Back Again...

[Randy70]

So I used this program perhaps 5 years ago and I got better. Over time though I slipped back into my old self. I see a psychiatrist once a month who has helped with my depression but my anxiety is still out of control. I also see a therapist every other week who has been helpful as well.

For some reason, probably because I get better and stop doing what was working, I slip back into the same state over time. It's frustrating and anxiety producing in itself as if I'll be living with this the rest of my life. My number one worry is in regards to finances. I honestly have never been in need and I have a good job that supports me and my family adequately. For some reason though I'll go through periods of tremendous anxiety as if I need to purge myself of any and all financial obligations. It's as if all that I have is simply not enough. This feeling can last for several months and it generally arises in the wake of a purchase (that can be both big or small).

I know that it's all or nothing thinking but my feelings are so real it's as if everything is collapsing around me, as if others have the "right" answer and I just need to simplify my life. I've become so judgmental of others and wish to lead their life as it "looks like" they have it under control (e.g. they are in control of their finances better than I, they have a better job and make more money, they lead a simpler life, they are more content). I know that this thinking is causing me the issues that I have yet at the same time it's so difficult to stop thinking like that.

Either way, I'm trying to do what I can in order to get better. I've started exercising a week ago and started eating healthier. I've also reengaged this program to help as well. I simply wish there was a "quick fix" to get through all of this until the corrected thinking kicks in. I know there isn't a quick fix, I just want to get rid of the anxiety as soon as possible. Lumps in the throat, tight chest, heart beating quickly, headaches and muscle tension are not fun things to experience.

[coachchris]

Hi Randy,

My name is Chris and I am a coach here at StressCenter.com. I really respect your courage to keep moving forward. Financial fear is one a lot of us struggle with and when we combine that with obsessive thinking, things can get really mess. Remember in lesson one when Lucinda talks about how 'control' is at the base of most of our anxiety? I love that awareness because it helps me when I am stuck to ask myself... "what do I want to control and why?" Also wondering what you learned about finances growing up and is this affecting your decisions today? My last thought is because your awareness of your pattern is really good I would prepare yourself before you purchase something. Tell yourself the facts of the purchase, the facts of your finances. Write this out if you have to. Remember that obsessive negative thinking ALWAYS lies to us and we give it a lot of power because it brings adrenalin with it, Keep working on truthtelling. You don't need to chase it. Also remember to catch the thought very quickly. The quicker you catch it and bring truth in, the less adrenalin and you get back on track sooner. Don't overthink this just keep it simple and move from the lie to the truth but stick with it. Feel free to PM me if you would like.

[Randy70]

Chris -

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm pretty much a miser when it comes to finances. I had grandparents who watched every nickel they spent and my parents (who divorced after 11 years) weren't much different at the time. While I've done a good job in managing my finances, live in a much nicer home than I grew up in and provide more for my family than I received; I constantly fear losing it all. After my parents divorced when I was 10 I moved from the suburbs to the city and my education suffered tremendously and eventually lead to abusing alcohol and drugs in high school. I'm always afraid that's going to happen to my children and that I'll somehow damage them. On top of that, I'm always worried about providing for their college (I had to pay my own way) and saving for my retirement and last but not least, giving to charities such as our church. I feel so stretched so often, guilty about what I do spend and guilty about what I don't.

The control thing certainly hits home as I'm trying to control all of it, which I feel I have absolutely no control over and that just starts the vicious cycle over again. I really have a low self esteem, lack of self confidence and feel as I don't deserve anything that I have and constantly worry about my performance at work. The funny thing about all of this is that I have no proof to indicate any of my worries are found in any truth...just like you said.

It's funny to say this but I fear writing out an answer to "what do I want to control and why?". I'm afraid of the emotions it brings trying to face that fear. I'd read the other day in different anxiety workbook about writing a detailed story about your fear...kind of an exposure therapy for haunting thoughts. The more you read the story, the less impact it begins to have upon you. I felt it was much like writing a negative thought and changing it to a positive. It's so easy to do this stuff in your head, just like scary thoughts, but I don't really believe the thoughts I say back. I think I need to really put pen to paper and get it out, see it for what it is.

[coachchris]

You are right on! What you are describing is that tug of war we have to have in order to get free. You mentioned your church. I am assuming you are a Christian as am I. Forgive me if that is not the case. Philipians 4 and 2 Cor 10:5 talks about how we have to take every thought capitve and think on the things that are true. We have to apply a filter to our thoughts and manage them. We cannot lies camp out and go unchallenged.

I would begin by just writing out 3-5 negative/lies and replace them with the positive/truth. Then write the positives out again and carry them with you. These are the truths that you just keep coming back to. Keep them simple but keep them coming. The negative will want to come back in but keep anchoring yourself to the truth. A lot of people use scriptures here too. It is whatever positive thought you can hold tight to. Some of mine were: I am safe. This will pass. That thought is not true or helpful. This is just adrenalin. God loves me.

Blessings!!

[Randy70]

Chris -

Thank you again and especially for the passage. I am indeed a christian.

During the past 8 mos I've drifted away quite a bit from church. I was nervous to go into the sanctuary as I felt like I couldn't relate to others. Within the past two weeks I rejoined my wife in the service...kind of ironic, we were late this week and an usher, unknowingly took us right to the front. Apparently God wanted me to be close enough to not only hear the message but see it in action too. My wife asked me if I wanted to pray with the pastor at the end of service when they were giving an invitation. I about burst into tears when she said it and replied with "no way. I'll be an absolute blubbery mess trying to get out any coherent words out."

I'll be sure to take some time and challenge those thoughts for what is true. It's so hard to believe them sometimes as it seems to be always doom and gloom. Amazing how thoughts can seem so real and get you so worked up over nothing...or is it something...wait...that's my anxiety talking.