Anxious about other peoples (real) health issues

[Orion510]

My fathers recently had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery. A few years back he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. He is also a cancer survivor. The period in which he had cancer was a very anxious time for me, not knowing if he was going to live or die, and seeing him in such a frail state for so long.

He is supposed to be on a strict diet, low sodium. He refuses to speak to a dietician about it, and barely sticks to the recommended salt allowance per meal. He keeps talking about how he does not want to limit the salt, or stick with the diet. How it is not proven to help heart disease, etc. My mother is not encouraging, she does not stick to the recommended sodium allowance properly and talks about how it is too hard, cannot be maintained long term, etc. She has a terrible diet as well, mostly processed boxed food, and fast food.

I see him not sticking to the diet and it is upsetting. It makes me depressed, anxious and angry. We had an argument over lunch. He won't let me cook him a healthy dinner(which I thought would be a subtle way of keeping his diet in check). I tell him what I am going to make and he tells me he does not like/want it.

I know he is a grown man and must make his own decisions, but how do I live with the fact that the decisions that he makes will most likely kill him? How do I keep my anxiety and depression in check as I watch my father further ruin his health. I already watch my grandmother ruin her health b/c she will not take care of her diabetes. I feel as if my entire family is slowly killing themselves through their diet.

[Iwillbebetter]

Orion, I'm sorry to hear of your situation, I could only imagine how hard that has to be for you!! Especially already watching your father in a life/death situation. I have never really been in that spot, my mother had to change her diet for cholestoral reasons, but she did. Only because she didn't want us to watch her kill herself as she/we watched her parents. They refused to make any changes. Would rather enjoy life, than live a longer one.
I can only suggest sitting with them (or writting them.. I am better with letters still) and saying what you have just said hear. How you love them so very much, but are struggling with watching them basically kill themselves. Explain how hard it was for you to watch your grandmother do this to herself. They may be able to relate to that in someway.
Unfortunatley as you said they are grown and have to make thier own choices, you can only provide your input. Keep working with this program and I'm sure that will become easier with time.
I wish you the best of luck!!