My Onion

[THH]

Yes I agree that your self esteem could get damaged in the process. I think people with anxiety we need to be mind full for that set up.

Yes that starting a business would be like learning a new skill. Uncharted ground for both. I like "training can actually make us tied to the opinions of the one who taught us." Brillent!

EXCELLENT on being more creative and seeing how much you really have in you!!!!

I thought the same thing while reading your post, I should remember that when I have a bad day, or slip up and do my old habit or what ever, just laugh because you caught your self and you know that you want to change your response. I'm going to try that!

Good job on reconizing how tired you are. Lighten up on your self, you will have more energy when your rested. Your scripts are soooo good. It has to take alot out of you to think those up. Anyone who is new to this program, will always bennifit from them, (even older people in the program) as many of our work books ask you to do those, positive / negitive things in your home work. Several of the lessons I could not think of anything to write. After reading yours I knew exactlly what they wanted us to do. Several other people gave some good things to think about too. I enjoy reading the post.
I just have been so busy, July / Aug is the busiest time of the year for us, and I have not the time I would like to, to do all the reading, right now. Even after I finnish the program, I have 2 sessions left, I am going to stay involved with this forum, because I think it really helps me. I have felt more solid for some reason, with my thoughts. I seam to be able to focus better. I think I need it till it becomes more natural to me.

I was thinking on your #2. dealing with your sister issue. Just a different approch from me would be: She seams to think I'm cruel? Remember you do not know that to be a fact. So you could ask her. Do you think I'm crewl? See what she says. Instead of asking her what makes me a cruel person? (that would give her a opportunity to destroy your self esteem & possibly cause a arguement) Maybe try, It is unfortunate ( don't say I'm sorry ) that you think I'm cruel, I'm really a good guy. I am a great brother and I know everyone makes mistakes but I'm a better person and it would be nice if you got to know me better! ( something like that?)
Let me know how it goes!

P.S. I will change my print outs, I'll go over and check it out.

[NinjaFrodo]

Thank you and yes the scripts do take alot out of me. I can easily spend 2 hours figuring out what to put.

Let me know how it goes with the laughing at the slip ups

Oh wow i didn't think reading my affirmations would help you figure out what to do for some of the lessons, thats great! I also didn't think it would help beginners because in the beginning its hard to be optimistic and there would be alot of people saying ."thats not going to work for me"

Able to focus better, thats really awesome. You are really getting to your goal as your symptoms are starting to go away.

You think my scripts so far have been pretty good...just wait till you see my script for handling stress, I finished it today and it was really easy to do. I guarantee you'll like it.

With my sister she had actually sent me a letter saying she didn't want to talk to me because I am cruel. I guess i left that part out so ya I do know it as a fact. I am not worried about her response if i asked what makes me a cruel person because I've already turned off that button that makes me feel ashamed of myself when i do something wrong. I am not my behavior and it actually opens it up so she is being listened to. Its something i picked up from David, D Burns's feeling good book. Labels also do not exist so any name she throws at me won't mean much to me. There may be a grain of truth in what she says and so i can agree partially. To say someone is cruel is to say they are 100% cruel. Nobody is 100% cruel or 100% kind or 100% smart...I might be 5% cruel or 1% cruel or have done something cruel in my life but this does not make me a cruel person, it makes no sense. You can probabbly understand how i would be able to say that I would not be worried about her response but I think after reading the script on stress you may understand even more. Nothing anybody says will hurt my self-esteem anymore! Not now and not ever again because people attacking my behavior is my behavior and not myself and when they attack it just shows me that it bothers them, it doesn't have to bother me.

It would be nice if she got to know me better and ya I agree I am a better person and that would definately be something I'd like to add in a conversation with her. This conversation is not something I'm going to have this month and maybe not next month either. I will definately let you know


Mike

[THH]

I am amazed at your ability to write so many thoughts down, and stay so focused.

I will try to keep track and let you know if I catch myself intime.

Well maybe for the early beginners, but after 4-5 I think most people could appreciate reading them. Too it depends how bad you want this program to help you, YOU have to do your work. You really have to want to change and see that your thinking is causing you to feel like you do.
Interestingly I ran into a friend of mines daughter the other day at the grocery. I had not seen her in a year. I ask how she was, which to my surprise went into a loooong story. The long and short was she said she was being trated for panic attacks! I told her I have those and had been working on making changes in my life to cope better and if she ever wanted to talk to just stop by. She replied, Oh my Dr. has me on this and that and I feel so much better!
I know I had a awakening, as in Mrs. T Bones new post, ( enjoyed that one too) And I would expect one day I might hear from her. Its hard to want better. When I could make my life work good enough, I didn't want to really make changes. But for me it just was getting worse, I had panic daily. Everything was a crisis. I felt like I did not like myself, why should anyone else? It came on me when I was crying as I heard the first session, You got to give this your all, girl. This is not you. You are made of more than this. So you see I do get it. I just don't know how to come up with these things and you have done such a wonderful job, it has been easier for me to feel better by reading and relating. Thank you!!!

Able to focus better, thats really awesome. You are really getting to your goal as your symptoms are starting to go away.

And they are going away, I do feel so much better. Its a comfort to know I can hop on here and see where I still need to get.

Oh, I didn't know about the letter with your sis. It really does sound like you have that one under control, and you really do have lots of confidence. Your self esteem is excellent! Good job!!!
Yes I would let her know what she is missing, and you will one day, when you feel like it. Good job Mike!

[NinjaFrodo]

Thank you, I have alot of insight into myself. There have been times when i was going through the program where I would spend hours and hours and hours replacing thoughts. Sometimes I would spend the whole day doing just that.

I guess it would work for some people especially the ones that really do want to change and maybe for the people who have seen me change too.

Its kind of funny seeing those people who say they are recovered when they are not or that they are taking meditation and everything is all better and its very obvious that it isn't. You want to just kinda take control of their lives and make them do the same things we've done to fix them but you really can't. All we can really do is teach them and like monkeys, people follow what they see, not so much what they hear. It could take awhile but she could get to the point where she asks you for advice after she gets over the need to always appear in control.

I do not know which post by Mrs. T Bones you are talking about...i only read the one about the illusion of panic attacks it was pretty funny. I named my panic attack sponge bob.

I was the same way...getting worse, not really wanting to make changes so much but then again i didn't know what to change. One point I had become too afraid to be around people so i locked myself in my room until everybody else went to sleep and then that was the only time i would come out. I lived in the country and so I would just urinate out my window...yes it was that bad!

You don't know how to come up with which things? I'm glad that I have helped you out so much. It helps me out alot when you relate to me as well and its intresting because there is a pretty big age gap there. I am very greatful that there isn't any kind of egotistical skepticism because of the age diffrence. I really need to start writing a book, like soon.

I'm actually excited about the idea of confronting her. If i can handle her criticism and mean words then I can handle anybody and anything. She was the cruelest person in my life.

Oh ya I am definately going to let her know what she is missing and when I get on tv, she will know even more.

Mike

[THH]

I liked Mrs. T Bones, The awakening.

I had the biggest trouble in the work books, in session 3. Listing negative thoughts or ststements, with a positive one below. I had trouble finding negitive statements for some reason. I had just about a hole head full of them, I didn't realize how they were all so negitive. I thought they were positive, until I heard positive ones and compared them. Several other sessions, like being assertive they wanted you to do the same thing, again, I had a hard time. After reading your post it was like a key unlocking a door, I now know what positive statements look like and feel like when you say them. I still am working on this as I can go back to the wrong cabnet real fast, with out realizing it.
We are having another heat wave, and instead of dreading the week, Oh its going to be sooo hot, how will I ever get my work done. I can say, Yes its hot. I have no control over the weather. Pace yourself, drink lots of water or gatorade, Do what you can do and take breaks. Instead of worrying about what to cook, make salads, fruit, cool drinks.
I am getting it...Slowley!!!

Hey, our younger generation is the future, who better to listen to? The age thing is hard, as you just think different. I always wanted a brother. I have a sister, no brothers. I like what you say about wanting to jump in and help, we each have a path or journey and it is my belief to enjoy it, and each person you connect with has something to share with you on your journey.

I have to fight that wanting to help, let me help take your problems away, and stay in the respect your space, mode.
I know you have said things like almiost begging people to unload on you. There is something in there for me too. I do seam to want to help. I need to help myself and let everyone else deal with thier life. I like your monkey thing! Its really true!

Your post have helped me on my journey, and I hope there are a few things in mine that carry with you. We are all learning.

[NinjaFrodo]

I think i had that problem too when i first went through the program. It takes awhile to really notice them because like you said you don't realize that they are negative. There have been thoughts that I didn't realize work negative until i had been doing the program for 6 years..

You are definately getting it. You are looking at the reality of things, your not blowing it up out of proportion and you are solving the problem.

Yes i agree with the path analogy too. We all have our paths with the lessons we learn along the way. When i post on the forums i don't even take into account age. In my head we are all just the same age.

Its a fight for me to. I just so much want to make it so other people don't go through the same garbage. The best way you can help others is to help yourself and then show others what they can become.

I'm glad they have helped you out and yes yours have definately helped me. They have helped me come up with some insights and affirmations and ideas so thank you.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

The next layer i have uncovered....Rushing!

I think the majority of what made up my generalized anxiety consisted of rushing and the guilt associated with that. I believe this is what kept me from relaxing. I just felt like i was always in a rush with everything and it was hard to enjoy anything. Hip-hop i was rushing the coreography, playing videogames was probabbly the worst i would rush certain parts of it and I would feel rushed to get out of my room at the morning, get to bed at night, get to appointments, workout...anything even sex!

I even noticed that when i was writing stuff down (like the affirmations), i would rush myself with this as well. No wonder i was exhausted on a frequent basis, rushing is sooooooo draining!

I decided that I needed some good affirmations for this. My favorate affirmation for this is;

I leave rushing only to real emergencies where someone is hurt or I am at risk for losing something very significant

and well there is one very common belief that everybody seems to have in today's society and I have found that this belief is influencing the rushing. The belief is "Life is too short" I have always hated this belief. People argue with me on how true it is and that just shows me how ingrained it is in their heads. Beliefs can do many diffrent things for and to us. True there are some benefits to that belief such as you are less likely to procrastinate unless it makes you should but frankly from what i see it makes people procrastinate more, people rush when they drive, rush to get things done, rush conversations, rush jobs and do poor work and this has alot of consequences. Poor work, poor listening skills so poor communication, poor relationships, car accidents, procrastination and do nothing-ness and such. You really do not need a belief like that in order to motivate yourself, your desires will not go away if you let it go. Not to mention i believe that beliefs do not only change your behavior but your perception and even your body on a physical level.

Its up to you if you want to keep that belief but as for me, "life is very long and fruitful. I have plenty of time and I get alot accomplished." I also tell everybody that i'm going to live to be 130 and i truely believe that. I will live that long but have good health . If that makes me crazy then so be it!



Mike

PS for the ones who have seen the sleep script, I had to take out some thoughts because they were actually counter productive.

[THH]

That is a good topic! Rushing is so much a part of today. Your right when you say how we have been trained to pick up the pace. For me, I too was caught up in it and I'm sure it played a part in anticipatory anxiety. Things get going at a fast pace, and you think your keeping up, and when you have time to your self you begin to plan your next moves. That is anticipation! I have sat down and actually felt my body virbrate from doing to much, or changing hats so quick. It is no wonder I suffered panic attacks.

Whats worse is I get tired, make mistakes, beat myselfself up when I do dumb things. Everbody does it. I don't make it right tho.
Its so good that you have found another layer in your onion.
Yes, there is something to be said for quality, Quality of life, what good does it do to live to 110, when you have a terrible quality of life? So why not strive for, enjoy each day, see the sun rise, sun set, smell the roses. Like in the Lucinda tapes, what are we rushing for? I guess we are keeping up with traffic, meaning the pace of what everyone thinks is the good life. Life is what you make it,I am starting to realize that crazy, hectic stuff is always going to happen. That my motivation to have a good life, to me means enjoy what I do how ever long I have to do it!
I guess you could say I am tossing away the "belief" system I have seen on tv, and what everyone says you "should do" to have the good life. I'm relying on my instints to help guid me. I'm much more intune to them, and I too like how I feel!

[NinjaFrodo]

Very well said. I tossed away alot of beliefs from the media when i started to realize that my upbringing was not right. However i did try to fit in with other people the best i could so i did not get rid of all of them.

Its funny but the people who suggest this aren't the best role models for a happy life. Look at people like the Dhali Lama for instance. How many rules from tv or our society does he follow and how happy is he despite them?

Trust your instincts and your heart. Following your heart always leads to good things.

You know i didn't feel like other people before i went through the program, i felt like I was diffrent from everybody else and now that i'm making sooo many changes. I still feel diffrent then everybody else. I seem to be more positive and courageous then some of my really positive friends. Do you see that too?


Mike

[THH]

I think everybody wants to fit in. I too struggled with fitting in. I was a loner, though I liked people. I just didn't always like to do what they were all doing. ( speaking of school days) I enjoyed my horses and they became my best friends. I got into showing them instead of hanging out with the girls doing dances, and all the other stuff city girls do. I liked the farm, and animals. I never was popular in school, didn't mind either. (Actually I didn't even like school. All the home work and pressure with test.)Until I really started winning with my horse shows. Even then, if I won I became a stuck up person in some peoples eyes, and when I would loose, I was a looser in other peoples eyes. So I learned early on you can't win when looking to other people for your worth. It made me feel like a loner, and I do like it for the most part.
That gave me motivation to create my job. I am ok with cutting my own trail. It takes a certian kind of person, and I only now realize that. Not everyone is cut out to do that. It is a gift, and rather than be afraid of it, embrace it and do something with it.

When we do not follow what most people like to do its not well excepted, until you do something great when people see it then they admire it and give you a salute! Not that you are doing any of it for anyone to give you a pat in the back, but it does make you feel good even if 1 person notices.
I think thats how I learned to always be there for my friends, family ect. I had the middle of the road thinking where people I guess felt safe telling me thier thoughts. I was not involved with thier circles of friends. So I could be a good listener. But I took it to far when I stopped growing,being creative, stagnate in my life and got all into thier problems and you know how that goes! LOL... Yes I do see that too! It seams like everyones life is spinning out of control and everyone "should" be doing this program!!! Esp. when you are working so hard at getting your life back in balance!
Its good Mike, you noticed.