distortion; Magnification
=>Recovery is hard and overwhelming if i'm trying to achieve it all at once. By breaking it down I can make it easier and not so overwhelming. The smaller goals will eventually take care of my overall big goal.
What practice you will be able to categorize what cognitive distortion your thought fits into before you even realize that its negative! It has helped me out alot and I really hope this information helps you guys out there too!
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
In response to mcshope;
Actually I went to my friend's place while he was at worked and just did cleaning to suprise him. I was feeling really good but I still had anxiety it was just very minimal. There were however anxiety spikes while doing it and I still got through it.
I usually feel more anxious around other people and not as much by myself unless I haven't seen people in awhile then I get anxious thinking I'll always be alone. I then get those obsessive and racing thoughts like you.
I feel similar to you about working. I haven't worked since January of last year when I got fired for my last job after constantly getting sick from the stress and anxiety. I also have a fear of not being able to stay at a work place for the whole day and need to run so I can go relax. When I was partially agoraphobic a big thing happened and I had went to the cops about a family member and I had to move out of my house immediately because I was not safe. I moved into a friend's place and a short while after I had to get a job. I ended up working at a ski hill and I got IBS for the first time there. I had thrown up in my mouth before the first day of work and for the next 2 weeks I had diharea every working day so I can definately relate. It can be very challenging however because we know the skills we can cope better to the point that it doesn't get as bad as we expect it to be. We are far better now with coping then we were the last time we worked!
Transcendental meditation...i think i mya have heard of that before. Can you give me more details?
That breaking the goal down is really helping me out and I'm not feeling even half as discouraged as i did even 3 days ago! As for the game, well we all like diffrent types of games!
I really don't mind, thats why I put them up there. I actually have like 18 scripts of affirmations and I think they're all on the site in the general are under the program portion.
Mike
Actually I went to my friend's place while he was at worked and just did cleaning to suprise him. I was feeling really good but I still had anxiety it was just very minimal. There were however anxiety spikes while doing it and I still got through it.
I usually feel more anxious around other people and not as much by myself unless I haven't seen people in awhile then I get anxious thinking I'll always be alone. I then get those obsessive and racing thoughts like you.
I feel similar to you about working. I haven't worked since January of last year when I got fired for my last job after constantly getting sick from the stress and anxiety. I also have a fear of not being able to stay at a work place for the whole day and need to run so I can go relax. When I was partially agoraphobic a big thing happened and I had went to the cops about a family member and I had to move out of my house immediately because I was not safe. I moved into a friend's place and a short while after I had to get a job. I ended up working at a ski hill and I got IBS for the first time there. I had thrown up in my mouth before the first day of work and for the next 2 weeks I had diharea every working day so I can definately relate. It can be very challenging however because we know the skills we can cope better to the point that it doesn't get as bad as we expect it to be. We are far better now with coping then we were the last time we worked!
Transcendental meditation...i think i mya have heard of that before. Can you give me more details?
That breaking the goal down is really helping me out and I'm not feeling even half as discouraged as i did even 3 days ago! As for the game, well we all like diffrent types of games!
I really don't mind, thats why I put them up there. I actually have like 18 scripts of affirmations and I think they're all on the site in the general are under the program portion.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
I am on the road to recovery. There may be spoeed bumpbs, wrong turns, traffic, and I may even get lost, but I am moving in the right direction. I will use my skills daily because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am strong and smart. I can do this.
Hi everyone....at least the site wasnt down too long
THH
think Im finally starting to figure some things out.....you are very right when you say that our inner being needs to grow just as our bodies...and I need to feed my spirit with healthy things...
I think alot of times I internalize things first because of fear, but also because I am not exactly sure what I am feeling...I have been having so much confusion lately...
I realized my ex was not my safe person the last few years....he was aware of my anxiety and other issues, but he would try to get me upset if he was with me when I was driving..,like it was a game to him to see if he could upset me enough to get me to turn around and go back home....also, a few years back he had his own apt......I went over there and he got me really upset and I started to panic...he took my keys and wouldnt let me leave...that made me panic more.....he then held me down until I was screaming I couldnt breath....he finally let me go and gave me my keys and I left....after that, I didnt think I could trust going with him anywhere....my counselor is a safe person...but I do think that I pretty much understand now that I am my safe person and heve to rely on myself....
sounds like you handled your busy time very well pretty imppressive that not only do you realize your own unrealistic expectations, but you also realized others unrealistic expectations and were able to deal with them very effectively good for you!!!
Mike
sounds like you have been doing pretty good
I must say I have noticed you have been much more upbeat and postive you seem to really be putting alot of thoughts into your feelings, responses, and actions...and your positive thought has been awesome!! excellent affirmations!!
and thanks for the cognitive distortions....I think I fall in to all the categories lol
your explanations really help me understand how my way of thinking is often distorted
Jamie
Im glad to hear that you have decided it yo take getting your license off your should list, I think putting it on the back burner for a possible future goal sounds like an excellent plan...it really seemed to add alot of stress and Im glad you found a positive way to deal with it
great that you got out running and cycling!! I know I feel much better in the long run if I stay active....great that you recognized that the anxiety you were feeling was normal as you were riding at a different time..
glad to see you are feeling better
Hope
glad to see that you had a good day with your friends...also great to see that you took a break the next day as a day to relax.....and that is awesome that you realized your unrealistic thoughts about being blocked from the website...realizing is half the battle
Im doing ok will be back to write about the last few days a bit later....thanks for asking
Hi everyone....at least the site wasnt down too long
THH
think Im finally starting to figure some things out.....you are very right when you say that our inner being needs to grow just as our bodies...and I need to feed my spirit with healthy things...
I think alot of times I internalize things first because of fear, but also because I am not exactly sure what I am feeling...I have been having so much confusion lately...
I realized my ex was not my safe person the last few years....he was aware of my anxiety and other issues, but he would try to get me upset if he was with me when I was driving..,like it was a game to him to see if he could upset me enough to get me to turn around and go back home....also, a few years back he had his own apt......I went over there and he got me really upset and I started to panic...he took my keys and wouldnt let me leave...that made me panic more.....he then held me down until I was screaming I couldnt breath....he finally let me go and gave me my keys and I left....after that, I didnt think I could trust going with him anywhere....my counselor is a safe person...but I do think that I pretty much understand now that I am my safe person and heve to rely on myself....
sounds like you handled your busy time very well
pretty imppressive that not only do you realize your own unrealistic expectations, but you also realized others unrealistic expectations and were able to deal with them very effectively good for you!!!Mike
sounds like you have been doing pretty good
I must say I have noticed you have been much more upbeat and postive
you seem to really be putting alot of thoughts into your feelings, responses, and actions...and your positive thought has been awesome!! excellent affirmations!!and thanks for the cognitive distortions....I think I fall in to all the categories lol
your explanations really help me understand how my way of thinking is often distorted
Jamie
Im glad to hear that you have decided it yo take getting your license off your should list, I think putting it on the back burner for a possible future goal sounds like an excellent plan...it really seemed to add alot of stress and Im glad you found a positive way to deal with it
great that you got out running and cycling!! I know I feel much better in the long run if I stay active....great that you recognized that the anxiety you were feeling was normal as you were riding at a different time..
glad to see you are feeling better
Hope
glad to see that you had a good day with your friends...also great to see that you took a break the next day as a day to relax.....and that is awesome that you realized your unrealistic thoughts about being blocked from the website...realizing is half the battle
Im doing ok
will be back to write about the last few days a bit later....thanks for asking -
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel ro what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal.
Thought replacement
1)I need to rush or else I won't want to relax and then I won't recover
[Fortune telling, emotional reasoning]
->I know I will do it and I trust that I will do it because I like how it feels and what it gives me. If I start to feel that I don't want to do it then I can remind myself of the benefits that I get out of it. The immediate and long term effects. Just because I feel that I don't want to do it right now doesn't mean I won't want to later, it doesn't mean that I won't do it at all and it doesn't mean that I can't change how I feel if I don't want to.
2)I'm not working hard enough on my goals in order to recover. I'll never recover
[Overgeneralization, All-Or-Nothing thinking, Emotional reasoning]
->I am working on my goals and any ammount of effort is going to help me recover. Just because I feel that i'm not doing good enough or I feel negative doesn't mean that I'm not doing good enough. Negativity is a big part of this condition and so I'm going to have many negative thoughts and feelings weather I make effort or not. It isn't reasonable to judge my progress on how I'm feeling at a given moment my progress is better judged by the accomplishments I've made. I'm feeling negative right now, I accept that I feel negative, it will go away and until then I'm just going to float with it and make the best of my time.
3)I should feel calm and not as anxious. I am feeling really anxious though so I must not be recovering
[Should, emotional reasoning, All-Or-Nothing]
I should still feel anxious because I am suffering with the anxiety and it is how I'm feeling. This is not just going to magically dissapear and my efforts will not always reduce my anxiety level significantly. My overall goal is to feel calm most of the time but it is not my goal right now. I know I am recovering because before I would normally feel like I was at a level 7 with my anxiety for most of the time but now I'm more like at a level 5. Thats a great accomplishment and it is only going to keep improving as I keep working with my skills!
4)I'll never recover, its impossible.
[Overgeneralization, Positive disqualification]
->This is very possible as many people have recovered and have recovered using the same methods that I am. Recovery takes time and can be a slow progress but I've already made some wonderful accomplishments and am moving forward everyday.
5)He didn't respond to my message on facebook but posted something a few days after so he must not like me.
[Mind reading]
->No that doesn't mean that he doesn't like me it just means that he didn't respond to my message. He might not have understood what I said or just didn't care to respond thats all. Even if he didn't like me it wouldn't be the end of the world!
Relaxation
Relaxation cd in the am;
I was quick to relax within the first minute, it was pretty cool. I mostly focused on the words with the odd wandering thought. I felt some really great positive feelings imagining the who I want to be. I have some pictures on my computer of happy people, muscular people and when that part came up where it said to imagine who I want to be I saw myself with the same energy and facial expressions and muscles of both the happy people on my computer and one of the muscular people and it felt really good! I am even more motivated to do what I need to in order to get to that place and I believe even more that I can reach that.
Action Assignment
Alright so i wrote down the action assignments that I wanted to get done this week. I wanted to review lesson 2, Think in terms of goals and actions. Write a plan for problem solving, practice having no expectations of others, Put self in small situations that are challenging, Pick out an incident from the past you felt you could have handled better and forgive yourself completely.
So I did some problem solving but I will do some more on another post about sleep as its a big problem that I kind of just forgot. I am working on not having expectations on others which can be shown by starting conversations with people on msn I haven't talked to in awhile and responding to people on that dating site that I prejudged.
Forgive myself
I'm going to now forgive myself for a past situation or bunch of them. I have had sleep problems for about a decade and a half. During highschool everyday I would tell myself that I would have a nap after school and I didn't follow through all the time and I also didn't let myself sleep when I was tired. This carried on up until now actually and I felt really guilty for not respecting my needs and not following through with the things I need to do to take care of myself.
I wanted really badly to follow through however I was very afraid with my daily life, I only felt safe during the night when everybody else went to sleep and I felt that if I went to bed earlier then I wouldn't have that time and wouldn't be able to cope. It was very necessary in order to cope however as I continued with my life and past that stage where it was necessary I still kept doing it out of habit. Habits are not easy to overcome and I didn't know how to face that one. I disrespected myself but I didn't do it because I'm not worth taking care of, I did it because I didn't know how to stop. The guilt locked me into a vicious cycle which caused me to continue my habit. I wanted to overcome it but I wasn't strong enough and I forgive myself for this. I now know what I need to do to handle this, I know how change works, I know that I don't need to beat myself in order to motivate me and I know how to make sleep something I enjoy. So in order to fix this problem I am going to make effort in order to interupt the thoughts and cycles that prevent me from going to sleep when I get tired. I love myself and I'm worth taking care of.
Review Lesson 2
The main part that jumped out at me was the part where dr.Fischer was talking about percieving the anxiety normally vs on a rollercoaster. He said the person with the normal anxiety percieves it as fear whereas the one on the rollercoaster sees it as excitement. Maybe it would be a great idea when i get anxiety is to figure out how I can see it as excitement. Perhaps If I see it as a learning opportunity to become more of that person I want to be. I could make anxiety feel good so I don't avoid it and instead seek it out. That would be pretty cool!
Another part Lucinda says Its important to realized the prepanick symptoms and thats when you need to immediate start to change your dialogue and start calming yourself down and tell yourself it is just anxiety, control your breathing and use all the other skills and put a perspective on things. She also says what fuels the fire is the thoughts you give yourself about what you're feeling. She then a bit later says by the time your level 5 you should start to calm yourself down. I still focus on the negative ways I'm feeling and its quite a struggle. I'm not focusing on them as much but I guess it takes some time. My problem is that I feel that way and then I start to feel discouraged about my efforts. I am also usually around a level 5 with my anxiety and so I feel discouraged when I don't bring it down lower. However its a skill and skills take awhile, as long as I make effort I will grow and become better at it. My goal is not to catch myself with the anxiety everytime or to completely stop focusing on the negative way I feel. It is simply to work on my skills and put effort in and interupt the negative cycles.
Mike
Thought replacement
1)I need to rush or else I won't want to relax and then I won't recover
[Fortune telling, emotional reasoning]
->I know I will do it and I trust that I will do it because I like how it feels and what it gives me. If I start to feel that I don't want to do it then I can remind myself of the benefits that I get out of it. The immediate and long term effects. Just because I feel that I don't want to do it right now doesn't mean I won't want to later, it doesn't mean that I won't do it at all and it doesn't mean that I can't change how I feel if I don't want to.
2)I'm not working hard enough on my goals in order to recover. I'll never recover
[Overgeneralization, All-Or-Nothing thinking, Emotional reasoning]
->I am working on my goals and any ammount of effort is going to help me recover. Just because I feel that i'm not doing good enough or I feel negative doesn't mean that I'm not doing good enough. Negativity is a big part of this condition and so I'm going to have many negative thoughts and feelings weather I make effort or not. It isn't reasonable to judge my progress on how I'm feeling at a given moment my progress is better judged by the accomplishments I've made. I'm feeling negative right now, I accept that I feel negative, it will go away and until then I'm just going to float with it and make the best of my time.
3)I should feel calm and not as anxious. I am feeling really anxious though so I must not be recovering
[Should, emotional reasoning, All-Or-Nothing]
I should still feel anxious because I am suffering with the anxiety and it is how I'm feeling. This is not just going to magically dissapear and my efforts will not always reduce my anxiety level significantly. My overall goal is to feel calm most of the time but it is not my goal right now. I know I am recovering because before I would normally feel like I was at a level 7 with my anxiety for most of the time but now I'm more like at a level 5. Thats a great accomplishment and it is only going to keep improving as I keep working with my skills!
4)I'll never recover, its impossible.
[Overgeneralization, Positive disqualification]
->This is very possible as many people have recovered and have recovered using the same methods that I am. Recovery takes time and can be a slow progress but I've already made some wonderful accomplishments and am moving forward everyday.
5)He didn't respond to my message on facebook but posted something a few days after so he must not like me.
[Mind reading]
->No that doesn't mean that he doesn't like me it just means that he didn't respond to my message. He might not have understood what I said or just didn't care to respond thats all. Even if he didn't like me it wouldn't be the end of the world!
Relaxation
Relaxation cd in the am;
I was quick to relax within the first minute, it was pretty cool. I mostly focused on the words with the odd wandering thought. I felt some really great positive feelings imagining the who I want to be. I have some pictures on my computer of happy people, muscular people and when that part came up where it said to imagine who I want to be I saw myself with the same energy and facial expressions and muscles of both the happy people on my computer and one of the muscular people and it felt really good! I am even more motivated to do what I need to in order to get to that place and I believe even more that I can reach that.
Action Assignment
Alright so i wrote down the action assignments that I wanted to get done this week. I wanted to review lesson 2, Think in terms of goals and actions. Write a plan for problem solving, practice having no expectations of others, Put self in small situations that are challenging, Pick out an incident from the past you felt you could have handled better and forgive yourself completely.
So I did some problem solving but I will do some more on another post about sleep as its a big problem that I kind of just forgot. I am working on not having expectations on others which can be shown by starting conversations with people on msn I haven't talked to in awhile and responding to people on that dating site that I prejudged.
Forgive myself
I'm going to now forgive myself for a past situation or bunch of them. I have had sleep problems for about a decade and a half. During highschool everyday I would tell myself that I would have a nap after school and I didn't follow through all the time and I also didn't let myself sleep when I was tired. This carried on up until now actually and I felt really guilty for not respecting my needs and not following through with the things I need to do to take care of myself.
I wanted really badly to follow through however I was very afraid with my daily life, I only felt safe during the night when everybody else went to sleep and I felt that if I went to bed earlier then I wouldn't have that time and wouldn't be able to cope. It was very necessary in order to cope however as I continued with my life and past that stage where it was necessary I still kept doing it out of habit. Habits are not easy to overcome and I didn't know how to face that one. I disrespected myself but I didn't do it because I'm not worth taking care of, I did it because I didn't know how to stop. The guilt locked me into a vicious cycle which caused me to continue my habit. I wanted to overcome it but I wasn't strong enough and I forgive myself for this. I now know what I need to do to handle this, I know how change works, I know that I don't need to beat myself in order to motivate me and I know how to make sleep something I enjoy. So in order to fix this problem I am going to make effort in order to interupt the thoughts and cycles that prevent me from going to sleep when I get tired. I love myself and I'm worth taking care of.
Review Lesson 2
The main part that jumped out at me was the part where dr.Fischer was talking about percieving the anxiety normally vs on a rollercoaster. He said the person with the normal anxiety percieves it as fear whereas the one on the rollercoaster sees it as excitement. Maybe it would be a great idea when i get anxiety is to figure out how I can see it as excitement. Perhaps If I see it as a learning opportunity to become more of that person I want to be. I could make anxiety feel good so I don't avoid it and instead seek it out. That would be pretty cool!
Another part Lucinda says Its important to realized the prepanick symptoms and thats when you need to immediate start to change your dialogue and start calming yourself down and tell yourself it is just anxiety, control your breathing and use all the other skills and put a perspective on things. She also says what fuels the fire is the thoughts you give yourself about what you're feeling. She then a bit later says by the time your level 5 you should start to calm yourself down. I still focus on the negative ways I'm feeling and its quite a struggle. I'm not focusing on them as much but I guess it takes some time. My problem is that I feel that way and then I start to feel discouraged about my efforts. I am also usually around a level 5 with my anxiety and so I feel discouraged when I don't bring it down lower. However its a skill and skills take awhile, as long as I make effort I will grow and become better at it. My goal is not to catch myself with the anxiety everytime or to completely stop focusing on the negative way I feel. It is simply to work on my skills and put effort in and interupt the negative cycles.
Mike
Last edited by NinjaFrodo on Wed Sep 29, 2010 3:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
In response to Karen L;
I read what you wrote to THH. Sorry I dropped some eaves
That sounds really horrible those things your ex did to you. I also noticed that you are starting to realize about being your own safe person, that is great. It takes awhile to fully become your own safe person, I'm still working on that myself.
I am doing pretty good. Usually when I become this way it is because I have seen something new and said it was going to fix me and felt good about that. This however is diffrent as I'm starting to see things more realistically with my anxiety. I really try to put alot of passion and positivity into my posts because I want everybody else to feel the feelings I feel right now. Thank you for the positive words with the affirmations. I don't know if you noticed but I have 18 scripts full of affirmations. The ones i just posted came from those scripts...the ones i made every week are completely new.
I thought of you when I put up the cognitive distortions. I was hoping it would help with the confusion. I can still fall into all the categories as well and the hardest one for me to pin point is the personalization. I am going to add this to my thought replacement. So if you need some examples you can just check out mine. Good because I was trying to make it as simplistic as I can because it can get complicated.
Mike
I read what you wrote to THH. Sorry I dropped some eaves
That sounds really horrible those things your ex did to you. I also noticed that you are starting to realize about being your own safe person, that is great. It takes awhile to fully become your own safe person, I'm still working on that myself.
I am doing pretty good. Usually when I become this way it is because I have seen something new and said it was going to fix me and felt good about that. This however is diffrent as I'm starting to see things more realistically with my anxiety. I really try to put alot of passion and positivity into my posts because I want everybody else to feel the feelings I feel right now. Thank you for the positive words with the affirmations. I don't know if you noticed but I have 18 scripts full of affirmations. The ones i just posted came from those scripts...the ones i made every week are completely new.
I thought of you when I put up the cognitive distortions. I was hoping it would help with the confusion. I can still fall into all the categories as well and the hardest one for me to pin point is the personalization. I am going to add this to my thought replacement. So if you need some examples you can just check out mine. Good because I was trying to make it as simplistic as I can because it can get complicated.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Alright well I did mention before about problem solving and making plans for our goals. I noticed that Lindalee came up with some really good goals and I was wondering did you want to work together to make a plan of action to help achieve some of the goals? 3 of them that I thought might work would be these ones;
2. I will decrease my body fat percentage. I don't care what number the scale has on it, I want to pursue health, not a certain size.
3. I will update my skills and seek employment.
4. I will clean and organize my house, barn, and yard a little at a time, to be more comfortable, help the property sell, and make moving easier when that time comes.
Mike
2. I will decrease my body fat percentage. I don't care what number the scale has on it, I want to pursue health, not a certain size.
3. I will update my skills and seek employment.
4. I will clean and organize my house, barn, and yard a little at a time, to be more comfortable, help the property sell, and make moving easier when that time comes.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
I am more recovered everyday. No matter how negative I feel or what symptoms come up, I am still ok. I accept the reality of each moment and do not fight it. I have goals and I achieve them. When I feel frustrated, I know it is a sign that I'm on the verge of making a breakthrough and taking a big leap on a goal
Problem solving; Sleep
Problems
I don't sleep when I'm tired. I stay awake until I'm exhausted and then I rush to get to sleep. My sleep pattern is all over the place
Obsticals
Internet, videogames, Irrational thoughts, Obsessive thoughts, Worrysome thoughts, Eatting late especially sugar, constant evaluation of progress
Thoughts
1)I won't fall asleep if I go to bed before I'm exhausted
2)I need to stay up late in order to talk to people online
3)I need to watch something before bed
4)I don't want to go to bed
5)Its not worth giving up my safe time.
6)I can't do it, its too hard
7)I can only relax late at night when everybody else is asleep.
8)I'll never get to go to a party or late social event because It'll be past my bed time.
Goal
Get to sleep around 11-11:30 on a regular basis
Subgoal; Get to bed when tired
Subgoal; Make going to bed a good thing
SubSubGoal; Interupt habit of staying up till exhausted.
Set and follow time cap for internet and videogames
Set and follow time cap for last meal
Motivations
-Pro and con list of staying up until exhaustion
-Pro and con list of going to sleep when tired
-Visualize my goal of becoming the person that I want to be and ask how do I get there
-Visualize how much I enjoy sleeping
-Visualize how much quicker I can learn goals with good sleep
-Reward myself for my actions
-Thought replacement
-Planned events for the next day
Things to help me sleep
-Trazadone
-Relaxation cd or other relaxing guided meditation before sleep
-Calming music
-Exercise during the day
-Bath
-Chant (Wayne Dyer)
-Problem solve worries of the day
How do I handle not following through on changing the habit?
Recognize that it is inevitable to fall back and continue a habit and recognize that the worst that can happen is I just wake up and feel the same way I normally feel and know I can get through it because I do everyday.
Give myself a break and enjoy my time if I do stay up later than when i start to get tired.
Figure out what it was that stopped me and come up with a way to fix it so I can follow through the next time.
Mike
Problem solving; Sleep
Problems
I don't sleep when I'm tired. I stay awake until I'm exhausted and then I rush to get to sleep. My sleep pattern is all over the place
Obsticals
Internet, videogames, Irrational thoughts, Obsessive thoughts, Worrysome thoughts, Eatting late especially sugar, constant evaluation of progress
Thoughts
1)I won't fall asleep if I go to bed before I'm exhausted
2)I need to stay up late in order to talk to people online
3)I need to watch something before bed
4)I don't want to go to bed
5)Its not worth giving up my safe time.
6)I can't do it, its too hard
7)I can only relax late at night when everybody else is asleep.
8)I'll never get to go to a party or late social event because It'll be past my bed time.
Goal
Get to sleep around 11-11:30 on a regular basis
Subgoal; Get to bed when tired
Subgoal; Make going to bed a good thing
SubSubGoal; Interupt habit of staying up till exhausted.
Set and follow time cap for internet and videogames
Set and follow time cap for last meal
Motivations
-Pro and con list of staying up until exhaustion
-Pro and con list of going to sleep when tired
-Visualize my goal of becoming the person that I want to be and ask how do I get there
-Visualize how much I enjoy sleeping
-Visualize how much quicker I can learn goals with good sleep
-Reward myself for my actions
-Thought replacement
-Planned events for the next day
Things to help me sleep
-Trazadone
-Relaxation cd or other relaxing guided meditation before sleep
-Calming music
-Exercise during the day
-Bath
-Chant (Wayne Dyer)
-Problem solve worries of the day
How do I handle not following through on changing the habit?
Recognize that it is inevitable to fall back and continue a habit and recognize that the worst that can happen is I just wake up and feel the same way I normally feel and know I can get through it because I do everyday.
Give myself a break and enjoy my time if I do stay up later than when i start to get tired.
Figure out what it was that stopped me and come up with a way to fix it so I can follow through the next time.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
mcshope,
Glad you had a nice time with your guests! Good Job!
I had a smile on my face reading your post with the site being down. I remember the first time that happened while I was here, and I thought just like you! So funny how we do think alike! LOL...
You have made a big realization,
It does become game like at times, but it also has helped me when thinking is off, like I have been kicked out of the forums. ( I've done the exact thing so don't feel alone!)
It is a process...
Glad you had a nice time with your guests! Good Job!
I had a smile on my face reading your post with the site being down. I remember the first time that happened while I was here, and I thought just like you! So funny how we do think alike! LOL...
You have made a big realization,
I am getting better when I realize what I'm doing, and that is where I get in between my thoughts are realize how out of reality they are. Instead of beating myself up I will make a joke to myself and forget about it.I know how silly this sounds, I have worked hard to analize the situations and not blame myself for things I haven't done, however I realize that the idea is in the back of my mind
It does become game like at times, but it also has helped me when thinking is off, like I have been kicked out of the forums. ( I've done the exact thing so don't feel alone!)
It is a process...
Mike,
I get the unreal expectations like, I am moving my horse to this barn ( Out of our area ) Can't you please follow me.
I just bought a new horse and he really needs done. Can you fit him in this week?
I know I canceled my appt. 2 weeks ago for my 5 horses ( all shoe jobs, a whole days work.) and 2 have lost shoes I need your husband now.
I need Thursday mornings, I need after 3 on Monday. I want a appt. this Thursday and another in 2 weeks for my other 2.
It goes on and on.
Our business is a repeat business as most people re schedule every 6-8 weeks. SO our books are filled with customers who want regular service and they call in advance to secure their needs. Certain times of the year is very high demand. Other times we are more flexible. Then if we have light days we fill in with people who have problems or when we are in the area we will take extra work as fill. I feel like a juggler most of the summer. I always have one in the air.
Not to mention we have animals and 5 acres of our own to manage.
My husband is on the road much of the days going from place to place.
We have allowed the business to run away with us for many years. We let everyone control us. We have often eaten dinner 10:00pm at night during our busy months. We like everyone, they have been good clients and we have sacrificed most personal life for this to work.Its been 30 years of the business, and we are older and do not enjoy looking forward to summer any longer. So part of my anxiety issues it is time management. To take time for myself and husband make decisions that bring us closer to the goal of having time to enjoy our place, animals or to take a vacation. boy I went on this one huh?! LOL...
On " NO " being a complete sentence, I believe it was in the assertive lesson. Where you don''t have to give excuses as to why you can't don't want to do something. Just a simple no can be enough.
So I use that when someone wants to squeeze in just a extra hour in my day. I now say No. I'm booked that day. This is what I have available. I still want to help them, but only if I have that time open. I can sympathize with them, and a real er is different, of coarse. But I field calls all day. And have had a hard time saying no. When I over book the days I suffer, we eat late.
Yes, ALL the time. One negative thought would cause one after another. I could easily dwell on negative stuff for hours and not recognize that it was all negative!
Then it just took a wrong look or ANOTHER thing to set me off in a world wind of craziness. I was a mess. I am doing better by far. It is hard work but I do feel like I'm more easy going, laid back, rolling with things better. I'm encouraged.
Your winning!!!
P.S. I really enjoyed your thought replacement! Good ones, thanks for sharing.
P.SS. I just seen a long one at the top of the page, wow its good. I may have to print that one out!
I get the unreal expectations like, I am moving my horse to this barn ( Out of our area ) Can't you please follow me.
I just bought a new horse and he really needs done. Can you fit him in this week?
I know I canceled my appt. 2 weeks ago for my 5 horses ( all shoe jobs, a whole days work.) and 2 have lost shoes I need your husband now.
I need Thursday mornings, I need after 3 on Monday. I want a appt. this Thursday and another in 2 weeks for my other 2.
It goes on and on.
Our business is a repeat business as most people re schedule every 6-8 weeks. SO our books are filled with customers who want regular service and they call in advance to secure their needs. Certain times of the year is very high demand. Other times we are more flexible. Then if we have light days we fill in with people who have problems or when we are in the area we will take extra work as fill. I feel like a juggler most of the summer. I always have one in the air.
Not to mention we have animals and 5 acres of our own to manage.
My husband is on the road much of the days going from place to place.
We have allowed the business to run away with us for many years. We let everyone control us. We have often eaten dinner 10:00pm at night during our busy months. We like everyone, they have been good clients and we have sacrificed most personal life for this to work.Its been 30 years of the business, and we are older and do not enjoy looking forward to summer any longer. So part of my anxiety issues it is time management. To take time for myself and husband make decisions that bring us closer to the goal of having time to enjoy our place, animals or to take a vacation. boy I went on this one huh?! LOL...
On " NO " being a complete sentence, I believe it was in the assertive lesson. Where you don''t have to give excuses as to why you can't don't want to do something. Just a simple no can be enough.
So I use that when someone wants to squeeze in just a extra hour in my day. I now say No. I'm booked that day. This is what I have available. I still want to help them, but only if I have that time open. I can sympathize with them, and a real er is different, of coarse. But I field calls all day. And have had a hard time saying no. When I over book the days I suffer, we eat late.
Yes, ALL the time. One negative thought would cause one after another. I could easily dwell on negative stuff for hours and not recognize that it was all negative!
Then it just took a wrong look or ANOTHER thing to set me off in a world wind of craziness. I was a mess. I am doing better by far. It is hard work but I do feel like I'm more easy going, laid back, rolling with things better. I'm encouraged.
Great!I have put up the stop sign with that many times but would just get bombared with other negative thoughts and still have the symptoms and it would win. I think now I can do it better. Recovery is inevitable as long as I keep trying. I don't need to focus on where i'm not at but focus on my goals of the day and imagine who I want to be.
Your winning!!!
P.S. I really enjoyed your thought replacement! Good ones, thanks for sharing.
P.SS. I just seen a long one at the top of the page, wow its good. I may have to print that one out!