Recovering from addiction and it isn't easy...

[britni2290]

Without giving too many details...I'm here now because about 8 months ago I stopped the use of drugs. For months I was constantly on something. I experimented with many, many different things. I mixed things and took large doses. Towards the end it was a daily thing. ALWAYS on something...never sober. I ended up trying something that was horrible because at this point I didn't really think it mattered what drugs I was taking anymore...I was doing so many and was in such denial. I ended up with severe paranoia and panic attacks due to this drug. I went into a four hour long severe panic attack one night and went to the hospital. My heart was racing and pounding and all I could think was that it was going to give out from all the drugs I had taken. After that night I sobered up. However, my family knew about everything I had done. I couldn't face them and I couldn't talk to anyone. My brain was so chemically messed up and I was severely depressed and anxious constantly. I couldn't handle being sober, but I couldn't handle taking one more thing either. Just being in the presence of family would get me anxious. I didn't want to talk about my addiction. I just wanted it to go away. After a few months the anxiety went away. About 2 months ago, it returned. I was having problems with my boyfriend because I still haven't dealt with the mental issues of addiction, and it leaves me depressed and confused about life constantly. I took this out on him. We then broke up. I was again having panic attacks, and had this constant ball in my chest. Racing thoughts and feeling like I wasn't breathing normally became daily. I know in order to overcome this I need to deal with these issues. I just don't know how and I feel so alone. I feel like my past defines me as a person.

[mitchelkester]

I'm a lot like you, except my problems are with drinking and porn. I had been binge drinking 2-3 times a week. I can tell you that everything that I do is because it feels good at the time I do it, however my body is getting to the point that it really needed for me to stop. I want to live again. I've been the chat room a lot lately, and have received a lot of support and help from others like you and me. Try spending time there, it really helps.

Be careful and really work the program, because it sounds like that your dependency on drugs might start up again. I've been told by others that If you really focus on the program, it works-however you will always have to put the practices into work.

Don't forget to take the time to do the relaxation tapes, I struggle with it, but you are worth it, and just do it for yourself. (not for anyone else, that's a mistake I've make in the past) It is helping me, and today when no one was home, I didn't go on any binge, instead I got on here and I'm leaving you this message, and I'm going to work feeling good tomorrow.

I'd love to hear from you, see your progress or failures, and how you progress through the program. I may need the support too.

[britni2290]

Addiction is probably one of the hardest things to deal with. Trust me, my body hates me and can't take it anymore. I have never been more motivated than now to do well in my life. I don't want to rely on substances to feel something.

[mitchelkester]

I'm so glad you said that. You don't need substances to feel. You just need yourself back.

[britni2290]

EXACTLY

[mj44]

Hey brit...i understand...and i went threw alot too...listen its all on how bad u want it....first u quit that crap on ur own and second ur a here and u want to beat the anxiety...u can do it..i got over an addiction myself and now i want to get rid of the anxiety...ill be here with u the whole way...ill watch ur back u watch mine and no slacking ok

[mj44]

i was misdiagnosed and that led to drug use and all types of crazy stuff but now that im ok and healthy i want my mind healthy too

[britni2290]

Yea definitely drugs just send you spiraling out of control.