Scary but comforting.
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NoDoubt*Lover
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 6:41 pm
I dont want to get kicked out of here for saying this, but sometimes I really do find suicide to be comforting. Especially now, I feel like im at a dead end road in my life and there is no way around or above it. Music used to be my refuge, hardly anymore. I never feel like playing the guitar. And one thing that really gets me down is the thought that everybody hates me. Ive been thinking that for a long time now. I have only one friend (only two in my whole life) and we fight all the time, and I truly dont think my family wants me here anymore. I feel like if I die, then nobody will show up to my funeral. I always see funeral processions going down the road, and I think, would mine really be that long? HAH! no. Maybe two cars, including the hearse. I get so depressed and I dont know why, I got sent home yesterday from my job because I was "Moody". I have identity problems too. which makes me think I have borderline personality disorder or something. Ive really looked into that disease and it seems like i fit every symptom. If anybody could lend me some advice or anything I would apprecaite it. Please!!!! Anything.
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NoDoubt*Lover
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2006 6:41 pm
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Butterfly22
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:38 am
Hi NoDoubt*Lover,
Butterfly22 - I just started this and it's my first day here. I can say that I and so many others have felt so much pain the way you have described. I am already feeling more relaxed, but what really helped for me was to look back to when I think I first started encountering these things and it was the first time I really looked at it and discussed it. After I was able to release that I felt better because I'm realizing where some of the roots of it began and I'm trying to uproot it.
I'm learning where all the internal negative self dialogue started and realizing some things are not in my control, but now I can control or stop beating myself up and just be at peace. I started telling myself "you're not perfect" and "get comfortable with the world not being perfect" (that helped me tremendously) - that has been some of my journey.
I wonder if you have talked to your doctor about decisions and plans for changing the things or situations you don't like that you CAN change focusing on what makes YOU personally happy without thinking about anybody else or what they think. Please don't give up. I'm carrying that note pad around and writing out all my negative unrealistic/perfectionist thoughts and trying to become that friend to myself that I've always been to others
but never really was to myself. If nothing else, please believe you are not alone here.
Butterfly22 - I just started this and it's my first day here. I can say that I and so many others have felt so much pain the way you have described. I am already feeling more relaxed, but what really helped for me was to look back to when I think I first started encountering these things and it was the first time I really looked at it and discussed it. After I was able to release that I felt better because I'm realizing where some of the roots of it began and I'm trying to uproot it.
I'm learning where all the internal negative self dialogue started and realizing some things are not in my control, but now I can control or stop beating myself up and just be at peace. I started telling myself "you're not perfect" and "get comfortable with the world not being perfect" (that helped me tremendously) - that has been some of my journey.
I wonder if you have talked to your doctor about decisions and plans for changing the things or situations you don't like that you CAN change focusing on what makes YOU personally happy without thinking about anybody else or what they think. Please don't give up. I'm carrying that note pad around and writing out all my negative unrealistic/perfectionist thoughts and trying to become that friend to myself that I've always been to others
but never really was to myself. If nothing else, please believe you are not alone here.
Hey NoDoubt Lover...I'm so sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time right now...
Butterfly22 had some really awesome words of advice for you and I totally agreee...
Please don't give up on yourself; playing the guitar - that's a talent within itself!!
Butterfly22 is also right in the fact that you are not alone here...There are many people on this forum who are interested and care about whats going on with you because we all have and/or are still going through some of the same issues that you are going through...
Another thing to take notice of regarding this forum are the stories of triumph that people share here or even their experiences...This is another really helpful thing that'll show you how you are so not alone in this and that is possible to overcome or deal with anxiety/depression or other things in a more positive/manageable way...
Again, hang in there and don't give up...Do you have the program??...If you do have the program, please work it...Take care and feel to PM me if you ever need to...Best wishes to you!!
Butterfly22 had some really awesome words of advice for you and I totally agreee...
Please don't give up on yourself; playing the guitar - that's a talent within itself!!
Butterfly22 is also right in the fact that you are not alone here...There are many people on this forum who are interested and care about whats going on with you because we all have and/or are still going through some of the same issues that you are going through...
Another thing to take notice of regarding this forum are the stories of triumph that people share here or even their experiences...This is another really helpful thing that'll show you how you are so not alone in this and that is possible to overcome or deal with anxiety/depression or other things in a more positive/manageable way...
Again, hang in there and don't give up...Do you have the program??...If you do have the program, please work it...Take care and feel to PM me if you ever need to...Best wishes to you!!